Caregiver Support Thread

Tomorrow my husband is taking the day off from work and taking me out with my mother to an afternoon show and lunch! We havent been on a date like that for almost a year! I have to be back by 6 to give my daughter her meds but I am SO looking forward to being just a couple for an afternoon! My mother is in her 80s but shes very independant. She worked this out for us since I was having such a pity party week.

Uh oh....i dated myself! btw, my husband has been listening to this thread. Hes really glad that GLP can help me like this. thx again OP

Congratulations, and have fun! That's very important and often overlooked. You deserve a nice day.




My girlfriend knows I am a GLP'er, but she prefers to let me filter out the "important" news and send it to her, it's too fast-paced for her here otherwise. I haven't told her about this thread and I probably won't. I need a place where I can vent sometimes without her being upset by it.

Let us know how today went when you get a chance!


To everyone, to be clear, I am not trying to impede on the other caregiver thread that is currently active. It's a wonderful thread but it's very patient-oriented where this one is meant to be specifically caregiver-oriented. I also posted it as a continuation of a thread from last year, that the original author requested for us to abandon and start fresh. I am hoping some of the posters from that thread find this one.

I started my day kinda worried about my daughter, since I didnt see her before I left and she was always up to get a painpill first thing.....I tried to call but no one answered the phone. I managed to put that compulsive worrying on a back burner, and for the most part, I was successful.

(when she was a little girl, children were so cruel to her during recess, once the whole school chanted a girl on for beating her up just because they didnt understand why she danced all the time! I use to watch her with binoculars during every recess, even though the principal stayed near her every day after that! She was soon sent to a special school and out of my eyesight. I had to learn to be less obsessed with her safety.)

anyway, I did pretty good today and managed to get involved with the movie and really enjoyed being with my husband!

We were a little late getting back home but our daughter finally took our call in time to let her know we would be home pretty close to time for her meds. She did just fine and did not get herself into a panic. hahaha, I seemed to be more panicked then she was! I made sure to thank everybody and we set up another date for next month, my hubby and me alone! It was great to be flirting and laughing again! Thank you God!



Last Edited by lap on 06/26/2014 12:22 AM

She has tried to commit suicide three times when she was younger.....that and her extreme wt makes me worry that some day she will do it again. But, she has committed herself to a promise to God that she wont do that ever again, so I feel safer about it more than for many years. Still, its hard to let go sometimes. I just have to trust in God, that and keep her medicines locked up. Seems like a very small price to pay for peace of mind.

Last Edited by lap on 06/26/2014 12:34 AM

That is totally awesome. It sounds like the two of you really needed that! And the obsessive worrying - that's just a sign that you care. I always call it "nagging, with love". I am glad she has stopped thinking about ending things - that is never the solution. Life is tough, but we have to stand tall and strong and keep pushing forward! I'm so glad she has you, and I'm sure she is, too. Did your mother have a good time also?

My day...ugh. My girlfriend and I have an age difference of about 14 years. It might seem odd to some, but I was a very mature 22 year old, and she was a somewhat wild and carefree 36 year old, when we met. We were, and still are, a very good match, despite the age difference - never had any major arguments, always been very close and open, etc.

However...we've been having a lot of problems between us lately, and we think we've started to figure out at least some of why - she is now 48 and showing all the physical and emotional signs of entering perimenopause. She's become really unpredictable emotionally, and been running my head in serious circles for the first time in 11 years. We had a long talk today about it but knowing I could be facing years of this is a little unnerving. Combining those symptoms with MS is like a circus of crazy. I can handle it, I hope!

since it's been a few days.

Some positive things to think about - I got the house cleaned today (mostly), and made my first attempt at sweet and sour pork. Considering I am a terrible cook, it actually came out pretty darn good. I know it's not the healthiest but we've been going with a no-junkfood diet informally for a few weeks now so I thought it'd be nice to try making something I liked to order when she and I used to go out all the time.

How is everything these last few days with your daughter, lap?

And I hope everyone else out there is well, I'll be back a little later. Still have some things to get done before the day is over.

Any of you have ideas to make a sibling understand the seriousness of a situation?

