Has anyone else here lost their partner to suicide?

Maybe you should talk to a therapist about it. That's a very traumatic situation.

No, but my baby daughter died.
14 years ago.
Cope? I've never gotten over it and likely never will.
Some things you don't ever get through, you just endure.

Attend a suicide awareness group. Talk to others who have experienced loss.

And I know you will read this but it won't ease the pain... But it was never your fault.

Harden the fuck up

Yeah, I might have to go and see a counsellor/therapist or someone qualified.

I'm usually such an independent woman,I can't stand the thought of sharing my innermost feelings with some twerp who has gotten all of their 'education' out of books instead of actually having experienced something like this in real life.

He made the decision that he wanted to see God via the early bird special.

Now take care of yourself.

Try to spend time with some good friends. Forgive and let go with love.

I am very sad to hear that you are still enduring such pain after so many years. Thankyou for your post

Yes, a group might be good for me, rather than one on one counselling. It's actually very hard not to feel some kind of responsibility for what happened, but I appreciate your kind words.

He didn't believe in God, and it was too early, he was only 45.

Trying to take care of myself now, but very difficult.

I am not surprised it gets worse as the days go by. First you must have been in shock and disbelief. Now as days go on reality is setting in. Try and return to work even if you don't function as well as normal.

Be kind to yourself and do something, anything, you like every day.

I am so sorry this has happened to you. Can't imagine how his parents feel. You need to force yourself to live as normally as possible until you are back to normal life for you.

sorry op, but we all have to confront the deaths of those we love eventually unless we die before them of course. only one thing that heals the pain and thats time, you never totally heal but in time those deep cuts become scars.

Thankyou for posting. Yes, I am blessed to have some really good friends who I can be myself around.

But they also have lives to lead, and I really don't want to burden anyone I love with this tremendous pain that I feel.

I am trying to forgive him, at the moment my emotions are still swinging from unbearable sadness to anger and back again.

Look up Ortho mOlecular medicine. It is taking mega doses of vitamins and minerals like medicine. You probably need a huge boost of vitamin b comPlex and vitamin c among others. It is mOre of a natural way of getting your brain chemistry back on track.
Therapy is good too.
Energy healing like reiki would be great too.

Can you remember his face,his mannerisms,the times you had together if you can then realize he hasn't gone anywhere he just no longer is available as flesh and blood.

Thankyou, I will look that up. We actually have a heap of vitamins right here at home as my son works for a big alternative medicine company and he brings home a lot of stuff.

I think about him all the time, sometimes find myself laughing at a memory of what he did.

But he is gone, I don't feel him around me at all.

We lost a co worker to apparent suicide about 3 years ago. very sad. Hunters found him in the woods and found his truck.

Died of Gunshot wound to the face.

I am sorry op. One of my co-workers lost her son to suicide. I felt/feel so bad for her.
He was a exceptional human being and so the pain is that much greater.
There is never a day that goes by, that I don't think about that loss.

its not your fault

sorry op

As i have said, harden the fuck up

I'll say a prayer for you tonight and also for all others that have felt helpless.

Please believe that your partner was hurting, and had no thought of those left behind. So overwhelmed in their sickness, at least they are now free of this world.
Depression is a evil and dark thing.

Move on, as our lord commands us.

Why? What if I don't feel like 'hardening up'?

You sound callous and cold, like someone with a heart of stone.

Thankyou for your post...in time I will have to move on.

I know he must have been hurting, but I wish he hadn't kept those emotions bottled up inside, I wish he'd have told me how he was really feeling.

There were no signs...no indications of what he wanted to do.

I am so sorry, op.

I lost my beloved brother, a hopeless (in his mind) addict on January 1, 2009.

He was the most fucked up person I knew. I tried to help, but the big puffy narcotic cloud in the sky took him away.

I slept under the tree he hung himself on, amongst the crack pipe and fog that time would toss my way to placate my sorrow.

That night under the tree was stupid, its what he would have hated. Self-pity ruled, and had he been alive, he would have lol'ed at me.

He never was buried, I never got to say goodbye.

He is at peace and I am 100% ok with that.

If you have issues, please don't hesitate to get help. It only gets better once you give up the facade of absolute control.

you have a lot of life lessons to learn if your advice is to "harden the fuck up"

Even the "no indications" are a indication of his sickness.
Please believe that your partner was not thinking as you or I would think.

He chose to leave on his own terms.
Tonight I will say a prayer for you and him and all those hurting.

Life can be cruel, but our lord commands us to be strong, and loving in his name.

Rest assured that he has numbered each of our hairs and knows of our suffering.

Thanks for your post, I am glad your brother is at peace, and glad also that you are okay.

Time will tell if I gather that kind of wisdom or not