Godlike Productions - Conspiracy Forum
Users Online Now: 2,518 (Who's On?)Visitors Today: 734,872
Pageviews Today: 1,087,667Threads Today: 289Posts Today: 6,457
10:08 AM


Rate this Thread

Absolute BS Crap Reasonable Nice Amazing
 

Has anyone else here lost their partner to suicide?

 
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 50138054
United States
11/17/2013 08:53 PM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: Has anyone else here lost their partner to suicide?
hf
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 50078514
United States
11/17/2013 09:13 PM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: Has anyone else here lost their partner to suicide?
Hi OP. I live in the US, my partner lives in the Philippines. I have had so many online times where he threatened to kill himself.....so far he has not actually done it. It is very hard to be involved with someone who is like this. I will post more later, but I truly feel for you when you have actually had to go thru it and the other person commits a suicide. If they say they will do it, no amount of force or co-erosion is going to inevitably stop them. He lives in a low income country and I am low income here. Mental illness, spiritual issues, there is so much. i am certainly not God and cant stop a person, but I have done my best. It is very hard.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 50137769
United Kingdom
11/17/2013 09:22 PM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: Has anyone else here lost their partner to suicide?
I think I am having serious mental health issues following the suicide of my loved partner of 3 years.

He took his life only a month ago, but for me the pain of losing him just gets worse as the days go by.

I have been unable to return to work, and concentrating on anything is very difficult.

Is there anyone here who has been through something similar? And how did you cope/ get through?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 50049172


Yes this happened to me and my kids 21 years ago.

She had bipolar depression and one night decided it was all to much.

I will say to you its early days, as the reality sinks in it will feel worse but don't give up.

Also don't think bad of yourself for feeling angry with him as this is also part of the healing process, not often but I still get feelings of anger now when I think about how she could just leave me and the children and do it in front of them.

As time goes' by it does get better I promise, but it is a slow process.
The Twin

User ID: 28172917
United States
11/17/2013 09:27 PM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: Has anyone else here lost their partner to suicide?
I lost my twin sister to suicide. 34 hears with her and I can't say that I let her death consume me. Am I sad? Of course. But life goes on. Suck it up.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 38587077
United States
11/17/2013 09:33 PM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: Has anyone else here lost their partner to suicide?
Can you remember his face,his mannerisms,the times you had together if you can then realize he hasn't gone anywhere he just no longer is available as flesh and blood.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 31894440


I think about him all the time, sometimes find myself laughing at a memory of what he did.

But he is gone, I don't feel him around me at all.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 50049172

Been through something similar. If you don't keep busy then you will sit around obsessing over it and that is the very worse thing you can do. Keep busy.


.
MHz

User ID: 47704496
Canada
11/17/2013 10:02 PM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: Has anyone else here lost their partner to suicide?
He said meditation, not medication...that was a bit funny.

For the evening crew, any advice for me?

The replies I have had so far have been (mostly) awesome and useful.

But I still need positive input please.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 50095046

Oops, don't know what it is about threads like this but my vision seems to go in and out of focus.

.... I'll still take two.
~T~

User ID: 7623987
New Zealand
11/17/2013 10:39 PM

Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: Has anyone else here lost their partner to suicide?
I think I am having serious mental health issues following the suicide of my loved partner of 3 years.

He took his life only a month ago, but for me the pain of losing him just gets worse as the days go by.

I have been unable to return to work, and concentrating on anything is very difficult.

Is there anyone here who has been through something similar? And how did you cope/ get through?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 50049172


hiya OP

I want to say that how you are feeling is very normal in your situation, given that your partner only died one month ago.

Your loss is extremely recent, and you have a process of grief to go through yet.

When someone you love dearly dies, you feel numb at first, then you go through lots of different stages of grief, and each stage needs to be recognised and acknowledged and worked through.

I know that suicide is usually much harder to come to terms with, than other deaths, because of all the feelings of guilt and responsibility that the partner who is left behind has to deal with.

I have a cool little book that i was given many years ago, when my dad died. It is callled "Good Grief" by Granger. G. Westberg. i don't know if it is still available, but if not, there would be other similar books that are available.

