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What are your guardian ad litem experiences in a divorce?

 
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 150781
United States
10/17/2006 11:54 PM
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What are your guardian ad litem experiences in a divorce?
How can these people possibly decide in only a few hours who is the best parent?

What are they like?

What are they looking for?

Is it a horrible experience?

How do they pick which parent is the best?
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 150781
United States
10/17/2006 11:57 PM
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Re: What are your guardian ad litem experiences in a divorce?
I feel like I'll just sit there and bawl my eyes out. How can I keep from doing that?
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 126877
United States
10/18/2006 12:01 AM
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Re: What are your guardian ad litem experiences in a divorce?
781 I went through this and came out on the loosing end, I truely feel your emotions and heart ache
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 126877
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10/18/2006 12:01 AM
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Re: What are your guardian ad litem experiences in a divorce?
781 hang in there, I'll be praying for you tonight, promise
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 150781
United States
10/18/2006 12:12 AM
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Re: What are your guardian ad litem experiences in a divorce?
Thanks. You have no idea how much your kind words mean to me. This is sheer hell. I have no idea what to expect. It did occur to me though that this person is just a person, and could favor one personality type over the other and hand the kids over because of that.

Does anybody know what their criteria is?
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 117166
United States
10/18/2006 01:10 AM
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Re: What are your guardian ad litem experiences in a divorce?
My daughter had a guardian ad litem.


She also had a psychologist.


She also had her own attorney.



All three made a strong case for her to stay to stay in the midwest near me and all her extended family and grandparents.


My daughter wanted to stay too.


But the $#%@!$^& dumb_______
judge ruled in my ex-wife's favor WITH NO GOOD REASON OR LAW TO BACK HIM UP and let her move a 1,000 miles away with my daughter in order to marry to marry an out-of-work, alchoholic, cowboy who lived way up in the mountains, isolated from humanity.


The marriage fell apart.


My daughter hated living there. She felt like a prisoner.


She ended up back with me after 3 years and never went back to the mountains again.


Does the civil court system suck?

You bet it does.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 126877
United States
10/18/2006 01:55 AM
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Re: What are your guardian ad litem experiences in a divorce?
This justice system sucks bigtime. Especially when the Judge in my case was friends with the family. I lost my case before it ever got going.

Praying for you 781

Our dearly loved ones will come back to us, keep your head high and have faith.
God Bless
San Diegan

User ID: 154721
United States
10/18/2006 02:35 AM
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Re: What are your guardian ad litem experiences in a divorce?
781--- if you are the mom, you have a better shot. as the dad, its tougher.

the approach to take is to project everything as being in the KID'S best interest...not a what YOU want. you gotta sell them on the interest of the child being best fulfilled by remaining with you....NOT that you will miss them, how great you are, etc.
"Beware that, when fighting monsters, you yourself do not become a monster...for when you gaze long into the abyss, the abyss gazes also into you.

-Friedrich Nietzsche
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 150781
United States
10/18/2006 08:41 AM
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Re: What are your guardian ad litem experiences in a divorce?
I was hoping my integrity would get me through this. I reek of integrity. But his lawyer has been making all kinds of baseless slurs against me in the opening hearing. And this is the part that blew my mind. Since it was the initial hearing, they were ALLOWED TO PERJURE THEMSELVES, no swearing in. I said to my lawyer what is the point then? They were questioning my mental competency for NO REASON. And his lawyer was actually looking at me hatefully and disgusted like.

I'm starting to wonder if the facts won't matter, that it's all about how much drama the lawyer makes. Is it?

I feel like they're slurring me with innuendo because they don't have anything bad to say that's real. Will the judge be able to figure that out?
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 156008
United Kingdom
10/18/2006 08:46 AM
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Re: What are your guardian ad litem experiences in a divorce?
How can these people possibly decide in only a few hours who is the best parent?

What are they like?

What are they looking for?

