Male Aggression

There are many Islamic women and children that are extremely abused too, evil is everywhere in every race, religion and culture. So goodness.

Exactly how far did your dad go with you and/or your sisters sexually?

You said (paraphrased) "He used to yell at us, that was the big problem, and then there was the sex..."

This is backwards thinking, the sort of mechanics a damaged brain uses to protect itself against repair.

The Brain likes status quo, you see.

Virtually all living species exhibit some form of aggression in one form or another. It is more 'natural' and 'normal' than the men who choose to commit buggery with another man.

That's interesting. I appreciate this insight. Yes, I would say there is some fighting from me against repair, although exactly why I do this, I am not sure.

We lived in a 2 bedroom single wide trailer and dad made mother have sex with him. He kept playboys and pornographic books in the bathroom and we watched a lot of movies that were inappropriate for young children. He wasn't able to keep the sexuality private. He didn't touch us physically, but he would get really angry with us if he thought we were being sexually provocative in any way and tell us that this clohing or that looked like whore stuff.

It was the 80's and we liked these black boots with a heel on them. He got angry and said that he saw those on Italian hookers and wouldn't let us wear them. A lot of innocent things were sexualized by him. I was 13 when he told me that he didn't like oral sex. I really don't know what prompted that. He didn't molest me physically, he just wasn't mature.

Men tend to be more outwardly aggressive. Women can be aggressive as well. A lot of women are verbally abusive and it doesn't look like aggressive behavior but it is. Some couples battle it out each handling it in there own way and don't see anything wrong with the behavior.

Children who witness aggression and/or experience it turn out just like the aggressor, completely passive or do a whole lot to change themselves because they don't want that behavior.

If you are passive to an aggressor in childhood you are very likely to find a spouse who is the same as your childhood aggressor or find a spouse who is victimized by an aggressor. This happens because people are attracted to behavior they are used to. Most people don't even see what they are doing until it becomes a mess. People do these things even in friendships. Some people can't have lasting relationships as they swap back and forth between being aggressive and passive.

If you are aware that you were victimized by aggressive behavior then get some help to straighten out your life. This is help for YOU and not others. You may not see where this behavior lasts a lifetime.

Some women are attracted towards males who have a very aggressive streak. They will associate or date that same type of person time after time ... and then blame that person for being aggressive towards them, when in reality that person is aggressive towards EVERYONE, not just that woman.

I can't explain why some women just gravitate towards the same violent type time after time, whereas other women just automatically avoid them like the plague and never have a problem with men, but I have seen it time after time.

For women that are repeatedly involved with violent men ... I have concluded that the problem is INSIDE THEIR (the woman's) HEAD. That situation is not an issue about the male (since they are that way towards EVERYONE).

(fwiw I also have seen aggressive and violent women. They are also that way towards EVERYONE ... but like with some women who are attracted towards males with those characteristics, some men are repeated attracted towards - of the aggressive female is attracted towards them - the same type of aggressive person of the opposite sex, and then gets physically attacked, mentally attacked, and blackmailed on a regular basis)

My husband is passive aggressive, not violent. I have a tendency toward being violent like slapping and trying to kick him in the balls when he's messing with me.

When I was a child, I couldn't fight back and my mother was submissive and passive. I decided that I wouldn't be like her. I would fight when I was old enough and big enough to fight. Not for dominance, but for respect and to be able to have my own space without it being invaded by others.

That's what I do.

Interestingly, if I had been taken out of that home, things probably would be worse than they are now. I developed "imaginary friends" that I would talk to and play with. I was a very lonely child. We lived in the trailer park and if there were kids to play with, my older sister-who took the aggressive route-would tell them bad things about me to get them to mock me and refuse to play with me. My imaginary friends she could do nothing about. She couldn't turn them against me and I could be alone in my world. If I had been taken out of that household, I would still have had that defensive behavior and I wouldn't have been able to fit in a normal household. Not that I think foster homes are normal. I don't. I think they are probably places where sexual abuse happen very frequently.

My dad protected me in his own way. I was told not to talk to myself-my friends in front of other people. I embarrassed them when I did that. I didn't much care, though. By that time I was living pretty much full time in my own world only coming out to do the things at school that I had to do. I was an A student. Except for handwriting. My handwriting was horrible and still is to this day. My creativity has taken a hit, but we weren't supposed to cost him anything. Art takes money. When I would try to undertake a creative endeavor, I was in trouble and he would take it away. One time, I tried to sew a dress. I was kind of into fashion at that point. I bought the pattern and the material with my own money and started sewing. I was maybe 12 or 13. It was a blue strapless dress-like you would wear to a party or a dance. I bought blue satin material to make it out of at Wal-Mart.