Each chapter in this book explains a stage in the grief process:

Stage 1; We are in a state of shock.

Stage 2; We express emotion

Stage 3; We feel depressed and very lonely

Stage 4; We may experience physical symptoms of distress

Stage 5; We may become panicky

Stage 6; We feel a sense of guilt about the loss

Stage 7; We are filled with hostility and resentment

Stage 8; Weunable to return to usual activities

Stage 9; Gradually hope comes through

Stage 10; We struggle to readjust to reality

"These stages are the normal process through which most people must go as they face up to their loss."
"But every person does not necessarily go through all these stages, nor does a person necessarily go through them in this order."

Do you live near a library, because if you could handle doing some reading, i bet there would be some good books there, about loss/grief, and in particular, loss of a loved one through suicide.

Just remember it is extremely early days for you, and it is normal to feel the way you do right now.

Lots of love xxx
The truth will set us free
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 48740016
United States
11/17/2013 11:28 PM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: Has anyone else here lost their partner to suicide?
Counseling is good. I found a gal who was real and who only charged 25 dollars each month, that is all I had so I went once a month . She helped tremendously. Specialized in adults abused as children, all issues were tied together.
I made it about 8 weeks on my own, no one cared, had to find a counselor, I highly recommend it.
I've lost 2 people, my DH 1.
It will get better. Give yourself a year.
cookie lady

User ID: 50154890
United States
11/17/2013 11:37 PM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: Has anyone else here lost their partner to suicide?
You are grieving, grief can be devastating

When you lose a partner or spouse it is a level of grief is very deep.

I recommend you find a grief counselor or a young widows and widowers or suicide survivors group in your area. Having some one to talk to who just listens and doesn't try to help or tell you it will get better is great but knowing that you are not alone in your grief is really amazing. In group you don't feel like a freak. We had people whose spouses/ partners had committed suicide.

When my husband died suddenly 10 years ago I did both. I wasn't a stranger to death but I was a novice at profound grief. The therapist and the group helped me get through the dark periods in a way friends and family can't.

Hugs and prayers
DawaSatso
DawaSatso

User ID: 47348908
United States
11/17/2013 11:51 PM

Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: Has anyone else here lost their partner to suicide?
I think I am having serious mental health issues following the suicide of my loved partner of 3 years.

He took his life only a month ago, but for me the pain of losing him just gets worse as the days go by.

I have been unable to return to work, and concentrating on anything is very difficult.

Is there anyone here who has been through something similar? And how did you cope/ get through?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 50049172

Here, OP :( Watch this raw and honest vid from Patriotnurse who also lost her man, no they weren't married yet, but still qualifies herself as a widow and that sounds right.
Maybe you could email her too for some sharing of your experiences. For her it's been 1 1/2 years. I know that circumstances are different between you, but you know that really doesn't matter so much when it comes to grieving .. she is a lovely person as I'm certain you must be as well.
hugs
DawaSatso
DawaSatso

User ID: 47348908
United States
11/18/2013 12:00 AM

Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: Has anyone else here lost their partner to suicide?
Can you remember his face,his mannerisms,the times you had together if you can then realize he hasn't gone anywhere he just no longer is available as flesh and blood.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 31894440


I think about him all the time, sometimes find myself laughing at a memory of what he did.

But he is gone, I don't feel him around me at all.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 50049172


As i have said, harden the fuck up
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 50050471


you have a lot of life lessons to learn if your advice is to "harden the fuck up"
 Quoting: Starstruck

Only someone who has never grieved a loved one would say something like that. He'll change his tune when it happens to him in any form..maybe then there will be some compassion and depth to his presently juvenile soul.
huffy
DawaSatso
DawaSatso

User ID: 47348908
United States
11/18/2013 12:04 AM

Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: Has anyone else here lost their partner to suicide?
I lost my twin sister to suicide. 34 hears with her and I can't say that I let her death consume me. Am I sad? Of course. But life goes on. Suck it up.
 Quoting: The Twin


Too much quelled sibling rivalry and a bit of survivor's pride. Watch out.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 44492876
United States
11/18/2013 12:49 AM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: Has anyone else here lost their partner to suicide?
Wow, sweetie, you've got a triple whammy going there:

1) Death of loved one

2) Loss of relationship

3) Motivation for the suicide is a mystery--there were no signs, and apparently he didn't leave a note or you would have said.

