i have seen the star in the east i come bearing gifts

It is known to my people from the ancient prophesy that GLP will save the chosen one (me, of course).


No pressure or anything!

I have one worry, I'm hoping maybe when i get saved per the prophesy, that maybe i can get a three car garage added to my house?

I am willing to discuss throwing in extra fruitcake.

I know i am worth saving because i am a white middle aged male who pays taxes and hates the urban negro with a passion.

I drive american cars and love christmas specials on TV.

Can i be saved like more towards next winter though? This summer looks to be busy.

"Well look, thanks for coming, and thanks a lot for the gold and frankincense. But uh, don't worry too much about the myhrr next time alright? Okay, bye then, coo ee!"

- Terry Jones as "Mandy" the Welsch Jewish Whore Mother of False Messiah Brian, Who Really Had a Lot of Good Ideas Though A Very Naughty Boy

I totally agree with whatever you are sentimenting! Also, how about that local sports team?

I am just fine with paying up to and including minimum wage for being salvationed! But please be sure to make me feel good about myself. I deserve it.

No overtime though, sorry! Dentist bills.

What really does it for me is when i can be salvationed from bad things and my salvationer is always chipper and smiling. After all, i don't have to be saved by just anyone, i can take my pick. I love the free market!

God bless murika!

Also, one more thing, my neighbors are all jackasses, please do not save them. One of them runs his sprinkler all night even in winter, and the other is ugly. Thank you.

The star in the east is now three times brighter! I'm curious though,is there uniforms in salvation land? I don't like wearing shirts without collars. I feel naked.

Look at the encouraging words my savior left me: "Dumbass moron, go drink some acid and kick back. You're useless, as are your thoughts and life..."

I find comfort in these beautiful words, only a tortured soul trying their best against all odds would leave such poignancy.

I'm not picky.

Thanks!

Smoking your fruitcake may lead to brian damage...

I just know inside that this is the place to find peace and safety. Only those who are acquainted with all of life's niceties would lambast the chosen one so heartlessly.

I aspire myself to live life in such excess as well, so that i know the proper way to maltreat the next chosen one, thus alienating several hundred million average people at my own expense.

My hope is that the SHTF, and those hundreds of millions or even billions look back at the time when i was so heartless and condescending to anyone enjoying life, and fear me for it.

This plan cannot fail.

By the way that thing you see in the east, ya , it's a train.

I will treat the GLP with indifference and spite, my savior will still save me out of an unflinching sense of duty, and i will look like john wayne the whole time, and settle down with 72 kinda maybe, not so virgins.

This plan cannot backfire, and will not fail.

...It gets better?!

Nah, i was in the east and saw this star in the west.

Choo choo!

LOL

If you hold the little green looking booger bits under your tongue, it may dissolve in your mouth.

Not the boogers, your tongue...

Does the GLP have casual fridays? I caught a sale on sweatpants at costco...

Now I'm not one to complain, but i heard that by showing up here, i gets a free moon pie... gimmee gimmee!

Now as the chosen one, i am prepared to teach many mistical secrets. Such as, how to operate a small business, which hawaiian shirts are too gauche, proper mustache manicuring, driving large overpriced SUVs to the mall in rush hour traffic, and repeating ancient lies told by my equally deluded ancestors using funny names and special symbols.

Your job is to rub lotion on your skin.

I know my salivators will see past my wordly appearance to the inner beauty within. Just because my mother lives in the basement and i enjoy cheetos brand cheeze products does not negate the message i have for you all.

I know you can see past my paisley patterned shirts and flat front khakis to the hard truth concealed within them.

For my next trick, i will compose a paragraph using only preloaded words from my autocorrect:

Anonymous users. the first to write a letter of the most part of the day of school and the rest of your life and the rest of your own home. I will be a little bit more than happy to see if it was great and we will not only the best way to go back and forth between us and the other hand is not an option.


Amazing!

That autocorrect sure is the shiz! It guesses the most acceptable and commonly used words by grammatical structure! Kind of like dumb humans do when trying to be cool by multiplying words! I bet to a being of higher intelligence, everything said on here sounds like that!

I'll let you know what to say that I have been the most important thing in the world of difference between what you think you are looking for.

Did I just say that? Or did the computer? You do not know!

! ! !

What if everything you thought was serious business was a basic function of probability, and the goofy shiz is the most unpredictable of all!

I mean, maybe a business exec wears a wifebeater under his dress shirt, but not even a crackhead wears a wifebeater with a pinstriped suit under it.

Are you a fool for math?

The more serious about munny you are, the higher your seriousness peen rises! Eventually, your bank account becomes a series of serious scales to weigh you with!

Amazing! What will you think of next? You do not know, because you are stupid!

But maybe i wanted to be a funny guy. Not too serious. I can just give away money right! Wrong, dumbo. Other people will say that giving away money is a serious matter!

Money should only be given away to persons performing predefined and patterned behaviors, like making fruitcake!

Fruitcakes are very serious business.

Thank you but I have fruit cake in fridge leftover from christmask.

I am waiting for thw choswn won to rescue me from my captor. Hope glp saves you soon so I may be recued.