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My first suicide (Long read )

 
Holly Merry

User ID: 5398588
United States
02/14/2016 08:45 PM
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Re: My first suicide (Long read )
I feel like my family doesn't care.

Sure, they would grieve like anyone else.

But in everyday situations? They probably talk badly behind my back to their friends because I've done some dumb things in life.

Barely had a real conversation in person since... forever it seems. If ever really.

Hi/bye/Yes/No/Maybe/Okay/I'm Fine

Is all I ever muster it seems.

Rarely do they actually try to talk, or even at all for the matter.

Except online; I can type, argue over difference of opinions, elaborate on ideas and spout my BS opinions all over the place.

I used to play video games and visit forums when I was bored of them. Now I mostly visit forums and only play games when I find not much interesting.

Too quiet for relationships ever since I was a kid, considered bored or a creeper I don't know.

At 25 I had my first 'sorta' relationship with a girl.

Ironically that relationship soon after I returned from a mental hospital(~6 months after). Not sure why I went loony. Apparently I was underweight and didn't realize it. Malnourished, over stressed; whatever it was I wasn't in good shape at all, to put it very mildly.

I guess I should stop crying, grow some balls and macho the fuck up or something. As has been suggested for years whenever I read something similar to my story. This story that barely scratches the rough sand-papery surface of my life.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 579838


Your brain is malnourished. If you are taking an anti-depression/psychotic cocktail it makes it worse and your body also will be malnourished. You need to coconut oil to feed your brain.
 Quoting: Thyrique


I like the coconut oil solution to a tragic life. I was ready to swing today, crying, because its so cold and outside is completely white and bleak. And my sleep medicine depresses me. And my mother was a bitch to me when i was a child. Like a wicked witch stepmother in a fairy tale. And i got no money. And the end of the world is nigh. But I made some hot almond milk with turmeric and coconut oil and i survived.
Wasting away again in bodhichittaville...
Holly Merry

User ID: 5398588
United States
02/14/2016 08:51 PM
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Re: My first suicide (Long read )
I can't just walk in and warm up.
It's her place and must be invited in. So I warm in the car.
While the teenage son inside helps naught.

I don't know if wife and daughter are back; normally wife doesn't answer the iphone I bought and pay service on, so I don't bother her by calling too often.

I COULD go knock on the door, no, too threatening.

I'll just wait and see if anyone ever wonders how I'm doing enough to check while I try providing the famiy with transportation.
If they leave me in privacy like last night.....
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 71102302

How about just leaving? Take your shit and leave. If that's what it takes to save your life do it and do it now. Obviously they are ungrateful.

Where are you, in terms of what state city, and do you have money?

Call someone you know and couch surf, or if you have to, leave town, do whatever it takes.
 Quoting: BirdLover

She has access to all (Lots of (my)) money.
Leaving? She left me and took the kids. I have a great big brick house she wants no part of, cause it represents commitment. I'm trying to help 3 fatherless kids have some stability there and teach them.
She's enjoying being powerful enough to refuse to help. I'd need a 9 day week to make enough money to keep up with her...

It would be so much better in a cold dark garage on Valentine's Day.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 9213933


This is ridiculous.
Wasting away again in bodhichittaville...
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 48601642
United States
02/14/2016 08:57 PM
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Re: My first suicide (Long read )
I can't just walk in and warm up.
It's her place and must be invited in. So I warm in the car.
While the teenage son inside helps naught.

I don't know if wife and daughter are back; normally wife doesn't answer the iphone I bought and pay service on, so I don't bother her by calling too often.

I COULD go knock on the door, no, too threatening.

I'll just wait and see if anyone ever wonders how I'm doing enough to check while I try providing the famiy with transportation.
If they leave me in privacy like last night.....
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 71102302

How about just leaving? Take your shit and leave. If that's what it takes to save your life do it and do it now. Obviously they are ungrateful.

Where are you, in terms of what state city, and do you have money?

Call someone you know and couch surf, or if you have to, leave town, do whatever it takes.
 Quoting: BirdLover

She has access to all (Lots of (my)) money.
Leaving? She left me and took the kids. I have a great big brick house she wants no part of, cause it represents commitment. I'm trying to help 3 fatherless kids have some stability there and teach them.
She's enjoying being powerful enough to refuse to help. I'd need a 9 day week to make enough money to keep up with her...