First, IGNORE the haters on this thread. Wow--talk about miserable people who have nothing to do but be mean to grieving people--THEY need therapy.

Second, which sounds easy but will actually be hard to sustain: Tell yourself "I am going to be okay." You will doubt this some days, so I would suggest making it a ritual, like with your first cup of coffee or when you drive home from work. You need your friends/fam to tell you that you are going to be okay, but they will forget to tell you or get busy again or figure you already know or are over it long before you are. YOU ARE GOING TO BE OKAY.
Just say it. You will believe it in time.

Third, consider that you might regress a bit while trying to adjust to this unusual experience. If you begin having trouble with self-care--eating, grooming, sleeping--get someone to stay with you if you live alone. Maybe a niece or grad student would like free rent for a bit. Living alone, it will take a lot longer for new voices to replace the old in the atmosphere of your dwelling place. Having a busy person around you will show you that life goes on instead of you just having to accept people telling you that it does. Hope that makes sense. (But DON'T let a low-energy person in--that will keep you down).

Fourth, don't set yourself up to fail by thinking you have to have this grieving done in a year or three or ever. Heck, most of us miss our deceased dogs decades later, even though we've owned a few more dogs since then. The memories will be fond. Be glad for that (see #5).

Fifth, regarding the fact that he did not prepare you for this sudden single-dom. I would say wear the diamond until you are ready to date; don't date until you are ready to put the ring away. Don't force it. Be aware that your boyfriend-picker will not be working in your best interest for a while. It has to be recalibrated first. Making a scrapbook of your photos, event ticket stubs, things like that would be a good act of closure. During this activity, you could cultivate an attitude of gratitude for the time you had together.

Sixth, about the reason for the suicide. It is a reason that is between him and the Lord. Don't pry--it will make you crazy guessing wrong over and over and over again. Sure, maybe he had a mental illness or horrible secret or sudden impulse or a combination of these plus other things--you see? That puzzle is like a Rubik's cube. There is no magic key that will pull it all together for you. Because one question will lead to another, so ask the more productive questions: What doors does this close for me (maybe a hobby you shared that you don't want to do without him)? What doors does it open (maybe a move you wouldn't have made with him)? Consider your options, but don't spend all your time stuck between stop and go. Take baby steps--you love to read but the library wasn't his bag? Spend one evening a week at the library.

An ex-boss of mine that I really admired committed suicide; he was a very successful and seemingly well-adjusted man--he did it soon after receiving a cancer diagnosis. I'm sure he saw himself as being "practical." He was not a tortured soul. But it was rumored he was also getting caught out in an affair; if so, then also he couldn't face the loss of reputation and potential divorce. There are as many reasons for suicide as there are for murder. People should not make assumptions about other people's "state of mind." It just makes you feel guilty, and that is not necessary. You didn't do it (unless you bullied him until he snapped, in which case you would not be the type of person to suffer over his death, let alone post here).

God will use this time in your life to prepare you for the next chapter. YOU ARE GOING TO BE OKAY.
~T~

User ID: 10404838
New Zealand
11/18/2013 01:04 AM

Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: Has anyone else here lost their partner to suicide?
Wow, sweetie, you've got a triple whammy going there:

1) Death of loved one

2) Loss of relationship

3) Motivation for the suicide is a mystery--there were no signs, and apparently he didn't leave a note or you would have said.

First, IGNORE the haters on this thread. Wow--talk about miserable people who have nothing to do but be mean to grieving people--THEY need therapy.

Second, which sounds easy but will actually be hard to sustain: Tell yourself "I am going to be okay." You will doubt this some days, so I would suggest making it a ritual, like with your first cup of coffee or when you drive home from work. You need your friends/fam to tell you that you are going to be okay, but they will forget to tell you or get busy again or figure you already know or are over it long before you are. YOU ARE GOING TO BE OKAY.
Just say it. You will believe it in time.

