1st experience with a BIDET! YIKES!!

You are full of shit op.

Thus...toilets.

Ya ya butt you luv me for helping others & then adding humor to the mix...

No LINKY you still STINKY!

So I bought the elongated bowl size toilet cost 200 turds at Lowe's. Now I await the vendor to ship me another lid & seat going from the round version to the elongated version so all my man parts can fit without hitting the inner front porcelain throne.

I mean how can they even sell the round version bidet is beyond me since it cuts off like 1/3 of the front usable space!

I almost decided to keep it and not jump through all the hoops of getting another toilet in the elongated bowl but then i thought about my future guests and the scoff and shade they would give me over their man parts not fitting too.

So being the charitable person I am and caring about others man parts I upgraded to the elongated bowl toilet. At the end of the day when it is complete my man buns will be one happy camper.

No more will they be able to tell me: There he sat broken hearted he went to shit butt only farted!" YMMV

Will it remove even the most stubborn shit stains ?

LOL oh you're so ornery! Butt give it a whirl and a twirl and with some luck you can be rid of that hockey puck!

tldr. Does it make me gay or not? Because I see those things on woot all the time.

Hope you enjoy the ice cold water on your ass....


.

I'm done with poop threads


sorry you have such a delicate little bot bot op...


man...

It's fucking roasting where i live, i have no aircon and can get in the shower and soak myself in my clothes and it's dry in 1/2 hour.

And i have PILES (yuck, i know)

So after i have a poop i just strip my undies and pants off and step in and wash my precious, pink, wincing butthole with cold water and body wash. Then just whack everything back on.

A clean arse, is a HAPPY arse!

Ice cold water?? Nope it is HEATED derpidoodel dingeldork!



Last Edited by Imagine That on 01/18/2016 10:15 PM

At my age it's the OLNY thing I can get to kiss & pamper my sweet arse. You prolly got some chick whose arse you kiss?

I hope she has a bidet to keep it all up in thar fresh N clean while your tongue roams around the forest. Otherwise you should get one and may it bless her bootie and your too!

My bootie is not delicate and I challenge you to a butt off! A butt off is like a beer off only we don't chug beers to get to the winner. We chew ex-lax after going to a buffet & eat spicy foods with extra hot sauce! I get to use my beautiful warm seated with warm water bidet and you your normal toilet seat.

The challenge will be who uses less toilet paper and who's arse is less red and inflamed from the usage.

Hate to burst your hemorrhoid but I'd win butts down homie! lol





Last Edited by Imagine That on 01/18/2016 10:27 PM

Whaaat?!?!? LMAO! These silly pictographs and animations "crack" me up pardon the pun of the thread.

True dat! If you have PILES or anal fissures or even hemorrhoids, a bidet is just what the doctor ordered! It will help you like for real A/C.

Us buns gotta stick together especially in hot weather... Keep in mind you can choose cold / warm /hot water. You would want the cool to cold water for your "piles"...EEK!

May you flush in peace!



Last Edited by Imagine That on 01/18/2016 10:42 PM

Yup and you will never recover! lol

This thread is FAKE.

OP doesn't even have a Butt-Hole!

Pics or it didn't happen.

all for it ..who wants play on a dirty playground?

Oh my gosh you "crack" me up! If GLP allowed pics I would fart our a pic just for you and my beautiful butt bidet too! lol

But I'd be too afraid you'd grab your Vaseline...



Last Edited by Imagine That on 01/18/2016 11:22 PM

Exactly you know what I am talking about from Japan since bidets are very poopular there! The brand ToTo is very expensive btw.

I seen some of those bidet toilets can cost almost 2 grand! They are cool to see in the YouTube vids because when you walk up to them they open the lid automatically like they are hungry or something, then close after you do your dirty deeds done dirt cheap.



Last Edited by Imagine That on 01/18/2016 11:46 PM

First time I saw a bidet. i thought it was a fancy water fountain.....

