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Loving someone secretly all of their lives

 
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 42480049
United States
08/22/2013 03:13 PM
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Loving someone secretly all of their lives
Since age 17. He doesn't know me since we only met a couple of times, and never would know or accept me but I care for him and have always cared. I've come to realize I probably always will. I keep everything to myself. I've respected his wishes to avoid me- he didn't need to reject me twice for me to get the message. I've lived a good life without him, and he has had plenty of ups and downs but seems to be getting on keel again after some pretty large blows- I am cheering for him. I've always stayed in the periphery, never showing myself but I've always been there quietly loving, trying to send strength and love to him. I feel sad today about this for some reason. I feel like I know him, but he will never know me.

Anyone else in this situation? When doing the right thing means staying away, no matter how painful that may be? I feel I have done the honorable thing, but maybe I didn't.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 29709290
United Kingdom
08/22/2013 03:15 PM
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Re: Loving someone secretly all of their lives
how can you not know him, yet be rejected by him once?
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 42480049
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08/22/2013 03:17 PM
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Re: Loving someone secretly all of their lives
how can you not know him, yet be rejected by him once?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 29709290


I met him a few times when we were young. We were classmates. He rejected me, not directly but it was clear he did not reciprocate. I don't currently know him as in he would probably not recognize me, but I've kept up with his life from afar.
Anonymous Coward (OP)
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08/22/2013 03:19 PM
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Re: Loving someone secretly all of their lives
Basically I just feel immense love for him and always have, and it's not rational or something I can really explain well. I've done my best to let go and push it away but as they say what you resist persists. Ultimately, I want the best for him. Nothing would make me happier than to see him happy, which I think that he is.

I am just feeling a little sad about it today, and a bit lonely. I wondered if anyone else had been through this, which is the only reason why I posted.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 2226485
United States
08/22/2013 03:21 PM
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Re: Loving someone secretly all of their lives
Happened when I was 20.

28 years later I reached out.

After a year and a half LDR she shut me out.

I won't reach out again.

If she calls, maybe I'll consider it.

But in the grand scheme of things
it's probably best that she never call.
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 42480049
United States
08/22/2013 03:22 PM
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Re: Loving someone secretly all of their lives
Happened when I was 20.

28 years later I reached out.

After a year and a half LDR she shut me out.

I won't reach out again.

If she calls, maybe I'll consider it.

But in the grand scheme of things
it's probably best that she never call.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 2226485


verysad
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 42480049
United States
08/22/2013 03:24 PM
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Re: Loving someone secretly all of their lives
Would it be appropriate to actively try to do something good or loving for this person? I don't mean to interfere or show my hand at all, just use whatever knowledge I have to help him and his family? I think it might be overstepping my bounds.

It is tough remaining in the shadows.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 2226485
United States
08/22/2013 03:26 PM
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Re: Loving someone secretly all of their lives
I think it might be overstepping my bounds.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 42480049


I thought about that but in conclusion... This ^^^^
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 29709290
United Kingdom
08/22/2013 03:30 PM
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Re: Loving someone secretly all of their lives
you need to totally cut off, and totally forget, as hard as i know that is

focus on YOURSELF instead of impossible stuff

hit the gym, diet and exercise, make yourself feel great on the inside and look great on the outside. everything else in your life will just fall into place then
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 6110705
United States
08/22/2013 03:33 PM
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Re: Loving someone secretly all of their lives
Creepy stalker troll thread.

