Ease up and "tell a joke thread"

A preacher is ministering to an elderly dying woman, and while he's listening to her story, which goes on and on, he spies a bowl of peanuts on the bedstand, so he grabs a quick handful while the woman is lost in her story.

She goes on for a few hours, and the preacher realizes he's eaten most of her peanuts, so he stops her and says, " look, I'm sorry, I'm going to step out for a minute and get you some more peanuts "

She relies, " Oh no, it's ok, you don't have to buy more, at my age I can only manage to suck off the chocolate "

OK. How many GMO's does it take to poison and mutilate your children?

Rat Poison Ya, I don't know. How many?

funny!


Do you think spiders are misunderstood?
[link to www.quickmeme.com]

I like the spider jokes from you're link.

how many walmarts does it take to destroy 100 small family businesses?

An atheist, a Jew and a Roman Catholic are all passangers on a plane that develops engine trouble.

The pilot has one extra parachute abd throws it in.

They debate who should get it.

The Catholic offers it to the atheist as if he dies without finding God he may go to hell.

The atheist launches into an attack on the Jew and the Roman Catholic, mocking them and their beliefs and tge Catholic offering the parachute as an example of religioys stupidity.

Finally he pauses and the Jew says - the atheist should have the parachute.

Satisfied the atheist staps on the parachute, secures his fedora hat and exits the plane.

The Jew turns to the Roman Catholic and says 'Why did you give him the parachute?"

The Catholic says " I asked God and he told me that somehow you and I will be Ok in this plane"

TheJew smiles and says 'Yes the pilot told the the engine was fine now while the guy with the fedora was taljing to you"

The end

"I am Joe K -- You are Joe K"

--Joe K

[link to levishand.wordpress.com (secure)]

I use to have a fear of speed bumps.
.
.
.
.
.
...I slowly got over it.
.

Dude goes to his doctor for his physical.

The doctor notices his penis is orange.

The man is sent for all sorts of tests but the doctor can't figure out why the man's penis is orange.

Finally the doctor asks the man what he does with time.

The man tells him: "I watch a lot of porn and eat a lot of Cheezies."

Why did the Bilderberger cross the road?

To build a better berger.

A Rabbi and a priest are walking through a park together when they come across a young boy playing alone. The priest looks at the Rabbi and says "let's fuck him" ; the Rabbi replies "out of what?"

Do you know the difference between INLAWS and OUTLAWS?

The OUTLAWS are WANTED.

lawlz

Did you hear about the gay Sperm Whale?
He was found biting the heads off submarines,
and sucking out the seamen.

How can people joke about Jews like this?!?!

My Grandfather died at Auschwitz......(sheds tear)




He fell out of a Guard Tower.

What did the fish say when he hit a concrete wall? A: "Dam".

[link to www.quickmeme.com]

Police Officer: "How high are you?"
Pothead: "No officer, it's "Hi, How are you?"

:pregnant:

humor is a skill ....

How can you tell a real blonde from a "bottled blonde?"

The real one can't get out of a paper bag WITH directions.

What did the Zen Master say to the hot dog vendor?






'Make me one with everything'

[link to www.youtube.com (secure)]



Last Edited by IWASTHERE on 06/02/2014 06:46 PM

My teenager told me this one the other day and it's really, really crude so close your ears.

Bob: "How many wrinkles does an asshole have?"

Gary: "Um...I dunno."

Bob: "Smile and I'll start counting."