I accidentally put the zipper in backwards the first time. I was working on it in the living room because there wasn't anywhere else to go. When I would make a mistake sewing I would become very upset and anxious, but I would try to focus and fix it. My mother was too busy cooking him his breakfast. She had to have breakfast, lunch and dinner everyday and if he didn't get his breakfast and coffee, he would be a real asshole.

I was upset for putting the zipper in backwards and I was ripping stitches. He took an interest in what I was doing. Maybe he saw the pretty fabric, I don't know, but he saw the front of the pattern and he went apeshit. He told me that was a whores dress and that I was not going to make that. I haven't really tried to sew like that again. I could probably be good at sewing if I were given enough practice. But I get really frustrated when something goes wrong. I mostly don't try and if I do, I want everyone to leave me the fuck alone. I don't share the pattern or what I'm doing. I don't want anyone to know, so don't ask. I want to be left alone. Mind your own damn business.

I hate art. I was into art and design of interiors at one time. I am real sensitive to light and lighting. I wanted to create beautiful interiors. I got books about it and studied the spaces that had been created and dreamed about what it would be like to live in that place. It was a real intense experience for me, but one that I knew was never going to be realized. He wouldn't buy a house, even though he made enough money. He told mom that we would only have to live in the trailer for 5 years while he made more money, but that five years came and went and all told, I graduated and moved out of the trailer and moved in with my boyfriend-soon to be passive aggressive husband at age 18. That summer, my boyfriend quit his job and my parents had had to move into mom's mother's house, so we moved into the empty trailer. I worked at the bar nights and dumbshit played on the computer and went to his mother's house most days. We were married by that point. He passively aggressively refused to get a job and that was the first year of our marriage. We were married until 1998 and then divorced. Then I was a single mother until 2007 when I remarried him. I dated other men, but I rejected them all and sent them packing.

I think the most interesting thing is that I am locked into myself now. I thought I would be able to work the business, but husband didn't really want me there. He wanted me to sign on to being a partner, but he wanted to be left alone to be the artist and I spent the first couple of years trying to help run the business and getting passive aggressive attacked and belittled and fighting him and standing up for myself to get called crazy and worthless by him and then I started slapping him and throwing shit. Then he acted like he didn't know what I was upset about and I proceeded to try to kick him in the balls. He grabs my leg and holds it up over his hip and puts his hand on my chest and pushes me so that I either put my arm down and possibly break it or I slam my head on the cement. I put my arm down. It was hurt really badly. It swelled to twice the size at the wrist. I didn't go to the doctor and I continued my data entry job. I told Cindy what happened. She left abuser, but now she is alone except for her brothers and sister in law who have to financially support her. She has cancer now and can't get any help. I have no choice but to stay and try to stand up for myself when I can. I tried going to preachers for help, but they didn't want to help me anymore than people on here. I have gotten some good responses and I appreciate thoughtful, intelligent dialogue on the effects of persistant abuse. I think it's an interesting topic and I have some insight, but other things that are going on are difficult to understand.

I don't trust hardly anyone. So I don't have any friends. I quit going to church.

But I tried a therapist-many therapists. I don't have any insurance now. I paid cash for the last one. He was seeing me and my mother. Then my mother talked him into seeing my abusive older sister-and Stephanie knew better than to go see my psychiatrist. She really did. It must have been too good, though. To see the therapist that I was seeing without my knowledge and to shit talk him. But I found out. Mom let it slip. That's ok. That fucker was a manwhore anyway and he can kiss my ass. It will be a cold day in hell before I trust another therapist again. They don't help me anyway. Sometimes you guys do, though. Sometimes. I really appreciate it. I do.

What should a males response be toward crazy female behavior?

I really enjoyed the books about interior design. I have no talent at interior design. We couldn't hang shelves or put in ceiling fixtures into the trailer. If we had had a house, I would have saved up my money and learned to do those kinds of things in my room. I took Stephanie's old room when she moved out with her boyfriend at 18. It was half of the kitchen that dad had partitioned off with a plywood wall. He never finished the wall and the bed was a board with a foam mattress on it, but it was as close to a room of my own as I was ever going to get. I took it.
It was the 80's and interior design books-and I'm not just talking design elements, I mean room design was really happening. I loved the rooms where a sunk in space had been created. We had a "pit" at our library where there was a sunk in space and 2 steps in a circle. We would sit on the steps and Mrs. Gretteman would talk to us.

But, I saw how sunken designs were made into rooms or large beams were built across the ceiling. Ceiling fans and lighting elements were creative and different. I loved that. Colors were used and blue was my favorite color, though I was also partial to pink. Recessed lighting, I loved that effect especially when it was used to accent art work. You could create a room with a flavor, a feeling.