Third, consider that you might regress a bit while trying to adjust to this unusual experience. If you begin having trouble with self-care--eating, grooming, sleeping--get someone to stay with you if you live alone. Maybe a niece or grad student would like free rent for a bit. Living alone, it will take a lot longer for new voices to replace the old in the atmosphere of your dwelling place. Having a busy person around you will show you that life goes on instead of you just having to accept people telling you that it does. Hope that makes sense. (But DON'T let a low-energy person in--that will keep you down).

Fourth, don't set yourself up to fail by thinking you have to have this grieving done in a year or three or ever. Heck, most of us miss our deceased dogs decades later, even though we've owned a few more dogs since then. The memories will be fond. Be glad for that (see #5).

Fifth, regarding the fact that he did not prepare you for this sudden single-dom. I would say wear the diamond until you are ready to date; don't date until you are ready to put the ring away. Don't force it. Be aware that your boyfriend-picker will not be working in your best interest for a while. It has to be recalibrated first. Making a scrapbook of your photos, event ticket stubs, things like that would be a good act of closure. During this activity, you could cultivate an attitude of gratitude for the time you had together.

Sixth, about the reason for the suicide. It is a reason that is between him and the Lord. Don't pry--it will make you crazy guessing wrong over and over and over again. Sure, maybe he had a mental illness or horrible secret or sudden impulse or a combination of these plus other things--you see? That puzzle is like a Rubik's cube. There is no magic key that will pull it all together for you. Because one question will lead to another, so ask the more productive questions: What doors does this close for me (maybe a hobby you shared that you don't want to do without him)? What doors does it open (maybe a move you wouldn't have made with him)? Consider your options, but don't spend all your time stuck between stop and go. Take baby steps--you love to read but the library wasn't his bag? Spend one evening a week at the library.

An ex-boss of mine that I really admired committed suicide; he was a very successful and seemingly well-adjusted man--he did it soon after receiving a cancer diagnosis. I'm sure he saw himself as being "practical." He was not a tortured soul. But it was rumored he was also getting caught out in an affair; if so, then also he couldn't face the loss of reputation and potential divorce. There are as many reasons for suicide as there are for murder. People should not make assumptions about other people's "state of mind." It just makes you feel guilty, and that is not necessary. You didn't do it (unless you bullied him until he snapped, in which case you would not be the type of person to suffer over his death, let alone post here).

God will use this time in your life to prepare you for the next chapter. YOU ARE GOING TO BE OKAY.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 44492876


Yes keep wearing your ring, just like this poster says.
The truth will set us free
Kirk

User ID: 49863729
United States
11/18/2013 01:09 AM

Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: Has anyone else here lost their partner to suicide?
He made the decision that he wanted to see God via the early bird special.

Now take care of yourself.
 Quoting: WhatsItAllAbout Alfie


He didn't believe in God, and it was too early, he was only 45.

Trying to take care of myself now, but very difficult.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 50049172


things are what they are, belief does not affect what is.
Suicide is a bad solution.

I have lost many loved ones. It doesn't get easier. Perhaps it does remind us how precious life is.
Worry is a misuse of the imagination.
Kirk

User ID: 49863729
United States
11/18/2013 01:17 AM

Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: Has anyone else here lost their partner to suicide?
Wow, sweetie, you've got a triple whammy going there:

1) Death of loved one

2) Loss of relationship

3) Motivation for the suicide is a mystery--there were no signs, and apparently he didn't leave a note or you would have said.

First, IGNORE the haters on this thread. Wow--talk about miserable people who have nothing to do but be mean to grieving people--THEY need therapy.

Second, which sounds easy but will actually be hard to sustain: Tell yourself "I am going to be okay." You will doubt this some days, so I would suggest making it a ritual, like with your first cup of coffee or when you drive home from work. You need your friends/fam to tell you that you are going to be okay, but they will forget to tell you or get busy again or figure you already know or are over it long before you are. YOU ARE GOING TO BE OKAY.
Just say it. You will believe it in time.

Third, consider that you might regress a bit while trying to adjust to this unusual experience. If you begin having trouble with self-care--eating, grooming, sleeping--get someone to stay with you if you live alone. Maybe a niece or grad student would like free rent for a bit. Living alone, it will take a lot longer for new voices to replace the old in the atmosphere of your dwelling place. Having a busy person around you will show you that life goes on instead of you just having to accept people telling you that it does. Hope that makes sense. (But DON'T let a low-energy person in--that will keep you down).

