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A brief summary of the entire bible from start to finish...for those too lazy to read it.

 
Anonymous Coward
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11/10/2013 07:53 PM
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A brief summary of the entire bible from start to finish...for those too lazy to read it.
God creates the earth in 6 days and plants a garden paradise where he puts the first man and woman, but they sin so he kicks them out of the garden. Then one of their sons kills his brother, So god gives the man and woman a third son to replace them. He has a bunch of offspring and eventually everyone becomes wicked so God destroyes the world with a flood, but he saves One family of a guy named Noah, and some animals on a big Boat.

After Noah and his family get off the big boat they start to repopulate the planet, and God tells them to spread out over the globe, but instead they build a city with a really big tower, so God mixes up their languages so that they will stop building the tower together and spread out into seperate people groups across the earth.

Then God tells one of the people still living in the area to leave and go live somewhere else. His name is Abraham. God promised him he would give him a new land for his descendents and make his offspring grow to millions and millions. Abraham agrees. Abrahamm goes to live in the new land (The place that is now known as Israel).

Abraham has a son named Isaac who in turn has a son named Jacob. God Changes Jacob's name to "Israel".

Israel has 12 sons and they all end up going to egypt for a few centuries but wind up being slaves there, until God sends a guy named Moses to free them. Moses leads them out of egypt back to the promised land that would be theres, and does miracles like parting the red sea in two so that they can walk through it and escape the egyptians.

Then God gives them some laws including the 10 commandments on a mountain. Afterwords they go back to the promised land but are afraid to enter in because the land is full of evil people and giants. So God sends them back out to wander around in the wilderness for 40 years until they all die off except for their kids...then the kids come back to take the promised land. They conduct a big war and destroy the nations of giants and evil people, and now they own the land which they call Israel.

After a while God raises up a king for them called David and they build a big temple for God in their Capital called Jerusalem. However, after many centuries of kings, the nation of Israel becomes wicked so God sends the babylonians to capture them and destroy their temple and capital.

They spend 70 years in Babylon before a new king takes over and lets them return home, where they rebuild the temple.

Then there are a bunch of other books written by prophets, some minor stories of things that happened during this whole time, and a few books that are poetical or contain short sayings of wisdom.

Many of the prophets, especially one named Daniel, fortold of a coming king in the future. The old tetament then ends not long after they returned to rebuild the temple.

The New testament starts out with the birth of this great king that was fortold, who is also the son of God, named Jesus, and how he went around teaching and preaching truth and righteousness to the people of Israel. Jesus also had 12 followers called Disciples.

One of his discipes betrayed him to the leaders at that time, who didn't like what Jesus was preaching, and so they killed him by crucifying him on a cross. But on the third day after he died, he rose from the dead and ascended into Heaven, but he promised he would one day come back.

Meanwhile, his followers continued to preach the message of Jesus throughout the land. A guy named Paul didn't like this so he tried killing some of Jesus'es followers, but then Jesus appeared to him in a vision, so Paul became a follower of Jesus.

Then Paul preached the message of Jesus throughout the land, mostly in southern Europe, where non-jews lived, because the non-jews could now receive the good news of God's word as well.

Then Paul got arrested and was sent to Rome where he stayed in Prison. Paul and some of the other followers of Jesus wrote a number of books explaining and teaching the message of Jesus, and these are found in the new testament as well.

One of Jesus'es followers named John was made a prisoner by the Romans on an Island called patmos, and there he had a vision about the end of the world and the return of Jesus, and he wrote it all in the last book of the bible. And that's how the bible ends.

So, now you know whats in the bible...so, now, quit being lazy and go read it! :P

pope
Anonymous Coward
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11/10/2013 07:56 PM
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Re: A brief summary of the entire bible from start to finish...for those too lazy to read it.
john looks like Jesus.
Anonymous Coward (OP)
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11/11/2013 01:40 AM
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Re: A brief summary of the entire bible from start to finish...for those too lazy to read it.
bump
Anonymous Coward
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11/11/2013 01:46 AM
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Re: A brief summary of the entire bible from start to finish...for those too lazy to read it.
what about the part where Jesus invents the moon walk?
Anonymous Coward (OP)
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11/11/2013 01:51 AM
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Re: A brief summary of the entire bible from start to finish...for those too lazy to read it.
what about the part where Jesus invents the moon walk?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 49769022


What in God's name is the Anglican church teaching you brits these days???
Anonymous Coward
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11/11/2013 02:00 AM
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Re: A brief summary of the entire bible from start to finish...for those too lazy to read it.
what about the part where Jesus invents the moon walk?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 49769022


cruise
RandomS

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11/11/2013 02:01 AM

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Re: A brief summary of the entire bible from start to finish...for those too lazy to read it.
Someone's missing the point of the bible, which is not in anything you wrote above

sockpuppet
Is it time to have panic sex with a tomato plant yet?
Anonymous Coward
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11/11/2013 02:07 AM
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Re: A brief summary of the entire bible from start to finish...for those too lazy to read it.
Good summary however you missed the major point.

God exists, he attempted to guide a people to listen to him as an example to the world around them. Inevitabley they do not, start to finish, Ot to NT. The consequence of not listening to GOD is always the same result. Human misery. When human beings trust in them selves and not God Almighty, things go astray.

The OT is basically as summary of hebrews not listening to God, they are punished, repeatedly and exhorted by the prophets to change their ways, for the most part they do not. The jewish nation, and peoples pays a price for this.

The overall example is to humanity. Listen to God, follow his ways or pay a price, either personally or through the nation.
MHz

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11/11/2013 02:14 AM
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Re: A brief summary of the entire bible from start to finish...for those too lazy to read it.
Long (but decent) sermon, made me a little thirsty, know where I can get a drink of water? (Answer Re:21)

Last Edited by MHz on 11/11/2013 02:41 AM
lightchild_uk

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11/11/2013 02:17 AM
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Re: A brief summary of the entire bible from start to finish...for those too lazy to read it.
WOW that was really great OP.
That is the first time anyone has explained what the bible is about from start to finish.

People generally just post little snippits and unless you have read it all, it doesn't make sense.
A bit like if you have just seen just a few clips from a movie, that everyone has seen.

5* and a pin request.
Starstruck

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11/11/2013 02:28 AM
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Re: A brief summary of the entire bible from start to finish...for those too lazy to read it.
When you compare how vast the universe is to this story about the creation of earth and man. It just doesn't seem all that great and mighty. This story is a drama, and hey maybe a part time creator came and did all this. But according to this story it seems hes a bit of a control freak dont you think?

Edit?: nice job putting that altogether, its nice to see the big picture of what people believe.

Last Edited by Starstruck on 11/11/2013 02:30 AM
Flameworker

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11/11/2013 02:30 AM

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Re: A brief summary of the entire bible from start to finish...for those too lazy to read it.
THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!! jeesh
MORE FIRE!!!... and sling it while it's hot.!!
ass, gas, or grass, nobody rides for free.!

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