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GEORGE CARLIN ON COWS; CONSTITUTION

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Good Witch
User ID: 105303

United States
6/12/2006 9:08 PM

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GEORGE CARLIN ON COWS; CONSTITUTION

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COWS

Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that our government can
track a cow born in Canada almost three years ago, right to the stall where
she sleeps in the state of Washington, and they tracked her calves to their
stalls. But they are unable to locate 11 million illegal aliens wandering
around our country. Maybe we should give them all a cow.

CONSTITUTION

They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq. Why don't
we just give them ours? It was written by a lot of really smart guys,
it's worked for over 200 years, and we're not using it anymore.

TEN COMMANDMENTS

The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments in a Courthouse?
You cannot post "Thou Shalt Not Steal," "Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery",
and "Thou Shall Not Lie" in a building full of lawyers, judges, and
politicians! It creates a hostile work environment!

And last but not least...

George Carlin said it best about Martha Stewart. "Boy, I felt a lot safer
when she was behind bars. O.J. Simpson and Kobe Bryant are still
walking around; Osama bin Laden too, but they take the one woman in America
willing to cook, clean, and work in the yard, and haul her ass off to
Jail."

Nerak
User ID: 96540

United States
6/12/2006 9:10 PM

Re: GEORGE CARLIN ON COWS; CONSTITUTION	Quote
Now thats a George I can relate to.

martina
User ID: 74186

United States
6/12/2006 9:37 PM

Re: GEORGE CARLIN ON COWS; CONSTITUTION	Quote
wow what he said about martha stewart! so true.

Anonymous Coward
User ID: 105303 (OP)

United States
6/12/2006 9:39 PM

Re: GEORGE CARLIN ON COWS; CONSTITUTION	Quote
love George's humor! right on target.

Stan P.
User ID: 78539

United States
6/12/2006 9:44 PM

Re: GEORGE CARLIN ON COWS; CONSTITUTION	Quote
Man, I don't see hardly anybody making fun of Bush, since 911. I thought it was ILLEGAL to criticize their fucked up policy. Stan P.

martina
User ID: 74186

United States
6/12/2006 9:50 PM

Re: GEORGE CARLIN ON COWS; CONSTITUTION	Quote
stan P! sunpar has been looking for you.

Anonymous Coward
User ID: 105324

United States
6/12/2006 9:58 PM

Re: GEORGE CARLIN ON COWS; CONSTITUTION	Quote
Poor George. It must be tough living in a completely fucked word and know about it too.

Anonymous Coward
User ID: 105325

United States
6/12/2006 10:01 PM

Re: GEORGE CARLIN ON COWS; CONSTITUTION	Quote
He is going to be on the Tonight Show on Wednesday with Ann Coulter. I'm going to actually watch broadcast television for the first time in months to see him annihilate her.

Zaphod Beeblbrox
User ID: 83027

United States
6/12/2006 10:16 PM

Re: GEORGE CARLIN ON COWS; CONSTITUTION

Quote

Bill Maher hits Bush pretty hard, this is a transcript from his show "Real Time" on HBO: (I think George Carlin was a guest panelist on this episode, they are friends)

And finally, New Rule: America must recall the president. [applause] [cheers] That's – that's what this country needs. A good, old-fashioned, California-style recall election! [applause] [cheers] Complete with Gary Coleman, porno actresses and action film stars. [laughter] And just like Schwarzenegger's predecessor here in California, George Bush is now so unpopular, he must defend his jog against…Russell Crowe. [laughter] Because at this point, I want a leader who will throw a phone at somebody. [laughter] [applause] In fact, let's have only phone throwers. Naomi Campbell can be the vice-president! [laughter]

Now, I kid, but seriously, Mr. President, this job can't be fun for you anymore. [laughter] There's no more money to spend. You used up all of that. [laughter] You can't start another war because you also used up the army. And now, darn the luck, the rest of your term has become the Bush family nightmare: helping poor people. [laughter] [applause]

Yeah, listen to your mom. The cupboard's bare, the credit card's maxed out, and no one is speaking to you: mission accomplished! [laughter] Now it's time to do what you've always done best: lose interest and walk away. [laughter] [applause] Like you did with your military service. And the oil company. And the baseball team. It's time. Time to move on and try the next fantasy job. How about cowboy or spaceman?! [laughter] [applause]

Now, I know what you're saying. You're saying that there's so many other things that you, as president, could involve yourself in…Please don't. [laughter] I know, I know, there's a lot left to do. There's a war with Venezuela, and eliminating the sales tax on yachts. [laughter] Turning the space program over to the church. [laughter] [applause] And Social Security to Fannie Mae. [laughter] Giving embryos the vote. [laughter] [applause] But, sir, none of that is going to happen now. Why? Because you govern like Billy Joel drives. [laughter] You've performed so poorly I'm surprised you haven'dont_use_thisf a medal. [laughter] You're a catastrophe that walks like a man. [laughter]

Herbert Hoover was a shitty president, but even he never conceded an entire metropolis to rising water and snakes. [laughter]

On your watch, we've lost almost all of our allies, the surplus, four airliners, two Trade Centers, a piece of the Pentagon and the City of New Orleans…Maybe you're just not lucky! [laughter] [applause] [cheers]

I'm not saying you don't love this country. I'm just wondering how much worse it could be if you were on the other side. [laughter] So, yes, God does speak to you, and what he's saying is, “Take a hint.” [laughter]

New World Order credo:
The whole world will learn of our peaceful ways, BY FORCE!!!

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GEORGE CARLIN ON COWS; CONSTITUTION