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HELP!!! Does anyone know Jesus' phone number?

 
Paradise
User ID: 101502
United States
06/22/2006 01:08 AM
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HELP!!! Does anyone know Jesus' phone number?
I've got to get in touch with Him
ASAP . . .
fawnknudsen

User ID: 88188
United States
06/22/2006 01:12 AM
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Re: HELP!!! Does anyone know Jesus' phone number?
Call Tom Cruise, hes got a direct line.
Paradise (OP)
User ID: 101502
United States
06/22/2006 01:39 AM
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Re: HELP!!! Does anyone know Jesus' phone number?
uuhhhh . . . he has a direct line . . . but to where?

Why doesn't Jesus answer His phone,
is He too busy, or maybe He thinks
we are telemarketers trying to interest
Him in some timesharing

or maybe He has blocked my number

is He on the 'do not call my number' list.
Paradise (OP)
User ID: 101502
United States
06/22/2006 02:34 AM
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Re: HELP!!! Does anyone know Jesus' phone number?
hhmmmmmmmm . . . .

OK . . . nobody knows His number

monstermonstermonster

I'll try and find it for you
cause all sorts of stuff is on the march

GLP serves up the problems
but where are the answers?


demons are on the move all around the planet

we need to get in touch with Jesus
. . . one way or the other and get some answers.

aloha and mahalo
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 108690
United States
06/22/2006 02:37 AM
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Re: HELP!!! Does anyone know Jesus' phone number?
YEAH, 666.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 2094
Canada
06/22/2006 02:38 AM
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Re: HELP!!! Does anyone know Jesus' phone number?
Last I heard he was dead. That might be your answer right there fool. When you are dead and buried are you going to have a phone in your coffin for long distance calls?
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 522
United States
06/22/2006 02:38 AM
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Re: HELP!!! Does anyone know Jesus' phone number?
867 5309
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 4506
United States
06/22/2006 02:38 AM
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Re: HELP!!! Does anyone know Jesus' phone number?
Operator
Give me information
Information
Give me long distance
Long distance
Give me heaven...

(Two, three)
Operator
Information
Give me Jesus on the line
Operator
Information
I'd like to speak to a friend of mine
Oh prayer is the number
Faith is the exchange
Heaven is the street
And Jesus is his name
Operator
Information
Please give me Jesus on the line

Operator
Information
Won't you tell me why
Tell me why
Operator
Information
Don't try to tell me
What number to call
My mother used this number
When I was very small
And everytime she dialed it
She always got 't call the
Operator
Information
Please give me Jesus on the line

Operator
Information
Please hurry if you can
Oh Operator
Information
Please connect me
With the man
Don't worry 'bout the money
You know I will pay the charge
Just give me on the line
I'm callin' from my heart
Operator
Information
Please give me Jesus on the line
Please give me Jesus on the line

Won't you please -
Give me Jesus
Give me Jesus on the line

Yeah!
Finder
User ID: 81539
United States
06/22/2006 02:42 AM
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Re: HELP!!! Does anyone know Jesus' phone number?
It's 777-7777. He's always there, but He has such a still, small voice, he can't always be heard when He answers. Keep trying.
Old Indian Man

User ID: 108691
Australia
06/22/2006 02:43 AM
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Re: HELP!!! Does anyone know Jesus' phone number?
The number is.
46-843-4278
In-The-Hart
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 4506
United States
06/22/2006 02:44 AM
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Re: HELP!!! Does anyone know Jesus' phone number?
Also sung as...

Prayer is the number, faith the exchange,
Heaven is the street and Jesus is His holy name.
Oh, operator, information give me Jesus on the line.

Oh, operator, information tell me why it's taking you so long.
Oh, operator, information don't try to tell me what number to call.
My momma told me and I know that it's true
Trust in the Lord and He'll always be there for me and you.
Oh, operator, information give me Jesus on the line.

Oh, operator, information please help me if you can.
Oh, operator, information can you tell me about God's plan.
It ain't the money, 'cus I know I know that there's a cost.
But my Jesus paid the price when He died on the cross.
Oh, operator, information give me Jesus on the line.
Give me Jesus on the line.
Give me Jesus on the line.
Give me Jesus on the line.
Paradise (OP)
User ID: 101502
United States
06/22/2006 02:45 AM
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Re: HELP!!! Does anyone know Jesus' phone number?
when I call I keep getting an answering machine saying . . .

please leave a message at the beep,

and i leave the message but He hasn't
returned my calls? Very frustrating.