Leave him alone, OP.
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 42480049
United States
08/22/2013 03:34 PM
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Re: Loving someone secretly all of their lives
you need to totally cut off, and totally forget, as hard as i know that is

focus on YOURSELF instead of impossible stuff

hit the gym, diet and exercise, make yourself feel great on the inside and look great on the outside. everything else in your life will just fall into place then
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 29709290


Oh, but I have. I have an otherwise fantastic life aside from this one thing. It's just this one thing that I can't erase, and can't seem to forget. It's not like these feelings are holding me back as I have been able to function and pretend. What happens is that from time to time these really intense surges of emotion, love and lust for this person all well up in me and it's very difficult to ignore. It's been almost 20 years now since I first saw him. When I first saw him it was like being hit by lightning. The last time I saw him I couldn't even speak. I do focus on myself, but when you are in the grip of something so powerful that even if you consciously refocus your energy all the time (which I do!) he still reappears even in your dreams then it's tough not to feel defeated, and depleted. Thank you for the advice, though, I do appreciate it :).
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 42480049
United States
08/22/2013 03:35 PM
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Re: Loving someone secretly all of their lives
Creepy stalker troll thread.

Leave him alone, OP.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 6110705


I do. I'm talking about energy and emotions. Thanks for calling me a creepy stalker. Boy, I've never called myself that before.
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 42480049
United States
08/22/2013 03:37 PM
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Re: Loving someone secretly all of their lives
You know that Dante wrote Dante's Inferno through the inspiration of a muse

A pining of love that never was
 Quoting: Open Your Eyes


But to Dante it was real

And sometimes that is enough
 Quoting: Open Your Eyes


I channel the emotions creatively all the time. Could be thought of as a muse, or a creative gift. Think how Dante suffered, though. I don't enjoy it.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 25157055
United States
08/22/2013 03:38 PM
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Re: Loving someone secretly all of their lives
I've got a whole flock of hoes that love me from afar. When I need some different tang I call one of them up, spray them down, and move on with life.

It's great.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 20904099
United States
08/22/2013 03:39 PM
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Re: Loving someone secretly all of their lives
So do you live in the same area, or can you only keep up with him via Facebook or whatever?

I have a couple of women whom I wished that things would have been different. One I reached out to not long ago but was rejected. I definitely will never try again. We were very much attracted to each other once, but she was a coworker and was married. I didn't want to break up her family, so I rejected her.

I cried for weeks.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 41187032
United States
08/22/2013 03:40 PM
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Re: Loving someone secretly all of their lives
Creepy stalker troll thread.

Leave him alone, OP.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 6110705


I do. I'm talking about energy and emotions. Thanks for calling me a creepy stalker. Boy, I've never called myself that before.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 42480049


Only creepy delusional stalkers observe and love/lust their prey from afar.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 41187032
United States
08/22/2013 03:40 PM
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Re: Loving someone secretly all of their lives
Creepy stalker troll thread.

Leave him alone, OP.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 6110705


I do. I'm talking about energy and emotions. Thanks for calling me a creepy stalker. Boy, I've never called myself that before.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 42480049


Only creepy delusional stalkers observe and love/lust their prey from afar.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 45552699
United Kingdom
08/22/2013 03:40 PM
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Re: Loving someone secretly all of their lives
I was madly in love with a class mate when I was 14. She knew, but didn't fancy me at first. After the semester was over, she decided to give me a shot for, meh ... about 3 weeks. Than she mercilessly dumped me, like a piece of garbage toy she never liked anyway.

after all the heart-felt longing, fantasizing, planning, going bonkers with all the honest intentions ... it kind of broke my spirit. I never really fell in love again. I got self esteem issues, trust issues, in brief: wrecked my future in my early twenties ... all for this one stupid broad. So I've grown to hate her, for messing with me that badly.

Me you should try to start hating him, OP. The time has come, don't you think? What a shitbag. I'd be thrilled if a woman would show that much interest in me. You're special and kind OP, don't you forget that. He doesn't deserve you.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 25157055
United States
08/22/2013 03:45 PM
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Re: Loving someone secretly all of their lives
I was madly in love with a class mate when I was 14. She knew, but didn't fancy me at first. After the semester was over, she decided to give me a shot for, meh ... about 3 weeks. Than she mercilessly dumped me, like a piece of garbage toy she never liked anyway.

after all the heart-felt longing, fantasizing, planning, going bonkers with all the honest intentions ... it kind of broke my spirit. I never really fell in love again. I got self esteem issues, trust issues, in brief: wrecked my future in my early twenties ... all for this one stupid broad. So I've grown to hate her, for messing with me that badly.

