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Anonymous Coward User ID: 61860684 United States 09/08/2014 11:29 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | here is the link.. [link to www.ricecop.com] |
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Anonymous Coward User ID: 2226485 United States 09/17/2014 03:53 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | 2002 Honda Goldwing - sorta (Kyle) Have you ever wanted a project bike? This isn't it. Move along. And in fact this bike isn't much anything. Isn't even a motorcycle. You're buying a running Goldwing 1800 motor. You're also hauling off the hunk of metal and plastic surrounding it. The gauges show 24000 miles. I bought this prized piece from a man of the cloth, in Abilene. His name is Ray Miller but he goes by The Reverend Otis. He claims that he bought the bike back in 2003 and soon thereafter the collection plate stopped getting passed around. Pretty soon the bank came looking for his motorcycle. Like any good reverend, he told them to fuck off and he pushed the bike into the corner of his trailer house and hid it behind his meth lab. It sat there for 10 years. About two years ago he got froggish and decided that it was time to revitalize the old wing. Every time he scraped together $15 he pushed the bike over to the Walmart automotive section and spent it all on crap. Switch crap. LED crap. Krylon. Chrome Crap. Lethal threat decals. Some sort of cupholder and enough wood screws to hold together a normal size Doublewide. At some point he made a wise decision to put a Michelin car tire (z rated) on the rear wheel (for stability, natch). He let the air out of the front tire (again, for stability purposes) Well played, rev. Undaunted, he put even more switches on the bike. Expensive, mysterious switches. One appears to have the sole purpose of blowing the fuse to the rear taillights while simultaneously activating the CB radio . That one has me stumped. He and his old lady got drunk and hit a javelina a few weeks ago on FM308. It sat in a ditch for a few days while they tried to tow the bloated carcass home. The pig, not the bike. I'm totally not making that part up. It sat in a ditch almost a week. This thing is a total piece of shit. Against insurmountable odds the bike RUNS and RIDES really well. You can't actually steer it or go around a corner because it has 315 pounds of spray paint on the bike. And the car tire prevents any effective lean angle. Did I mention he clear coated it? Not the paint. The bike. The whole thing. The entire thing. Most of it has worn off the seat. Pros: javelina fur in the headlight. Cons: in all likelihood The bike will probably kill you. I did contemplate parting out the bike myself. After I broke my second air chisel I realized that I had vastly underestimated the tenacity of 35 layers of Krylon clear coat applied with a stucco roller. The chrome door trim and lethal threat decals are crisp; they do not look faded. Touché, rev. I don't even have the slightest clue what in the actual fuck you might do with this. I would caution you against any conspiracy theories you might have running around in your tinfoil covered head about getting it road worthy again. Accordingly, you must sign a bill of sale indicating that you understand the personal liability you generate for yourself and other users of the roadway. Price? That is up to you. It would be the height of arrogance for me to put a price tag on this machine. Have a suitable nonprofit in mind when you make your offer. Creativity counts! And just to be extremely clear about this. The bike doesn't have a title. It never will have a title. You can't get the title. You can't plea with the bank. You will get a bill of sale with the serial number, a javelina foot keychain and that's all that you will get. According to your current level of ordination in the church, I will consider giving you the Rev's phone number. If you make the poor decision to buy this abomination, I would only request that you do so knowing that you might very well be the second-to-top dumbest motherfucker on the planet. I, clearly hold that title. I had some fantasy about putting the motor in a go-cart. I have no reasonable excuse for myself, truthfully. If I still haven't convinced you to run away, email me or send me a text message and we can get together so that you can knock the bike over in my front yard. Please fill your divots, and let this be a lesson: tithes save lives- pay your pastor! |