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broken hearted over divorce I never wanted

 
anonymous coward
User ID: 12289010
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09/14/2013 08:43 PM
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broken hearted over divorce I never wanted
I met my love back in 93....we were married in 97. I helped raise two of her children from a previous marriage and treated her like a princess.

In 1999 she gave me the greatest blessing I could ever hope for...a son.

About a year ago, she lost a girlfriend to breastcancer and now has 'feeling' for her husband. She has asked for a divorce and I can't help but feel that she has kicked me to the curb for no good reason.

It hurts like hell, and I do not know if I can ever trust a relationship again.

thoughts?
ar-15 nut

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09/14/2013 08:47 PM
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Re: broken hearted over divorce I never wanted
Time will heal you. I am sorry this happened to you.hf
A pissed off American veteran!
beeches

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09/14/2013 08:49 PM

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Re: broken hearted over divorce I never wanted
sit tight.

if all is as you say, you are a good person.

you picked a good woman, but one who sounds like she is confusing pity with passion.

As a woman, it can be very important to know you are needed.
This guy needs a lot, but it may NOT be what your wife thinks. He needs time to heal.

So wait, at least a bit.

the world may return, not to what it was, but to a place where your wife realizes she is mistaking grief on his part for passion.

Let your wife know YOU need her.

And best of luck to you.
if mighty oaks are the king of the forest, beeches are surely its queen.
anonymous coward (OP)
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09/14/2013 08:52 PM
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Re: broken hearted over divorce I never wanted
Thank you, folks.

I'm at the lowest point in my life, and am just trying to get over the shock.

Thanks again.:}
Anonymous
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09/14/2013 08:55 PM
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Re: broken hearted over divorce I never wanted
Attachment is weakness. If she doesn't love you enough to stay with you, then she is not worth being upset over. Rely only on yourself for happiness. Only then will you ever be truly happy in your life, with or without a partner. Break ups are hard and painful, but if you really understand this it will be a lot easier. Move on with your life.
Anonymous Coward
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09/14/2013 09:00 PM
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Re: broken hearted over divorce I never wanted
I don't care if she gets a 'needed' feeling from this other guy.

She has KIDS that this man has taken care of including two that are NOT his!

OP, I've been through this and confused or not - she is NOT to be excused for this. Over the years, how many women could YOU have fallen for, if you had allowed it? But you didn't because you honor your commitment.

Get through the hard part if the divorce and find a good woman who will love and respect you. Your ex might come around in time but so what.

She does not love you 'enough' to not step outside her commitment.

Move on and let her spend the rest of her days regretting what she might have kept.

I'm dead serious, OP. My ex wife cannot hold a candle to my current wife. And looking back, I would gladly go through that emotional pain again, if it meant I would find my current wife all over again.

Sometimes things fall apart so that other things can fall together.
Founders Fan

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09/14/2013 09:01 PM
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Re: broken hearted over divorce I never wanted
Been there bud. it hurts for a while but you will be OK. I didn't have kids so that part is something I can't help you with.

It's been about 6 years and there are still times when I miss her even after she treated me like shit for no good reason.

It's unfortunately a part of life now. Divorce is the easy way out for people who don't want to live up to their commitments. Sad really but life will go on.
If something can corrupt you, you're corrupted already.

Bob Marley

“The duty of a patriot is to protect his country from its government.”
THOMAS PAINE (1737-1809)

Do not pray for an easy life, pray for the strength to endure a difficult one. Bruce Lee
Anonymous Coward
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09/14/2013 09:06 PM
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Re: broken hearted over divorce I never wanted
Dont let her know your hurting! When one pulls the other pushes away like a magnet. Pretend your moving on and your just fine, maybe even dating and she will most likely rethink what shes giving up.
It sucks, I've been there, it will get better!
Also sing at the top of your lungs your favorite songs. I did that today and it felt great, plus the people in the car next to me all clapped.