Me you should try to start hating him, OP. The time has come, don't you think? What a shitbag. I'd be thrilled if a woman would show that much interest in me. You're special and kind OP, don't you forget that. He doesn't deserve you.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 45552699


You shoulda put a ring on it.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 20517650
United States
08/22/2013 03:45 PM
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Re: Loving someone secretly all of their lives
Unrequited love is pure.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 41187032
United States
08/22/2013 03:46 PM
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Re: Loving someone secretly all of their lives
BTW, op, by your own admission you claim to have only met him a couple times and haven't seen him in 20 years. FYI, that is not love. You have delusion. You are what Monday nights night movies are made of. At least if something ever happens to him, there is an electronic trail with your IP address to track.

Ffs, get a life , you can't possibly be in love with this person. Love is a day to day present action. You are simply obsessed. Big difference.

Seek help. Up your meds.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 45552699
United Kingdom
08/22/2013 03:48 PM
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Re: Loving someone secretly all of their lives
I was madly in love with a class mate when I was 14. She knew, but didn't fancy me at first. After the semester was over, she decided to give me a shot for, meh ... about 3 weeks. Than she mercilessly dumped me, like a piece of garbage toy she never liked anyway.

after all the heart-felt longing, fantasizing, planning, going bonkers with all the honest intentions ... it kind of broke my spirit. I never really fell in love again. I got self esteem issues, trust issues, in brief: wrecked my future in my early twenties ... all for this one stupid broad. So I've grown to hate her, for messing with me that badly.

Me you should try to start hating him, OP. The time has come, don't you think? What a shitbag. I'd be thrilled if a woman would show that much interest in me. You're special and kind OP, don't you forget that. He doesn't deserve you.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 45552699


You shoulda put a ring on it.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 25157055


A cock-ring to tie off my nads until they're feckin' numb and fall off like ripe plums. That should teach me.
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 42480049
United States
08/22/2013 03:48 PM
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Re: Loving someone secretly all of their lives
So do you live in the same area, or can you only keep up with him via Facebook or whatever?

I have a couple of women whom I wished that things would have been different. One I reached out to not long ago but was rejected. I definitely will never try again. We were very much attracted to each other once, but she was a coworker and was married. I didn't want to break up her family, so I rejected her.

I cried for weeks.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 20904099


No, and I don't think it would be a good idea. I am sorry about your experience. I wish we all didn't have to go through this.

hf
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 42480049
United States
08/22/2013 03:49 PM
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Re: Loving someone secretly all of their lives
Creepy stalker troll thread.

Leave him alone, OP.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 6110705


I do. I'm talking about energy and emotions. Thanks for calling me a creepy stalker. Boy, I've never called myself that before.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 42480049


Only creepy delusional stalkers observe and love/lust their prey from afar.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 41187032


Thanks. Now I feel so much worse.
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 42480049
United States
08/22/2013 03:51 PM
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Re: Loving someone secretly all of their lives
I was madly in love with a class mate when I was 14. She knew, but didn't fancy me at first. After the semester was over, she decided to give me a shot for, meh ... about 3 weeks. Than she mercilessly dumped me, like a piece of garbage toy she never liked anyway.

after all the heart-felt longing, fantasizing, planning, going bonkers with all the honest intentions ... it kind of broke my spirit. I never really fell in love again. I got self esteem issues, trust issues, in brief: wrecked my future in my early twenties ... all for this one stupid broad. So I've grown to hate her, for messing with me that badly.

Me you should try to start hating him, OP. The time has come, don't you think? What a shitbag. I'd be thrilled if a woman would show that much interest in me. You're special and kind OP, don't you forget that. He doesn't deserve you.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 45552699


I have tried. I think introducing a ton of negativity would make things worse for me- I don't hate anyone and it would take so much more energy to hate than love. He hasn't done anything wrong- it's his life to live with whomever he wishes. He didn't want me and that's that. Now I wish I could stop feeling the way that I felt. Thank you for your kind words.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 45552699
United Kingdom
08/22/2013 03:55 PM
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Re: Loving someone secretly all of their lives
...


