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| 01:38 AM | ||
| Users Online Now: 1,553 (Who's On?) | Visitors Today: 144,454 | |
| Pageviews Today: 195,737 | Threads Today: 89 | Posts Today: 823 |
| 01:38 AM | ||
Have You Ever Been A Foster Parent/Aunt/Uncle/Grand Parent/Sibling??? | |
| Anonymous Coward User ID: 49286816  United States11/02/2013 05:11 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Pooch  User ID: 49296250  Canada11/02/2013 05:31 AM  Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
| Whereisthecoffee? User ID: 28850567 United States11/02/2013 05:53 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | That is tragic as they will obviously love the child. The mother will get out and reunite with the child and bring that child through hell. At some point the child will be returned to your sister damaged. It is not difficult to see where this goes. Your sister needs to push for the mother to permantly sever her parental ties. You can never take back what this child will be exposed to once the mother flits in to inject the poison into the child's world. I am already so sorry for your sister and this child's journey. The court system really needs to become an advocate for these children. Addicts should never be allowed to interfere in a child's upbringing. I actually gave up fighting for custody of my own brother's newborn son when I became aware that the fostercare system had placed him temporarily with his sibling that was adopted years earlier from the same mother. The courts removed my brother's son right at the hospital as they were afraid of abuse due to her behavior at the hospital, which lead to inquiry into the previous abuse that she lost her other child too. At first I fought, he should be with family, but then when I was told she wanted to adopt him, I had to really think what is best for this little boy. I knew the child was better off being away from potential contact with the parents, which unfortunately I knew if I was the guardian they would get access to him more easily through the courts. I knew that this other woman made the rules so difficult that the biological mother usually did not utilize her once a year visits with the other child. My brother's son has now been adopted and there is no contact thankfully for that sweet little boy with his biological mother, who is a truly disturbed individual. I, as well, knew at some point the court would step in to reunite the child and parents if he was placed with me and I could never have handled it. Every one should make choices for the benefit of the child solely and complete inaccess by harmful people whether they are their biological parents or not should be strictly adhered to. Your sister should push for full custody and sever all legal parental rights. |
| PBJ11 User ID: 5920329 United States11/02/2013 05:57 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | I took them both in three times in just over a year. They had two different fathers. One of the dads fought for the oldest and eventually won custody and moved to Florida. The youngest was left alone after that. He lived through hell, often sleeping in a car, or a new "boyfriend's" apartment. It did break my heart every time they handed the kids back. I would worry about them constantly. By the third time they were taken, I told them I couldn't do it anymore and he was taken in by another relative. After a few weeks, I received a call by this relative saying they couldn't keep him. I relented and took him in again. His mother did everything she could to turn the boy against us. She claimed we were abusive. She tried to get her son to call CPS and make false claims against us because she wanted him in a group home, where she would be closer to visit him. I ended up recording her phone conversations, with the approval of the courts and used this to prove my innocence. By this time, the boy was now ten years old. I had to endure counseling for him because it was court ordered. I had to travel three hours one way every time there was a hearing. I had to struggle a bit financially because he came to me without medical insurance and had some health issues and a broken arm. He had never seen a dentist. After two years of dealing with all of this, they were once again planning on giving him back. This time, I hired an attorney to represent the child. We were fighting for custody when his mother died of an overdose at the age of 42. The boy was relieved that he no longer had to worry about his mom. However, her death was traumatic for him and he ended up feeling guilty for being alive. At 16 he tried to commit suicide. We found him in time and got him help. He's now in his early 20's and is turning out to be a decent young man. Do I regret taking him in? No. Was it hell on earth dealing with all of the baggage that came with him? Yes. However, I know he would have probably been dead years ago if I hadn't taken him in. I will never regret my decision. I hope your sister doesn't have to go through what I did. I wish her well. PJ |
| Anonymous Coward User ID: 49112449 United States11/02/2013 06:00 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
| Anonymous Coward (OP) User ID: 49286816 United States11/02/2013 06:27 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Thanks kindly for the responses whereisthecoffee - thank you for that. I will discuss this with my sister tomorrow, gently of course. She's such a kind person that I am sure that it would pain her to have to take such measures...but life isn't always sunshine and rainbows, and at this point, the well being of this child must be of the upmost concern... PBJ - Thank you for your story, but it pains my heart to read it. You are such a good person for sacrificing your own personal happiness and health for another, but having been with this child I can certainly understand why. You struggled and went through hell, but in the end, you won...and that child is now safe and alive. I also hope my sister does not have to go through the same, but I will be with her every step of the way if she does. |
| Anonymous Coward User ID: 49245343  Dominican Republic11/02/2013 07:21 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