BTW I dialed the 666 and someone at a call center in India for Micrsoft answered.

and I heard that Jesus was raised from the dead so I expect that He is able to certainly answer a telephone

some coffins actually have a built in telephone to call out in case the person was buried . . . prematurely

aloha
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 108603
United States
06/22/2006 02:47 AM
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Re: HELP!!! Does anyone know Jesus' phone number?
333-3333
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 94063
United States
06/22/2006 02:47 AM
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Re: HELP!!! Does anyone know Jesus' phone number?
Jesus' is a wrong number. Please check the number and dial again. 1rof1
Paradise (OP)
User ID: 101502
United States
06/22/2006 02:56 AM
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Re: HELP!!! Does anyone know Jesus' phone number?
Jesus' is a wrong number. Please check the number and dial again. 1rof1
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 94063


your line is tapped and split and the
operator answering is AC . . . alien03
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 108694
Netherlands
06/22/2006 02:58 AM
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Re: HELP!!! Does anyone know Jesus' phone number?
666 violin
~Cactusleaf~

User ID: 505
Canada
06/22/2006 03:07 AM
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Re: HELP!!! Does anyone know Jesus' phone number?
1-800-get-save?
1-800-sin-talk?
Paradise (OP)
User ID: 101502
United States
06/22/2006 03:11 AM
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Re: HELP!!! Does anyone know Jesus' phone number?
1-rep-ent-now!
1-737-368-6691

I'm dialing, I'm dialing
~Cactusleaf~

User ID: 505
Canada
06/22/2006 03:27 AM
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Re: HELP!!! Does anyone know Jesus' phone number?
I just called,said he was busy then hung up,wtf
2XSecretAgent

User ID: 106977
United States
06/22/2006 03:31 AM
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Re: HELP!!! Does anyone know Jesus' phone number?
Jesus' phone was disconnected after he didn't pay his bill for 3 months.
Let's agree to respect each others views, no matter how wrong yours may be.
-------
There are no stupid questions, but there are a LOT of inquisitive idiots.
-------

Contact: GLP2XSA@hotmail.com
Paradise (OP)
User ID: 101502
United States
06/22/2006 03:33 AM
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Re: HELP!!! Does anyone know Jesus' phone number?
I just called,said he was busy then hung up,wtf
 Quoting: ~Cactusleaf~


that's what bothers me, is that He is
too busy to answer the phone, which
is why I'm hanging out at GLP trying
to catch wind of what is going on,

what crisis is brewing that He is too
busy to take any calls now?

monster

i believe it has something to do with
our neighbors from space and their intentions
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 74646
Finland
06/22/2006 03:46 AM
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Re: HELP!!! Does anyone know Jesus' phone number?
I've got to get in touch with Him
ASAP . . .
 Quoting: Paradise 101502


[link to jahtruth.net]
Paradise (OP)
User ID: 101502
United States
06/22/2006 03:53 AM
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Re: HELP!!! Does anyone know Jesus' phone number?
I've got to get in touch with Him
ASAP . . .


[link to jahtruth.net]
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 74646

soap horn rant

i think i got a bad connection there with jah
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 88886
United States
06/22/2006 07:21 AM
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Re: HELP!!! Does anyone know Jesus' phone number?
[link to www.godlikeproductions.com]

Read it carefully...your answer is at about the bottom of page 1..Enjoy
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 62661
United States
06/22/2006 07:23 AM
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Re: HELP!!! Does anyone know Jesus' phone number?
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 522
6/22/2006 2:38 AM Re: HELP!!! Does anyone know Jesus' phone number? Quote

867 5309


LOL YOU BEAT ME TO THE PUNCH LINE.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 108720
United States
06/22/2006 07:39 AM
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Re: HELP!!! Does anyone know Jesus' phone number?
it's 1-PAY-IAM-HERE

$2.99 a minute.

CALL ME !
The Angel of Death

User ID: 106888
United States
06/22/2006 08:12 AM
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Re: HELP!!! Does anyone know Jesus' phone number?
It's a cell phone, and he got a crappy calling plan with not enough minutes.
And it doesn't come in so good at his house, but you can call him when he is at work (which isn't that often, the lazy hippie...)
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 101502
United States
06/22/2006 10:07 AM
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Re: HELP!!! Does anyone know Jesus' phone number?
It's a cell phone, and he got a crappy calling plan with not enough minutes.
And it doesn't come in so good at his house, but you can call him when he is at work (which isn't that often, the lazy hippie...)
 Quoting: The Angel of Death



can someone please update the SIMM card in His cell
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 107704
United States
06/22/2006 10:25 AM
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Re: HELP!!! Does anyone know Jesus' phone number?
Jesus couldn't pay the phone bill, and the company disconnected service.

I hear he likes music. Maybe you could put your request in song form..

OH LORD, won't you buy me a mercedes benz...

something like that?
little star
User ID: 9313
United States
06/22/2006 10:29 AM
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Re: HELP!!! Does anyone know Jesus' phone number?
Look in Gods phone book and you will fine it.
Here is Gods direct line number.
4659 24253
The Angel of Death

User ID: 106888
United States
06/22/2006 10:32 AM
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Re: HELP!!! Does anyone know Jesus' phone number?
OK

Oh lord, won't you kill please, George W Bush.
My friends all hate him, he's sure has made a mess.
The people in China got's more freedom than me.
And while you're down here, throw Congress in the sea.
Oh Lord, won't you clean house in Washington DC...

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