Is it a horrible experience?

How do they pick which parent is the best?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 150781





I went through something that involved a guardian ad litem looking over issues regarding the children but for a different purpose...


The one we had was,on the whole,honest and impartial but you would be advised to consider that they are human and as humans,have bias and prejudice sometimes....but importantly,be honest and open and you should be o.k.





I ,or we,were lucky as I`ve heard some horror stories...speak with your solicitor,who may know the individual concerned.


Good luck.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 156008
United Kingdom
10/18/2006 08:51 AM
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Re: What are your guardian ad litem experiences in a divorce?
I feel like they're slurring me with innuendo because they don't have anything bad to say that's real. Will the judge be able to figure that out?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 150781





This depends WHERE the case is heard.Are you in U.K ?
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 150781
United States
10/18/2006 08:54 AM
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Re: What are your guardian ad litem experiences in a divorce?
No, in the USA in a very small town that is famous for voting conservatively.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 156008
United Kingdom
10/18/2006 09:09 AM
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Re: What are your guardian ad litem experiences in a divorce?
No, in the USA in a very small town that is famous for voting conservatively.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 150781




Alas,I know nothing of the U.S courts.



In London my case was heard very high up the chain...it was a social issue where the social services wanted to place my children on an adoption register..... the point I make is that the higher you go the more intelligent these people are and can see through lies etc,particularly if they have experience.

If necessary,ask your solicitor to shove it up the chain...in the U.K a guardian ad litem can do this if the case is complex enough,thereby giving access to a more experienced judge.

In my case the authorities tried every trick in the book,including deliberate misinterpretation,misconstruing facts and outright lies and in the first instance they won their case purely because those sitting on the bench were naive and inexperienced,so believed the authorities,REGARDLESS of the countless witnesses who gave evidence on our behalf....and so it was taken up the chain to a higher court by our legal representation AND by the guardian ad litem where the judge was knowledgeable enough to know all is not always what it seems and believed the evidence presented in our favour....


I`m sorry to go off buit just trying to relay a point.


Good lick.


hf
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 150781
United States
10/18/2006 09:21 AM
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Re: What are your guardian ad litem experiences in a divorce?
What really sucks is the only reason their dad wants them is so he doesn't have to pay anything to me. He doesn't want them! For almost a year I've been offering him extra time with them at least once a week and he has said no every single time. But now he is the so-called 'better parent', says his team. I'm sick to my stomach. He'll wreck them and make them walking dead people like himself if he gets them.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 156008
United Kingdom
10/18/2006 09:28 AM
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Re: What are your guardian ad litem experiences in a divorce?
What really sucks is the only reason their dad wants them is so he doesn't have to pay anything to me. He doesn't want them! For almost a year I've been offering him extra time with them at least once a week and he has said no every single time. But now he is the so-called 'better parent', says his team. I'm sick to my stomach. He'll wreck them and make them walking dead people like himself if he gets them.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 150781




A guardian ad litem will be able to ask your kids what they think (if they`re deemed old enough ) and will also ask who they wish to live with...as they live with you at present and you`ve offerred extra time which he`s refused...I believe courts will try not to upset the status quo unless their is some outrageous mitigating factor...


I sincerely hope things will turn out well for you as I truly know what it`s like to have this worry...it`s natural to worry and project a bad outcome but try to have faith and believe that all works out for the bast in the end...


hf
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 150781
United States
10/18/2006 06:03 PM
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Re: What are your guardian ad litem experiences in a divorce?
Thanks. I wish you were right, that everything always works out for the best, but I know that that isn't true. :^(
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 155802
United States
10/18/2006 06:09 PM
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Re: What are your guardian ad litem experiences in a divorce?
Thay count the stupid posts on fringe websites made by each parent. The one with the least gets custody.
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 150781
United States
10/18/2006 06:22 PM
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Re: What are your guardian ad litem experiences in a divorce?
Thay count the stupid posts on fringe websites made by each parent. The one with the least gets custody.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 155802


Uh oh then.