It would be so much better in a cold dark garage on Valentine's Day.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 9213933


This is ridiculous.
 Quoting: Holly Merry


The best farce is totally ridiculous.
But they only play so many weeks...
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 23273353
Ireland
02/14/2016 09:02 PM
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Re: My first suicide (Long read )
You want to stop suicides? Start sticking up for each other. No matter what.
Against the tyranny with its boot on your face.

That is the only way.

Stay off anti depressants.
Stay away from alcohol and drugs.
Stay away from head shrinkers.

Fight for your sons and daughters.

For your fathers and mothers

Fight fight fight until the very last oppressor is drowning in his own bile.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 59658422


Having lost 4 close people to suicide before i was 20, and just 2 in the last month, you're post is spot on!!

All of the suicides were to do with pills, drink, shrinks, and lack of support.

I witnessed a dad fall apart from his own son's suicide. The dad was an alcoholic who allowed his son to start drinking at age 10. The son always tried to help the dad get off the booze, the son always tried to get off the booze, the doctors gave them both more psych meds.
By age 23 his son had killed himself, after his girlfriend killed herself a few months before.
Despite their shortfalls in this life, they had beautiful, gentle souls.

I tried to help the ones i knew were suicidal, but i couldn't watch them 24/7. With many, it's impossible to know they're suicidal.

I wish society would try to be more compassionate about those who are suicidal.
I wish people would realise a suicidal person lives each day trying not to kill themselves, rather than living each day trying to find the courage to kill themselves.

It's easy to kill yourself, to not to, is the hardest when suicidal.

I will always have all the time in the world for someone as alone as someone who feels suicidal.
Anonymous Coward
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02/14/2016 09:24 PM
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Re: My first suicide (Long read )
My mom killed herself right in front of us-grabbed a handFULL of sleeping pills and washed them down with Whisky; She was also likely to be on anti depressants.

We were scared and didn't know what to do. I was 5...she soon slumped to the floor

This was in 1957
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 23273353
Ireland
02/14/2016 09:31 PM
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Re: My first suicide (Long read )
My mom killed herself right in front of us-grabbed a handFULL of sleeping pills and washed them down with Whisky; She was also likely to be on anti depressants.

We were scared and didn't know what to do. I was 5...she soon slumped to the floor

This was in 1957
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 71340481


Some mother's don't take the role seriously.

Sorry you experienced that so young, yet i imagine, you are a fabulous mother..

hf
Anonymous Coward
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United States
02/14/2016 09:47 PM
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Re: My first suicide (Long read )
My mom killed herself right in front of us-grabbed a handFULL of sleeping pills and washed them down with Whisky; She was also likely to be on anti depressants.

We were scared and didn't know what to do. I was 5...she soon slumped to the floor

This was in 1957
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 71340481

That's awful but so honest.

I was born in '61 but I miss such civilized honesty. 1957 must have been great.

Sorry for all what problems were....
Anonymous Coward
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02/14/2016 09:57 PM
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Re: My first suicide (Long read )
Wife out with friends, hid daughter at friends..check.
Teenage son giving dead rat Vikings funeral on raft down river..check.

Back to work on car.
Anonymous Coward
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02/14/2016 09:59 PM
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Re: My first suicide (Long read )
Wife out with friends, hid daughter at friends..check.
Teenage son giving dead rat Vikings funeral on raft down river..check.

Back to work on car.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 48601642


And who will finish this pack of Camels?
Anonymous Coward
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02/14/2016 10:07 PM
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Re: My first suicide (Long read )
On some realm is a website with a thread called "My third suicide".
Holly Merry

User ID: 5398588
United States
02/14/2016 11:02 PM
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Re: My first suicide (Long read )
My mom killed herself right in front of us-grabbed a handFULL of sleeping pills and washed them down with Whisky; She was also likely to be on anti depressants.

We were scared and didn't know what to do. I was 5...she soon slumped to the floor

This was in 1957
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 71340481

That's awful but so honest.

I was born in '61 but I miss such civilized honesty. 1957 must have been great.