So. I'm reading this while sitting on the crapper.
Having eaten Chilidogs w/ jalapeno for lunch, I'm kinda wishing I had a bidet too.

Good looking-out, OP. Not sure where I'd install it, but I want one.

Haleloo say good riddance to the poo! A convert! lol

The cheapest one that has all the cool features that I investigaed on is listed in my 1st post. But you can spend much more on other brands, it's up to you.

I can only speak about the one I got and I think it is trick. Just make sure whatever brand you get to get an elongated one cuz the variant "round" ones are too small for your man junk to fit. up front when you squat to squirt.

I posted this thread albeit a humorous subject because i really endeavor to help others not have to go through what i went through.

Get an elongated toilet and an elongated bidet size seat if you want to get it right from the start.

I was unsure which elongated toilet to get but eventually chose a Kholer toilet at Lowe's for 189 buks. Man that thing has a 4 outta 5 rating on flush power and it does it only 1.3 gallons too!

Never thought I'd love my friggin toilet, not to mention the new bidet! lol

As far as where you'd put it may I suggest around your head or on your toilet...



Last Edited by Imagine That on 01/18/2016 11:56 PM

Ummm please do not drink the water...

That's an OBAMANATION ScrumpTheTexan!! lol

Although you made keeem jong swoon happy! I wonder if he uses a bidet...



Last Edited by Imagine That on 01/19/2016 12:06 AM

I've actually thought about getting or making one myself. I'm just tired of flushing good money down the toilet, so to speak. Plus, you get SO much cleaner with these!

You can get one of those little sprays for 20 buks. You attach a splitter 3 way valve which is super easy. I thought about that too but when when I realized I'd be giving up a heated seat and heated water and the blow dryer & get clean without involving my hands near the battle ground etc.

I had to splurge on the DIB-1500. Any brand will work fine i am sure but that's the one i got being the cheapest and most feature laden. Once you try it and actually use it for a week you won't want to go without it!

I am a big dude and thought these things were for girls or sissies but I was hella wrong!

I got so tired of wiping over and over and over & getting my fingers accidentally in the poo too that I shouted there must be a better waaaay! So I began to search and finally found this technomarvel.

I don't wanna get to gross butt many times after the initial wipe I'd take my usual look to see if it was clean b4 i got a bidet and the poop would sometimes plop off onto the carpeted floor (really). Yuck!

Then I had to clean that up too after washing my poopy fingers! Many of you know what I am talking about. Shittin is not for the squeamish people! Anyone know how many people get food poisoning from eating out? Tons, usually from poopy fingered unclean employees that will give you the Hershey squirts!

Women I understand (my mom told me) when they have diarrhea it can get into their va jay jay! Really! Wouldn't you feel safer if you go down on your wife that she is extra clean after your bidet install? Thought so.

We are being REAL here no BS talking about a taboo subject! Let's face it people can be friggin NASTY, male OR female! I had one chick friend came over for some playtime years ago and she was sitting on my nice new couch naked.

Suddenly she scooted forward and left a friggin SKID mark on my nice couch! Needless to say that took away from the moment and I suddenly got a headache & it became time for her to GTFO. True story!

She reminded me of one of those little doggies that when they get an itchy butt pull themselves forward with their 2 front paws while scootin forward on their butts all over your carpet.

Then I was doing laundry and a roommate buds underwear had a long skid-mark on it and the poo was caked on! Unbelievable! If only I had a bidet back in the day...

No more squeezin charmin for me or the multiple wipes that can rub the most macho man raw. If one has piles or hemorrhoids or occasional bleeding like a prior poster then it's a real no brainier.

All models come with everything you need for about a 20 min easy install. I got the one with the trick remote. It looks like a Airplane control panel at approx. 4 x 9 inches! Batteries supposed to last roughly 6 months. No wonder the ladies love it! lol

May you flush in peace.



Last Edited by Imagine That on 01/19/2016 12:41 AM