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Wife threatens to divorce all the time

 
Jaydene
User ID: 57649577
05/03/2014 05:56 AM
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Wife threatens to divorce all the time
I got married to my wife out of love and nothing more. My wife grew up without a mother who passed on and a father who was never there even before she was born. All this did not matter to me for life is full of problems and some problems we might face will not be as a result of our own making, all that mattered to me was my love for her. she told me about her upbringing which was characterized by abuse form her Auntie’s, i.e., her mother’s sisters and was moved from house to house getting unfair treatment comparing to their own children, it’s sad but I was bold to say I will be your man in all situations to give her a shoulder, an ear and my heart. When I look back I try to deny that we only dated for about six months, something in my logical thinking would deem not proper and not enough time to get married but I did it anyway- it was all in the name of love. When time for us to get married got closer I helped her to find her father of which we did and we got married.
During the course of our marriage given that we face a slight problem she threatens to leave or should I say divorce. Almost every time when we could not agree to something she could go on telling me that she made a mistake in getting married and if she could have known that marriage has its problems she could not have got married to me citing that her getting married was a way to get away from her problems and that they have even multiplied, that kind of language. More than five times she packed her bags to leave and out of love I could follow her and ask her to come back home. When all this happened I told her Untie and she could call her talk some sense into her. It kept on happening and I realized that if she really wants to go chasing after she won’t really change her mind and now her case is that I don’t love her as I used to before. At one point in time I thought it was for the best that I grant her wish but my major worry is that we have a baby girl together whom I love so much and she is only one year six months, my concern is that my daughter will grow up without having a father figure in her life and won’t get the kind of life she will have when I am around.
All the time when we have a misunderstanding she threatens l to leave and divorce, I am on the verge to give in. I am not assured of what tomorrow holds, I feel it is better if we are not going to make it then we should as well call it off when we still have time to find ourselves sooner rather than later.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 57552145
United Kingdom
05/03/2014 06:11 AM
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Re: Wife threatens to divorce all the time
Hi OP ~ Awh sorry to see you're having problems, but what marriage doesn't?! However, I think what you may be contending with is a lady that feels a constant sense of abandonment due to her earlier years you detailed.

This issue she has of wanting to run away from things, when she feels they are getting out of her control... It is a sort of natural mechanize that can kick in and cause havoc in these situations!

Really and truly, it is your wife that needs to work on herself, with love from you :) She will never be happy, as the loss she suffered as a child cannot be fixed unless addressed. We all want someone to love us unconditionally, no matter what we do... She is probably constantly 'testing' your love for her, by threatening to leave you, to see if you will chase her/fight for her... UNLESS she really doesn't want to be with you of course. But I think if that were true, she would probably have told you.

I think what you should do is ask your wife, if she still loves you and wants your marriage to work. I am sure she is in turmoil but should know her feelings on this. If she does, then you need to focus on her being able to realize that her actions will cause what she fears most, and that is losing you! :) Mention this to her, and see if she can relate to what I've said.

Don't give up, as nothing worthwhile is easy... x
Maguyver
Fix'r

User ID: 47713797
United States
05/03/2014 06:16 AM

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Re: Wife threatens to divorce all the time
Look up Borderline Personality Disorder.
Adversity is inevitable, misery is optional.

Do or do not. There is no try.

"The enemy will never attack where you are strongest...He will attack where you are weakest. If you do not know your weakest point, be certain, your enemy will." Sun Tzu
Anonymous Coward
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India
05/03/2014 06:24 AM
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Re: Wife threatens to divorce all the time
Go on vacation or have hotel food with your wife.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 57563542
United States
05/03/2014 06:40 AM
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Re: Wife threatens to divorce all the time
She should not keep repeating that threat if she doesn't want it because we eventually will get what we keep saying, whether we mean it or not. If you come to a point that you will split, get a good divorce lawyer and demand at least joint custody. Make it clear to her though she can't keep threatening you with divorce if she wants to stay. No one should have to live under that constant threat.
Anonymous Coward
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United Kingdom
05/03/2014 06:42 AM
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Re: Wife threatens to divorce all the time
She has borderline personality disorder (not bipolar disorder!). The more you love a borderline the more they hate you; when they do leave you and you don't give a fuck, they accuse you of not loving or caring for them, then do everything in their power to get back at you. They are truly fucked up and leave a trail of destruction where ever they go.