Sorry for all what problems were....
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 48601642


OMG. So aside from her mother slumping dead to the floor before her eyes, 1957 was a beacon to civilised honesty.
Wasting away again in bodhichittaville...
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 70970680
United States
02/14/2016 11:14 PM
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Re: My first suicide (Long read )
My mom killed herself right in front of us-grabbed a handFULL of sleeping pills and washed them down with Whisky; She was also likely to be on anti depressants.

We were scared and didn't know what to do. I was 5...she soon slumped to the floor

This was in 1957
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 71340481

That's awful but so honest.

I was born in '61 but I miss such civilized honesty. 1957 must have been great.

Sorry for all what problems were....
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 48601642


OMG. So aside from her mother slumping dead to the floor before her eyes, 1957 was a beacon to civilised honesty.
 Quoting: Holly Merry

Easy for you to say.
I speak from a pit of despair.
I've dragged this out maybe 7 years and yes, I'll say that's more civilized than what my children have seen.
Anonymous Coward
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02/14/2016 11:20 PM
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Re: My first suicide (Long read )
Holly Merry

User ID: 5398588
United States
02/14/2016 11:21 PM
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Re: My first suicide (Long read )
My mom killed herself right in front of us-grabbed a handFULL of sleeping pills and washed them down with Whisky; She was also likely to be on anti depressants.

We were scared and didn't know what to do. I was 5...she soon slumped to the floor

This was in 1957
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 71340481

That's awful but so honest.

I was born in '61 but I miss such civilized honesty. 1957 must have been great.

Sorry for all what problems were....
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 48601642


OMG. So aside from her mother slumping dead to the floor before her eyes, 1957 was a beacon to civilised honesty.
 Quoting: Holly Merry

Easy for you to say.
I speak from a pit of despair.
I've dragged this out maybe 7 years and yes, I'll say that's more civilized than what my children have seen.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 70970680


Im sorry. Your children have seen worse than their mother dying drunk from suicide?
Wasting away again in bodhichittaville...
Anonymous Coward
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United States
02/14/2016 11:28 PM
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Re: My first suicide (Long read )
...

That's awful but so honest.

I was born in '61 but I miss such civilized honesty. 1957 must have been great.

Sorry for all what problems were....
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 48601642


OMG. So aside from her mother slumping dead to the floor before her eyes, 1957 was a beacon to civilised honesty.
 Quoting: Holly Merry

Easy for you to say.
I speak from a pit of despair.
I've dragged this out maybe 7 years and yes, I'll say that's more civilized than what my children have seen.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 70970680


Im sorry. Your children have seen worse than their mother dying drunk from suicide?
 Quoting: Holly Merry

This farce is not over, but my children have watched their mother gut me, and wreck all my value and purpose in life, slowly, because she's enjoying her role.
Yes, it's uglier than one quick day
where it's done with.
I'm a walking, working shell that doesn't know why to go on when all purpose is removed.
Anonymous Coward
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United States
02/14/2016 11:30 PM
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Re: My first suicide (Long read )
Suicide.

It leaves an empty feeling; it leaves people who loved you very much frozen in place. Because you chose to leave when you were needed the most; now when we look for you all we find is a void. We see all the happy times and then remember that you chose to end it.

We are left in flux because you couldn't believe in yourself or us anymore. Life is for living; but I guess that wasn't enough was it? Now our love is simply left hanging.
 Quoting: SocialEnigma 66417651


"Frozen in place..... love left hanging" .....Yup, that's it.

OP, thanks for this. Often wondered what the experience was like for the family member who "found" my friend who suicided herself.

God Bless you.

I also want to add here, as an aside, but feel it's important for you to know (if you don't already) : You are an extraordinary writer. It was very easy to visualize your experience and enter into the scenes. The whole thing really came alive.

You should be writing short stories/novels on the side, if you're not already.
Holly Merry

User ID: 5398588
United States
02/15/2016 12:18 AM
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Re: My first suicide (Long read )
...