I do. I'm talking about energy and emotions. Thanks for calling me a creepy stalker. Boy, I've never called myself that before.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 42480049


Only creepy delusional stalkers observe and love/lust their prey from afar.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 41187032


Thanks. Now I feel so much worse.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 42480049


Don't listen to those people

Loving someone and not having that love returned is a very frequent human experience

It happens more frequently than people would like to admit to themselves

It is what makes us human
 Quoting: Open Your Eyes


I agree. Fuck it. It's not like his morning breath or massive dumps will smell like roses now, will they ...
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 42480049
United States
08/22/2013 03:56 PM
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Re: Loving someone secretly all of their lives
BTW, op, by your own admission you claim to have only met him a couple times and haven't seen him in 20 years. FYI, that is not love. You have delusion. You are what Monday nights night movies are made of. At least if something ever happens to him, there is an electronic trail with your IP address to track.

Ffs, get a life , you can't possibly be in love with this person. Love is a day to day present action. You are simply obsessed. Big difference.

Seek help. Up your meds.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 41187032


Thanks. Wow, I didn't consider any of these things at all <sarcasm>. But thank you for the reality check, wow, I sure didn't already think about all these things before. I have stayed away from this person and never would contact him since he wasn't interested in the first place. I haven't described a single identifiable aspect of this person nor would I. Once more for those who can't read, I am talking about emotions, and dealing with them. It took a lot of courage for me to post about this.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 961534
United States
08/22/2013 03:58 PM
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Re: Loving someone secretly all of their lives
What a loser you are OP
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 42480049
United States
08/22/2013 03:59 PM
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Re: Loving someone secretly all of their lives
...


Only creepy delusional stalkers observe and love/lust their prey from afar.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 41187032


Thanks. Now I feel so much worse.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 42480049


Don't listen to those people

Loving someone and not having that love returned is a very frequent human experience

It happens more frequently than people would like to admit to themselves

It is what makes us human
 Quoting: Open Your Eyes


I agree. Fuck it. It's not like his morning breath or massive dumps will smell like roses now, will they ...
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 45552699


True. Making a person less attractive doesn't lessen the connection. There is something supernatural about the way I feel. Again, for the tards calling me a creeper stalker, I won't take ANY action nor have I ever done so. I just feel like I need an exorcism, lol.

So far I have received a lot of empathy from many of you and I really appreciate it. However, I haven't heard any helpful information about what to *do* to stop this, and I was hoping at least one person on GLP would have gone through this and come out the other side. It brings me down.
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 42480049
United States
08/22/2013 04:00 PM
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Re: Loving someone secretly all of their lives
What a loser you are OP
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 961534


I hope when you are vulnerable someone gives you what you need and helps you out instead of calling you a loser.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 45561383
Germany
08/22/2013 04:01 PM
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Re: Loving someone secretly all of their lives
BTW, op, by your own admission you claim to have only met him a couple times and haven't seen him in 20 years. FYI, that is not love. You have delusion. You are what Monday nights night movies are made of. At least if something ever happens to him, there is an electronic trail with your IP address to track.

Ffs, get a life , you can't possibly be in love with this person. Love is a day to day present action. You are simply obsessed. Big difference.

Seek help. Up your meds.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 41187032


Thanks. Wow, I didn't consider any of these things at all <sarcasm>. But thank you for the reality check, wow, I sure didn't already think about all these things before. I have stayed away from this person and never would contact him since he wasn't interested in the first place. I haven't described a single identifiable aspect of this person nor would I. Once more for those who can't read, I am talking about emotions, and dealing with them. It took a lot of courage for me to post about this.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 42480049

it doesnt sound good no matter what you write.
I can feel you.

accept and let go. focus on new chances in the future.

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