I will tell you about a dream I had. The Holy Spirit had me and he had this other guy, who must have been an angel with us. They had a wooden whelf and some rocks and I guess plates and we were going to decorate it, I was told. I wanted to seperate the rocks into piles by color and look over everything that could be used. They sent me to the kitchen. When you are in dreams like that we humans are really, well, you're online, but we are really suggestable like hyponotic sort of. We believe what we are being told.

I was sent to the refridgerator to get a drink and then I was called back into the room. The Holy Spirit was behind me-he's not really very tall in my dreams, but He's really strong. I guess he doesn't have to be strong because they can turn us on and off like a switch. Like a doll. I hate that. They can restrain you too without handcuffs. Anyway, I was called back into the room and the creative man had done the whole project without me. Don't get me wrong. He's really talented and it looked expertly done, but I was pissed. Really pissed and I attacked it and tore it all up yelling and in a rage. The Holy Spirit restrained me and shut me off. I hate it when they do that. I am not a doll. I am a human being. A person. I think there are switches on the back of our necks or maybe the spirits just do it with their minds, I'm not sure.

I can hear them talk too. Father, Lord Jesus and Lord Holy Spirit. I don't want to talk about what happened yesterday.

I get in trouble and get punished sometimes if I tell too much of what I've seen. Not that I think you will believe me anyway. You will all just think schizophrenia, but I tell you anyway. They are real.

I didn't like the shelf. I don't want a shelf. I want lighting and recessed spaces, places to hide. Places to feel safe with colors and finished walls and molding. I like rocks, but I don't use them as decorative pieces indoors. I don't really understand that. I don't decorate with plates either. Maybe putting them on a wall, but I am too throwing things and breaking things to set them on a shelf. I would never do that. I had a pretty pink flamingo made out of glass one time. I bought it at walmart. You filled it with pink lamp oil. I had it on one of my mother's shelves and no one said anything about it. I expected them to bitch at me, but surprisingly no one did. Not even Stephen. I accidentally broke it though. I hit it with something and it broke and I cleaned up the mess and never bought anything breakable and fragile like that again. They didn't have to say anything. I heard it all anyways, even with not a word spoken.

The suicidal thing is hard to deal with. Right now I am okay, but God wants me to stay another 30 years. I am not very well and I don't think that I'm going to get better. I don't want to stay here 30 years. I asked Lord Jesus if it would affect things in the future if I didn't stay the full 30 years and He says, Yes, but I don't know if he's talking about physical things here on earth or spitiual rewards in heaven. I don't know. I can't fall asleep without the Xanex now. That started last Spring. I was taking too many Tylenol PM's and I would quit breathing. I guess God was punishing me so He took away my ability to fall asleep and some nights I was having to lay awake all night. I tried to hold down a full time job, but not being able to sleep and with my illness I couldn't do it. I'm back to part time now and very lucky to have that job. I don't dare touch tylenol pm, it doesn't work anymore anyway. He can do that. The Xanex seems to help. The doc will only let me stay on it for 5 years, though. Then what am I going to do?

They are all blond except for Lord Jesus. So many platinum blonds and they all look young. About 19 or 20 years old. Some are taller and some have different facial shapes and hair, but they are all blond. Lord Jesus is tall, though. They can probably change their appearance at will so that you can't recognize them from one dream to another.

Stop voting for Democrats.
:o)

Some people are just assholes and want control, if you're referring to an abusive dad, I had one too. Though "male aggression" only sounds like a cop out if the male is an animal.

I was going to say, if you're that young there's not really anything you can do about it, or likely even want to do about it since your dad would have brainwashed you into thinking that you're in the wrong and what he's doing is normal. As an adult you can whomp his ass though.

I wasn't crazy until they started to mess with me. What should a female response be to male aggression?

I have tried reason
Logic
Appeals to emotion
Talking through the timeline of events leading up to the problem
Avoidance
Aggression
Refusing to be sidetracked
Hell, I even beg and they just ignore me like I am actually going to go away, which isn't going to happen.
I explain what I am doing, why it's important, what I need, what I am seeking
I talk and tell and walk them through it and explain and ask them to watch the footage
I communicate and communicate and communicate all to seemingly no avail.
I state when I am having a problem and what the problem is and the severity of the problem-how upsetting it is to me

When all that fail, then I am left with violence. I don't understand why other people don't seem to see it coming. I am desperate and I desperately communicate with them and I give warning verbally. I will directly say, if you don't stop it, I am going to attack you. What else can I do if they keep stonewalling and refusing to communicate back. That is a power move. It states, "I have the power and you don't and you have to do what I say regardless of how you feel about it." I am very familiar with that power move because that is how Stephen did it and what happens when that tactic is used is it shortens the route from point a to point b, but it creates resentment and a bubble of hurt in the heart region. That seems to fester and impacts the trust in a relationship with me. You may appear to have won the fight, and it might seem quick and decisive, but that does not mean that I am going to go along. That is an entirely seperate matter. I may stop aggressing for the moment, but that does not equate with acceptance.