OMG. So aside from her mother slumping dead to the floor before her eyes, 1957 was a beacon to civilised honesty.
 Quoting: Holly Merry

Easy for you to say.
I speak from a pit of despair.
I've dragged this out maybe 7 years and yes, I'll say that's more civilized than what my children have seen.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 70970680


Im sorry. Your children have seen worse than their mother dying drunk from suicide?
 Quoting: Holly Merry

This farce is not over, but my children have watched their mother gut me, and wreck all my value and purpose in life, slowly, because she's enjoying her role.
Yes, it's uglier than one quick day
where it's done with.
I'm a walking, working shell that doesn't know why to go on when all purpose is removed.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 70970680


But they think its normal for that to happen to you so they arent traumatised by it. They think you are doing exactly what you want to do and if you are empty they think thats just how hou were meant to me.

You probably want to take back some of your own. Maybe soon you will look beyond the woman to the system that has enslaved her too and made her a heartless shell too.
Wasting away again in bodhichittaville...
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 6169219
United States
02/15/2016 12:30 AM
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Re: My first suicide (Long read )
Fucked up kiddo...

I feel for you.

Been to a few calls that still drive my mood.

You're not alone.


I know your post was for their family, but REALLY what I read was, it's bothering you.


Stay strong.
 Quoting: Travis Bickle


Yea,that stuff usually does not bother me. I am usually a stoic
But for some reason it did. Im guessing it's because of the family's reaction.
 Quoting: CigarTigher



You are beautiful. Love. All you need is love.
Holly Merry

User ID: 5398588
United States
02/15/2016 12:53 AM
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Re: My first suicide (Long read )
By the fifth suicide you will notice that while all the survivors are dramatically shrieking and howling, no one is putting on coffee for the others. No one is comforting the children. No one is doing anything for anyone else. The one who made the coffee snd comforted the children is under the sheet. They are crying for his lost income and all the money they wasted on insurance they will never collect.
Wasting away again in bodhichittaville...
Anonymous Coward
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02/15/2016 01:13 AM
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Re: My first suicide (Long read )
...

Easy for you to say.
I speak from a pit of despair.
I've dragged this out maybe 7 years and yes, I'll say that's more civilized than what my children have seen.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 70970680


Im sorry. Your children have seen worse than their mother dying drunk from suicide?
 Quoting: Holly Merry

This farce is not over, but my children have watched their mother gut me, and wreck all my value and purpose in life, slowly, because she's enjoying her role.
Yes, it's uglier than one quick day
where it's done with.
I'm a walking, working shell that doesn't know why to go on when all purpose is removed.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 70970680


But they think its normal for that to happen to you so they arent traumatised by it. They think you are doing exactly what you want to do and if you are empty they think thats just how hou were meant to me.

You probably want to take back some of your own. Maybe soon you will look beyond the woman to the system that has enslaved her too and made her a heartless shell too.
 Quoting: Holly Merry

I don't blame her, but the system and process.
I do feel women have power over men in so many ways it's not worth trying to save my marriage and family.

But I am a work ethic aholic and will gladly freeze trying to provide a running car for my family.

Still no real assistance and one quick check from one obviously in a hurry to do other stuff.
It's getting late; my wife is out with friends, said she wouldn't be able to help tonight, couldn't get confirmation about getting a few minutes help before work tomorrow.

Her friends are probably a Chad.
Anonymous Coward
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02/15/2016 01:33 AM
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Re: My first suicide (Long read )
By the fifth suicide you will notice that while all the survivors are dramatically shrieking and howling, no one is putting on coffee for the others. No one is comforting the children. No one is doing anything for anyone else. The one who made the coffee snd comforted the children is under the sheet. They are crying for his lost income and all the money they wasted on insurance they will never collect.
 Quoting: Holly Merry

They'll be falling all over themselves to get the equity and antiques.

They won't remember what I said to do with my body.

All insurance got cashed in years ago to get by day-by-day.

401k got crashed 7 years ago to put on a roof.

But they'll get that equity, and all social security can provide.
Holly Merry

User ID: 5398588
United States
02/15/2016 01:35 AM
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Re: My first suicide (Long read )
...


Im sorry. Your children have seen worse than their mother dying drunk from suicide?
 Quoting: Holly Merry

This farce is not over, but my children have watched their mother gut me, and wreck all my value and purpose in life, slowly, because she's enjoying her role.
Yes, it's uglier than one quick day
where it's done with.
I'm a walking, working shell that doesn't know why to go on when all purpose is removed.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 70970680


But they think its normal for that to happen to you so they arent traumatised by it. They think you are doing exactly what you want to do and if you are empty they think thats just how hou were meant to me.

