thie thread is about time traveling aliens

Sometimes, when I swim in the ocean,

I can feel the suction of the drain at the bottom of the ocean pulling at me

If I go under, and close my eyes, and just listen, it is calling persistently.

The feeling that the drain instills in me, is a feeling I was born with.

Even as a kid, standing on the edge of the pool, not even in the water; I could feel its pull.

I was sure if I ever got too close I would not be able to fight its pull, and I would go all the way in.

I think my dad recognized this fear....

I am very little, and standing by the deep end of the pool in our backyard.

My dad is trying to bribe me to jump in, but he can see I'm afraid of the drain.

So, he tricks me, distracts me, and pushes me in.

I am in the deep end of the pool...feet dangling....the drain directly below.

I felt its pull, but then, I remember I am a fish, the water is my home, and I can swim.

tangling fear thinking digging a

deepest grave chamber for my heart

unknown fear labyrinth surrounded inward

the unknown fear is you

believe long enough to step back inside

infinite chain reactions are valid

the sunsets inside

perception then creation

left no creeping doubts

genuine inspiration abound

visualize my feet on the ground

everything causes everything to happen

the weight of the pendulum shifted to the other direction

I would have the night terrors early on in the night,

But I also had the most incredible dreams early in the morning.

I've always been an early bird, and loved waking up early, so I had a job that I would go to very early in the morning.

I would wake up @ 2:50 am, take a shower, get all my things ready for work, and then lay back down for a 15 minute nap right before I went to work. I don't know why, but I always loved doing this.

When I would take my early morning nap, it was sometime around 3:30 or 4:00 am, I would have these dreams, where I literally lived millions of years in my dreams. I watched everything that every elapsed on planet earth in some of these dreams. I would wake up, knowing that I had just lived for millions of years.

I wanted to understand more about the fullness of the fear feeling.

The way it could overtake me, was the most powerful thing I had ever felt, it reminded me of the

feeling instilled by the screaming voice that was insanely angry. The feeling beyond fear,

without words, the dark place puncturing a hole into my soul. What is it?


Through 2010 and 2011, the tango with the dark fear was frequently violent, even deadly,

and left my soul feeling raped. I knew I needed to understand this thing, me, so, the probing

began.


In late 2012, I had a dream, I was in a place that was so far away from earth,

and I was with the dark thing, but I was totally safe, and we came back to earth,

and I was safe, and I knew I would not be harmed by the dark thing, because it

was something different, even tho it was the same.

Death you make me smile

death you make me grin

death you're my friend

come take
come take
come with me

death will understand

dreams not far away

death with me

over the left

erase me

Makes me think of being in the back yard with my grandpa, and emptying the pool skimmer filter. I'm in kindergarten....I loved lifting the hatch off, and taking out the little basket and seeing what was collected in there.

I remember my grandfather pointing out beetles, then a dead frog and mouse. I remember being confused about why the mouse would go for a swim if it couldn't swim.

I would take the basket trap and go dump it by the fence in this white bucket he had there.

Except, one time when I did this, I saw a frog come back to life, but then I thought, well he must've not been totally dead...he must have been half way dead, so I wondered how long a thing could stay half way dead and still come back to life...

That same summer, may be a month later, I found another dead frog in the pool skimmer, but I didn't dump this one out by the fence.

I took an empty sleeve from a package of ritz crackers....a brown sleeve, and I filled it up with water, then I took the frog and put it in there. I tied the top with a hair elastic.

My grandparents had an extra freezer in the basement where they used to stock up the freeze pops. I hid the ritz cracker sleeve with the frog in it under all the freeze pops, imagining the frog going into a deep frozen slumber.

I did not tell anyone about my experiment. I remember thinking, I wouldn't be allowed to do it if I told anybody; they wouldn't want a frog close to their freeze pops.


The first couple of days, I thought about the frog constantly. Then, I forgot about it until the next summer came around.

I can’t sleep anymore…during the nighttime at least. I think my sleeping disorder started off somewhat as recreational insomnia because I liked to stay up late at night….but now I think it’s real insomnia because I can’t sleep even when the fun is all done and I want and need to sleep.


Or may be I have too much on my mind. Tonight I started to think about my dad, but not as my “dad.” I thought of him as just another human being. I started to think of him how he exists in the world to other people. He’s always making other people laugh…what a funny man…that’s what other people probably think. Then I started to think about how he does everyday things like go to work, or just walk to his car and how well, he exists and has a life….and I’m not a part of it. I’m just a blip on his radar.


I know that seems really dumb. I don’t know why but when I was thinking about all of this I just started to cry, because my dad isn’t a part of my existence or my life. He exists as something separate that I don’t know. He is a stranger in my life, not a dad. I hardly ever see my dad. I can’t even remember the last time I saw him. I know it was more then a year ago, maybe the summer before this past one? I don’t even really remember what he looks like anymore, or who he really is besides this man that created me that I try to keep in touch with on a daily basis….is that only because I feel obligated to?


