Meeting my father for the first time....any advice?

Yeah, try to enjoy it. He's probably as nervous as you.

Give him a big Hug....
:)

try to remember that he is a fallible human being, just like everyone else.

Shit happens...who knows the reasons...enjoy and try to get past...well the past.

Peace

Yeah,don't call him Dad.

Just don't expect anything other than what you've gotten from him, in every regard, for the past 34 years of your life.

As a mom who had a man leave without even a call to ask or say anything, all I can say is this, truly--

Those who were there, in good times, in bad, from first lost tooth to wisdom teeth…those who were there made you who you are today by supporting you for the vision you had for yourself.

Don't give who you are to someone who wants it for free.

I mean no disrespect. Best to you.

I'd say Hi pop and then break his nose.




Watch this:

be nice like Patrick swazey says in roadhouse.

kiss on the lips, don't be shy and peck the cheek, get in there and give a good wet sloppy kiss on the lips to make up for lost time.

Anyone else been there before? What was your experience? I'm thinking of going in with no expetations at all but I'm afraid it's just gonna be too overwhelming emotionally.

Advice would depend on what the circumstances were. Were you adopted at birth? If so your probably father had no say in the outcome whatsoever.

Or did he abandon you and your mother at an early age?

Then again some women get involved with another man and then go for sole custody with no visitation rights which, in the past, were very often granted.

What happened in your case OP?

this

I haven't done anything close.

I am sure both of you are nervous.

My advice is to treat him like any other person you just met. Don't bring the baggage. Once you get to know him a little you can decide if you want to continue a relationship of any sort.

My husbands father left them when he was a toddler. They found each other when he was 33. That bond of family will not be there but you can attempt to be friends. Avoid trying to pretend that you can make up for lost time you can only move forward. It has been three years and my husbands father would never take the time to get to know him. He was disappointed that my husband wasn't the person he wanted him to be. My best advice is that both parties have to be willing to accept that the past is done and this is who we are. Just remember he is only human and so are you.

I met my dad when I was born, don't remember too much about it, buy after having surgery from a double hernia, that I was born with, I remember standing up in the crib at the hospital and shouting my first sentence ever: "There's my daddy!" as he walked around the corner to come see me.

Last Edited by BRIEF on 05/09/2014 02:22 PM

Don't sleep with him.

My advice is not to ask for advice here.

Then he is a sociopath. Any parent would give their life just for the opportunity to see their child, if even for one last minute.

I mean no disrespect, or am trying to hurt you by saying this, I am telling you from my heart. If you were my son, I'd advise you to meet him with the understanding any aspect of *you* which thinks or believes those aspects will be enhanced, positively, by meeting a sperm donor is delusional.

The fact exists, forever, that the sperm donor was a male but he was never a man and deserves no prized title, namely, "father".

Be yourself and not who or what you think he might expect. and it'll go fine. A hug is definetely in order. God Bless and God Speed to your new found relationship.

Scare him away from what? Fatherhood? Seems he already proved himself in that regard…

No offense intended, but if he abandoned his child and his child's mom, he's a piece of shit. No amount of years will change that fact.

My father did the same thing, I determined I would be a good father and give my children what I never had.

BUT the fact is we are all flawed, we are all human, and humanity makes all kinds of hideous mistakes.

I treated my father until he died, as if he did nothing wrong.


YOU and I can not judge others without mercy, we are just to flawed to stand in that place.

IF this person wants A RELATIONSHIP, then they must be low key, and keep it lite, or he will be scared off.




Last Edited by rod777 on 05/09/2014 02:40 PM

I was 24 before i met my mother . My father took me and my brother away from her and her family at 4 and 5 as they weren't very nice (i don't remember very much except i was abused badly apparently by her father and she never stopped it ..so my father done a runner with me and my brother ,he got married and i called his new wife mum and i couldn't have hoped for a better upbringing ) i couldn't even remember what she looked like .. I met her again in hospital dying of cancer final stage at 24 she didn't know me and thought i was the priest ,there wasn't much to say to each other and it felt like meeting a stranger .... All you can do is get to know each other slowly and hope that bridges can be rebuilt .............

Last Edited by saviour12631 on 05/09/2014 02:45 PM

The fact that you think "we are all flawed" means what? That because you think you are a flawed son, you must accept a sperm donor into your family's life (including your children) so you can take care of him although he didn't give a rat's ass about you?

Is this religion? If so, count me out.

Yeah. Don't expect much. It's weird and awkward and uncomfortable. I met my birth parents separately at age 24 and then 25.

With my birth mother, it was just like visiting a new neighbor or something, there was no hugging or any emotions whatsoever, just like meeting someone politely. We sat around for a bit and chatted about nothing.

When I met my birth father, I pretty much stood there like a statue while this strange man cried and hugged me. It was one of the strangest encounters I've ever had in my life.

I'm in my 40s now. Lost touch with my birth mother almost immediately after meeting her as there was literally no connection. I did stay in touch with my birth father for a longer time back then, but that too just slowly became less and less contact.

It is just like meeting a stranger, except with a lot of heavy baggage and dark questions.

I'd do it again though, the not knowing was a killer.

Take it for what it is. You are finally meeting your father. Keep a cool level head. Ask questions that have been circulating in your head for all of these years. Do succumb to emotion. Get answers.

Ask if you can borrow 10 bucks.


------

LEft out the NOT.. oops

He may have a lot to say but attempts to with hold it for you and your well-being. He likely got totally screwed over by those close to you. You may have been taken from him, causing his life to be filled with pain and suffering, possibly even physical acts of violence committed against him and attempted murders committed against him.

Did you grow-up in a cult, mod, religious community?


Thread: What shall I use for bait on my hook this afternoon?

Last Edited by TastyThoughts on 05/09/2014 03:04 PM