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Wedding Delayed After Man Hacks Off Own Testicles and Storms Church

 
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User ID: 37871428
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09/19/2013 04:58 PM
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Wedding Delayed After Man Hacks Off Own Testicles and Storms Church
Brentwood, England - It is not uncommon for the planning of a wedding to cause a certain amount of stress. Many couples go to great lengths to anticipate a wide array of potential problems and to set up contingency plans in case of the unexpected. But a couple was caught flat footed on Saturday at All Saints Church, in Hutton Village Road, Hutton, when a man charged into the church having just lopped of his own testicles.

An hour prior to the "I do's," a blood soaked man stormed into the church. As a result, guest were greeted by police cars rather than ushers.

One guest described the scene: “There was blood all over the floor just outside the church. When I went in there it was like someone had been murdered. There was blood everywhere. The vicar knew of the man and said he had come into the church as they were setting up. He said the man had chopped his testicles off with a pair of scissors and was going bezerk, chucking chairs around. I’m surprised he didn’t pass out. When I went in the church, I saw something on the floor which I could only describe as flesh, which I thought was part of his arm but that was one of his testicles.”

[link to www.breitbart.com]

cruiiiseeee3
Tangy

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09/19/2013 04:59 PM
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Re: Wedding Delayed After Man Hacks Off Own Testicles and Storms Church
popcorn2
Anonymous Coward
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09/19/2013 05:04 PM
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Re: Wedding Delayed After Man Hacks Off Own Testicles and Storms Church
zombies
Anonymous Coward
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09/19/2013 05:07 PM
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Re: Wedding Delayed After Man Hacks Off Own Testicles and Storms Church
Ive heard about cold feet but this is stretching it a bit damned
Anonymous Coward
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09/19/2013 05:08 PM
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Re: Wedding Delayed After Man Hacks Off Own Testicles and Storms Church
I am a half inch shy of being 5ft. I always lie and say I’m 5ft because being shorter than 5ft seems freakish to me.
Anonymous Coward
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09/19/2013 05:09 PM
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Re: Wedding Delayed After Man Hacks Off Own Testicles and Storms Church
Look, I've already apologised for causing the delay to that nice couples wedding. It was a bad joke gone terribly wrong and now I have to live the rest of my life smooth (down there).

Can we please move on past this now?
Anonymous Coward
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09/19/2013 05:09 PM
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Re: Wedding Delayed After Man Hacks Off Own Testicles and Storms Church
:hurl:
Anonymous Coward
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09/19/2013 05:12 PM
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Re: Wedding Delayed After Man Hacks Off Own Testicles and Storms Church
He was like "Fuck this shit, I'm out!"
BxMac

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09/19/2013 05:13 PM
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Re: Wedding Delayed After Man Hacks Off Own Testicles and Storms Church
He dropped the ball.
Anonymous Coward
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09/19/2013 05:14 PM
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Re: Wedding Delayed After Man Hacks Off Own Testicles and Storms Church
It says nothing about this guy being the groom. Nothing.
Anonymous Coward
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09/19/2013 05:15 PM
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Re: Wedding Delayed After Man Hacks Off Own Testicles and Storms Church
NO DUDE! it's just an expression! she doesn't really cut off your balls and put them in her purse!
Anonymous Coward
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09/19/2013 05:16 PM
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Re: Wedding Delayed After Man Hacks Off Own Testicles and Storms Church
It says nothing about this guy being the groom. Nothing.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 47123200


Nice spin, though. Typical of Breitbart.
Maximus Shillingus

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09/19/2013 05:16 PM
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Re: Wedding Delayed After Man Hacks Off Own Testicles and Storms Church
He dropped the ball.
 Quoting: BxMac


lmfao
Boycott the media! They support the destruction of this country.
Master Jedi Powers

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09/19/2013 05:18 PM
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Re: Wedding Delayed After Man Hacks Off Own Testicles and Storms Church
So, how is this any different than 80% of the weddings in America?

Take one shrew daddy's girl, add one emasculated toad with a good job and mommy issues, let it sit on the dashboard in the hot sun, and you've got 80% of American marriages!


I got the best gal on Earth. My turtle is a great gal. Sure, we have our days, but my Lord, if I were married to wive's of most of my friends, I'd whack off my own balls, too!
(GLP aka American Jedi)

Listen here you beautiful bitch, I'm about to fuck you up with some truth.
Kenny Powers

If you steal the dreams of others long enough, sooner or later you'll end up in a nightmare.
American Jedi

Intellectuals solve problems, geniuses prevent them.
Albert Einstein

Satis Eloquentiae, Sapientiae Parum....