You probably want to take back some of your own. Maybe soon you will look beyond the woman to the system that has enslaved her too and made her a heartless shell too.
 Quoting: Holly Merry

I don't blame her, but the system and process.
I do feel women have power over men in so many ways it's not worth trying to save my marriage and family.

But I am a work ethic aholic and will gladly freeze trying to provide a running car for my family.

Still no real assistance and one quick check from one obviously in a hurry to do other stuff.
It's getting late; my wife is out with friends, said she wouldn't be able to help tonight, couldn't get confirmation about getting a few minutes help before work tomorrow.

Her friends are probably a Chad.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 8071260


You sound like you do want to save your marriage. I dont get why you are working on the car if you arent allowed in the house or who lives where.

Maybe she doesnt get that working for her all the time is love.

Im glad I never married. It looked horrible when my folks were living it and it seems horrible for anyone who lives it. But it does seem that you care about her a great deal and feel hurt that she ignores you.
Wasting away again in bodhichittaville...
Let Freedom Ring 365

User ID: 63019529
United States
02/15/2016 01:47 AM

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Re: My first suicide (Long read )
Thx for posting. Your job requires you to deal with some extremely sad and shocking calls. Your emotional strength and compassion are gifts from God. Thank you for helping people in crisis and emergency situations. hf
You are the creator of your own master plan... Make it a good one.

Wake the fuk up and be ready... This is absolutely no time to be stupid!

“If you want to find the secrets of the universe, think in terms of energy, frequency and vibration.” - Nikola Tesla
Anonymous Coward
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02/15/2016 02:09 AM
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Re: My first suicide (Long read )
...

This farce is not over, but my children have watched their mother gut me, and wreck all my value and purpose in life, slowly, because she's enjoying her role.
Yes, it's uglier than one quick day
where it's done with.
I'm a walking, working shell that doesn't know why to go on when all purpose is removed.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 70970680


But they think its normal for that to happen to you so they arent traumatised by it. They think you are doing exactly what you want to do and if you are empty they think thats just how hou were meant to me.

You probably want to take back some of your own. Maybe soon you will look beyond the woman to the system that has enslaved her too and made her a heartless shell too.
 Quoting: Holly Merry

I don't blame her, but the system and process.
I do feel women have power over men in so many ways it's not worth trying to save my marriage and family.

But I am a work ethic aholic and will gladly freeze trying to provide a running car for my family.

Still no real assistance and one quick check from one obviously in a hurry to do other stuff.
It's getting late; my wife is out with friends, said she wouldn't be able to help tonight, couldn't get confirmation about getting a few minutes help before work tomorrow.

Her friends are probably a Chad.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 8071260


You sound like you do want to save your marriage. I dont get why you are working on the car if you arent allowed in the house or who lives where.

Maybe she doesnt get that working for her all the time is love.

Im glad I never married. It looked horrible when my folks were living it and it seems horrible for anyone who lives it. But it does seem that you care about her a great deal and feel hurt that she ignores you.
 Quoting: Holly Merry

Unfortunately work for her and family is just not in her love language.

Worse, she seems to resent any of the benefits I provide.
Like not answering the phone.

Maybe her Chad can spring for a car.
I'm off to bed back at my place.
I did not do the garage escape tonight because I know my son would be the one to find me.
Holly Merry

User ID: 5398588
United States
02/15/2016 02:15 AM
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Re: My first suicide (Long read )
...


But they think its normal for that to happen to you so they arent traumatised by it. They think you are doing exactly what you want to do and if you are empty they think thats just how hou were meant to me.

You probably want to take back some of your own. Maybe soon you will look beyond the woman to the system that has enslaved her too and made her a heartless shell too.
 Quoting: Holly Merry

I don't blame her, but the system and process.
I do feel women have power over men in so many ways it's not worth trying to save my marriage and family.

But I am a work ethic aholic and will gladly freeze trying to provide a running car for my family.

Still no real assistance and one quick check from one obviously in a hurry to do other stuff.
It's getting late; my wife is out with friends, said she wouldn't be able to help tonight, couldn't get confirmation about getting a few minutes help before work tomorrow.