LOL!
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 156331
United Kingdom
10/19/2006 04:26 AM
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Re: What are your guardian ad litem experiences in a divorce?
Thanks. I wish you were right, that everything always works out for the best, but I know that that isn't true. :^(
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 150781








You can only do what you can do...you can do no more,so do your very best and prepare for the case with this knowledge ... keep smiling inside and treat both yourself and kids with kindness and love...






hugs smile_kiss
poppinPJ

User ID: 65005
United States
10/19/2006 04:39 AM
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Re: What are your guardian ad litem experiences in a divorce?
Hey! Shit happens, right!? live and let live!!! from me! PJ! I'm a mom and a granny lala (I forgot my pill today) monster
Signs of the Second Coming of Christ...
[link to 100777.com]
Zig Zagger
User ID: 156365
United States
10/19/2006 08:25 AM
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Re: What are your guardian ad litem experiences in a divorce?
Good luck dear one, there is little justice to be had in courts. I think you had better spend time focusing clearly on the outcome you desire. I was trapped in a marriage with a lawyer who was a druggie/drunk/porn addict. He was and is very successful in the matrix, duh. Whenever I would try to escape with my kids he would say, "I will assure you that I will take your kids and make you destitute." Of course he was abusive when drunk, especially to me. We all learned to hide after 6 p.m. when he was drinking hard liquor, wine and beer didn't make him do much but stagger around and pass out, it was a nightly routine. I stayed until the children were old enough to make choices and drive. The divorce was like a comedy since the judge and my own lawyer recognized the fellow as one of their brotherhood of fools. Well, I did end up homeless for half a year and he did get the children with money lures. I had waited it out until custody was not an issue. He and his new alcoholic woman sued me for almost $100K to get my name off of my house. I just laughed since I was homeless, I had no representation in the good ol' boy court system. They had the house anyway. So, I got back on my feet and have carved a life for myself being totally self-sufficient and living the life of sobriety with a sober partner. What a treat! I knew the children loved me and as soon as the alkie lady got tired of the freaky lawyer man buying his kids with "her" money things would change. Well, it's happening right now and the kids are proving he was just a bank account and their love source is Mom. It takes a long time, sometimes, for the cycle to come back to justice. It has been over 7 years for me. Just keep the love light burning regardless of the outcome. I didn't have much choice in whether or not I stayed since it was almost impossible to get legal representation with his law firm's reputation of being sharks. You might have to zig zag around all the matrix B.S. and come up with another very creative solution, and BE BRAVE!
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 150781
United States
10/19/2006 08:42 AM
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Re: What are your guardian ad litem experiences in a divorce?
Thanks.

flower

It does strike me odd that the guardian ad litem is a lawyer and not a social worker or psychologist. Since when are lawyers so much more qualified to choose a better parent than any other profession? Why not musicians and artists and teachers? Why not a compendium of people from different walks of life? Why ONE LAWYER GETTING TO PICK FOR SUCH A MONUMENTAL DECISION?

It could come down to a values call. What does this particular person appreciate more, a cold scientific mind like my exes or a warmer creative mind like mine? The guardian ad litem would probably pick whichever they identified with more personally.

It's been amazing to me over the last several weeks, witnessing the sudden miraculous transformation of the man who didn't give a shit suddenly trying to become father of the year. It's all for show, of course. And it'll stop as soon as this is all done no matter who gets custody.