Any why do I keep in touch with him?...because I want things, because I think I need material things to enhance my happiness and well-being, and I can get them from this man. Of course daddy will always get me whatever I want. If I ask I will receive. I’m not trying to say that in a braggy way either…it’s more, how much of a fucked up human being am I? What a self-centered, close-minded, teenage bitch. And for the longest time it’s been okay that things have been this way. In fact, for all of my time here, existing, it has been this way. It’s my father’s fault, too. He plays along with the game and he lets it happen. I guess it’s easier then fulfilling the obligation of being a nurturing “father.” What brain developments have I missed out on due to my lack of a father figure? I wish things would change…be different. I wish I had known someone as a real dad my whole life. My father could be gone any day and I waste every day….waste every day…waste…waste…will I ever change?

(from 2000)

The next step....

I always knew exactly where to step, exactly where I was going, and what was to come next. I always felt strategically positioned.

It's the right place at the right time, or wrong place at right time, but I always knew where I needed to go, and what needed to be done. I knew when it was right, and could feel the pieces of the chain reaction going into place.

This path took me here, and now I'm going there, to see this path, and then I'm going to go there, and I'm going to do this.

May be that was all an illusion, may be not. If the path is what you make it, I knew, or thought I knew what I was making. I knew as far as knowing within that knowing could take me.

But where was I really going?

Looking back, it was frequently a leap of faith that brought me to the next place.

In 2009-2010, I felt successful (career wise) and a lot of potential (career wise), but I started getting this feeling...is this it? Why is this still so boring?

Is that all there really is?

I guess, sometimes, it's an unexpected event, an accident that takes you to the next place.

These are the things that you don't see coming, because it's not what you're expecting.

If you could expect it, well then you might see it coming, and then, that's not an accident.

An accident is a chance that you can't see.

I was asking for a chance, every-time I wondered, "Is that all there is?"

I didn't willfully embrace uncertainty, so it came to embrace me.

Thank you for taking me into your uncertain arms.

There is a feeling I get when riding a bicycle that is like no other.

There is something about riding my bicycle, that has always made me feel complete. Riding my bike was the thing that made me feel most happy and free.

I think it's something about having my hands in a fixed position, yet steering me, and my feet drawing infinite circles over and over again. The opposition of the push and the pull to move into the horizons ahead. I love the way my hands felt occupied, they never got distracted, because they knew exactly what they were doing. I literally become one with the bike, and make the pedal stroke a continuation of my legs, the frame feels like my torso moving thru space. I feel so alive, and in truth in mind, body, and spirit when I am on my bicycle.

When riding my bike, I would sometimes think about getting hit by a car, and the thought I always had in my mind was, I can react like lightening. I would see it coming, and I would react.

My mother was a visiting nurse, while I was growing up, and she would occasionally tell me about a patient with a head injury, recounting to me how sad and miserable their lives were. She was using it mostly as a scare tactic so I would wear my helmet. She would say, "I have seen what happens, and if you don't wear your helmet I am not going to come empty your poop bag if you decide to be that careless. Brain injuries are serious."

I am not a fan of using scare tactics for behavior modification, but it worked in this case on me. I knew that if I made my own poor choice, she would be too pissed at me to come and empty the poop bag of her brain dead daughter. Also, as I got older, and started to bike more avidly, I did see the logic in wearing a helmet.

August 2, 2010, the day I got hit by a car while riding my bike, there was no time to react like I always thought there would be, but I am alive, because I was wearing my helmet.

Thank you for nagging me about always wearing my helmet, Mom!

Utterly protected.

I was inside of a bubble that was the most peaceful & protective place in the entire universe.

I felt it holding me, with gentle grace, inside of its peace & safety.

Walking out in the woods sometime in winter 2008 -

I slip on ice, and am launched into the air . . .

I felt all time & space turn to crystal, and my awareness of my body took a whole new form.

I was floating through the air on my back, and time was at a complete standstill, and I knew when my body was going to come back in contact with the ground it was going to hurt a lot - I could tell that the back of my head was going to land really hard on the ice, and there was nothing that my in-human human reflexes could do to save me right now.

My awareness became every cell - every atom - every electron in my body, and as time came out of crystal form, as my entire body slammed into the ground with massive bone shattering force, I felt the force absorb and dissipate through every cell/electron/atom with equilibrium, so each piece took on just a tiny bit of the force, so its' cumulative effect to any one part was actually null.

Time snapped out of it's crystallized form, as I sat up I felt my awareness once again change within my body, settling back in, and I finished walking down the hill.