Fuck her/HIM♥♡
Anonymous Coward
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09/14/2013 09:06 PM
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Re: broken hearted over divorce I never wanted
Women are like buses...one comes along every half hour!
anonymous coward (OP)
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09/14/2013 09:07 PM
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Re: broken hearted over divorce I never wanted
Well...thanks for all the great advice...that's why GLP is my second home.

I won't lie, I've been drinking and have a deep sense of longing for what once was.

I'm still in shock, but many of the comments here tonight have already made me feel better.

Thank you.
Anonymous Coward
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09/14/2013 09:08 PM
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Re: broken hearted over divorce I never wanted
Focus on your son. He will be needing all the stability you can provide.I agree with beeches but your wife will have to get to that place on her own.
Might be a good idea to get counseling/support for you and your son.
Sorry this is happening to you.
MarkinAZ

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09/14/2013 09:11 PM
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Re: broken hearted over divorce I never wanted
As someone who has lived long enough to see such things before - I would advise you to allow a trial separation if need be. But do NOT, in so far as you can stop such things - DO NOT ALLOW A DIVORCE TO TAKE PLACE just yet.

She needs some time to come to her senses. She is confused. Horribly confused. And this needy and hurting man is grieving over his loss and she was there like a life-preserver in a storm. So he grabbed on. Those two (the widower and your wife) share a powerful emotional storm with the shared grief and loss of her friend and his spouse. She thinks this pity and extreme desire to nurture and care for him is "love" and it is. But not the same sort of love she should have and share with her husband. This is a love based on shared grief and loss and grieving and pity and pain. There is no joy here. Only the pain of their shared loss. In time, he will wake up to what he has done. But will he be strong enough to say "NO" to someone who has helped him thru the pain? Or will he marry her and seal their fate and yours and your sons in the process?

I do not know. I only know you need to delay, drag your feet, and continue to love if you can. Get ready to forgive her - whether she comes home to you, or does not. Either way you do not want to be hating her for the rest of your days. That kind of hate has the frightening potential to destroy your very soul if you allow it to grow and flourish.

Pray. Talk to GOD. Get your heart and mind in tune with what he wants you to do as a husband who's been abandoned. Take your time. Go slow. Do not react out of your pain and angst and anger... your wife has gotten caught in a trap as old as time and has no one there to tell her what she is doing is based on mistaking one kind of love for another.

When and if she comes back to herself, she may be horribly embarrassed by what she has done. If you want her back, you will have to choose to forgive her. Not just the words, but to really forgive her mistake and the pain she's caused you in this mess. It's not easy to do. Do not take her back unless you truly can forgive her deep down in your heart. Usually this will require your asking for help from GOD to do it. Most men cannot manage that level of forgiveness without divine intervention and help.

You have my prayers. I hope that regardless of the final outcome, you will be given the right partner and happiness in your life. Whether with your present wife or later, with someone that GOD has put in your path... I do not know. But it will work out if you trust and try to do what is right and honorable - in spite of what anyone else may have done to you in this mistaken and misplaced love affair that should NEVER have existed.

Go with GOD and all the best...
Anonymous Coward
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09/14/2013 09:12 PM
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Re: broken hearted over divorce I never wanted
Divorce sucks ! I just felt I had to tell u I was married for 20 u just need time. Gets a little easier. Your not alone ;)
dawnie

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09/14/2013 09:12 PM
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Re: broken hearted over divorce I never wanted
I don't care if she gets a 'needed' feeling from this other guy.

She has KIDS that this man has taken care of including two that are NOT his!

OP, I've been through this and confused or not - she is NOT to be excused for this. Over the years, how many women could YOU have fallen for, if you had allowed it? But you didn't because you honor your commitment.

Get through the hard part if the divorce and find a good woman who will love and respect you. Your ex might come around in time but so what.

She does not love you 'enough' to not step outside her commitment.

Move on and let her spend the rest of her days regretting what she might have kept.

I'm dead serious, OP. My ex wife cannot hold a candle to my current wife. And looking back, I would gladly go through that emotional pain again, if it meant I would find my current wife all over again.

