Woman Realizes That She’s Been Accidentally Abusing Her Husband This Whole Time... Wow.

OP, you've forgotten yourself.

You are living in your head and spewing out your discontent.

You need to talk to a counselor ( a no nonsense one, not a "therapist" type).

You probably are bored with your role as housewife or are bored with your husband or yourself.

Good you have stopped to see what you are doing; need to stop it right now!

From now on, do shopping yourself. If he is working, you need to be doing the shopping yourself.

but if you don't get fixed, you'll find something else to bitch about.

He's not your kid; you're not his mom.

I just want to say that u really should appreciate patience of your man. I have similiar relationship with my wife, she yells on me, throws epitets on me just beacuse of silly things i happen to do sometimes wrong/or not the way she would like me to. The worst part of this is the outcome of situations like that, i tend to ignore her the louder she yells at me, its the only way of avoiding stupid argues which do not lead to anything instead of more yelling. I came to conclusion that she has adhd of some sort, all her life she was thought that she is best, 0 self criticism leading to narcism (i recognize it more like a disorder), but when she fucks something up she always look around to blame anything but not herself. But i love her and i can stand it i just hope my patience wont burn out someday. And dont say im masochist.

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I write down exactly what I want, and explain what I want or for,

HOLY GOD ALMIGHTY! Not the dreaded 4 paragraph "EXPLAINATION" for each and every item...That alone is a fate wose than death!

I could read atlas shrugged faster than I could get thru that!

AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

this is all a bi-product of men no longer smacking their bitches to keep them in line.

women want to be straightened out, deep down.

well it changes the situation :) i apologize for my attitude, Well if he cant work (physically) then it sux i hope he can be productive in other ways than physical. Anyway i was talking from perspective of working his ass of man, coming back home from work and listening to screams.

Mine is just a miserable bitch ...Enjoys the drama learnt to close my ears and ignore it ....

the problem is that if men try to explain this to their woman then MOST just wont get it, their pride will just make it worse on the man for helping to correct a relationship miscommunication....Most woman will just flip the mans attempt into "your condemning me"

the worry part about this story is that the woman thinks the less fat is the healthy option.

That's how it started. I launched into him. I berated him for not being smarter. Why would he not get the more healthy option? Did he even read the labels? Why can't I trust him? Do I need to spell out every little thing for him in minute detail so he gets it right? Also, and the thing I was probably most offended by, why wasn't he more observant? How could he not have noticed over the years what I always get? Does he not pay attention to anything I do?

As he sat there, bearing the brunt of my righteous indignation and muttering responses like, "I never noticed," "I really don't think it's that big of a deal," and "I'll get it right next time," I saw his face gradually take on an expression that I'd seen on him a lot in recent years. It was a combination of resignation and demoralization. He looked eerily like our son does when he gets chastised. That's when it hit me. "Why am I doing this? I'm not his mom."

I suddenly felt terrible. And embarrassed for myself. He was right. It really wasn't anything to get bent out of shape over. "

Show this to your other half.

Woman Realizes That She’s Been Accidentally Abusing Her Husband This Whole Time... Wow.
[link to brando.tickld.com]

"My "Aha Moment" happened because of a package of hamburger meat. I asked my husband to stop by the store to pick up a few things for dinner, and when he got home, he plopped the bag on the counter. I started pulling things out of the bag, and realized he'd gotten the 70/30 hamburger meat - which means it's 70% lean and 30% fat.

I asked, "What's this?"

"Hamburger meat," he replied, slightly confused.

"You didn't get the right kind," I said.

"I didn't?" He replied with his brow furrowed. " Was there some other brand you wanted or something?"

"No. You're missing the point, " I said. "You got the 70/30. I always get at least the 80/20."

He laughed. "Oh. That's all? I thought I'd really messed up or something."