This experience was profound and life changing. *

I was stunned and fascinated by the cohesiveness of my own description of the event within my mind - knowing and feeling what I had felt and experienced.

This was a familiar glimpse.

Its distinct call a reoccurring tone . . .





*(when i recounted/shared this experience w/ someone close, they told me i was delusional, and I should probably try to get out into the world world to have more profound experiences than falling). - Right.

That call, a glimpse, it pulls,

like

it

wants

something
.

The texture of that profound experience on the ice, it linked; I knew of another conjecture that I felt had the same texture.

It was very different, but the same thing.

The crystallized moment in falling, was somehow allied to, tumbling thru a voracious ocean wave. I would feel their inspiration liked.

I am five years old. No direction became up, and I could hear every sound within the ocean. I tumbled forever.

I'm standing on a seaside
latent improbability
a wave complicating
a drop simplifying
arrant well-timed power
swallowing me
in the burp of an after thought

my back is turned from where she speaks
clear vulnerabilities reflecting myself
you see
I will swallow myself whole by hole

the current comes in
and along the way
it pivots no return
turning itself around
without actually turning around
going out the way it came

and before you’re there
you’re gone
what came from the sea,
will one day return to the see


My mom had looked away for just a second. We weren't even at the beach to swim, we were taking a walk. I was squatted down, looking at a sea shell. It was a freak wave. A guy walking his dog saw it take me, and went in for me.

I remember it left me feeling excited and curious, not afraid of the ocean or water by any means. I think my love for the water started to grow even more after this. It felt so powerful, and whenever I went swimming, I just wanted to keep swimming forever. I felt in love with the water.

Every time I'm in the water, I wondered about that pull.

I can also relate. You may never get the truth here but there is another route, and that is by having NO FEAR.

This may sound impossible but believe me its attainable. I found JESUS (aka The Truth) and the fear was no more. May not be for everyone but it worked for me. May God be with you.

The first time I tripped on mushrooms I was 16 years old.

My boyfriend at the time got enough for both of us to trip together, but then he had the flu for weeks, and insisted that I should just take them and trip alone...so I did.

Before that point I was most certainly an atheist.

When I was forced to go to church when I was little- (my mom was only able to force me up until I was 10) in my head I would tell "god" that he wasn't real and that he was the stupidest thing ever, and that only stupid people would believe in god, and that if he was real he should do something really bad to me to prove that he was real - I would chant these things in my head when I was forced to go into the church. Anything to block out the voice of the priest.

When I was 16, right after my trip, I read the most profound thing that I had ever read in my whole life, The Doors of Perception by Aldous Huxley.


......


Things without pretensions, satisfied to be merely themselves, sufficient in their Suchness, not acting a part, not trying, insanely, to go it alone, in isolation from the Dharma-Body, in Luciferian defiance of the grace of God.


"This is how one ought to see," I kept saying as I looked down at my trousers, or glanced at the jeweled books in the shelves, at the legs of my infinitely more than Van-Goghian chair.

"This is how one ought to see, how things really are." And yet there were reservations.

For if one always saw like this, one would never want to do anything else. Just looking, just being the divine Not-self of flower, of book, of chair, of flannel. That would be enough. But in that case what about other people? What about human relations?

In the recording of that morning's conversations I find the question constantly repeated, "What about human relations?" How could one reconcile this timeless bliss of seeing as one ought to see with the temporal duties of doing what one ought to do and feeling as one ought to feel? "One ought to be able," I said, "to see these trousers as infinitely important and human beings as still more infinitely important." One ought-but in practice it seemed to be impossible.

This participation in the manifest glory of things left no room, so to speak, for the ordinary, the necessary concerns of human existence, above all for concerns involving persons. For Persons are selves and, in one respect at least, I was now a Not-self, simultaneously perceiving and being the Not-self of the things around me. To this new-born Not-self, the behavior, the appearance, the very thought of the self it had momentarily ceased to be, and of other selves, its one-time fellows, seemed not indeed distasteful (for distastefulness was not one of the categories in terms of which I was thinking), but enormously irrelevant.

Compelled by the investigator to analyze and report on what I was doing (and how I longed to be left alone with Eternity in a flower, Infinity in four chair legs and the Absolute in the folds of a pair of flannel trousers!), I realized that I was deliberately avoiding the eyes of those who were with me in the room, deliberately refraining from being too much aware of them.

Thank you for sharing, and your thoughtful reply. I am comforted to know that you are out there, somewhere.

My first mushroom trip i was taught all about "vectors"

After ten or so really positive mushroom trips of being shown things, I decided to try smoking salvia.

It was my second time smoking it, I was 16 or 17, my friend and I took a boat out on the river, and went to a secluded island. It seemed like a really "safe place" to trip out.

That's when I met her. The most profound experience, ever, in my entire life.

