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Has anyone else here lost their partner to suicide?

 
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 50042377
United States
11/16/2013 02:03 AM
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Re: Has anyone else here lost their partner to suicide?
My God told me to let you know..................it
s ok.

I will pray for you and your partner, but please know it's ok.

Let all your guilt go.
Your partner had some sickness, but now he's free.

Please be happy and move forward.
All of us have a script to play out.
You have lots of things left to do.
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 50049172
New Zealand
11/16/2013 02:13 AM
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Re: Has anyone else here lost their partner to suicide?
My God told me to let you know..................it
s ok.

I will pray for you and your partner, but please know it's ok.

Let all your guilt go.
Your partner had some sickness, but now he's free.

Please be happy and move forward.
All of us have a script to play out.
You have lots of things left to do.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 50042377


Wow, thanks so much for your post, really.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 50042377
United States
11/16/2013 02:18 AM
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Re: Has anyone else here lost their partner to suicide?
My God told me to let you know..................it
s ok.

I will pray for you and your partner, but please know it's ok.

Let all your guilt go.
Your partner had some sickness, but now he's free.

Please be happy and move forward.
All of us have a script to play out.
You have lots of things left to do.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 50042377


Wow, thanks so much for your post, really.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 50049172


hugs
Lilac.Nights

User ID: 46502453
United States
11/16/2013 02:22 AM

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Re: Has anyone else here lost their partner to suicide?
I'm so sorry you are going through this.
I had a boyfriend that committed suicide after we have separated. His mom told me that I was on his mind the whole week before he did it.
Now I feel guilt not only pain for losing him.
It is difficult, but this s their choice and we should not forget that.
Something was making his life miserable and it is NOT YOU!
Do not take it personally !
fyn
Simple_Man

User ID: 15977994
United States
11/16/2013 03:36 AM

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Re: Has anyone else here lost their partner to suicide?
Can you remember his face,his mannerisms,the times you had together if you can then realize he hasn't gone anywhere he just no longer is available as flesh and blood.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 31894440


I think about him all the time, sometimes find myself laughing at a memory of what he did.

But he is gone, I don't feel him around me at all.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 50049172


As i have said, harden the fuck up
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 50050471


What a sad pathetic vile human being you are ... here's some excellent advice for you ....stop giving other people advice ...it quite obvious to everyone that your heart is filled with hate and that you live a miserable life
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 50049172
New Zealand
11/16/2013 04:40 AM
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Re: Has anyone else here lost their partner to suicide?
I'm so sorry you are going through this.
I had a boyfriend that committed suicide after we have separated. His mom told me that I was on his mind the whole week before he did it.
Now I feel guilt not only pain for losing him.
It is difficult, but this s their choice and we should not forget that.
Something was making his life miserable and it is NOT YOU!
Do not take it personally !
:fyn:
 Quoting: Lilac.Nights


Thankyou, and same back to you
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 50033841
United States
11/16/2013 04:49 AM
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Re: Has anyone else here lost their partner to suicide?
I think I am having serious mental health issues following the suicide of my loved partner of 3 years.

He took his life only a month ago, but for me the pain of losing him just gets worse as the days go by.

I have been unable to return to work, and concentrating on anything is very difficult.

Is there anyone here who has been through something similar? And how did you cope/ get through?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 50049172


Op, I lost a brother to an Overdoes, I mean we were bro's, not lover's, and it was a Drug overdoes, not suicide, lol.

But still it hurt pretty 20 year's of being best friend's, then go the next day.

The pain never really goes away, you just have to learn to cope with it. Me and him both had drug addiction's, then I got clean and had been clean for 2 year's, then he die's. I knew I had to continue on with my sobriety not only for myself now, but for him and his family as well.


Now if my girlfriend would have committed suicide, then the only advice I can give is ask someone else, I wouldn't be able to cope with that loss, I would be right there beside her. But then again, that's because we knew we were Soulmate's.


Do you feel as tho he was your 1 true soulmate, or just someone you loved a lot a lot?
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 50033841
United States
11/16/2013 05:00 AM
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Re: Has anyone else here lost their partner to suicide?
But still it hurt pretty bad, after 20**** EDIT...


I don't mean to sound brutal but...
People these day's get married to someone they love and can live the rest of their live's together happily.

But to find one's True Soul mate only happen's once, and for many it never happen at all.

If you are positive with no doubt in your mind that he was your soulmate,then you will feel like you do now everyday, if there is one single doubt in your mind that he wasn't your soulmate, then you will eventually start to cope with it as a normal loss

Best advice I can give, is to be around people 24/7 be it friend's, family or even complete stranger's. just be around people and occupy your mind.

