I feel bad about my self destructive behavior

I really do. It helps take away my isolated pain, the feeling of unrequited love. I love to drink, but not like this....

Not like this at all.

I know weed helps, but somehow I am drawn to alcohol.

I need help. Lots of help.

I spoke to god, my parents and even the devil about this.

I think they all agree, I need to find the will to change. Maybe I am powerless, but it's a sign of stregth that goes nowhere.

I feel trapped, and knowing the " conspiracy of it all " make it "worse"

It's Friday, and I am happy tho. But as I took my first shot, I began to cry and feel guilty. Im hurting my body, which means my soul is in pain.

What must I do to PERMANENTLY heal?!