Help! I May Have Committed Blasphemy of the Holy Spirit. Am I Officially Damned?

Oh, and I forgot to add...you said that things in your life seem to get worse when you turn to God, but when you turn away from Him, things are peachy. Well, that should tell you something right there. Something/someone DOES NOT want you to have a relationship with God! And they are going to make it difficult for you to do so! Evil doesn't come in a scary form, you know. It comes disguised as everything we have ever wished for...stay strong!

Right, so how would you define blasphemy of the Holy Spirit because I'm preeeetty sure I did that.

Do you LOVE God will all your heart, soul, mind, and strength?

I believe AC is spot on here.

OP, this is spiritual warfare. The devil can make your life feel good and happy to keep you from thinking that you need Jesus. It's happened to me. When you connect back with Jesus, the enemy ups his attack on you. Read Ephesians, and armor up my brother!!

No you didn't, because today Jesus is not in the flesh anymore. To commit this unpardonable sin you would have to have lived during Jesus lifetime. You would have to witness Him do a miracle and accuse Him of doing it with the power of Satan.

I believe this sin will be able to be committed again soon after the believers are showered with the 'Latter Rain' and are able to do miracles again.

So repent as time is so short.

I love you and so does the Father.

Right, so how would you define blasphemy of the Holy Spirit because I'm preeeetty sure I did that.

Yeah, check that one off the list too.

So now the question,

What does one do when one is officially damned?

Enjoy life as much as possible because I'm destined for hell?

What is this "Latter Rain"? Thank you so much for the encouragement. I love you too, my Costa Rican friend.

This is the problem. I can say that I do but my actions speak otherwise. I have numerous addictions and habits; sexual sins, pride of the flesh, hungry eyes, a lying and deceitful tongue, hatred and resentment in my heart towards others, a mind that puffs itself up with alleged knowledge and intellect. I spend more time seeking instant gratification through pornography or pleasuring myself or overeating or pursuing casual dating and flings with women than I do in prayer or seeking the will of the Father. It's not just my sexual addictions but Johns first epistle says if anyone claims to love God but hates his brother then the Love of God is not in him. I go to church and immediately an inner dialogue begins where I begin bashing and criticizing and judging other people, or my eyes will scan the crowd and fixate on attractive women and I'll spend more time lusting than paying attention to the sermon. I go to church to be seen and to be praised or patted on the back than to actually praise God. So if I can be honest with myself, I don't. Not with my WHOLE heart and WHOLE mind and WHOLE spirit and WHOLE strength. I want to learn how but like Paul says the good I WANT to do, I don't do. And the evil I don't want to do, that I keep on doing. Even if I block all the porn sites on my phone or computer I've got years of videos and images embedded in my mind and an over active imagination so I can easily entertain myself with my own devices. I cannot do this on my own. I can't even bring myself to truly repent because if I truly were to repent I would be in tears over my sins but I can't bring myself to shed a single one. I certainly can't turn away from the evil that I do. But in my weakness He is strong, right?

Short summary for those who don't want to read this attention seeking God-tards' wall of text:

When I pray or come closer to God everything seems to get exponentially worse in my life. Why?


Update:

By an expository definition of blasphemy of the holy Spirit I have already done this, several times over. So I'm officially damned then?

What now?
--------------


How far does one have to go in order to be rejected or deemed accursed by God? I've heard many conflicting answers from pastors and members of the Church. There's talk of blaspheming the Holy Spirit, talk of turning away from the Truth once it's been revealed to you (as mentioned in the book of Hebrews). I've done many, many awful and atrocious sinful deeds, against God, against myself, against others.. But I'm always told that if I will repent and ask for forgiveness and turn from my ways then all will be well and I'll be restored to a right relationship with God through Jesus Christ.

However, besides all the horrible things I've done, I've outright rejected Him, I've cursed His name, I've made alliances and pledged allegiances to dark and evil forces, I've evoked demons, dabbled in occult ritual and practices. All this even after my NDE where I believed God had allowed me to come back. I turned away from the truth after it had been made plain as day.

I've experienced (in dreams and visions) becoming possessed, entities actually taking over my body, I've heard voices, been given words and utterances of dark wisdom that were not my own and outside of my realm of understanding. I've shed my own blood and the blood of other living creatures in rituals. The karmic damage that I've wrought in my life is so heavy and so catastrophic that I believe I'm still far from ever being able to clear that debt.