Sometimes things fall apart so that other things can fall together.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 5611198


ohyeah great advice. sorry to say but you'll have to move on. she doesn't deserve you.
A flag flown upside down is a symbol of a country in distress. As a result of the many traitors and enemies inside our own government and the many unconstitutional acts, legislation and atrocities passed and/or committed against our lives, liberty and property, as well as a reckless foreign policy meant to enrich and empower an already wealthy group of 'elites' while wreaking havoc around the globe and committing atrocities against large numbers of innocent peoples in the name of 'spreading democracy', the United States is no longer a free country and the lives of its citizens as well as the lives of our brothers and sisters around the globe, are in dire danger and distress.
Anonymous Coward
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09/14/2013 09:19 PM
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Re: broken hearted over divorce I never wanted
Op,

I know your pain, but the situation was not identical. It will hurt for awhile, but do not become bitter or angry. As the days go by you will slowly find your own way and a better tomorrow will come. I would forget hoping for this one and just get on with life. Take the high road and take care of yourself.
Rayrayz

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09/14/2013 09:20 PM
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Re: broken hearted over divorce I never wanted
Attachment is weakness. If she doesn't love you enough to stay with you, then she is not worth being upset over. Rely only on yourself for happiness. Only then will you ever be truly happy in your life, with or without a partner. Break ups are hard and painful, but if you really understand this it will be a lot easier. Move on with your life.
 Quoting: Anonymous 23438132


^^^^
Anonymous Coward
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09/14/2013 09:21 PM
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Re: broken hearted over divorce I never wanted
Good for you.

No not sarcasm, you now know love. Many never will get beyond infatuation and such.


Happened to me some time ago, Thought I was a reasonably seasoned fellow, dead wives, broken relationships, so much dust on the rearview mirror, I seldom ever looked back.


Yet when that happened, other things happened, someone else posted about a broken heart a broken ego. I wanted to comment but got ddossed or something so didnt get the opportunity.

The things that happened for me were stupid, selfish, yet in my insanity I made some crude scribblings that had no relevance at the time yet held the keys to all, much like 42.

I dont know what I am trying to say, for me I was willing to give anything to have that thing back, anyhting. I gave nothing as she only wanted me and I simply was unavailable for her in the way she needed.


That bitch (lovingly) broke me, it gave me an opportunity to rebuild on a new foundation. I had nothing left, I tried, I said anything, yet it was I she said, only I that could fix it, and so I did.
Anonymous Coward
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09/14/2013 09:28 PM
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Re: broken hearted over divorce I never wanted
Cheaters suck!
Mister ObviousModerator
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09/14/2013 09:29 PM

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Re: broken hearted over divorce I never wanted
About a year ago, she lost a girlfriend to breastcancer and now has 'feeling' for her husband.
 Quoting: anonymous coward 12289010




Wow, what a freaky bitch!


Wonder how her dead friend would feel about that?


But truthfully, sounds like your wife is going through serious emotional trauma because of her friend's death... it's some weird psychological things.


She doesn't have anything REAL with this woman's husband like she does with you. She would realize that... but it seems like it would be too late when she did.


So unfortunately OP, it looks like you aren't dealing with your equal in this situation. Your wife is being weak, and she's confused. You don't deserve that, and that's not what you signed up for.


She needs psychological help, in my opinion. You should get her to talk to somebody before you agree to a divorce. Maybe she'll snap out of it.


Frankly though, even if she did snap out of it, it seems like a good measure of damage has already been done, and unrightfully so, toward you. There's really no reconciling that shit. But if you'd still love her anyway, then things could be fine... that's all you.


She needs to get her head straight and get her shit together. She needs to realize she's trying to fill some perceived deficiency where her friend's life/family used to be... and man is that totally not her job or place whatsoever.
Anonymous Coward
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09/14/2013 09:31 PM
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Re: broken hearted over divorce I never wanted
Double tap.

pigchef
ladulce

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09/14/2013 09:33 PM

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Re: broken hearted over divorce I never wanted
sit tight.

if all is as you say, you are a good person.

you picked a good woman, but one who sounds like she is confusing pity with passion.
As a woman, it can be very important to know you are needed.
This guy needs a lot, but it may NOT be what your wife thinks. He needs time to heal.

