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Valentine’s Day Tragedy: Girl Masturbated Intensely leading to Massive Heart Attack

 
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 40807720
United States
02/15/2014 09:50 AM
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Re: Valentine’s Day Tragedy: Girl Masturbated Intensely leading to Massive Heart Attack
Gossipplug is a satire, parody and spoof web publication.

^^it says at the bottom of the page
Klasikatica

User ID: 54045572
United States
02/15/2014 09:50 AM

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Re: Valentine’s Day Tragedy: Girl Masturbated Intensely leading to Massive Heart Attack
First, Fake news article is fake.

Second,


:swtomb:
1, 2, Eboler's coming for you
3, 4, Don't answer the door
5, 6, Stay away from the sick
7, 8, Better not procrastinate
9, 10, Have a Bug Out Plan!
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 51931158
United States
02/15/2014 09:51 AM
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Re: Valentine’s Day Tragedy: Girl Masturbated Intensely leading to Massive Heart Attack
Um, that's a satirical news website, kinda like The Onion. The story is a joke. Go to the bottom of the article page.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 40807720
United States
02/15/2014 09:52 AM
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Re: Valentine’s Day Tragedy: Girl Masturbated Intensely leading to Massive Heart Attack
Also, Atlanta is in Fulton County not Gwinnett County.
Seeker of Truth

User ID: 33841186
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02/15/2014 09:52 AM

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Re: Valentine’s Day Tragedy: Girl Masturbated Intensely leading to Massive Heart Attack
I like how they show a picture of the crime scene investigator's vehicle. For a woman who had a heart attack from masturbating. hf
'Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.' - Dr. Seuss
'love has no opposite as it is the divine solvent that ends duality.' - m'Lord
'Be the love that you are' -m'Lord
The amount of love and good feelings you have at the end of your life is equal to the love and good feelings you create during your life.- mine
Yes, the things that others think, say, or do will sometimes hurt you— until they do
not anymore.What will get you from here to there most quickly is total honesty—
being willing to assert, acknowledge, and declare exactly how you feel about a thing.
Say your truth—kindly, but fully and completely. Live your truth, gently, but totally
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Bluebird

User ID: 44887449
United States
02/15/2014 09:57 AM

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Re: Valentine’s Day Tragedy: Girl Masturbated Intensely leading to Massive Heart Attack
And like her mother wouldn't do anything to conceal this fact? Actually tell such a tale?

Puh-leeze!
One of the most important aspects of conspiracy theories is being able to discern when there isn't one.

Oh yeah, like you'd understand anyway.

Where are we going and why am I in this handbasket?. . .J. Handy
Anonymous Coward
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United States
02/15/2014 09:57 AM
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Re: Valentine’s Day Tragedy: Girl Masturbated Intensely leading to Massive Heart Attack
I say BS. If it's a battery powered vibrator. the batteries would go dead and it wouldn't be buzzing. Pool of vaginal fluid? the bed would soak it up.
ku commando
User ID: 18921219
United States
02/15/2014 10:10 AM
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Re: Valentine’s Day Tragedy: Girl Masturbated Intensely leading to Massive Heart Attack
[link to gossipplug.com]

ATLANTA – Valentines Day ended in tragedy for an Atlanta resident after she died from an apparent heart attack due to over masturbating. Sade Wilkerson, 22 years old of Gwinnett County was found dead in her bedroom in a pool of “fluid” after apparently masturbating too much. Friends of Sade stated that she was complaining of being lonely and not finding a real man and always seemed to be depressed. They also mentioned that Sade had bought a few toys and told them that “she will enjoy her Valentine’s Day alone and depressed”.

Sade’s mother called Gwinnett County police after discovering her lifeless body laying in the bed. Sade’s mother told Gossipplug.com, “I had just got home from the salon for my date tonight when I heard a loud buzzing noise coming from the back room. I called Sade’s name a few times but she didn’t answer back. Normally I do not go into her room without making sure she’s in there but something felt strange...
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 19833535



heh-heh.....you've been had OP !!


Gossipplug = supermarket checkout stand rags
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 4073067
United States
02/15/2014 10:12 AM
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Re: Valentine’s Day Tragedy: Girl Masturbated Intensely leading to Massive Heart Attack
If you believe this, you'll believe anything. Besides, if you read the damn article, it says a cause of death needs to be established, but of course we already know she died of a masturbation-fueled massive heart attack?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 49778343


Of course, from previous events the more outrageous the story, facts are no longer necessary when ignorance and emotional imagination conveniently makes it real.