People talk of spiritual warfare, they say that once one begins to turn away from their sin and walk with Christ they will SURELY have difficulties and problems, even unexplainable and mysterious supernatural circumstances that hinder their progress. But every time I pray to Jesus or to God and ask for something I always end up getting the absolute opposite and then something bad will happen. Today I experienced this and I said, "Why does this happen?!" and a voice told me "Because when you pray and ask for something in the Lord's name, because of your corrupt heart and perverse mind, you are 'using' His name in vain. You are manipulating God to meet your needs. You are beyond His help."

When I'm told to repent for my sins I may feel sad, ashamed and guilty, but really inside I can't bring myself to true, sorrowful repentance. It's said that a sociopath feels no remorse for what they've done, DESPITE all their "words" they might say when apologizing. As a manipulator, I know all the right words to say and what buttons to push, what cards to play. I am a liar and a hypocrite. I have been for a long time.

When I turn from God and ignore Him and refuse to read His Word things in my life pick up pace and things go great. But when I come back, when I repent and when I pray again things fall apart all over again. I know that most people who are weaker in their faith tend to ignore God in the good times and only come back in desperation but I try to return during the good times and everything gets taken away. Is it God punishing me or is it the Devil punishing me?

I'd like to come closer to God but I'm afraid that He will utterly destroy me because the closer I inch towards Him with my tail between my legs the worse life gets and more bad things tend to happen. Is this His way of saying, "Depart from me, I never knew you?" Is this His way of giving me over to my own selfish and perverse desires and now I've made my bed so I must lay in it? I feel like my name should be Ichabod for the glory seems to have departed.

This is the problem. I can say that I do but my actions speak otherwise. I have numerous addictions and habits; sexual sins, pride of the flesh, hungry eyes, a lying and deceitful tongue, hatred and resentment in my heart towards others, a mind that puffs itself up with alleged knowledge and intellect. I spend more time seeking instant gratification through pornography or pleasuring myself or overeating or pursuing casual dating and flings with women than I do in prayer or seeking the will of the Father. It's not just my sexual addictions but Johns first epistle says if anyone claims to love God but hates his brother then the Love of God is not in him. I go to church and immediately an inner dialogue begins where I begin bashing and criticizing and judging other people, or my eyes will scan the crowd and fixate on attractive women and I'll spend more time lusting than paying attention to the sermon. I go to church to be seen and to be praised or patted on the back than to actually praise God. So if I can be honest with myself, I don't. Not with my WHOLE heart and WHOLE mind and WHOLE spirit and WHOLE strength. I want to learn how but like Paul says the good I WANT to do, I don't do. And the evil I don't want to do, that I keep on doing. Even if I block all the porn sites on my phone or computer I've got years of videos and images embedded in my mind and an over active imagination so I can easily entertain myself with my own devices. I cannot do this on my own. I can't even bring myself to truly repent because if I truly were to repent I would be in tears over my sins but I can't bring myself to shed a single one. I certainly can't turn away from the evil that I do. But in my weakness He is strong, right?

This is the problem. I can say that I do but my actions speak otherwise. I have numerous addictions and habits; sexual sins, pride of the flesh, hungry eyes, a lying and deceitful tongue, hatred and resentment in my heart towards others, a mind that puffs itself up with alleged knowledge and intellect. I spend more time seeking instant gratification through pornography or pleasuring myself or overeating or pursuing casual dating and flings with women than I do in prayer or seeking the will of the Father. It's not just my sexual addictions but Johns first epistle says if anyone claims to love God but hates his brother then the Love of God is not in him. I go to church and immediately an inner dialogue begins where I begin bashing and criticizing and judging other people, or my eyes will scan the crowd and fixate on attractive women and I'll spend more time lusting than paying attention to the sermon. I go to church to be seen and to be praised or patted on the back than to actually praise God. So if I can be honest with myself, I don't. Not with my WHOLE heart and WHOLE mind and WHOLE spirit and WHOLE strength. I want to learn how but like Paul says the good I WANT to do, I don't do. And the evil I don't want to do, that I keep on doing. Even if I block all the porn sites on my phone or computer I've got years of videos and images embedded in my mind and an over active imagination so I can easily entertain myself with my own devices. I cannot do this on my own. I can't even bring myself to truly repent because if I truly were to repent I would be in tears over my sins but I can't bring myself to shed a single one. I certainly can't turn away from the evil that I do. But in my weakness He is strong, right?