So wait, at least a bit.

the world may return, not to what it was, but to a place where your wife realizes she is mistaking grief on his part for passion.

Let your wife know YOU need her.

And best of luck to you.
 Quoting: beeches


Exactly. It is so easy to think about how sad he must be and over romanticize the idea that she can 'make it better' for him.

Hold on.

Hugs.
Anonymous Coward
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09/14/2013 09:34 PM
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Re: broken hearted over divorce I never wanted
I met my love back in 93....we were married in 97. I helped raise two of her children from a previous marriage and treated her like a princess.

In 1999 she gave me the greatest blessing I could ever hope for...a son.

About a year ago, she lost a girlfriend to breastcancer and now has 'feeling' for her husband. She has asked for a divorce and I can't help but feel that she has kicked me to the curb for no good reason.

It hurts like hell, and I do not know if I can ever trust a relationship again.

thoughts?
 Quoting: anonymous coward 12289010


Doood..... Karma will get her in the end, she will probably get cancer and die too....
Anonymous Coward
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09/14/2013 09:40 PM
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Re: broken hearted over divorce I never wanted
About a year ago, she lost a girlfriend to breastcancer and now has 'feeling' for her husband. She has asked for a divorce and I can't help but feel that she has kicked me to the curb for no good reason.


 Quoting: anonymous coward 12289010


Counseling. She may just be having survivor's guilt and can get over it if she will get help. The fact that a death is involved in this makes it much more complicated than simply falling for someone else.

Women are naturally nurturing, her instincts have gotten a confused by the intensity of the emotions surrounding death and abandonment.


If she steps back and gets some perspective she will realize that she does not need to care for her friend's lost spouse, he can find a new life for himself without her help.

If he is flopping around with a broken wing excessively, I also might threaten to break the other one if I saw he was using his grief to lure away my spouse-but I am a bit hot tempered. A session with a trusted therapist is less likely to get you anger management.

Our society fails to give us the proper tools for dealing with death and dying, so confusion and disorientation often results.
Anonymous Coward
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09/14/2013 09:41 PM
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Re: broken hearted over divorce I never wanted
I don't care if she gets a 'needed' feeling from this other guy.

She has KIDS that this man has taken care of including two that are NOT his!

OP, I've been through this and confused or not - she is NOT to be excused for this. Over the years, how many women could YOU have fallen for, if you had allowed it? But you didn't because you honor your commitment.

Get through the hard part if the divorce and find a good woman who will love and respect you. Your ex might come around in time but so what.

She does not love you 'enough' to not step outside her commitment.

Move on and let her spend the rest of her days regretting what she might have kept.

I'm dead serious, OP. My ex wife cannot hold a candle to my current wife. And looking back, I would gladly go through that emotional pain again, if it meant I would find my current wife all over again.

Sometimes things fall apart so that other things can fall together.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 5611198


___________________________________________________
so well said and stated--
HOPE OP takes YOUR ADVICE.
Anonymous Coward
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09/14/2013 09:45 PM
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Re: broken hearted over divorce I never wanted
Like a storm around you, but hold tied you have a son, and HE is your ship stay close for him, he is the bridge between two worlds,if she wants to divorce, look into your good heart and make the jump what ever the decision you take, our thoughts of good feeling,and happiness will be with you.
Anonymous
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09/14/2013 09:48 PM
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Re: broken hearted over divorce I never wanted
Take a long walk every day for at least an hour. Within 6 months youll be jogging that length of time. Believe me the exercise helps heal the hurt and the pain. Be good to yourself!
Anonymous Coward
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09/14/2013 09:50 PM
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Re: broken hearted over divorce I never wanted
sit tight.

if all is as you say, you are a good person.

you picked a good woman, but one who sounds like she is confusing pity with passion.

As a woman, it can be very important to know you are needed.
This guy needs a lot, but it may NOT be what your wife thinks. He needs time to heal.