Too bad they don't put the parents on polygraph machines to see who's the liar.
Learning A Hard Lesson About L
User ID: 380556
United States
02/25/2008 05:41 PM
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Re: What are your guardian ad litem experiences in a divorce?
I am in the middle of a never-ending nightmare with a sociopath that fathered my son. What I've learned is it just doesn't matter if the father is a good guy or bad guy or even a dangerous guy. All types of fathers deserve parenting time with their children. Is it right? Absolutely not. I lived a life of fear and had to lock the guy out of my house to finally get rid of him. He never cared one lick about the baby until he was forced to pay child support. He's even beat up my little boy and who would listen to me -- no one. The guardian ad litem thinks I'm obsessed with the guy. I'm even friends with the father's ex-wife who also experienced years of abuse, and the guardian ad litem accused us of conspiring together to pick on the guy. My guardian ad litem even used people she know on my job to harass me about her getting fee. She was appointed by the judge as a fee-generating scheme. The list of ridiculous things goes on and on -- and it only hurts my child. I've learned that there is a large group of family court judges, attorneys, GALs, mental health professionals, and police that really don't care. That's why we have so many men killing women and children (or vice versa). No one will do anything because people have a right to be insane and hurt people. When will it change!!! By the way, I live in Fulton County, Georgia, so that is the court I'm dealing with.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 357765
United States
02/25/2008 05:45 PM
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Re: What are your guardian ad litem experiences in a divorce?
if there is abuse, take pictures of the bruises. then you should be able to make sure ti doresn't happen again.

my experience is that most of the time, with a few exceptions as noted here, the courts are truly interested in what is best for the kids. 99% of the time, that measn both parents get custody. In fact, that is the solution the courts will push for, at least here in California.
A_G1RL

User ID: 273050
United States
02/25/2008 06:03 PM

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Re: What are your guardian ad litem experiences in a divorce?
Just a little knowledge from experience for you. It sucks and is not right but it is true.

If you have FACTS and PROOF, they don't want to see it or hear it. You must not care about being honest.

Play the 'Susie Homemaker' or 'Father Knows Best' stereotype to the hilt. Accusations will fly and they need no backup whatsoever. If you can play the good actor they will like you best.

Also, be on the look out for ANYTHING that can show you as a compasionate human. If they cough, jump all over it with huge concern that they might be feeling ill and need more rest. They love it when you make it about them.

The above goes for Guardian Ad Litems as well as the psycologists that you may be ordered to see.

Play the game.
Yes, this is me ... [link to soundcloud.com (secure)]
she-coward
User ID: 380572
United States
02/25/2008 06:24 PM
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Re: What are your guardian ad litem experiences in a divorce?
My experience was good, but my situation was VERY different than yours.

However, the impression I was given was that the ad litem was there basically to represent the children's best interest and to act as their lawyer.

The ex was out of the picture and wanted to sign them over, so the ad litem was mainly there to ensure that living at my house was going to be an okay arrangement for them.

What she told me was that she would perform a telephone interview. She asked that I prepare the kids and let them know that a nice lady wanted to ask them some easy questions about life at home and that I leave the room during the actual interview. If everything seemed to be in order, that would be the end of it. If she had further questions, she would come to the house to interview in person and have a look around.

She called and talked to the oldest child (6), the younger two were very young. I talked to my 6 year old after the interview to find out how it went.

She asked questions like,

"Is your mom in the room right now?"
"Are you comfortable answering a few easy questions?"
"Are you happy living with your mom?"
"Do you love your mom?, Does your mom love you?"
"What did you have for dinner tonight?" Is that the kind of thing you have often?"
"What do you do for fun?" "Does your mom come to your games?"
"How are your grades?" "Do you like your teachers?"
"Do you ever get in trouble at school?"
"Do you ever get in trouble at home?" "What does your mom do when you're in trouble?" "Does she ever get mad at you?" "What happens then?" "What do you think about that?" "Do you like your stepdad?" (similar questions about relationships) "Do you remember Michael?" "How do you feel about him?" "If you could choose, and it was completely up to you and no one would be mad or sad, who would you rather live with?"

Evidently, she thought my kiddo answered appropriately and the order to sever parental ties with her father went through, and that was the end of that.

As I said, our situations are different, but this is how my kids' ad litem conducted herself.

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