++ My Ask For Salary Increase ++

Dear Management,

I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:

I do physical labour.
I work at great depths.
I plunge headfirst into everything I do.
I do not get weekends or holidays off.
I work in a damp environment.
I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.
I work in high temperatures.
My work exposes me to contagious diseases.


Sincerely, The Penis

_____________________________________________________________​_______ ___________
Dear Penis,

After assessing your request and considering the arguments you have
raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:

You do not work eight hours straight.
You fall asleep after brief work periods.
You do not always follow the orders of the management team.
You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting other locations.
You do not take initiative.
You need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working.
You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.
You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing.
You will retire well before you are 65.
You are unable to work double shifts.
You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed the assigned task.

And if that were not enough,

You are constantly seen entering and exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious looking bags.

Sincerely, The Management