I know you have a kid, OP, but you cannot put yourself through that shit. The fucking bitch doesn't give a rats about you and, sorry to say it, she will probably leave you for an abusive scumbag, that's if she hasn't already been screwing around with one.

The longer you stay in this "marriage" the more the bitch will erode your self esteem to the point where you feel totally trapped and totally worthless. When she's managed to break you to pieces that's when she will put the final nail in your coffin by having an affair and then leaving you.

This is how BPD's roll, man.
jennifer
User ID: 5705326
United States
05/03/2014 06:43 AM
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Re: Wife threatens to divorce all the time
We all have a disorder, go to any psychiatrist and they will tell you so, bottom line is do you want to stay with her?, does she want to stay with you? If the answer is yes, that is not going to make it work, work is what might make it work, it is not easy, here it's like every ten minutes! lol, which is extreme but it is because we both, everyone has their own issues, IMO
You both might want it to work, try your hardest, but still might lose the marriage, it happens even after 50 years, the next, and the next can all go the same way, sad but it is true.
I have known people who claim never to argue and divorce saying they are bored with eachother, grew in totally different directions, wish eachother luck and go their separate ways.
I choose to keep working at it, if he doesn't, well that is his choice, what I do if he leaves then becomes my choice. When you live together as one, you are still separate, but supposed to be partners, there to pick eachother up, yes support, comfort, understand, and learn from one another, most of all try to remember to love and respect eachother, this can be very hard because there is that tug and pull, this is my way, my belief, my way is better for me, so it is better for you, or the other saying, I am me, I don't like your way, then the other not being able or choosing not to cope with the other person's way, it goes on and on, very hard for both to say and really mean I accept you 100 percent for the way you are at all times.
I guess what I am trying to say is in the end you have to decide what you want for your life, maybe you are willing to make yourself change all the way to fit all her wants and needs if she is totally not going to change, maybe if she knows you will just let it end she will change, maybe not, or maybe you both will compromise again and again and find glimpses of happiness, sadness, comfort, and love with another till death do you part:), Best to you both friend.
Anonymous Coward
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United Kingdom
05/03/2014 06:45 AM
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Re: Wife threatens to divorce all the time
I notice the females have given compassionate, positive, caring advice, the blokes have done otherwise on this thread! Lol
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 52620767
United Kingdom
05/03/2014 06:47 AM
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Re: Wife threatens to divorce all the time
Hi OP ~ Awh sorry to see you're having problems, but what marriage doesn't?! However, I think what you may be contending with is a lady that feels a constant sense of abandonment due to her earlier years you detailed.

This issue she has of wanting to run away from things, when she feels they are getting out of her control... It is a sort of natural mechanize that can kick in and cause havoc in these situations!

Really and truly, it is your wife that needs to work on herself, with love from you :) She will never be happy, as the loss she suffered as a child cannot be fixed unless addressed. We all want someone to love us unconditionally, no matter what we do... She is probably constantly 'testing' your love for her, by threatening to leave you, to see if you will chase her/fight for her... UNLESS she really doesn't want to be with you of course. But I think if that were true, she would probably have told you.

I think what you should do is ask your wife, if she still loves you and wants your marriage to work. I am sure she is in turmoil but should know her feelings on this. If she does, then you need to focus on her being able to realize that her actions will cause what she fears most, and that is losing you! :) Mention this to her, and see if she can relate to what I've said.

Don't give up, as nothing worthwhile is easy... x
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 57552145


Bitch, take your crap advice and shove it straight up your ass.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 57552145
United Kingdom
05/03/2014 06:54 AM
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Re: Wife threatens to divorce all the time
Hi OP ~ Awh sorry to see you're having problems, but what marriage doesn't?! However, I think what you may be contending with is a lady that feels a constant sense of abandonment due to her earlier years you detailed.