That's how it started. I launched into him. I berated him for not being smarter. Why would he not get the more healthy option? Did he even read the labels? Why can't I trust him? Do I need to spell out every little thing for him in minute detail so he gets it right? Also, and the thing I was probably most offended by, why wasn't he more observant? How could he not have noticed over the years what I always get? Does he not pay attention to anything I do?

As he sat there, bearing the brunt of my righteous indignation and muttering responses like, "I never noticed," "I really don't think it's that big of a deal," and "I'll get it right next time," I saw his face gradually take on an expression that I'd seen on him a lot in recent years. It was a combination of resignation and demoralization. He looked eerily like our son does when he gets chastised. That's when it hit me. "Why am I doing this? I'm not his mom."

I suddenly felt terrible. And embarrassed for myself. He was right. It really wasn't anything to get bent out of shape over. "
------------------- 50% rule -------------------------

She's not "abusing" him for crying out loud. She's being a bitch. It's his choice whether to put up with it or not, he's not a damned child. Why do people insist on overusing words???

I know! She "bullied him", yeah, that's the ticket...!

the worry part about this story is that the woman thinks the less fat is the healthy option.

It's very cool that this person realized what they
were doing in the relationship! Thanks for that example
OP--it's a good one.

This is long...and I'm sorry--but it is my own story
and if it helps just one "rage-aholic" out there, then
it is worth it. If you DON'T have anger issues...
just skip this. People with anger issues suffer greatly
--often even more than the pain they inflict on others.
It very nearly killed me. It destroyed my marriage.

If you want to take this a step further...you might want to investigate the writings of Eckhart Tolle the author of "The Power of Now." I can only speak for myself...but I had some really serious anger issues I struggled for years to reign-in. Nothing helped until I was very graciously given a book by this author from my daughter. It was my own
"Ah ha!" moment...but it was years to be able to reach that point. (It's NOT religious by the way!)

He speaks of something that he believes every person
has, whether or not they are aware of it, called
"The Pain Body." Just like levels of human intelligence, according to Tolle, there are levels of personal "pain bodies" that are carried subconsciously by each person.

I'll paraphrase a little of what I have learned....reading his material yourself, tho, is much better! ....So, Every person is born with a certain level of "accumulated stress" that is the condition of being born into a certain type of family and culture. THAT is just out-of-the-gate as an infant, this stress is present as a type of "energy field." Then added to that is years of deliberate or
non-deliberate pain inflicted on the person by external
circumstances--THIS also gets accumulated at a psychic
level as resonance within the body and mind. There is
often associated with this "pain body" a certain negative "self-talk" like there is someone talking inside your head that has a running commentary on everything that you observe.

Everyone, of course, has a unique life-path so there
is no perfect formula for determining how one's pain
body compares to another person's. However, on a scale
of 1 to 10, the person with "rage issues" (sometimes
called a "rage-o-holic") would be the pain body at
its HIGHEST 10 range on a 1-to-10 scale. The solution
FIRST, like the lady screaming about the hamburger, is to
recognize that EVERYONE has a pain-body and that this
so called "phantom-self" can be triggered in many ways
to be projected outward into the world--and of course,
on the people you love and care about. Recognizing the
physical symptoms of the pain-body "coming to life"
(whether or not you can recognize your OWN TRIGGERS)
is 1/2 the battle in understanding how to disarm it.
Do you really want to cause more suffering for your
husband who brings home the wrong hamburger? What will
you do the NEXT time this trigger for your pain body confronts you--hit him over the head with the frying
pan? (Some people do this!)

Here is Eckhart Tolle talking about "The Pain Body"
and I believe if anyone with "anger" or "rage" issues
like the woman in this example above--could understand
the pain body mechanics, great strides could be made in
dissolving this terrible burden in many relationships.

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:FairUSE:

If you will watch the video (above) and really GRASP
what he is trying to explain, you will find this next
video very funny. While it is a very somber topic,
knowing the solution and looking at it honestly will
bring a great relief and sense of joy!


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:Fairuse:

Hope this helps--you can google more videos by this
great philosopher on this and other topics. Enjoy!

O'sCookie