Loving someone secretly all of their lives

Well I'm sorry... but I was once creepily stalked by an old hs friend who I reconnected with on Facebook. Long story short, I am scared to death of this nut job. I blocked him and I haven't seen him since hs, yet he used mutual friends from hs to spy on me. I'm also married and he still made inappropriate comments. I later found out a few mutual friends were reporting back to him about my life. To this day I have nightmares of him coming after me to hurt me because I rejected him.

People are sick. There are billions of people in the world, move on already or you'll be like the guy that pursued me, creepy, alone and a fool for involving others.

Eventually though if you ever did get together with the guy you might not like his personality... Think about that.

I am not doing what you described. I just have feelings. I'm not sick and I am not hurt by his rejection- I completely accept it. I am sorry about what happened to you, since you definitely didn't deserve it. I'm trying to move on and I don't wish to be a fool. It seems this is a burden I am going to have to carry in silence from now on given how freaked out some of you are about this. Emotions over a long time don't equal actions, at least not for me.

This ^^ . How would I change my subconscious emotions? Hypnosis? Reframing? What would convince me at a deep level to abandon this entirely?

OP, imagine him with severe diarrhea, just shitting his intestines out, crying like a pussy (because that's what men do) in agony ... vomiting blood ... cursing like a MTF ... While you get to be the one holding his hand, washing of his face with a wet cloth, get him some meds, making chicken soup ...

Betcha you stopped liking him already.

No, they have facebook. Facebook sucks ass, you dumb cunt.

I get the feeling he doesn't know love like you do OP, if it were meant to be you'd be together.


Move on with your life and forget about him.

You have chosen to be emotional towards someone who doesn't even know you feel this way. Clearly you need some counseling.

Don't listen to OYE, evil vibes from that one.

No, actually, although I appreciate you making me laugh.

Say hi and talk to him. The worst that can happen is he says "sorry but no" and you move on realizing he's a douche. Most likely he'll probably be okay with at least talking to you.

I agree- we are not meant to be together, if there is any such thing in the first place. I've definitely moved on with my life as I said before. I have a great life aside from this! It's the forgetting I can't seem to be able to do.

We need a pill that can selectively erase certain memories! Then I would be the happiest person you could meet.

Your thoughts DIRECTLY affect your actions. Fact. If you don't change your thoughts, you will do something you'll regret.

He already rejected me, years ago. I am not interested in being rejected again or in looking like a fool, or in messing up either of our lives in any way. If he knew how long I'd cared for him he would probably respond the way some of these others have- with fear, misunderstanding or think I am some sort of creep. I'm not willing to risk that, but I do appreciate you taking the time to share your perspective with me.

accept and let go.
focus on the future. stay within possibilities. how is it when it will work for you in the future?

I have control over myself and am a very disciplined and stoic person, otherwise carrying these feelings would not bother me so much. What could I do that I would regret? As I said, I am not doing anything about this except for discussing and admitting my feelings (to strangers) in an effort to mitigate them. I am not like the person who stalked you, and I kind of resent that you are projecting that onto me. I'm sorry that happened to you but I can assure you I am not capable of that.

What about washing his shit-stained, white, soggy nickers 4 days a week?
Picking up his yellow, crusty, 5 y/o sport socks every morning?
Cleaning his beard 'n foam from the sink?
Sitting on a toilet seat drizzled with piss?
Watching ball games?

Meh ... I'm a dirty little booger.

Actually, "Dante" plagiarized from the Book of Enoch.

Those memories made you who you are, cherish them for yourself when you're feeling blue, but you can't dwell on the past and expect to live happy.


I'm sure he remembers you, if he's good at heart he will probably push you away, for waiting this long to tell him how you feel.

You're better off without him and you've managed just fine, let it go.

So OP,

You are a man who has been in love with another man since you we're teens and he's not gay therefore rejected you?

I'm also correct, aren't I?

This requires practice but it is a good strategy. Whenever I think or feel something about this should I visualize it leaving me? Should I redirect the thought/emotion to some other thing, kind of like switching the channel on a television? The problem is that I don't know what it feels like to let go- in fact, it feels like the reverse. I wish that it would let go of ME.

The future is beautiful and I am creating it now. Although this situation is the focus of the present discussion (therefore magnified) it is in reality a very minor part of my life and does not define me. Perhaps I could create something really beautiful from it, such as a painting or more poetry- perhaps that is the right way to channel these feelings rather than stuffing them down.

Um, once again, you are a delusional stalker. If you had truly moved on with your life and really had a great life, your little object of desire would not be on your mind, nor would you be posting threads on a conspiracy site stating you've accepted his rejection from 20 years and moved on, but you still observe and cheer for him from afar. Please seek professional help.

Ha...are you speaking from experience there?

mhmm, just as I suspected, you prey on the weak.

You give yourself away again with the use of the word "desire".

NEVER EVER place more value on another person than yourself to make yourself happy.

It is not the other person's job to make you happy. It is your job to make you happy.

You can't be shit to another person unless you are complete with yourself. Loving another person deeply is an outgrowth of knowing how to effectively love yourself. In no case should the loving of another person be a substitute for you loving yourself.

If my wife left me tomorrow, meh... see ya, bye, next!

I would prefer she stay -- she's a wonderful addition to my life and I greatly love her. But if she walked out, meh... see ya...

Thank you. This is helpful.

Yeah, that is totally it, guys.

this is what I suspect as well...

OP, have you tried just reaching out to him as just someone you went to high school with? Can you guys actually be friends without you projecting your misplaced feelings on him? Based on your story, I'm not sure how well you knew one another. Were you ever friends at all? Maybe through casual friendships you'll realize that he's not the one you'd have feelings for and they will then subside. Let him reveal those things in his heart that would either make or break what moves your heart towards him.

The only way you can begin to move on is to reach out to him. Let him reject you. Let him hurt your feelings. Until then, you'll continue to wonder "what if" and keep him in a place he doesn't fit in. You must find a way to close this chapter in your life because for whatever reason that book is remaining open.