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Do you give advice to people you are talking to, without them asking for it?

 
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 54136170
United States
02/12/2014 09:49 PM
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Do you give advice to people you are talking to, without them asking for it?
I find that I attract a lot of people who tell me their problems. Or they talk constantly about themselves non-stop. Is this a license to give advice to them?

I find that I start giving advice when people tell me their problems. Is this a big mistake? What else is one supposed to do? Just look at them and say "Oh that's nice".??
theyrcoming
the People Win

User ID: 1130148
United States
02/12/2014 09:57 PM

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Re: Do you give advice to people you are talking to, without them asking for it?
I live with one,
not unusual for people to call him and ask for advise.
He gives it all the time, sometimes even if they
don't ask.

annoys the hell out of me, I don't ask.
are they gone yet....
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 34504866
United States
02/12/2014 09:59 PM
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Re: Do you give advice to people you are talking to, without them asking for it?
I try not to, it's better in most situations to wait till somebody asks for help / advice.
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 54136170
United States
02/12/2014 10:00 PM
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Re: Do you give advice to people you are talking to, without them asking for it?
Hmm So what do people expect me to say to them when they tell me all their problems? They just want a robotic sounding board?

BRB I gotta go outside and do an errand
joe mamma

User ID: 27348844
United States
02/12/2014 10:02 PM
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Re: Do you give advice to people you are talking to, without them asking for it?
do what you want - OP. should someone be offended, tell them to fuck off
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 54292610
Australia
02/12/2014 10:03 PM
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Re: Do you give advice to people you are talking to, without them asking for it?
Pretty much ohyeah

But sometimes people just want someone to listen to them...and not necessarily say anything..

:)
Yaala
User ID: 24732889
United States
02/12/2014 10:09 PM
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Re: Do you give advice to people you are talking to, without them asking for it?
I get that a lot too. I think a lot of it is venting but when presented with a problem my natural response is to try to help. I have to always remind myself that it might be best to ask if they want my opinion and/or advice before giving it.
Yaala
User ID: 24732889
United States
02/12/2014 10:10 PM
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Re: Do you give advice to people you are talking to, without them asking for it?
Pretty much ohyeah

But sometimes people just want someone to listen to them...and not necessarily say anything..

:)
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 54292610


I can understand that but isn't that loading someone else down with your own problems? It stresses me out for them!

People should learn to journal more. :P
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 34504866
United States
02/12/2014 10:12 PM
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Re: Do you give advice to people you are talking to, without them asking for it?
Hmm So what do people expect me to say to them when they tell me all their problems? They just want a robotic sounding board?

BRB I gotta go outside and do an errand
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 54136170


Sometimes they don't want advice, they just want somebody to listen to them.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 54289353
Canada
02/12/2014 10:13 PM
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Re: Do you give advice to people you are talking to, without them asking for it?
Some people just want to get things off their chest, others do want to hear what you think.

If you start in with a statement like, "I'll tell you what I'd do if it was me..." you tend to catch far less grief I find. People feel more comfortable with a suggestion rather than something sounding a little more like an order.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 27179900
United States
02/12/2014 10:40 PM
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Re: Do you give advice to people you are talking to, without them asking for it?
When I was younger, I used to help people out a lot any way I could and also offered my advice. However, I found as I have aged that the best course of action is to never give someone your advice or help unless they ask for it. 99% of the time, people will not take your advice (even when they asked for it) so why give it to them? And when you are always offering advice it makes you look as you have a big ego and think you know it all.

And what's more, you actually are probably giving poor advice even when you think you are not because you do not, in fact, know it all. It makes people think you are smarter or better than them even if you are an educated expert on the subject. And when you give people assistance, it makes people sometimes resent you because they think it is some sort of veiled power play. And when you loan people money or give them things; are they going to pay you back? In my experience, it has been rarely if ever.

So, why not just stay out of it because it is none of your business (even with your best friends)? These people need to learn life's lessons themselves so that they can grow. And asking for help and taking good help is one of the things that healthy adults need to learn how to do.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 27179900
United States
02/12/2014 10:45 PM
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Re: Do you give advice to people you are talking to, without them asking for it?
And most these people who talk about their problems are what I like to think of as "complainers" and not doers. Most of the time, these people are not adults no matter how old they actually are. But then again, everybody needs a venue to air the grievances with the world every once in a while. It is part of what being a friend is about. Just because people are complaining doesn't necessarily mean they want YOUR advice or want YOU to try to solve their problems. They just want somebody to listen. *Women do this a ridiculous amount. And I don't really understand it but its the way it is.

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