Blasphemy
------------
Definition of Blasphemy > means to take lightly or to scoff at or to scorn
Definition of "Blasphemy of the Holy Spirit" > (according to Jesus) is to take lightly the work of the Holy Spirit.
Example > The prime example is Jesus casting out devils, but then religous leaders saying that he did so by the power of the devil... the scorned the work and power of the Spirit of God.
Definition of Not Forgiven > When Jesus says that blasphemy of the Holy Spirit is unforgiven, it doesn't mean you will be damned forever, it means you will have to pay for that sin unlike others which can in fact be forgiven.



How to deal with your situation
-----------
Resist the devil: pray against him, praise the Existing One, the Creator... the devil will flee. Its like that game you play as a kid where you see how long you can keep your hand over a flame. Your prayer is the flame, the devil is the hand. Some devils are better at the game than others.

Flee youthful lusts: kill you computer and TV, ditch your phone, find a good woman. When you need sex, have straight sex with your wife.

Purify your mind: read the Bible, meditate on nature and natural things, pray.

Short summary for those who don't want to read this attention seeking God-tards' wall of text:

When I pray or come closer to God everything seems to get exponentially worse in my life. Why?


Update:

By an expository definition of blasphemy of the holy Spirit I have already done this, several times over. So I'm officially damned then?

What now?
--------------


How far does one have to go in order to be rejected or deemed accursed by God? I've heard many conflicting answers from pastors and members of the Church. There's talk of blaspheming the Holy Spirit, talk of turning away from the Truth once it's been revealed to you (as mentioned in the book of Hebrews). I've done many, many awful and atrocious sinful deeds, against God, against myself, against others.. But I'm always told that if I will repent and ask for forgiveness and turn from my ways then all will be well and I'll be restored to a right relationship with God through Jesus Christ.

However, besides all the horrible things I've done, I've outright rejected Him, I've cursed His name, I've made alliances and pledged allegiances to dark and evil forces, I've evoked demons, dabbled in occult ritual and practices. All this even after my NDE where I believed God had allowed me to come back. I turned away from the truth after it had been made plain as day.

I've experienced (in dreams and visions) becoming possessed, entities actually taking over my body, I've heard voices, been given words and utterances of dark wisdom that were not my own and outside of my realm of understanding. I've shed my own blood and the blood of other living creatures in rituals. The karmic damage that I've wrought in my life is so heavy and so catastrophic that I believe I'm still far from ever being able to clear that debt.

People talk of spiritual warfare, they say that once one begins to turn away from their sin and walk with Christ they will SURELY have difficulties and problems, even unexplainable and mysterious supernatural circumstances that hinder their progress. But every time I pray to Jesus or to God and ask for something I always end up getting the absolute opposite and then something bad will happen. Today I experienced this and I said, "Why does this happen?!" and a voice told me "Because when you pray and ask for something in the Lord's name, because of your corrupt heart and perverse mind, you are 'using' His name in vain. You are manipulating God to meet your needs. You are beyond His help."

When I'm told to repent for my sins I may feel sad, ashamed and guilty, but really inside I can't bring myself to true, sorrowful repentance. It's said that a sociopath feels no remorse for what they've done, DESPITE all their "words" they might say when apologizing. As a manipulator, I know all the right words to say and what buttons to push, what cards to play. I am a liar and a hypocrite. I have been for a long time.

When I turn from God and ignore Him and refuse to read His Word things in my life pick up pace and things go great. But when I come back, when I repent and when I pray again things fall apart all over again. I know that most people who are weaker in their faith tend to ignore God in the good times and only come back in desperation but I try to return during the good times and everything gets taken away. Is it God punishing me or is it the Devil punishing me?

I'd like to come closer to God but I'm afraid that He will utterly destroy me because the closer I inch towards Him with my tail between my legs the worse life gets and more bad things tend to happen. Is this His way of saying, "Depart from me, I never knew you?" Is this His way of giving me over to my own selfish and perverse desires and now I've made my bed so I must lay in it? I feel like my name should be Ichabod for the glory seems to have departed.

Short summary for those who don't want to read this attention seeking God-tards' wall of text:

When I pray or come closer to God everything seems to get exponentially worse in my life. Why?


