Holy lucid dreaming...was so real

So, last night I was lucid dreaming for the first time ever for longer periods of time. It was odd I woke up in the middle of the night and was having trouble falling asleep with a little anxiety. So I popped a lorazepam and tried again. I thought to myself well if I can't sleep ill do some meditation. So I was focusing my energy in my crown and third eye. With my eyes closed I can sometimes see images pop up. It's not the same as fantasy. The images are much more real, dreamlike, and random. In the past I could only focus on the image like 3-5 seconds get anxiety in my stomach and snap out of it. As best I can describe it differs from fantasy in that the imagery is realistic and not controlled by you. It's almost like self willing a dream state. Anyway, I don't know if it was lorazepam that made me relax but I did the meditation and there was an image.

So, I kinda fell asleep having to pee. So, in the midst of this meditation I'm like well may as well get up and pee. So I walk into the bathroom and it's DESTROYED, toilet paper all over the bathroom seat with Piss on it. I was like ahhh this isn't real so I ran back to my room. Then my mom popped in and was like why are your pants off. I'm like they aren't off then look down and they are. I'm like ahhh. It was all so real because I had free will in this dream. So, I'm like fuck I gotta get outta this and start shaking really hard. Woooooo, back, feel the sensation of cool air on my face, my dog snoring, my pandora station playing, and still gotta pee.

So, I'm laying there decide not to go to the bathroom. I'm like I'm going back into the lucid dream. I had free will in it that way. I meditate focus my will power in to the darkness and void until I see something. There it was I see something, I'm in. I'm in my bedroom but I know I'm dreaming. I remember feeling like my house again...blast. so I hear a voice saying I know where you want to go. And instantly I'm sailing through space at hyperspeed buzzing by all these stars. Then I was like ok I wanna go somewhere on ground so I arrive flying over the upper 48 but like at space altitude. I was trying to decide where to land and all these little symbols are on the map. Like the Quaker oat guy was over California. I don't remember them all at this point. Then it was weird something scared me and I shook myself out of the dream. Woo...back again feel the cool air, hear the music and my dog. Still have to pee.

So, I'm like holy carp this is awesome! I wanna go again. So, I did what I had been doing. Here I am again dreaming in another bedroom. I was like well may as well wander around and see what I find. I walk out of my room and was like shit this ain't my house. It's nice but not mine. I'm like ok getting outta here. Walk out the front door and see in the window of another house this girl Dana from hs. I'm like hmm guess I'll wander over that way. Then I was like shit it's raining. I better get shoes. I walk back in the house and there are these dudes I never seen before wandering around the kitchen. The one guy is like what are you doing in here and grabs me. I was like ahhh get me outta here, start shaking my body really hard and I'm back to reality...cool air, dog, music. In retrospect in this one I should of kept going. You can't feel body sensation dreaming. Wth did I need shoes for? It seems one thing I learned in these is always be going forward. You can let concerns of the world interrupt your flow...likening shoes, no pants etc.


Anyway, I decide I should pee to get more comfortable. Phweew my real bathroom this time lol. I go and then when I come back decide to go back! But I can't. Just can't get in the same state again. I fall asleep. I wake up in the morning and try again and still can't get there.

So, I don't know if it was the lorazepam that helped or my prayers were answered. I had been praying for months like God take me out of here. I'm so bored with life. Let me see something in these meditations. I think the lorazepam helped calm my anxiety though so, I didn't snap back awake to quick for sure. Also, it seems being able to clear your mind is super important. No thinking about tomorrow or the past you just have to be.

Anyway, I want to learn how to do this more! Anyone, have any tips or is it basically just keep trying? They can turn scary really quick but that night it was getting easier and easier to keep going on. It reminded me of the highest peak of tripping but no drugs. I'm going to find more info online but any tips or help would be great because I can't do it consistently just with luck sometimes.