| Anonymous Coward User ID: 49245343 Dominican Republic11/02/2013 07:21 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | True. Working with the system can be raw. When youre a foster parent, your just a custodian. The system can come and take the kid(s) away whenever they see fit, with no advanced notice to you. I know of a couple that were foster parents. They couldnt take the 'no notice' clause. They decided to adopt instead. |
| Elsabiades.. User ID: 728825  Puerto Rico11/02/2013 07:32 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | I do not foster parent; however, I am a certified foster parent ( I completed the 10 step program and recieved a certificate of completion ). Regardless, the State Dept. of Family Resources (for whatever state you reside) must first seek family resouces when a child is taken into protective custody. Next, the Dept. must seek "reunifiation" with the parent and/or parents. This takes (for obvious reasons) time. Lots of time. And, in most cases, a minimum of 6-8 months. Regardless, if the parent/parents are not fully compliant within this period; most state agencies will seek Termination of Parental rights and Permenant Placement (adoption). Now, here's where it gets a little dicey. First, most states require that the foster parents who provide residential care get the first shot (right of first refusal) at adoption. However, I have seen cases where a corrupt or biased Dept. give the child to someone other than the foster parents in the first instance; and allow another foster parent adopt. Why? BECAUSE, the placement TEAM with the state dept. must DECIDE ON Permenant placement; which in some cases can be arbitrary. If the Dept. does not follow protocol, you can contest the adoption (by other foster parents) in Court. It's called a "contested adoption". I hope this helps. Elsabiades.. |
| Anonymous Coward User ID: 49271689 United States11/02/2013 07:37 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | True. Working with the system can be raw. When youre a foster parent, your just a custodian. The system can come and take the kid(s) away whenever they see fit, with no advanced notice to you. Quoting: Anonymous Coward 49245343 I know of a couple that were foster parents. They couldnt take the 'no notice' clause. They decided to adopt instead. fkkin system can come and take your natural kids the same and all without nothing beyond unsubstantiated claims. but what the hell gives with these addicted POS mothers and the kids ? why can't they have one second of sanity and let a direct relative give the kids a good home and visit their kids basically when they want --and by that i mean on weekends or come in for dinner with the familty etc etc ? and these same BS asshole workers put the kids BACK into a WELL KNOWN bad situation- where they end up DEAD. |
| Anonymous Coward User ID: 49271689 United States11/02/2013 07:44 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | I do not foster parent; however, I am a certified foster parent ( I completed the 10 step program and recieved a certificate of completion ). Regardless, the State Dept. of Family Resources (for whatever state you reside) must first seek family resouces when a child is taken into protective custody. Next, the Dept. must seek "reunifiation" with the parent and/or parents. This takes (for obvious reasons) time. Lots of time. And, in most cases, a minimum of 6-8 months. Regardless, if the parent/parents are not fully compliant within this period; most state agencies will seek Termination of Parental rights and Permenant Placement (adoption). Now, here's where it gets a little dicey. First, most states require that the foster parents who provide residential care get the first shot (right of first refusal) at adoption. However, I have seen cases where a corrupt or biased Dept. give the child to someone other than the foster parents in the first instance; and allow another foster parent adopt. Why? BECAUSE, the placement TEAM with the state dept. must DECIDE ON Permenant placement; which in some cases can be arbitrary. If the Dept. does not follow protocol, you can contest the adoption (by other foster parents) in Court. It's called a "contested adoption". I hope this helps. Quoting: Elsabiades.. these bastards KNOW finances are limited and court costs. court's a normal procedure to THEM and their commodity. for normal people litigation IS deadly. sure they're gonna give the child to another as THE foster care family basically REHABBED the child,nurturing him or her = so they take that 1 and expect the foster family to simply take in another. |
| Elsabiades.. User ID: 728825 Puerto Rico11/02/2013 07:47 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | I do not foster parent; however, I am a certified foster parent ( I completed the 10 step program and recieved a certificate of completion ). Regardless, the State Dept. of Family Resources (for whatever state you reside) must first seek family resouces when a child is taken into protective custody. Next, the Dept. must seek "reunifiation" with the parent and/or parents. This takes (for obvious reasons) time. Lots of time. And, in most cases, a minimum of 6-8 months. Regardless, if the parent/parents are not fully compliant within this period; most state agencies will seek Termination of Parental rights and Permenant Placement (adoption). Now, here's where it gets a little dicey. First, most states require that the foster parents who provide residential care get the first shot (right of first refusal) at adoption. However, I have seen cases where a corrupt or biased Dept. give the child to someone other than the foster parents in the first instance; and allow another foster parent adopt. Why? BECAUSE, the placement TEAM with the state dept. must DECIDE ON Permenant placement; which in some cases can be arbitrary. If the Dept. does not follow protocol, you can contest the adoption (by other foster parents) in Court. It's called a "contested adoption". I hope this helps. Quoting: Elsabiades.. these bastards KNOW finances are limited and court costs. court's a normal procedure to THEM and their commodity. for normal people litigation IS deadly. sure they're gonna give the child to another as THE foster care family basically REHABBED the child,nurturing him or her = so they take that 1 and expect the foster family to simply take in another. What you say is true. For most parents, these court battles are cost prohibitive. Elsabiades.. |