Fourth, don't set yourself up to fail by thinking you have to have this grieving done in a year or three or ever. Heck, most of us miss our deceased dogs decades later, even though we've owned a few more dogs since then. The memories will be fond. Be glad for that (see #5).

Fifth, regarding the fact that he did not prepare you for this sudden single-dom. I would say wear the diamond until you are ready to date; don't date until you are ready to put the ring away. Don't force it. Be aware that your boyfriend-picker will not be working in your best interest for a while. It has to be recalibrated first. Making a scrapbook of your photos, event ticket stubs, things like that would be a good act of closure. During this activity, you could cultivate an attitude of gratitude for the time you had together.

Sixth, about the reason for the suicide. It is a reason that is between him and the Lord. Don't pry--it will make you crazy guessing wrong over and over and over again. Sure, maybe he had a mental illness or horrible secret or sudden impulse or a combination of these plus other things--you see? That puzzle is like a Rubik's cube. There is no magic key that will pull it all together for you. Because one question will lead to another, so ask the more productive questions: What doors does this close for me (maybe a hobby you shared that you don't want to do without him)? What doors does it open (maybe a move you wouldn't have made with him)? Consider your options, but don't spend all your time stuck between stop and go. Take baby steps--you love to read but the library wasn't his bag? Spend one evening a week at the library.

An ex-boss of mine that I really admired committed suicide; he was a very successful and seemingly well-adjusted man--he did it soon after receiving a cancer diagnosis. I'm sure he saw himself as being "practical." He was not a tortured soul. But it was rumored he was also getting caught out in an affair; if so, then also he couldn't face the loss of reputation and potential divorce. There are as many reasons for suicide as there are for murder. People should not make assumptions about other people's "state of mind." It just makes you feel guilty, and that is not necessary. You didn't do it (unless you bullied him until he snapped, in which case you would not be the type of person to suffer over his death, let alone post here).

God will use this time in your life to prepare you for the next chapter. YOU ARE GOING TO BE OKAY.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 44492876


you said it ten times better than I could.
Worry is a misuse of the imagination.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 50076276
United States
11/18/2013 01:21 AM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: Has anyone else here lost their partner to suicide?
I think I am having serious mental health issues following the suicide of my loved partner of 3 years.

He took his life only a month ago, but for me the pain of losing him just gets worse as the days go by.

I have been unable to return to work, and concentrating on anything is very difficult.

Is there anyone here who has been through something similar? And how did you cope/ get through?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 50049172


sounds like you are a faggot OP (literally). The Bible commands we kill you. You can come over to my churches compound and we will kill you for free so you can go fuck your fag boyfriend up the ass in eternal hellfire.

hf

gaythread2
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 50076276
artemis133

User ID: 47117637
United States
11/18/2013 02:14 AM

Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: Has anyone else here lost their partner to suicide?
So sorry for your loss. hf

Time will pass, and you will find your way out of the abyss.

rose
Crazy cat lady in training...
CobainPain
User ID: 50145831
United Kingdom
11/18/2013 04:22 AM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: Has anyone else here lost their partner to suicide?
I'm so sorry for your loss. I' in a similar situation to your partner. I've had my life turned upside down through emergency surgery and an ongoing chronic illness. I've become such a burden to my family I could only see suicide as the the way out.

Fortunately I somehow found the strength to carry on, and you will too. I found a couple of books really helped me, one being 'Gamma Healing', the other called 'Mind Over Mood'. I can totally understand your partner's situation but it's important to remember that it isn't your fault and I'm sure he genuinely felt he was doing the right thing, it's almost impossible to see things clearly when you're shrouded in depression.

Thing's will get better, slowly. The key is to not look too far back, or too far forward. Set yourself small goals for each day and live for the moment.

I can barely imagine the pain you must feel but you will come out the other side a stronger person. Sending you all my thoughts and love.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 40655259
United States
11/18/2013 04:26 AM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: Has anyone else here lost their partner to suicide?
You fight.
You take up the cause.
What for, you decide.
Because I'm selfish, I'm going to suggest fighting against whatever they were struggling with.