This issue she has of wanting to run away from things, when she feels they are getting out of her control... It is a sort of natural mechanize that can kick in and cause havoc in these situations!

Really and truly, it is your wife that needs to work on herself, with love from you :) She will never be happy, as the loss she suffered as a child cannot be fixed unless addressed. We all want someone to love us unconditionally, no matter what we do... She is probably constantly 'testing' your love for her, by threatening to leave you, to see if you will chase her/fight for her... UNLESS she really doesn't want to be with you of course. But I think if that were true, she would probably have told you.

I think what you should do is ask your wife, if she still loves you and wants your marriage to work. I am sure she is in turmoil but should know her feelings on this. If she does, then you need to focus on her being able to realize that her actions will cause what she fears most, and that is losing you! :) Mention this to her, and see if she can relate to what I've said.

Don't give up, as nothing worthwhile is easy... x
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 57552145


Bitch, take your crap advice and shove it straight up your ass.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 52620767


You show me how!
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1447110
05/03/2014 06:57 AM
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Re: Wife threatens to divorce all the time
You need to start hitting the gym and get back into the game so when She threatens You send Her packing. If You send Her packing She might realize She messed up or She just might leave for good. You have a child which doesn't deserve parents that fight all the time.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1496863
United Kingdom
05/03/2014 07:00 AM
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Re: Wife threatens to divorce all the time
people from broken/divorced homes do not see marriage vows as sacred,they are more superficial
jennifer
User ID: 5705326
United States
05/03/2014 07:11 AM
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Re: Wife threatens to divorce all the time
PS, sorry, just had to add this in all seriousness, everyone's past molds us, but the past is even yesterday, not just while we were children, but harder for us to make a horrid experience something to grow from as a child because we have no way out of it even if we know the choice we would make, laws won't allow us to walk away, work, get our own life, so yes as we live as a child starts the molding.
My husband says his home was perfect in many ways, no drama, Leave it to Beaver type of life, I don't believe it, lol, but okay if he wants to think it, if that is how he deals with it, okay:)
Um sorry losing my point which is now going to be like serving you rhubarb with chocolate pudding.
I wanted to write instead of looking at the past, just married her out of pure love etc., why not look at the present and the days leading up to this time, is she crying, saying, pleading, hinting that she needs you to try to change something about you that she did not know about, maybe less of something, maybe more of something? I am not saying you should compromise , just thinking we all change, well usually as time goes on we do, sometimes we do stay in the past to much too.
Example first ten years reliving my past as a child made my husband change from a partner to a father figure, after seeking help and moving on from many issues he felt I was getting to independent but since he adapted the role of Dad and was now losing that position he turned to the decision maker, for both of us, and I admit I allowed because I still did not have the confidence in myself to trust or believe in me, especially because of the many bad choices I made in my life. Ok 27 yrs from the day we met now, he cannot let go of the past, still wants to have the final say for everything I do, is this really for my own good? lol, we know it isn't, I know what I want for my final years, not a Dad, not a boss, not a sugar daddy, just a friend, partner sharing our everything together, but yes I get upset I have to remind, ask him to do this or don't do this please because it is so aggravating, and he does the same to me:(,
End line is I never thought we would stay together many times, in fact we did split once, he threw me out, very painful, might have ended up painful for him to if I did not care about it enough to come back and ask him to give us another try, who knows? Just try to remember, you have you bad and good as well, it might be someone's fault, maybe not, if you look at things in those terms.... I just think it's life, you want to be together or not, saying divorce to me means Mister, I am sick of your stuff, work with me!
RJ
User ID: 39914924
United States
05/03/2014 07:30 AM
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Re: Wife threatens to divorce all the time
She sounds like she has low self esteem and tries to test you to see how far she can push you away and if you'll be with her no matter what. She's obviously never grown out of the abuse and is trying to see if you'll dish it out. Dont. Dont leave her. instead go to marriage counseling. She obviously needs counseling alone and every marriage needs counseling too. I don't know how to talk someone into seeking counseling alone so I think the first step may be taking her to counseling or going to counseling alone so you can show her there isn't a stigma attached to it so later you can get her to go alone. Good luck.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 57649248
05/03/2014 07:35 AM
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Re: Wife threatens to divorce all the time
She'll be doing you a favour. Let her go...
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 52901399
United States
05/03/2014 07:47 AM
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Re: Wife threatens to divorce all the time
Call her on her threat, it is probably an empty threat and she may not want a divorce just attention. Calling her on it might make her seriously think about it and quit with the threats, they are hurtful