Update:

By an expository definition of blasphemy of the holy Spirit I have already done this, several times over. So I'm officially damned then?

What now?
--------------


How far does one have to go in order to be rejected or deemed accursed by God? I've heard many conflicting answers from pastors and members of the Church. There's talk of blaspheming the Holy Spirit, talk of turning away from the Truth once it's been revealed to you (as mentioned in the book of Hebrews). I've done many, many awful and atrocious sinful deeds, against God, against myself, against others.. But I'm always told that if I will repent and ask for forgiveness and turn from my ways then all will be well and I'll be restored to a right relationship with God through Jesus Christ.

However, besides all the horrible things I've done, I've outright rejected Him, I've cursed His name, I've made alliances and pledged allegiances to dark and evil forces, I've evoked demons, dabbled in occult ritual and practices. All this even after my NDE where I believed God had allowed me to come back. I turned away from the truth after it had been made plain as day.

I've experienced (in dreams and visions) becoming possessed, entities actually taking over my body, I've heard voices, been given words and utterances of dark wisdom that were not my own and outside of my realm of understanding. I've shed my own blood and the blood of other living creatures in rituals. The karmic damage that I've wrought in my life is so heavy and so catastrophic that I believe I'm still far from ever being able to clear that debt.

People talk of spiritual warfare, they say that once one begins to turn away from their sin and walk with Christ they will SURELY have difficulties and problems, even unexplainable and mysterious supernatural circumstances that hinder their progress. But every time I pray to Jesus or to God and ask for something I always end up getting the absolute opposite and then something bad will happen. Today I experienced this and I said, "Why does this happen?!" and a voice told me "Because when you pray and ask for something in the Lord's name, because of your corrupt heart and perverse mind, you are 'using' His name in vain. You are manipulating God to meet your needs. You are beyond His help."

When I'm told to repent for my sins I may feel sad, ashamed and guilty, but really inside I can't bring myself to true, sorrowful repentance. It's said that a sociopath feels no remorse for what they've done, DESPITE all their "words" they might say when apologizing. As a manipulator, I know all the right words to say and what buttons to push, what cards to play. I am a liar and a hypocrite. I have been for a long time.

When I turn from God and ignore Him and refuse to read His Word things in my life pick up pace and things go great. But when I come back, when I repent and when I pray again things fall apart all over again. I know that most people who are weaker in their faith tend to ignore God in the good times and only come back in desperation but I try to return during the good times and everything gets taken away. Is it God punishing me or is it the Devil punishing me?

I'd like to come closer to God but I'm afraid that He will utterly destroy me because the closer I inch towards Him with my tail between my legs the worse life gets and more bad things tend to happen. Is this His way of saying, "Depart from me, I never knew you?" Is this His way of giving me over to my own selfish and perverse desires and now I've made my bed so I must lay in it? I feel like my name should be Ichabod for the glory seems to have departed.

This is the problem. I can say that I do but my actions speak otherwise. I have numerous addictions and habits; sexual sins, pride of the flesh, hungry eyes, a lying and deceitful tongue, hatred and resentment in my heart towards others, a mind that puffs itself up with alleged knowledge and intellect. I spend more time seeking instant gratification through pornography or pleasuring myself or overeating or pursuing casual dating and flings with women than I do in prayer or seeking the will of the Father. It's not just my sexual addictions but Johns first epistle says if anyone claims to love God but hates his brother then the Love of God is not in him. I go to church and immediately an inner dialogue begins where I begin bashing and criticizing and judging other people, or my eyes will scan the crowd and fixate on attractive women and I'll spend more time lusting than paying attention to the sermon. I go to church to be seen and to be praised or patted on the back than to actually praise God. So if I can be honest with myself, I don't. Not with my WHOLE heart and WHOLE mind and WHOLE spirit and WHOLE strength. I want to learn how but like Paul says the good I WANT to do, I don't do. And the evil I don't want to do, that I keep on doing. Even if I block all the porn sites on my phone or computer I've got years of videos and images embedded in my mind and an over active imagination so I can easily entertain myself with my own devices. I cannot do this on my own. I can't even bring myself to truly repent because if I truly were to repent I would be in tears over my sins but I can't bring myself to shed a single one. I certainly can't turn away from the evil that I do. But in my weakness He is strong, right?