In my experiences, I have been warped to another dimension. Everyone there tells me how long they have been waiting for me, and they are so glad that I'm finally there. They are these little elves, but they are the fabric of the world, like little puzzle pieces. This is not something that I could possibly use words to describe. The most profound thing though is her.

The elves pull on a cord, that pulls to the side a curtain of ferns apart, and there she is.

She is the queen of this dimension, I do not know if I have "seen" her directly or not, but I am positive her presence fills this dimension, and she is the ruler.

My impressions of her are feelings, a knowing & understanding that I seek the conceptual words for, but there are not words here in this dimension to describe the impression of her in that dimension. The closest I can get is: orientated to harmony to a pure abstraction of creative, powerful, beautiful oneness. She is the earth, sky, all things, all being, all breath, all one, and she wants something...

[link to www.flickr.com (secure)]

Thread: Our Mother which art on Earth

the coexistence of you in me
the deceptions that you've made me see
your blind damn hypocrisy
...all in all, you are me

destiny is as destiny does
so, shit happens: what could i have done?
you swallowed me in, and i didn't hold up
you emerged, leaving me in the dust

you were only a facade hiding the truth
you couldn't accept when others saw through
the anguish, the tears, the suffering, the pain
it all wasn't worth, not in your name

where i went, to where i've come
what has passed, and what is done
i've done it alone, no thanks to you
look what i've turned into

i'm proud to say that i've become
all that you have made undone
you wrecked me down and i've restored
my goals accomplished that i've worked toward

i'll shed a tear, for you have passed
my dark shadow gone, breathe at last
it feels so good for me to see
you are my past, now i am me


(2001)

[link to tinypic.com]

[link to tinypic.com]

You should see what they put in the movie Jaws.

Thread: US govt lab has developed a new virus capable of killing EVERYBODY - 100% mortality in humans

[link to www.godlikeproductions.com]

The limp body lay bruised and battered on the hard table
I glanced over it unable to remain stable
I wait a moment for the chest to rise
But it does nothing as I let out a sigh

The eyes are glazed over with unforgivable hate
The body is still, as still as slate
The stomach is spilt open at the naval wide
The guts are spilling out like pork in fried rye


(2000)

[link to tinypic.com]

The drain in the water,

her, pulling

It wanted something...

It's something I thought about constantly, everyday as I would go about my everyday life. I could feel her constant pull.

I would go on the internet, and read forum posts about other people's psychedelic experiences, hoping to read about other people who had encountered her. It was one of these searches that first took me to GLP. I would never post anything, I just read and read all that I could...

Jumping ahead for a moment...

It was December 2013/January 2014 when I truly realized there were posts/posters on this website who were speaking directly to me. It's like the cells inside my body, or the neurons inside of my brain were making posts directly to this website. Or someone knew everything about me, was able to see me all the time, and knew everything that I thought and felt and was posting it here.

Things that I had seen happening here on GLP over the prior four years started to make a lot more sense. It didn't freak me out, it was actually exactly what I had been hoping/waiting for....or so I thought.

Going back to March/April 2012 for a moment...

It had been about two years since I had done any psychedelic drug, and I kept feeling that pull,
calling me, like I needed to come back.
Especially because of some experiences I had at the end of 2011/beginning of 2012.

I already mentioned this experience earlier in this thread, but going into more detail...

I was determined to bring back a message with me this time when I went in. I had a pen and piece of paper handy.
I had tried before writing things down while I was on the salvia trip before, but I was always unsuccessful.

It was late in the afternoon, I was sitting on my living room floor, I lit up the bowl, and before I was even done inhaling it began.


I was pulled up, dragged thru a doorway, and then a voice started screaming at me to open another door.

Was I supposed to go outside?


I remember feeling like I was going to get in trouble if I went outside, so I wouldn't open the door up.

I needed to do it, but I wouldn't.

There were three ladies/witches watching me.

They were saying,

"She's going to be the first girl to come thru, she's actually going to do it. 911! 911!! 911!!!"

They kept screaming 911 at me, and insisting that I go through another doorway.

That's when I scrambled to pick up my pen and paper.
I knew if I could get the pen in my hand, there was something very important that I needed to wrote down.
Something that I absolutely HAD to remember.

there's someone you have to call

I wrote those words down quickly, and then I see each slice of the wheel freezing into place.
Each slice of time being encased in cement.

Uh, who was I supposed to call?

And why did the ladies seem so frantic, yelling 911 at me, and trying to get me to go outside through another doorway?

That's when I knew that I need a cosmic telephone.

Thread: Cosmic Telephone

So in December 2013 I finally became aware that I was being spoken to directly on this website.

But why?

What was the purpose/reason?

Had the cosmic telephone worked?

What was I supposed to do?

What did they want me to do??...