I am the younger brother, but I take after my father in being more pragmatic, logical, realistic, and resourceful. My brother is an elementary-school teacher that (to me) is naive, unrealistic, selfish, and a whole other host of traits that I can't pinpoint but are not realistic.

My father had a pretty severe stroke on June 30. He is leaving rehab on Aug 14, released to home. He has made amazing recoveries, but there are still lingering issues--somewhat serious limitations. He DOES NOT want to go to a facility, and I respect that decision, especially because I know he will work his very hardest to overcome any issue if it means he stays at home.

I live close to my Dad; my brother lives 2 hrs away--not a huge burden.

I see my Dad everyday. My brother hasn't called, texted, emailed, etc. He has only come to see him twice in a month and a half. He has had his inlaw family from England in town and has gone out to all the tourist sites with them, posting on Facebook (which I hate) all of their fun, etc. but never seems to recognize Dad's condition.

My family has not taken a weeklong vacation in 10 yrs. We have had one planned since last December and can't get out of it without losing about a grand in $. It starts Aug. 16.

My brother goes on vacations all the time, and even planned one while Dad was in the hospital for the week he gets out. He is also a teacher and has not had to work the whole summer.

However, he supposedly can't cancel his vacation plans, can only stay one week with Dad (as a special favor to me), hasn't participated in any of the immense planning needed--Acorn stairs, Lifealert pendants, stair ramps, housecleaners, food prep/shopping, etc., and can't take family leave from his teaching job at the beginning of the school year because "it just wouldn't work."

I, on the other hand, work a job that if I don't work-I don't get paid. If I don't get paid-my family goes hungry.

I'm really pissed off, and I know this is just a rant. But I also know that this is just the start of it all, so any help right now would be appreciated.

I also know that my problems aren't as big as some of yours. I never ever want to seem like I'm just petty or making my own issues seem bigger. I guess I'm just pissed at my brother and need some help in making him see the real deal.

(PS: my mother died of cancer two years ago, and it was the same thing--he never seemed to recognize the severity while I was dealing with all the reality. At least that was relatively quick at six months. Dad could be dealing with this for years....)

Sorry I missed your post, I've been out of the loop a lot lately. I should have logged in but I didn't feel like guessing at whatever password I used. Maybe tomorrow.

As for your situation -

People see only what they want to see, and it can be very difficult to break them out of that mindset. That doesn't make it any less tough on you though. I've been trying to explain the seriousness of my GF's condition to her family years now, and like clockwork, every time she goes to visit, I get an angry phone call wondering how I let her slide so badly since the last visit. They just don't want to know how bad it is nor face it.

People see what they want to see and that's all. You just have to remember they are coming from a place of fear and denial, and that it's not an attack on you so much as it is avoidance on their part.

Thank you for doing what you do though. It's not easy and you have my unending respect for doing it.

As for my update, I don't know anymore. I'm just about done with it, and it has nothing to do with the disability. We've been together for 11 years and she's kept me at an emotional arms-length the entire time. We went to some medical appointments recently and I learned a whole lot of things about her I never knew, and the fact I had to hear her tell total strangers things she never felt were worth telling me was crushing.

I've given everything I have and everything I am to this woman, including standing by her side for the last 6 years of being disabled. I'm not sure I can take any more. It's always been one-sided and I think I am a convenience now more than ever for her. I honestly have started to consider leaving. I used to be so outgoing, fun and social, and now I can barely even talk to people my stress and anxiety are so bad. I used to be extremely driven professionally, now all I want to do is sleep. I used to have dreams and goals and ideas and they are all dried up and gone. I swear, I used to be a person once upon a time, who went to concerts, took girls on dates, had fun socially, and felt like my life was actually going somewhere. Now I just wish my life would end most days. I'm 34 and feel like I'm 60.

I hate the idea of leaving because she has it so hard now and needs so much help, but at what point do I save myself from a plain old bad relationship? And at what point do I stay, because caring for someone else is bigger and more important than just me?

Sorry to vent all over you GLP, but at this point I have exactly one person I'd call a friend, no family (well, I do, but they are nuts and I don't want them anywhere near me), and a girlfriend who refuses to ever let me in emotionally, even after more than a decade. GLP's about all I've got left!