"The last of the old?"

"No, the first of the new."
Esoteric Morgan
...in awe of many things

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09/19/2013 05:29 PM

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Re: Wedding Delayed After Man Hacks Off Own Testicles and Storms Church
Yikes!

Ha! The groom decides to disregard the bloody ball lying on the floor, avowing he won't allow this crazed man to be a ball-buster and ruin his wedding. Ball now in his court, vows are exchanged and everyone has a ball, even though the poor bride balled her eyes out when finally hearing about the ball which was almost poised to become a wrecking-ball that day.

whew!

poor crazed guy, though....
AlcoholicRunner
I abduct humans and drink at the same time.

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09/19/2013 05:31 PM

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Re: Wedding Delayed After Man Hacks Off Own Testicles and Storms Church
bidiot
Anonymous Coward
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09/19/2013 05:31 PM
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Re: Wedding Delayed After Man Hacks Off Own Testicles and Storms Church
Yikes!

Ha! The groom decides to disregard the bloody ball lying on the floor, avowing he won't allow this crazed man to be a ball-buster and ruin his wedding. Ball now in his court, vows are exchanged and everyone has a ball, even though the poor bride balled her eyes out when finally hearing about the ball which was almost poised to become a wrecking-ball that day.

whew!

poor crazed guy, though....
 Quoting: Esoteric Morgan


That type of crazy doesn't get passed on to offspring.
5a
Anonymous Coward
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09/19/2013 05:32 PM
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Re: Wedding Delayed After Man Hacks Off Own Testicles and Storms Church
You got to have some balls to do that
Inquiring Mind
Does this shirt make my bass look too big?

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09/19/2013 05:41 PM

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Re: Wedding Delayed After Man Hacks Off Own Testicles and Storms Church
NO DUDE! it's just an expression! she doesn't really cut off your balls and put them in her purse!
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 45453076


Ha Ha Ha - GOOD ONE!
Inquiring Mind
TheWayWeWere

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09/19/2013 05:44 PM
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Re: Wedding Delayed After Man Hacks Off Own Testicles and Storms Church
Uuuuum it wasn't the groom that did that! Right? I think it was a guest!
______________________________________
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fishingnut

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09/19/2013 05:45 PM

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Re: Wedding Delayed After Man Hacks Off Own Testicles and Storms Church
I can see how this would disrupt a marriage.
Anonymous Coward
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09/19/2013 05:46 PM
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Re: Wedding Delayed After Man Hacks Off Own Testicles and Storms Church
Delayed?
I'd cancel altogether
Who'd want to marry him now?
gheylos

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09/19/2013 05:46 PM
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Re: Wedding Delayed After Man Hacks Off Own Testicles and Storms Church
he cut off his own testicals to crash a wedding? really?
where the hood at
Anonymous Coward
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09/19/2013 05:46 PM
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Re: Wedding Delayed After Man Hacks Off Own Testicles and Storms Church
testicular homicide....crazy!
Anonymous Coward
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09/19/2013 05:48 PM
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Re: Wedding Delayed After Man Hacks Off Own Testicles and Storms Church
Wow, now that's what I call a vasectomy that can't be reversed....thank God, cuz we don't need more of him around.
BxMac

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09/19/2013 05:50 PM
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Re: Wedding Delayed After Man Hacks Off Own Testicles and Storms Church
Cinderella's not going to be whining about missing that ball.
Anonymous Coward
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09/19/2013 05:55 PM
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Re: Wedding Delayed After Man Hacks Off Own Testicles and Storms Church
ow ow ow..
Anonymous Coward
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09/19/2013 05:59 PM
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Re: Wedding Delayed After Man Hacks Off Own Testicles and Storms Church
Cinderella's not going to be whining about missing that ball.
 Quoting: BxMac


lol..wicked
Anonymous Coward
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09/19/2013 06:01 PM
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Re: Wedding Delayed After Man Hacks Off Own Testicles and Storms Church
That's just nuts!!

beat_shot
Saddletramp
We Don't Rent Pigs...

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09/19/2013 06:05 PM

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Re: Wedding Delayed After Man Hacks Off Own Testicles and Storms Church
Nice of the guy to donate his balls in place of the Groom's!

5a
"And how can a man die better than facing fearful odds, for the ashes of his fathers, and the temples of his Gods..." ~ Horatius

"Because he told the truth, and once you've heard the truth, everything else is just cheap whiskey..."
Little Miss Sunshine

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09/19/2013 06:05 PM

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Re: Wedding Delayed After Man Hacks Off Own Testicles and Storms Church
Ewww

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