Personally I'm not the mental-health type, I think drugs and brainwashing is a bad thing, so I'd fight against specifically whatever it was they had issues with.

- unfairness
- lack of justice
- lack of an open society
- bullying
- past abuse
- boredom
- etc.
CobainPain
User ID: 50145831
United Kingdom
11/18/2013 04:34 AM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: Has anyone else here lost their partner to suicide?
I'm so sorry for your loss. I' in a similar situation to your partner. I've had my life turned upside down through emergency surgery and an ongoing chronic illness. I've become such a burden to my family I could only see suicide as the the way out.

Fortunately I somehow found the strength to carry on, and you will too. I found a couple of books really helped me, one being 'Gamma Healing', the other called 'Mind Over Mood'. I can totally understand your partner's situation but it's important to remember that it isn't your fault and I'm sure he genuinely felt he was doing the right thing, it's almost impossible to see things clearly when you're shrouded in depression.

Thing's will get better, slowly. The key is to not look too far back, or too far forward. Set yourself small goals for each day and live for the moment.

I can barely imagine the pain you must feel but you will come out the other side a stronger person. Sending you all my thoughts and love.
 Quoting: CobainPain 50145831


I forgot to add that meditation helped me a lot, the more you practice meditation the more you are able to seperate and control your thoughts. With practice you will learn how to filter the negative.

I see depression as a terminal illness just like cancer, it can be cured but it's a long, tough battle and sadly not everybody can make that journey. You can sink so far into negative thought that suicide appears the only way out. Please don't blame him for it and learn to live with the fact it is a tragic side effect of suffering of depression and he is now free of the pain and burden that made life so difficult for him. This is not your fault. Sometime's no amount of talking or soul searching can save someone, you cannot blame yourself for any part of his decision.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 43990297
New Zealand
11/18/2013 06:04 AM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: Has anyone else here lost their partner to suicide?
Wow, sweetie, you've got a triple whammy going there:

1) Death of loved one

2) Loss of relationship

3) Motivation for the suicide is a mystery--there were no signs, and apparently he didn't leave a note or you would have said.

First, IGNORE the haters on this thread. Wow--talk about miserable people who have nothing to do but be mean to grieving people--THEY need therapy.

Second, which sounds easy but will actually be hard to sustain: Tell yourself "I am going to be okay." You will doubt this some days, so I would suggest making it a ritual, like with your first cup of coffee or when you drive home from work. You need your friends/fam to tell you that you are going to be okay, but they will forget to tell you or get busy again or figure you already know or are over it long before you are. YOU ARE GOING TO BE OKAY.
Just say it. You will believe it in time.

Third, consider that you might regress a bit while trying to adjust to this unusual experience. If you begin having trouble with self-care--eating, grooming, sleeping--get someone to stay with you if you live alone. Maybe a niece or grad student would like free rent for a bit. Living alone, it will take a lot longer for new voices to replace the old in the atmosphere of your dwelling place. Having a busy person around you will show you that life goes on instead of you just having to accept people telling you that it does. Hope that makes sense. (But DON'T let a low-energy person in--that will keep you down).

Fourth, don't set yourself up to fail by thinking you have to have this grieving done in a year or three or ever. Heck, most of us miss our deceased dogs decades later, even though we've owned a few more dogs since then. The memories will be fond. Be glad for that (see #5).

Fifth, regarding the fact that he did not prepare you for this sudden single-dom. I would say wear the diamond until you are ready to date; don't date until you are ready to put the ring away. Don't force it. Be aware that your boyfriend-picker will not be working in your best interest for a while. It has to be recalibrated first. Making a scrapbook of your photos, event ticket stubs, things like that would be a good act of closure. During this activity, you could cultivate an attitude of gratitude for the time you had together.