I think that is how things go with women. Men don't like to admit it. But it's true. Sooner or later that women is going to refuse to cooperate at a vital moment. She will purposely fail to give you information that would protect you and will passively refuse to cooperate with you. Men think they can bully women and just get away with it. I have seen it with every male I have encountered and some females as well. But there is a price. You can do it, but you have to pay the price. I am suicidal because I have already been pushed too far too many times. I am most likely to start refusing to help you. That is usually how I protest what I perceive as an abuse of power over me. I quit cooperating. From there it can escalate and it isn't very pretty. But, I decided that when I was old enough, I would fight to protect myself from abuses of power. I would not be like mom. You may call it graceless if you want, but I have seen what happens to a woman who refuses to stand up against abuses of power over herself and her children. She loses her children and she loses her self. As a female, you have to be able to protect yourself. If someone is trying to take that away from you, then there is a problem. I firmly believe that. Men don't want to have their ability to protect themselves threatened and I don't either.

I wish I were a cat with claws and teeth. I might get put to death like Sheba did, but I would use them.

He's dead.

Your post reminded me of what my mom did to me as a child, I used to "talk to strings" as my parents called it, though I really wasnt, I was just rehearsing movie scenes in my head while twirling the string, or rope around in my hands. I was only 5 or 6 years old at the time but my mom would scream at me, take away my blanket and stuffed animal and put me in a time out in my room whenever she caught me doing it. She even went as far as putting an eye patch on my eye to prevent it, guess she really didn't want a "weird" kid.

You should have seen what his daughters did to him. I think he wanted to die at the end. He was impotent and was diabetic and the doctor wanted him to excercise. He was supposed to have open heart surgery. My little sister had accused him of molesting her, which he didn't do. I know he didn't do that. But she married a german nationalist white supremacist and they live about 40 miles from here. She refused to allow him to see his grandchildren, but my mother also was not allowed to see her grandchildren. That's why I fight. You can be passive, but you will lose everything. Men want you to believe that being passive and giving in is your only choice, but if you do that you will save yourself a beating, but you will still suffer. Better to get beaten and to make the male prove that he's an asshole than to save yourself a beating but lose your grandchildren.

For some parents, appearance matter so much don't they. I guess I'm lucky. I would have been put into an insane asylum as a child if my family had cared about appearances.

Do you think God will love me enough to go through this thing or will He reject me? I hope He doesn't reject me. I am all defense all the time. I hope He loves me enough to go through this with me. It's going to be messy and it's going to hurt. We have to walk back. I hope He loves me enough.

I like the serious approach bun bun

Last Edited by Used Rubber on 01/20/2014 06:49 PM

Since you refer to God as a "he"..."he" will of course reject you like every other male has in your life.

really sounds like a AA meeting up in here.


"my daddy made me do it".


Personally I am usually a asshole, because I choose to be, or react when I should respond.

Daddy, and mommy did a great deal, yet I stand here alone this day.

I was bullied, abused (verbally & emotionally) as a child and again as an adult ( bullied via Facebook). I keep to myself now, I have no need for relationships. I travel when I get bored and explore as much as I can. I don't miss the drama of people treating me like shit. Holidays are sometimes tough, which is why I always plan a trip around the big holidays.

The sad thing is, if I died or went missing my family wouldn't even care. They never call and I avoid them. As for friends and acquaintances, I have very few and they really only come around when they need something.

Being different as a child put me on this desolate path. But its okay, from what i observe in the world, people just don't treat each other kindly. They back stab, lie, cheat. I'll pass on friends like that.

Hope this helps.

I understand. I'm sorry to hear that you are so alone. I know what it's like to make that choice. We protect ourselves to the best of our ability.

Thank you. I've grown used to having so much time to myself that I get anxiety if I have to actually interact with so called friends. I feel like I have to put on an act when they come around. One of the reasons I love to travel, is I can meet and talk to someone, but then there's no expectations and I can be totally me. No games and no acting a certain way. I find that I meet some really interesting people this way.

You forgot one...

Appearing overtly docile and passive while plotting terrible and awesome mind-blowing payback and also committing horrible minor acts of payback in the meantime to sooth the rage(toothbrush in toilet, feeding food not fit for consumption, etc).

Yes, this is in the realm of sociopathy and practiced by more women than you'd like to think.

We become hard. We plot.

Some plot. I guard myself. I don't let people get close enough to me to hurt me. I keep people at a distance and I am completely content living this way. When a person causes another person emotional pain, its just too hard to bounce back, the older you get. You learn to stay away from the ones that have the potential to hurt you badly.

So some get hard and plot revenge.

Others isolate themselves for safety.

Some do subtle things to harm the person they are angry with.