i feel dead

OP you sound like me. Sure my situ might not be the same, but i understand.
Easy sentences from those people do not help.
Seems like there is something out there that wants the good guys to be dead.

IF it is curable it is complex.
Stop masturbation is the first.
Stop alcohol the second.
If you smoke - you can drop it later.
Avoid wheat products/gluten,sugar.

Are there people draining you ?
Are you somehow dependent to anyone ?
Is there someone you have to be loyal to / nice too and have problem to get this person out of your life once and for all even if it were your own parents ?

Do you use your "thinking mind" a lot ?

Imagine there is one tiny little spot somewhere inside you,
which is still alive, but so small, you cannot feel it.
When you feel like a cable snap from your head down to this spot you have connection again. It can be broken down fast again. Do you remember the "essence" of early childhood events ? Something you can remember + the feeling/the essence the sparkling the adventure the fullness of life in those days ?

This is speculation:

#1 Some Alien-Force is up to it and you are not alone.

#2 God does no longer tolerate any sinning (aka using false-self-thinking / logic / fear / panic / aggression / hatefull / judgefull thoughts against self or anybody)

You are in a "False-self" mode. This is not your true-self. Its like a "drone".

Even if it appears that it is you - handle it like it is not your true self. It wants to stay and it is a strong enemy - its you.

You might never had full access to your true self.
It got smacked by a long track of well placed events and settings.

Get some pictures of your early childhood.

Deep Deep Self-Honest contemplation is needed here.

Find a place without phones first.
Listen to music that resonates within.

Feel inside..if there is somewhere this tiny spot.
Feeling some warm/burning or vibrating inside ?

Get prepared to leave certain people which are still in your life behind - once and for all.

Did you attract some folks in your life ?

You dont have to answer this questions to me.

When did this begin op?

Hope you feel better.there is only one way to feel alive.Give your whole self to Christ.not part.Start helping other people and take your mind off of yourself.This worked for me.God loves you truly he does.don't listen to the naysayers.Once you have experienced him you will be forever changed.

eh im actually pretty good looking besides the deformity and scars and contortion of my face and darkness around my eyes from the knowledge of evil. i have very nice striking features, im relatively young and got the whole tall dark handsome thing going on, its something i still take SOME pride in but it really doesnt matter. with age that little bit of pride will be extinguished completely anyway. do i really have a choice? do any of us really have a choice? i believe what happens is meant to happen. doesnt mean it doesnt suck and i cant bitch about it in the meantime. i dont really care anymore. like i said im pretty numb to it all. as far as anyone knows for sure this is all there is, so what does it really matter if youre happy or sad on your way to the grave?

hey look, ebola has reached the u.s. mainland, looks like we'll all be dead soon. this lifted my spirits a little.

your probably not eating well and drinking clean and being bombarded by electrical radiation

Well we all are slowly dying albeit most of us at a very slow rate at about 80 years or so on average.

i realize this being youre talking to today is not the true me. the true me is buried under the equivalent of numerous lifetimes of what the religious would call sin both mine and others. ive just accepted that i'll have to wait till death to possibly meet my true self again. only a God, only a creator of the laws and fabric of this universe, this virtual reality of sorts with total control of subatomic particles that can literally speak things into existance and manipulate all of materiality and nonmateriality at will would be capable of repairing me now.

its hard to pinpoint an exact time and date. first you have to define what "this" is. im not sure i can do that. that said, one could say it began at birth, you could also say at the dawn of creation. im just cursed, or immensely blessed. all depends on if there is indeed a greater plan or not, which no one can know for sure if one is being truly honest and objective with themselves

God loves you op, and everyone else that has posted here to lift your spirits!!

Use your knowledge of evil to fight it. Shine the light into the darkness and have it flee!I am in agreement that it is a very difficult task frought with obstacles and hardships. Blessings come to those who suffer now for what is right.

Don't worry, "dead" does not feel bad at all.

i do try to fight it everyday and expose the darkness and lies and also spread my knowledge of the light and truth but then my evil side comes out and spreads some evil as well. thats why i just try to contain myself like a virus for the most part. i feel im doing everyone a favor by just staying away. im a living contradiction.