Sixth, about the reason for the suicide. It is a reason that is between him and the Lord. Don't pry--it will make you crazy guessing wrong over and over and over again. Sure, maybe he had a mental illness or horrible secret or sudden impulse or a combination of these plus other things--you see? That puzzle is like a Rubik's cube. There is no magic key that will pull it all together for you. Because one question will lead to another, so ask the more productive questions: What doors does this close for me (maybe a hobby you shared that you don't want to do without him)? What doors does it open (maybe a move you wouldn't have made with him)? Consider your options, but don't spend all your time stuck between stop and go. Take baby steps--you love to read but the library wasn't his bag? Spend one evening a week at the library.

An ex-boss of mine that I really admired committed suicide; he was a very successful and seemingly well-adjusted man--he did it soon after receiving a cancer diagnosis. I'm sure he saw himself as being "practical." He was not a tortured soul. But it was rumored he was also getting caught out in an affair; if so, then also he couldn't face the loss of reputation and potential divorce. There are as many reasons for suicide as there are for murder. People should not make assumptions about other people's "state of mind." It just makes you feel guilty, and that is not necessary. You didn't do it (unless you bullied him until he snapped, in which case you would not be the type of person to suffer over his death, let alone post here).

God will use this time in your life to prepare you for the next chapter. YOU ARE GOING TO BE OKAY.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 44492876


This reply is amazing, thank you so so much, you are such a fantastic person for taking the time to post this. My faith in America has been restored....
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 43990297
New Zealand
11/18/2013 06:10 AM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: Has anyone else here lost their partner to suicide?
I'm so sorry for your loss. I' in a similar situation to your partner. I've had my life turned upside down through emergency surgery and an ongoing chronic illness. I've become such a burden to my family I could only see suicide as the the way out.

Fortunately I somehow found the strength to carry on, and you will too. I found a couple of books really helped me, one being 'Gamma Healing', the other called 'Mind Over Mood'. I can totally understand your partner's situation but it's important to remember that it isn't your fault and I'm sure he genuinely felt he was doing the right thing, it's almost impossible to see things clearly when you're shrouded in depression.

Thing's will get better, slowly. The key is to not look too far back, or too far forward. Set yourself small goals for each day and live for the moment.

I can barely imagine the pain you must feel but you will come out the other side a stronger person. Sending you all my thoughts and love.
 Quoting: CobainPain 50145831


I forgot to add that meditation helped me a lot, the more you practice meditation the more you are able to seperate and control your thoughts. With practice you will learn how to filter the negative.

I see depression as a terminal illness just like cancer, it can be cured but it's a long, tough battle and sadly not everybody can make that journey. You can sink so far into negative thought that suicide appears the only way out. Please don't blame him for it and learn to live with the fact it is a tragic side effect of suffering of depression and he is now free of the pain and burden that made life so difficult for him. This is not your fault. Sometime's no amount of talking or soul searching can save someone, you cannot blame yourself for any part of his decision.
 Quoting: CobainPain 50145831


Thank you very much for your posts, I have gained alot from what you said, thankyou
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 43990297
New Zealand
11/18/2013 06:18 AM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: Has anyone else here lost their partner to suicide?
I think I am having serious mental health issues following the suicide of my loved partner of 3 years.

He took his life only a month ago, but for me the pain of losing him just gets worse as the days go by.

I have been unable to return to work, and concentrating on anything is very difficult.

Is there anyone here who has been through something similar? And how did you cope/ get through?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 50049172


Yes this happened to me and my kids 21 years ago.

She had bipolar depression and one night decided it was all to much.

I will say to you its early days, as the reality sinks in it will feel worse but don't give up.

Also don't think bad of yourself for feeling angry with him as this is also part of the healing process, not often but I still get feelings of anger now when I think about how she could just leave me and the children and do it in front of them.

As time goes' by it does get better I promise, but it is a slow process.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 50137769


Oh no, 21 years, I am very sorry....thankyou so much for your post
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 43990297
New Zealand
11/18/2013 06:21 AM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: Has anyone else here lost their partner to suicide?
I think I am having serious mental health issues following the suicide of my loved partner of 3 years.

He took his life only a month ago, but for me the pain of losing him just gets worse as the days go by.

I have been unable to return to work, and concentrating on anything is very difficult.