Her friends are probably a Chad.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 8071260


You sound like you do want to save your marriage. I dont get why you are working on the car if you arent allowed in the house or who lives where.

Maybe she doesnt get that working for her all the time is love.

Im glad I never married. It looked horrible when my folks were living it and it seems horrible for anyone who lives it. But it does seem that you care about her a great deal and feel hurt that she ignores you.
 Quoting: Holly Merry

Unfortunately work for her and family is just not in her love language.

Worse, she seems to resent any of the benefits I provide.
Like not answering the phone.

Maybe her Chad can spring for a car.
I'm off to bed back at my place.
I did not do the garage escape tonight because I know my son would be the one to find me.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 47920935


I hope it gets better for you.
Wasting away again in bodhichittaville...
Anonymous Coward
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Australia
02/15/2016 02:27 AM
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Re: My first suicide (Long read )
Prayers for you and for the family. hf

Also, thank you for posting this. Many people do not know of signs to look for and many people hide depression and despair very well. (even though they knew his story).
 Quoting: mkarenh13


This!

As someone who was once suicidal, it always bothers me when people try to pin blame on those around the depressed person.

A person can hide despair very well if they want to (like I did)...that is why friends and family are often blind sided by a suicide. You can reach out to a person, but at the end of the day only the can change the thought patterns in their head. No one can do it for them.

Just love people from moment to moment. There is nothing more you can do.
CigarTigher  (OP)

User ID: 70684721
United States
02/15/2016 06:43 AM

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Re: My first suicide (Long read )
Hello GLP. This has been bothering me ever since this morning. I just thought I would share .

As an EMT, many things do not bother me. Well, this call did because I could relate...

At 4:05 am the tones rang in the ems station. "Medic X Priority 2" As soon as I heard that it was my truck I got out of bed, rubbed my eyes and quickly laced up my boots.

I went outside and jumped inside of the truck . I picked up the radio and said "Medic X En route" . Now, I couldn't hear the nature of illness or MOI. So I looked on the computer screen that is mounted in the truck between the front seats and under the comment section was "hanging"

At exactly 0409 my trucked arrived on scene. In front of the house were 4 police cars with their lights lighting up the sky.

When I got out of the truck,I heard screaming and crying .I put the medic bag on the stretcher and unloaded the stretcher from the ambulance . It hit me because I knew it wasn't a something really bad. My adrenaline was rushing from curiosity .

While pushing the stretcher up the driveway I saw a 10 year old kid wearing a black shirt and orange shorts whips his eyes as he was crying in the grass. Behind him was 20 something year old Hispanic woman on her phone by the front door of the house. "He hung himself,she said as she was talking on the phone crying.

After passing her up I I looked inside of the patients home and saw about 5 family members crying . One was a woman holding a 9 month old baby. A teenager with foggy glasses and purple pajamas was sitting on a tan couch crying "no,not him!".

After looking in the house my partner and I arrived to the back yard where a garage was . The door was halfway open . On the ground was a perfectly healthy 36 year old man. Lying on the ground...motionless

My partner quickly did a sternum rub and a pulse check. The patients pulse was not present but he was not completely cold . My partner and I attached the leads to the patients chest and there was no beat... He was dead.

I had to walk to his family members and tell them the news... The Hispanic woman from earlier told me that he was last seen about an hour ago.
I walked back outside to tell PD and the patients sister shows up

. "Can I just see my brother, Can I see my brother???" I just want to hug him." She said

We couldn't let her touch him because it was being treated as a crime scene. When I spoke to his sister apparently he had a prior suicide attempt.He was also diagnosed with depression and Psychosis .. The sister also informed me of her mother passed away recently.

The messed up part about it was that children were present and he was found by family. They were the ones who found him and cut his body down. I am never going to forget the sound of the grieving family. That was pure emotion and shock.

Later that morning I found out that he had a wife...

I know this is a long post, but seriously if you need help or you see warning signs of a suicide please take it very seriously. I have lost a high school friend to suicide in December .

Please say a prayer for the family as they go through these difficult times.
 Quoting: CigarTigher


A something really bad?

You bought a script and played it, and missed a part.