Notice how they threw the "real man" in there? Is Nancy Disgrace bringing a guilty conviction on an interview with the douchebag that last pumped and dumped this poor victim?
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 49512476
United States
02/15/2014 10:13 AM
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Re: Valentine’s Day Tragedy: Girl Masturbated Intensely leading to Massive Heart Attack
you know what this means..

full ban on all assault dildos,strict regulation on the sell of all small low powered vibrators .
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 4073067
United States
02/15/2014 10:22 AM
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Re: Valentine’s Day Tragedy: Girl Masturbated Intensely leading to Massive Heart Attack
you know what this means..

full ban on all assault dildos,strict regulation on the sell of all small low powered vibrators .
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 49512476


It's starting in CT with a line of women waiting to register their rabbits and high capacity batteries.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 54398557
United States
02/15/2014 10:25 AM
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Re: Valentine’s Day Tragedy: Girl Masturbated Intensely leading to Massive Heart Attack
If you believe this, you'll believe anything. Besides, if you read the damn article, it says a cause of death needs to be established, but of course we already know she died of a masturbation-fueled massive heart attack?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 49778343


Yeah, complete bs.

Her name was Sade? Give me a break.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 49627189
United States
02/15/2014 10:42 AM
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Re: Valentine’s Day Tragedy: Girl Masturbated Intensely leading to Massive Heart Attack
TRUE STORY:

One day in a high school death class, the county corner came to visit as a guest speaker.

[Note: For those who question the purpose of teaching about death; research the five stages of grief.]

The corner warned the class about extreeme masterbation, telling a tale about a young man in his late teens who had taken up the habit of choking himself whilst jerking off..

According to this elected official, the man had placed a noose around his own neck so that he could choke himself while standing up in a closet.

The closet wall was covered in evidence of this man's past successful attempt to free himself from the noose after climaxing.

However, on the day of this man's demise; he choked himself too much and blacked out. This caused his knees to fail resulting in this man hanging himself.

Creepy but true.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 7315935
United States
02/15/2014 10:48 AM
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Re: Valentine’s Day Tragedy: Girl Masturbated Intensely leading to Massive Heart Attack
My girlfriend just said, "did they mention what type of vibrator that was?" And raised her eyebrows...
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 42412188
United States
02/15/2014 10:55 AM
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Re: Valentine’s Day Tragedy: Girl Masturbated Intensely leading to Massive Heart Attack
bsflag


bsflagbsflagbsflag
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 54314623
United States
02/15/2014 10:58 AM
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Re: Valentine’s Day Tragedy: Girl Masturbated Intensely leading to Massive Heart Attack
Slut.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 49937461
United States
02/15/2014 11:02 AM
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Re: Valentine’s Day Tragedy: Girl Masturbated Intensely leading to Massive Heart Attack
phased plasma vibrator in the 40 megawatt range
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 7738261
United States
02/15/2014 12:28 PM
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Re: Valentine’s Day Tragedy: Girl Masturbated Intensely leading to Massive Heart Attack
I think this story is real.

there are several stories on the page about deaths of young people, probably have a feed to the newspaper obituaries, then show up to interview the family.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 7738261
United States
02/15/2014 12:29 PM
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Re: Valentine’s Day Tragedy: Girl Masturbated Intensely leading to Massive Heart Attack
her family should sue the porn website she was masturbating to. She could turn her death into a great victory for God.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 53064802
United States
02/15/2014 12:29 PM
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Re: Valentine’s Day Tragedy: Girl Masturbated Intensely leading to Massive Heart Attack
She was coming and going!
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 54352352
United States
02/15/2014 12:33 PM
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Re: Valentine’s Day Tragedy: Girl Masturbated Intensely leading to Massive Heart Attack
YOU MEAN THERE WASNT ONE REAL MAN DOWN THERE TO TAKE CARE OF THIS CUTTIE WTF!!!!!! MUST BE A BUNCH OF POLE PUFFERS IN GA, DONT MAKE ME HAVE TO COME DOWN THERE GUYS AND TAKE CARE OF BUIISSNESS. BUT I WILL IF-N NEED BEsidewayssidewayssidewayssidewayssidewayssidewayssidewayssidewayssidewayssidewayssidewayssideways
SnakeAirlines