Is there anyone here who has been through something similar? And how did you cope/ get through?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 50049172


sounds like you are a faggot OP (literally). The Bible commands we kill you. You can come over to my churches compound and we will kill you for free so you can go fuck your fag boyfriend up the ass in eternal hellfire.

hf

gaythread2
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 50076276

 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 50076276


So sad that you are such an idiot.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 43990297
New Zealand
11/18/2013 06:24 AM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: Has anyone else here lost their partner to suicide?
I think I am having serious mental health issues following the suicide of my loved partner of 3 years.

He took his life only a month ago, but for me the pain of losing him just gets worse as the days go by.

I have been unable to return to work, and concentrating on anything is very difficult.

Is there anyone here who has been through something similar? And how did you cope/ get through?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 50049172

Here, OP :( Watch this raw and honest vid from Patriotnurse who also lost her man, no they weren't married yet, but still qualifies herself as a widow and that sounds right.
Maybe you could email her too for some sharing of your experiences. For her it's been 1 1/2 years. I know that circumstances are different between you, but you know that really doesn't matter so much when it comes to grieving .. she is a lovely person as I'm certain you must be as well.
hugs

 Quoting: DawaSatso


Thankyou Datwa Satso for posting this, she is right on!
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 43990297
New Zealand
11/18/2013 06:29 AM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: Has anyone else here lost their partner to suicide?
I think I am having serious mental health issues following the suicide of my loved partner of 3 years.

He took his life only a month ago, but for me the pain of losing him just gets worse as the days go by.

I have been unable to return to work, and concentrating on anything is very difficult.

Is there anyone here who has been through something similar? And how did you cope/ get through?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 50049172


hiya OP

I want to say that how you are feeling is very normal in your situation, given that your partner only died one month ago.

Your loss is extremely recent, and you have a process of grief to go through yet.

When someone you love dearly dies, you feel numb at first, then you go through lots of different stages of grief, and each stage needs to be recognised and acknowledged and worked through.

I know that suicide is usually much harder to come to terms with, than other deaths, because of all the feelings of guilt and responsibility that the partner who is left behind has to deal with.

I have a cool little book that i was given many years ago, when my dad died. It is callled "Good Grief" by Granger. G. Westberg. i don't know if it is still available, but if not, there would be other similar books that are available.

Each chapter in this book explains a stage in the grief process:

Stage 1; We are in a state of shock.

Stage 2; We express emotion

Stage 3; We feel depressed and very lonely

Stage 4; We may experience physical symptoms of distress

Stage 5; We may become panicky

Stage 6; We feel a sense of guilt about the loss

Stage 7; We are filled with hostility and resentment

Stage 8; Weunable to return to usual activities

Stage 9; Gradually hope comes through

Stage 10; We struggle to readjust to reality

"These stages are the normal process through which most people must go as they face up to their loss."
"But every person does not necessarily go through all these stages, nor does a person necessarily go through them in this order."

Do you live near a library, because if you could handle doing some reading, i bet there would be some good books there, about loss/grief, and in particular, loss of a loved one through suicide.

Just remember it is extremely early days for you, and it is normal to feel the way you do right now.

Lots of love xxx
 Quoting: ~T~


Hello fellow Kiwi, thankyou for that, when I can I will get to the library, you are right
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 2202615
United States
11/18/2013 06:53 AM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: Has anyone else here lost their partner to suicide?
I think I am having serious mental health issues following the suicide of my loved partner of 3 years.

He took his life only a month ago, but for me the pain of losing him just gets worse as the days go by.

I have been unable to return to work, and concentrating on anything is very difficult.

Is there anyone here who has been through something similar? And how did you cope/ get through?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 50049172


Harden the fuck up
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 50050471


Thats just not human......
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 47817592
United States
11/18/2013 06:59 AM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: Has anyone else here lost their partner to suicide?
Recover as quick as you can, your next love needs you badly.
Richard1

User ID: 12434492
Afghanistan
11/18/2013 07:00 AM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: Has anyone else here lost their partner to suicide?
My wife is a alcoholic, every time she drinks I think she is killing herself. Let this be the day you look back on as day one of life goes on, tell yourself you have learned to live with it! find others in similar boat, get back to life as you know it,,yes, there are people like you with something like that in there past!
Richard

News