Just now that you will ALWAYS have those memorie's and that NO ONE can ever take those from you!
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 50049172
New Zealand
11/16/2013 05:06 AM
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Re: Has anyone else here lost their partner to suicide?
But still it hurt pretty bad, after 20**** EDIT...


I don't mean to sound brutal but...
People these day's get married to someone they love and can live the rest of their live's together happily.

But to find one's True Soul mate only happen's once, and for many it never happen at all.

If you are positive with no doubt in your mind that he was your soulmate,then you will feel like you do now everyday, if there is one single doubt in your mind that he wasn't your soulmate, then you will eventually start to cope with it as a normal loss

Best advice I can give, is to be around people 24/7 be it friend's, family or even complete stranger's. just be around people and occupy your mind.

Just now that you will ALWAYS have those memorie's and that NO ONE can ever take those from you!
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 50033841


Yes he was my soulmate, he gave mea diamond ring....how long should I wear it for?
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 27598831
Canada
11/16/2013 05:18 AM
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Re: Has anyone else here lost their partner to suicide?
I'm going to try and fix this for you now.

Fuck a therapist and all that mental shit.

Let's get down to the facts.

He was uncomfortable to the point he wanted to suicide, must be pretty shitty feeling to feel that way to push a person that far.

He knew he would hurt others if he died but he stayed alive for others and gave.

If you love him you should be happy for him, he isn't suffering anymore, he's free from his nightmare, and believe me if someone goes as far as suicide they must be feeling terrible.

Don't blame yourself he was in a messed up spot, and he chose himself over living to suffer for others . its a fair choice, albeit a bit selfish we don't know what he was feeling.

He's long and gone. It sucks for you but its good for him. Cry and cry till you can't dear but look at all the sufferings in the world be grateful and look out for yourself.. Dont let this reality win what's left out of you.
You are not alone in trauma in life everyone goes thru it, be strong and see it for what it is, we live in hell, some can't handle it, its fine.

You are in a war . a spiritual war. Against this entire messed up place. Cry it all away but hope he's in a better place and know what's done is done. Now its you and a battle about positive and negative energy in your life. Breathe in the fire and just see the world through the millions that have suffered worse than you and take refuge in all the blessings as we watch the story of humanity in the most bizzare time unfold. So in reality he's not suffering anymore..are you sure its as terrible as youve been thinking?
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 41479959
United States
11/16/2013 05:22 AM
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Re: Has anyone else here lost their partner to suicide?
It sucks and there will always be the memories.

Find a way to laugh, while you are still here.

I found the best way to laugh, and to take your mind off of things for a bit is to adopt a kitten or puppy (or two). They find ways to amuse themselves and you that will keep you laughing for hours. Much better than television. Plus, you will have to take care of yourself so you can take care of them.

Best of luck, OP. Some things just don't seem to make sense.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 17569686
United Kingdom
11/16/2013 05:37 AM
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Re: Has anyone else here lost their partner to suicide?
but for me the pain of losing him just gets worse as the days go by.

 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 50049172


I think the above is the nub of your problem. You are focusing too much on yourself.

Your partners pain has gone, try to use that as a comfort. Dwelling on the "what ifs", the "whys and wherefores" and regrets will not help you. Try coming to terms with the loss, feeling sad is fine, but dwelling on yourself will only cause further unnecessary pain.

Live life one days at a time, avoid mapping out your future. None of us have a clue what's round the next corner.

Find peace with yourself using friends, music, work... Whatever feels right. Life goes on for us in this reality.

Good luck.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 50062119
New Zealand
11/16/2013 08:08 AM
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Re: Has anyone else here lost their partner to suicide?
I'm going to try and fix this for you now.

Fuck a therapist and all that mental shit.

Let's get down to the facts.

He was uncomfortable to the point he wanted to suicide, must be pretty shitty feeling to feel that way to push a person that far.

He knew he would hurt others if he died but he stayed alive for others and gave.

If you love him you should be happy for him, he isn't suffering anymore, he's free from his nightmare, and believe me if someone goes as far as suicide they must be feeling terrible.

Don't blame yourself he was in a messed up spot, and he chose himself over living to suffer for others . its a fair choice, albeit a bit selfish we don't know what he was feeling.

He's long and gone. It sucks for you but its good for him. Cry and cry till you can't dear but look at all the sufferings in the world be grateful and look out for yourself.. Dont let this reality win what's left out of you.
You are not alone in trauma in life everyone goes thru it, be strong and see it for what it is, we live in hell, some can't handle it, its fine.

You are in a war . a spiritual war. Against this entire messed up place. Cry it all away but hope he's in a better place and know what's done is done. Now its you and a battle about positive and negative energy in your life. Breathe in the fire and just see the world through the millions that have suffered worse than you and take refuge in all the blessings as we watch the story of humanity in the most bizzare time unfold. So in reality he's not suffering anymore..are you sure its as terrible as youve been thinking?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 27598831


Wow, thankyou for a new perspective on things.

