Little Every Day Miracles and The Often Overlooked Providence of God.

God's not dead. I'm not too far gone.

Tonight I shared at an NA meeting some of my fears and concerns. I had to word my speech in such a way as not to offend the sensibilities of the non religious bunch there but to put it simply I said that I have such a difficult time with the second step..

The second step, for those in recovery of any kind, know that this says, "We came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity."

Could.

This word is like a dagger in my chest, an anxiety and fear so prevalent in my mind and heart.

It's not WILL restore me to sanity, it's COULD restore me to sanity..

If He wanted to..

The voice inside my head, my addiction, my demons, my self-doubt, it says to me, "God COULD restore you but you're too far gone. You've crossed the threshold. You're past the point of no return."

Well, after the meeting a Brother came to talk to me and he hugged me and said that I'm not passed that point. That he's dabbled in the dark arts, black magick, occult and satanism and he said that he knows where I'm at. We traded numbers. He told me not to give up. That God is with me even now and is waiting for me to get my head out of my ass to see that.

I got a job today. I begin training to be a short order cook at Waffle House. Yep, no debt collection job! Haha. Well, my paperwork says in big bold letters and all caps, "TRAINEES MUST BE PROPERLY DRESSED PER WRITTEN GUIDELINES" which is white dress shirt, black pants and no slip black shoes. I had everything but the shoes.

As I'm walking home I'm stressing because I know my dad doesn't have any money till payday and only one pair of shoes. I didn't know what on earth I was going to do. In my heart I cry out to God (as I understand Him... Or don't..) and say please please please help me get these shoes. I need this job so badly. I don't want to get turned away from my training.

I finally get to my street and I see up ahead that my grandparents are pulling out of the driveway. I go running up to catch them and I humbly ask if they have anything to help me get these shoes for work and my grandma gave me thirty bucks which was all the cash she had on her. I gave her a big hug and kiss and told her thank you.

We go, me and my dad, to Payless Shoes and I find the kind I need for work but they're $29.99. I have the lady ring them up anyway to see how much more I need after tax and start thinking I'm going to have to dig for change in the car but when she rings them up they're 20% off and were $25 and some change. I had JUST enough!!

It got me choked up and moved me to tears because if I had been just a minute late I wouldn't have caught my grandparents and I wouldn't have been able to get my shoes. My dad didn't even have anything extra if the shoes had been over $30!! God helped orchestrate my path so perfectly and so precisely to provide for my needs.

I am so blown away by how great God is. It doesn't matter if you're Christian, Muslim, Jewish, Buddhist, etc whatever I think anyone should be able to see the Master's Hand at work here. God is so unbelievably good!!