User ID: 53944988
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02/15/2014 12:34 PM

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Re: Valentine’s Day Tragedy: Girl Masturbated Intensely leading to Massive Heart Attack
bsflag
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 48330045


Complete and utter...
"Hold my cat while I bring in my tomato plant. That chemtrail looks like an earthquake chemtrail"

deanoZXT-07/20/2014 07:48 PM
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 13148732
United States
02/15/2014 12:35 PM
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Re: Valentine’s Day Tragedy: Girl Masturbated Intensely leading to Massive Heart Attack
She's hot. I would have gave her some D, in an effort to save her life of course.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 45162112


That is NOT the procedure for resuscitation, sir.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 48330045
United States
02/15/2014 12:35 PM
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Re: Valentine’s Day Tragedy: Girl Masturbated Intensely leading to Massive Heart Attack
bsflag
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 48330045


Complete and utter...
 Quoting: SnakeAirlines


I made a woman make a puddle before though so that part could be true.
SnakeAirlines

User ID: 53944988
United States
02/15/2014 12:37 PM

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Re: Valentine’s Day Tragedy: Girl Masturbated Intensely leading to Massive Heart Attack
bsflag
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 48330045


Complete and utter...
 Quoting: SnakeAirlines


I made a woman make a puddle before though so that part could be true.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 48330045


I had one hit the wall behind me...

Almost lost an eye...

chuckle
"Hold my cat while I bring in my tomato plant. That chemtrail looks like an earthquake chemtrail"

deanoZXT-07/20/2014 07:48 PM
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 13148732
United States
02/15/2014 12:38 PM
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Re: Valentine’s Day Tragedy: Girl Masturbated Intensely leading to Massive Heart Attack
you know what this means..

full ban on all assault dildos,strict regulation on the sell of all small low powered vibrators .
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 49512476


It's starting in CT with a line of women waiting to register their rabbits and high capacity batteries.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 4073067


No "magazines" either.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 44911719
United States
02/15/2014 12:41 PM
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Re: Valentine’s Day Tragedy: Girl Masturbated Intensely leading to Massive Heart Attack
Prayers go out to her family ....


hfhf
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 43894473


REALLY?!?!?

You're going to actually exert some psychic energy on this?

I'm at a total loss here.

You guys must be putting me on.

I mean, how can you take this story seriously?

Did GLP execute ALL critical thinkers while I wasn't looking?

I suddenly feel alone.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 48330045


you're not alone, but there are a lot of fucking morans here. People that link to bullshit websites should boiled alive.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 54394952
Ireland
02/15/2014 12:44 PM
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Re: Valentine’s Day Tragedy: Girl Masturbated Intensely leading to Massive Heart Attack
TRUE STORY:

One day in a high school death class, the county corner came to visit as a guest speaker.

[Note: For those who question the purpose of teaching about death; research the five stages of grief.]

The corner warned the class about extreeme masterbation, telling a tale about a young man in his late teens who had taken up the habit of choking himself whilst jerking off..

According to this elected official, the man had placed a noose around his own neck so that he could choke himself while standing up in a closet.

The closet wall was covered in evidence of this man's past successful attempt to free himself from the noose after climaxing.

However, on the day of this man's demise; he choked himself too much and blacked out. This caused his knees to fail resulting in this man hanging himself.

Creepy but true.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 49627189


drama
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 54394952
Ireland
02/15/2014 12:46 PM
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Re: Valentine’s Day Tragedy: Girl Masturbated Intensely leading to Massive Heart Attack
her family should sue the porn website she was masturbating to. She could turn her death into a great victory for God.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 7738261


sbus
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 54394952
Ireland
02/15/2014 12:47 PM
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Re: Valentine’s Day Tragedy: Girl Masturbated Intensely leading to Massive Heart Attack
YOU MEAN THERE WASNT ONE REAL MAN DOWN THERE TO TAKE CARE OF THIS CUTTIE WTF!!!!!! MUST BE A BUNCH OF POLE PUFFERS IN GA, DONT MAKE ME HAVE TO COME DOWN THERE GUYS AND TAKE CARE OF BUIISSNESS. BUT I WILL IF-N NEED BEsidewayssidewayssidewayssidewayssidewayssidewayssidewayssidewayssidewayssidewayssidewayssideways
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 54352352


lol

Yeah, how could a fine woman like her go unserviced?

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