You could also communicate this to her and get to the bottom of the problem. Marriage builders dot com can help, they have lots of material on their site (for free). You both can learn to meet each others needs.
tamatik

User ID: 39405099
Canada
05/03/2014 07:51 AM
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Re: Wife threatens to divorce all the time
she is def related to my wife.. ANYTIME we had a disagreement she would pack her stuff and head many miles away. several times i have paid BIG BUX to get her stuff sent back and her.. only to have her take off again.

shes been gone 4 yrs now and will not be back.

last time she came back it was to run away from BF who OD,d on H.. she hates drugs and didnt know he was a closet horse rider.

she says marryed folks do not argue EVER.

never violent just a simple arguement etc.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1496863
United Kingdom
05/03/2014 07:55 AM
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Re: Wife threatens to divorce all the time
women have to much power in the courts and they know it



This is why she wants a divorce...she gets the house,she gets custody of the kids and a nice juicy cheque every month

meanwhile the man gets crapped all over..this is why she wants a divorse..do you think the bitch has not though over these things ???


bet your life on it!
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 57617861
United Kingdom
05/03/2014 07:55 AM
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Re: Wife threatens to divorce all the time
Oo, shotgun wedding problems.

:poppycorn:

How big is the trailer you live in?
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 57651504
United States
05/03/2014 08:01 AM
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Re: Wife threatens to divorce all the time
To quote a line from the movie "The Breakup,"

"Go find a chick even hotter than [your woman] and bang the shit outta her."
Panhead

User ID: 19505600
United States
05/03/2014 08:08 AM
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Re: Wife threatens to divorce all the time
WTF is this now a Cuntspiricy forum?
"Any man who thinks he can be happy and prosperous by letting the American Government take care of him;

better take a closer look at the American Indian."

Henry Ford

"Disappointment is Anger for wimps"

House
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 48323033
United States
05/03/2014 08:17 AM
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Re: Wife threatens to divorce all the time
I had a mother like that...well excepr that she always threaten to kill herself....it worked on my dad, but not on me....I gave her a pistol with one round and told her to do it or shut up....she never tried it again

my ex was the same....I tried for 27 years...but in the end, it was just not worth it....she did leave with 60k debt that I had to take care of though
TheKeyling
User ID: 57560656
New Zealand
05/03/2014 08:22 AM
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Re: Wife threatens to divorce all the time
What is she to gain by her threat?

What do you gain either way?

More info- please!
TheKeyling
User ID: 57560656
New Zealand
05/03/2014 08:24 AM
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Re: Wife threatens to divorce all the time
As soon as a woman, threatens a male, with anything - the Chick is Toast!