In the first few days after he died I did kind of zone out...as in I don't really remember much....

Then that Phillipine tornado hit and it was an easy escape to realise that so many more people were/are suffering
Demon Range

User ID: 49800185
United Kingdom
11/16/2013 08:13 AM

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Re: Has anyone else here lost their partner to suicide?
Im not trying to be rude, but is there no hope in finding another partner to share your love with or no?
1/1/2012
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 50062119
New Zealand
11/16/2013 08:21 AM
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Re: Has anyone else here lost their partner to suicide?
A big Thankyou to all that have replied here, I fell asleep at the computer and just awoke to find many of the latest replies are so true and valid to me right now.

Many thanks to those who are sharing good thoughts.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 49490990
United States
11/16/2013 08:24 AM
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Re: Has anyone else here lost their partner to suicide?
Attend a suicide awareness group. Talk to others who have experienced loss.

And I know you will read this but it won't ease the pain... But it was never your fault.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1259888


Yes, a group might be good for me, rather than one on one counselling. It's actually very hard not to feel some kind of responsibility for what happened, but I appreciate your kind words.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 50049172


So you need to get over your guilt. See a support group.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 50062119
New Zealand
11/16/2013 08:32 AM
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Re: Has anyone else here lost their partner to suicide?
Attend a suicide awareness group. Talk to others who have experienced loss.

And I know you will read this but it won't ease the pain... But it was never your fault.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1259888


Yes, a group might be good for me, rather than one on one counselling. It's actually very hard not to feel some kind of responsibility for what happened, but I appreciate your kind words.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 50049172


So you need to get over your guilt. See a support group.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 49490990


Yes, yes you're right.

Goodnight everyone, it's 2.30 in .the morning here in NZ...I'm off to my bed
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 50009274
Spain
11/16/2013 08:51 AM
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Re: Has anyone else here lost their partner to suicide?
Not a partner but several friends. growing up we were a very big group of friends/teenagers, great times , great kids and friends but several died of suicide and others tragically. They live in all our memories. We were an absolutely huge and wonderful epic group of close nit friends, real friends.No egos ..in such a short time everything has changed so much its shocking.

We had a wonderful time together

In memory of all of them that left in a hurry..especially for Mike hugs the most gorgeous guy inside and outside rose

Died on New Years Eve..very tough to remember
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 50009274
Spain
11/16/2013 08:54 AM
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Re: Has anyone else here lost their partner to suicide?
Not a partner but several friends. growing up we were a very big group of friends/teenagers, great times , great kids and friends but several died of suicide and others tragically. They live in all our memories. We were an absolutely huge and wonderful epic group of close nit friends, real friends.No egos ..in such a short time everything has changed so much its shocking.

We had a wonderful time together

In memory of all of them that left in a hurry..especially for Mike hugs the most gorgeous guy inside and outside rose

Died on New Years Eve..very tough to remember
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 50009274


Any one the guys read this you probably guess who I amhi

Miss you all hugs
MHz

User ID: 47704496
Canada
11/16/2013 08:57 AM
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Re: Has anyone else here lost their partner to suicide?
Yeah, I might have to go and see a counsellor/therapist or someone qualified.

I'm usually such an independent woman,I can't stand the thought of sharing my innermost feelings with some twerp who has gotten all of their 'education' out of books instead of actually having experienced something like this in real life.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 50049172

A certain amount of grief is to be expected with any such loss. Suicide seems to have a part that goes past that as it is a death that would seem to have an action by somebody (very close)would have averted it and that opportunity is forever gone. The base may or may not have any merit but lets say the action was negligent only if the action was a known probability.

The cure, for trauma like that there is no full recovery and to be quite truthful you would feel even worse if you could forget about them to any great degree, one of the conditions of love that just is. Your desire to have helped them if you had would be a great motivator to get as much info as you can and work suicide prevention hot-lines or something along that line.

Console yourself that where they have gone is someplace you will also be going at some point (hopefully at the end of healthy old age)
MHz

User ID: 47704496
Canada
11/16/2013 09:02 AM
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Re: Has anyone else here lost their partner to suicide?
Im not trying to be rude, but is there no hope in finding another partner to share your love with or no?
 Quoting: Demon Range

In some cases there may be an obstacle where that is left alone as the ability to 'protect them' doesn't seem to have worked very well for the last one they loved. Some things aren't worth repeating.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 50062755
India
11/16/2013 09:12 AM
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Re: Has anyone else here lost their partner to suicide?
I'm so sorry you are going through this.
I had a boyfriend that committed suicide after we have separated. His mom told me that I was on his mind the whole week before he did it.
Now I feel guilt not only pain for losing him.
It is difficult, but this s their choice and we should not forget that.
Something was making his life miserable and it is NOT YOU!
Do not take it personally !
:fyn:
 Quoting: Lilac.Nights


