What card comes after the "BACKLASH" Card?
User ID: 1407878
06/09/2014 12:54 PM
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Make sure to announce if you are either a Christ. Which there seem to be endless amounts of only rivals the innumerable nobodies.
Or the 'other' camp of Antichrist: sign up now and get a free cape, mustache to twirl and hot pants. Oddly enough, the AC also rivals the endless amounts of nobodies out there.
If you are of either camp you must first register at the front desk and take your basic courses in in order to pass on the registrar. This is a required class for all of those taking the path of religious wackjob.
Thank you in advance; the course requirements are listed below prior being allowed to post on the internet about any subject other than weather or grocery lists.
Misquoting and out of context discussions: A path to salvation on bulletin board systems.
This primer course will help direct the barely literate to discuss anything out of context as it is published, by the letter, in any number of bibles or any printed source regardless of source.
So be sure to start a conversation about your position by randomly grabbing any quote from revelations out of context and declaring yourself on the horse of faith...or on the wagon. It's good family fun involving fire, brimstone and banana fudge sundays.
Red Herrings and Your immovable position and ideas; love them and nurture them.
Trouble making a point online? Don't worry. You don't have to. Don't change or even understand the presented material. The lord is your Shepard and you are so totally right because you are 20-45, male, white and christian.
You can use any number of unrelated subjects and information to pad a weak argument anytime. In this course we take a look at how to further negate any reasonable conversation to the point it turns into monkey's throwing shit at each other.
Remember, you are right. So. Totally. Right. This quote from a third hand source from a Hitler Youth group says so. And it's a well established fact that Hitler was both Christian and perfectly reasonable.
War is peace
Tired of all those bad mouthing people on the internet? Declare war on them with the full fury of the Almighty because that will fix them but good. Give the full intention of your well placed wrath by removing all of the common sense learned over a lifetime.
In this course learn to declare war on:
- The Moon
- Lesser believers
- Non believers
- Your cat
- A plate of ramen noodles
- High prices
By the end of the first lesson you may indiscriminately randomly point a finger at anything...see that pebble? Lord declares war on that people. So easy. So much awesome. Righteous.
This course will help you vent your insignificant rage on any number of things, real or imagined. Why? You are the Lord's foot soldier, it's all your call obviously. Because you are the only one that's declared it ever in the entire history of the world.
Name dropping and dead linking: Professional time wasting Courtesy.
Start randomly quoting 80's scam preachers mistakenly? Jimmy Swaggart was shown the light before he was shown the door after all. Use him as a pillar of Christian virtue? Sure, no problem.
Take a blurry photo of your thumb and see St Paul in the hangnail? Fuck yeah. It's obvious it's St Paul, you seen it. That's proof right there, says on this poorly referenced website. Then learn to link an article on Christian oral hygiene with 'something' taken out of context.
But also learn the most powerful tool. Communication Bricklaying. Make sure the world thanks you for sharing, so bump dozens of times a day while looking for other true believers.
With this advanced course we'll show you how to bait, name drop and wish away your responsibility for a poor understanding of the WELL DOCUMENTED MATERIAL.
Remember, fuck them, they ain't Jesus and you are so righteous.
How to ragequit and slide with the Lord
It's exactly what Jesus would do. If 'doing' is telling everyone on the planet to choke on a dick and announcing how they were all going to burn in hell. Because it's what Jesus would do after flaring out like a 5 year old drunk sailor.
...because that's what all men of peace do. Declare war on strangers. Just like you did, and you've got GOD(tm) in your corner because you just told everyone you do then bumped ever 'helpful' thread you've ever created onto front page. Remember, it's helpful and people like helpful things like you and your threads. Bump them all at once, people love it.
Contact Jewish people for a HUGE party you need to help plan. This course outlines all the necessary material to get started arranging for all the Israelite's and two new friends to get really, really stoned.
Because parties, new friends and getting stoned are awesome.
TROLL370: Role acceptance
Accepting the fact if you are messiah or Antichrist means you have to get killed by Jewish people and they throw a HUGE party after stoning you. It's a good thing you took the course to plan a head.
With all these prefilled course requirements then you individuals seeking to be the Antichrist or the Messiah will have the proper tools available to complete your unholy or holy quest in life.
Which is shit up the internet obviously.