Women don't get that ... it is just confrontational ... from then on.
nutmeg

User ID: 8803830
United States
05/03/2014 08:27 AM

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Re: Wife threatens to divorce all the time
I got married to my wife out of love and nothing more. My wife grew up without a mother who passed on and a father who was never there even before she was born. All this did not matter to me for life is full of problems and some problems we might face will not be as a result of our own making, all that mattered to me was my love for her. she told me about her upbringing which was characterized by abuse form her Auntie’s, i.e., her mother’s sisters and was moved from house to house getting unfair treatment comparing to their own children, it’s sad but I was bold to say I will be your man in all situations to give her a shoulder, an ear and my heart. When I look back I try to deny that we only dated for about six months, something in my logical thinking would deem not proper and not enough time to get married but I did it anyway- it was all in the name of love. When time for us to get married got closer I helped her to find her father of which we did and we got married.
During the course of our marriage given that we face a slight problem she threatens to leave or should I say divorce. Almost every time when we could not agree to something she could go on telling me that she made a mistake in getting married and if she could have known that marriage has its problems she could not have got married to me citing that her getting married was a way to get away from her problems and that they have even multiplied, that kind of language. More than five times she packed her bags to leave and out of love I could follow her and ask her to come back home. When all this happened I told her Untie and she could call her talk some sense into her. It kept on happening and I realized that if she really wants to go chasing after she won’t really change her mind and now her case is that I don’t love her as I used to before. At one point in time I thought it was for the best that I grant her wish but my major worry is that we have a baby girl together whom I love so much and she is only one year six months, my concern is that my daughter will grow up without having a father figure in her life and won’t get the kind of life she will have when I am around.
All the time when we have a misunderstanding she threatens l to leave and divorce, I am on the verge to give in. I am not assured of what tomorrow holds, I feel it is better if we are not going to make it then we should as well call it off when we still have time to find ourselves sooner rather than later.
 Quoting: Jaydene 57649577


Divorce and get joint custody of your daughter. You AND your daughter do not deserve the aggravation. A child should not grow up in that environment. You both deserve better. First make sure your wife goes to a psychologist/psychiatrist. Find a good one at a university hospital if you can. See if things get better.

Last Edited by nutmeg on 05/03/2014 08:30 AM
Anonymous Coward
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United States
05/04/2014 12:18 AM
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Re: Wife threatens to divorce all the time
Hi OP ~ Awh sorry to see you're having problems, but what marriage doesn't?! However, I think what you may be contending with is a lady that feels a constant sense of abandonment due to her earlier years you detailed.

This issue she has of wanting to run away from things, when she feels they are getting out of her control... It is a sort of natural mechanize that can kick in and cause havoc in these situations!

Really and truly, it is your wife that needs to work on herself, with love from you :) She will never be happy, as the loss she suffered as a child cannot be fixed unless addressed. We all want someone to love us unconditionally, no matter what we do... She is probably constantly 'testing' your love for her, by threatening to leave you, to see if you will chase her/fight for her... UNLESS she really doesn't want to be with you of course. But I think if that were true, she would probably have told you.

I think what you should do is ask your wife, if she still loves you and wants your marriage to work. I am sure she is in turmoil but should know her feelings on this. If she does, then you need to focus on her being able to realize that her actions will cause what she fears most, and that is losing you! :) Mention this to her, and see if she can relate to what I've said.

Don't give up, as nothing worthwhile is easy... x
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 57552145


^^^This^^^

My crazy wife use to say the same shit & the above post is spot on. She will only get worse and if she thinks you are cheating....she will try and destroy you. Keep your head up OP and remember there are other people dealing with Lucifer's other sisters & we have to stay strong together!
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1513156
United States
05/04/2014 12:35 AM
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Re: Wife threatens to divorce all the time
Do you have kids?

If not, call her bluff. Not worth the hassle.

If you do, stick it out.
centrist77

User ID: 8251889
United States
05/04/2014 01:04 AM

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Re: Wife threatens to divorce all the time
Call the bluff, do it, your free either way.
saberbanner2
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 43289759
United States
05/04/2014 01:23 AM
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Re: Wife threatens to divorce all the time
I'd go with the divorce just for her saying that.
But, some can put up with more shit.
Little bird

User ID: 57033186
United States
05/04/2014 08:34 AM

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Re: Wife threatens to divorce all the time
Sounds like PTSD. She is in flight mode.
I don't think she ever can change.
I would suggest you fight for sole custody.
Why assume the child will stay with her when she exhibits mental illness.
Get yourself prepared to be a single dad.
Little bird
Anonymous Coward
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United States
05/04/2014 08:38 AM
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Re: Wife threatens to divorce all the time
She should not keep repeating that threat if she doesn't want it because we eventually will get what we keep saying, whether we mean it or not. If you come to a point that you will split, get a good divorce lawyer and demand at least joint custody. Make it clear to her though she can't keep threatening you with divorce if she wants to stay. No one should have to live under that constant threat.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 57563542


Tell the bitch to grow the f-up!!! She has a kid, she now has responsibilities.....

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