Thankyou, and same back to you
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 50049172


saddest thread ever
cant give any advice but meditation helps
MHz

User ID: 47704496
Canada
11/16/2013 09:16 AM
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Re: Has anyone else here lost their partner to suicide?
saddest thread ever
cant give any advice but meditation helps
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 50062755

I'll take 2 and it doesn't even matter what they are. I knew there was a reason I didn't want to click on this thread and I'm just a reader.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 50095046
New Zealand
11/17/2013 07:15 PM
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Re: Has anyone else here lost their partner to suicide?
saddest thread ever
cant give any advice but meditation helps
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 50062755

I'll take 2 and it doesn't even matter what they are. I knew there was a reason I didn't want to click on this thread and I'm just a reader.
 Quoting: MHz


He said meditation, not medication...that was a bit funny.

For the evening crew, any advice for me?

The replies I have had so far have been (mostly) awesome and useful.

But I still need positive input please.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 50095046
New Zealand
11/17/2013 07:52 PM
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Re: Has anyone else here lost their partner to suicide?
bump
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 14385938
United States
11/17/2013 07:59 PM
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Re: Has anyone else here lost their partner to suicide?
My best friend of 18 years killed herself. I was the last phone call (of significance) that she made. I could not talk her out of it.

That was the hardest thing.


I think it was hardest 3 years later. The shock wore off and the reality set in. And I was left with the absence.

It was a help to me that I had to help her daughter through it all. I felt like I had something that I had to do and that was a help. Otherwise, it is just bone numbing.

You will get through it. But there is no getting through it without significant pain, I am sorry to say.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 14385938
United States
11/17/2013 08:11 PM
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Re: Has anyone else here lost their partner to suicide?
I have to tell you that there is a process that no one talks about, really. And that is in teasing out your responsibility in the matter.

Only you can do that, and no one else on this world knows. You alone must come to grips with what you could have, should have, wish you had.. done. What you wish you hadn't done. Where you failed and where you could not have done anything different.

This is not what most people will tell you, and this is why you know in your heart you have such reason to feel so bad.

There is a matter of control. You had some in some places, and none or not enough in others. It is a process of separating out that responsibility in all those interactions that you are now questioning.

This is no quick process. So many years later and I still do it. Some faults you must accept. Some you must disregard.
The most simple things can be such a heavy weight, one word, one unreturned phone call, a disregarded errand. Only you know.

I have made my peace, mostly. It is over a decade later. You will grow and learn. And I am so sorry.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 50095046
New Zealand
11/17/2013 08:15 PM
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Re: Has anyone else here lost their partner to suicide?
My best friend of 18 years killed herself. I was the last phone call (of significance) that she made. I could not talk her out of it.

That was the hardest thing.


I think it was hardest 3 years later. The shock wore off and the reality set in. And I was left with the absence.

It was a help to me that I had to help her daughter through it all. I felt like I had something that I had to do and that was a help. Otherwise, it is just bone numbing.

You will get through it. But there is no getting through it without significant pain, I am sorry to say.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 14385938


Yeah, so sorry for your loss, I totally hear you, and how great is it that you went to care for her daughter.

Thankyou so much for your post
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 50095046
New Zealand
11/17/2013 08:22 PM
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Re: Has anyone else here lost their partner to suicide?
I have to tell you that there is a process that no one talks about, really. And that is in teasing out your responsibility in the matter.

Only you can do that, and no one else on this world knows. You alone must come to grips with what you could have, should have, wish you had.. done. What you wish you hadn't done. Where you failed and where you could not have done anything different.

This is not what most people will tell you, and this is why you know in your heart you have such reason to feel so bad.

There is a matter of control. You had some in some places, and none or not enough in others. It is a process of separating out that responsibility in all those interactions that you are now questioning.

This is no quick process. So many years later and I still do it. Some faults you must accept. Some you must disregard.
The most simple things can be such a heavy weight, one word, one unreturned phone call, a disregarded errand. Only you know.

I have made my peace, mostly. It is over a decade later. You will grow and learn. And I am so sorry.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 14385938


Thank you for this, I think I'm on the same page, yet still way down the track, I'm sorry for your loss.

Thanks for your post. wow
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 50074648
United States
11/17/2013 08:52 PM
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Re: Has anyone else here lost their partner to suicide?
I am sorry OP. Please surround yourself with good friends and family. This will help some. If you can't sleep, call your doctor. You will find help to sleep. It will take time to recover. I wish you peace and much love. I will say a prayer for you. Know there are good people here to listen.

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