So wait, at least a bit.

the world may return, not to what it was, but to a place where your wife realizes she is mistaking grief on his part for passion.

Let your wife know YOU need her.

And best of luck to you.
 Quoting: beeches


I think this is wrong, in fact backwards.

You picked a single mom, she desperately needed you to raise her existing kids. You did that, mission accomplished. You got a son by her too, which is great.

The man who has come available is VERY available. He is not divorced, which would imply child support and alimony. He has none of that and all of the marital assets. He might seem to have very high value to her. Look up "hypergamy".

The ONLY chance you have is to go cold on her and quite likely she'll miss you. Make her ask to come back.

If she wants a divorce, let her file. You do nothing. Do NOT beg. If you can protect your assets, do so. Go to a lawyer to plan strategy IMMEDIATELY but don't tell her.

This is a very dangerous situation, you are in very heavy rapids now and you need expert advice. Read up on "game", "married game", and the general PUA literature.

You've been played and now you need to play back, for your life. Until you know what to do, do NOTHING, be nonreactive to her, but quietly see a divorce lawyer to plan strategy.

Good luck. You're going to learn more than you ever wanted to, very fast. But you can do it. Best wishes to you and your son. As for your current wife, a Bronx cheer is all she gets.
Anonymous Coward
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09/14/2013 09:50 PM
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Re: broken hearted over divorce I never wanted
Don't divorce yet. She's confused. The girlfriend's husband is too. It won't last and then she'll be confused. If you really care, you might take her back. Just wait, though. Tell her you're not ready yet...that you need time.
Anonymous Coward
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09/14/2013 09:50 PM
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Re: broken hearted over divorce I never wanted
you sound like a wimpy push over, thats why you where kicked to the curb.

she had to run to find a real man who will beat her up a bit, get her juices flowing
Anonymous Coward
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09/14/2013 09:55 PM
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Re: broken hearted over divorce I never wanted
Women are ruthless and they're even more greedy than vampires. They'll suck up your wealth and vigor cuz it's written in their genes. A female mantis eats her mate alive after getting done fucking him. bitches are venomous in various forms, but there's one thing in common for all female animals, which is that they're the source of all evils and sins

OP, I would get a DNA test on your son to check if he is biologically yours.
You treated her like a princess, put the pussy on a pedestal, and no woman respects that, thus turning you into a cuckold as fucks some other guy (maybe even other men). Kinda sick she moved on to her supposed "friend's" man after she died, but women will stoop to anything to get what they can't have. OP, how long were you away of this affair between then? And don't say she didn't cheat or hasn't done anything and that the "feelings" for him just magically appeared. You would be a damn fool to believe she wasn't fucking him behind your back. I'm sure she's come home home a few times with oxidized sperm on her lips from the other guy and kissed you on the mouth. Maybe his nasty seed was festering in her dirty gash while she "let you" give her oral.

OP, dump that bitch and don't ever date single mothers again. cuz they've already made one mistake and you don't wanna be the one who takes on her mistakes. Too much baggage. Don't fall in love or get into any committed relationships with these whores. Treat them how they really want to treated and use them like human urinals then dump their ass in the trash can when you're done with them
Janine69

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09/14/2013 10:01 PM
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Re: broken hearted over divorce I never wanted
I don't care if she gets a 'needed' feeling from this other guy.

She has KIDS that this man has taken care of including two that are NOT his!

OP, I've been through this and confused or not - she is NOT to be excused for this. Over the years, how many women could YOU have fallen for, if you had allowed it? But you didn't because you honor your commitment.

Get through the hard part if the divorce and find a good woman who will love and respect you. Your ex might come around in time but so what.

She does not love you 'enough' to not step outside her commitment.

Move on and let her spend the rest of her days regretting what she might have kept.

I'm dead serious, OP. My ex wife cannot hold a candle to my current wife. And looking back, I would gladly go through that emotional pain again, if it meant I would find my current wife all over again.

Sometimes things fall apart so that other things can fall together.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 5611198


How different might this drama have played out if any or all of the characters actually loved themselves?

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