when i was a kid......

and then blaming a little neg ro child.

I always thought my father had two penises.

One he used to pee out of and the other he used to brush mommy's teeth.

I used to think Dracula would come and knock down people's houses. My Mom lived in an apartment building, so I figured we were safe, but my father lived in an apartment in a house. I was worried, he found it hysterical.

How can an apartment be in a house?

I thought thunder and lightning was God getting angry at me.I would hide and apologize profusely just to deter him from sending a bolt of lightning through the roof to strike me down.

I thought the thyroid gland was located in the thigh.

My little brother thought that when babies were born, they came out of the woman's butt hole.

How can an apartment be in a house?

I used to think that hookers were drug dealers, because they get you hooked on drugs.

There was a monster in my closet. The door was always ajar. When I went to bed, it would slither across the floor and go under my bed. I would crunch up into a little ball and cover every part of me except my face with my blanket. If even a toe was sticking out, the monster would come up from under the bed and grab it. No parts of me could be left exposed. Opposite my bedroom door were the stairs to the finished attic, which was just a big open room. I was terrified of the attic at night. Monsters up there, too. One night I woke up in the dark in the attic. I was curled up into a little ball, too terrified to move. I have no idea how I got up there as I would not have gone up there on my own at night. It took me some serious courage to get up and run downstairs to my room. The rest of the household was sound asleep. I had some really serious night terrors, and to this day I shiver at that memory. I would never, never, never have gone up there myself. We eventually moved to a different house. To this day I don't like to sleep at night. That was almost 50 years ago.

....I thought working hard and being dependable and honest would bring happiness

Oh me too man, now I can't stop wishing I could grow back down.

I thought thunder and lightning was God getting angry at me.I would hide and apologize profusely just to deter him from sending a bolt of lightning through the roof to strike me down.