A something really bad post, OP. Fire your PR bullshit artist.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 64727061

typo

I typed all of this on my phone.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 71441975
United States
02/15/2016 07:31 AM
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Re: My first suicide (Long read )
You want to stop suicides? Start sticking up for each other. No matter what.
Against the tyranny with its boot on your face.

That is the only way.

Stay off anti depressants.
Stay away from alcohol and drugs.
Stay away from head shrinkers.

Fight for your sons and daughters.

For your fathers and mothers

Fight fight fight until the very last oppressor is drowning in his own bile.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 59658422


Having lost 4 close people to suicide before i was 20, and just 2 in the last month, you're post is spot on!!

All of the suicides were to do with pills, drink, shrinks, and lack of support.

I witnessed a dad fall apart from his own son's suicide. The dad was an alcoholic who allowed his son to start drinking at age 10. The son always tried to help the dad get off the booze, the son always tried to get off the booze, the doctors gave them both more psych meds.
By age 23 his son had killed himself, after his girlfriend killed herself a few months before.
Despite their shortfalls in this life, they had beautiful, gentle souls.

I tried to help the ones i knew were suicidal, but i couldn't watch them 24/7. With many, it's impossible to know they're suicidal.

I wish society would try to be more compassionate about those who are suicidal.
I wish people would realise a suicidal person lives each day trying not to kill themselves, rather than living each day trying to find the courage to kill themselves.

It's easy to kill yourself, to not to, is the hardest when suicidal.

I will always have all the time in the world for someone as alone as someone who feels suicidal.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 23273353


I would stay off if I had never taken meds, but once you take them , and especially if it does help, why would you tell someone to go off them?
I waited until mid thirties to try a med. That what you do when you just spent your life in agony, and begin to realize that no, you don't have that support system, and you aren't loved.

So then how do you expect someone to function day to day? Exactly whats your advice for someone who wants to get off this prison planet and cant take any more? people get tired of asking for help and being humiliated. Once you hit the 50s it gets harder to sleep and maintain alone.

For instance, exactly where would you suggest a MK survivor go to seek help? What if they actually remember rituals, or even dead bodies?
Do you really think the authorities give a shit? They only do when it serves them in some way.

Now layer that with knowing the Reptilian thing is real. Do you really think anyone can reveal that and be taken seriously, or that anyone is going to want to help?

The fact that this thread dived in status is because people don't care. I would put forth that most people would prefer someone depressed off themselves. Talk about speaking the truth. Here we are discussing suicide and people still tip toe.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 71441975
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02/15/2016 07:34 AM
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Re: My first suicide (Long read )
Prayers for you and for the family. hf

Also, thank you for posting this. Many people do not know of signs to look for and many people hide depression and despair very well. (even though they knew his story).
 Quoting: mkarenh13


This!

As someone who was once suicidal, it always bothers me when people try to pin blame on those around the depressed person.

A person can hide despair very well if they want to (like I did)...that is why friends and family are often blind sided by a suicide. You can reach out to a person, but at the end of the day only the can change the thought patterns in their head. No one can do it for them.

Just love people from moment to moment. There is nothing more you can do.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 71469441


Yes there is. You give TIME. You put off your latest Cocktail party or 3pm soap opera to physically BE with your child, your friend, anyone you supposedly love.

Love is not a thought, love is not an emotion, love is a BEHAVIOR.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 71469441
Australia
02/15/2016 08:00 AM
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Re: My first suicide (Long read )
Prayers for you and for the family. hf

Also, thank you for posting this. Many people do not know of signs to look for and many people hide depression and despair very well. (even though they knew his story).
 Quoting: mkarenh13


This!

As someone who was once suicidal, it always bothers me when people try to pin blame on those around the depressed person.

A person can hide despair very well if they want to (like I did)...that is why friends and family are often blind sided by a suicide. You can reach out to a person, but at the end of the day only the can change the thought patterns in their head. No one can do it for them.

Just love people from moment to moment. There is nothing more you can do.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 71469441


Yes there is. You give TIME. You put off your latest Cocktail party or 3pm soap opera to physically BE with your child, your friend, anyone you supposedly love.

Love is not a thought, love is not an emotion, love is a BEHAVIOR.
 Quoting: BirdLover


It is much more than a behaviour but yes you are correct, love needs to be shown through actions...did I ever suggest otherwise? :)





GLP