I completely destroyed my life. But I am determined to get it back.

Keep going OP. Has to be more.

Chapter 2

About 2 weeks after that "anxiety attack". I had a money shit. Literally.

I took a crap in my toilet and it looked exactly like a dollar sign. This may be the shittiest prophecy ever but I felt something was about to happen to me when I looked at that turd. (Pun definitely intended).

The next day I was just getting onto the internet. Rense dot com has been my homepage (I'm petty sure it was sightings back then), ever since I first signed up for the internet, so I logged on and was just starting to read some of the headlines when I got a pop up add and it really got my attention. It was an advertisement saying that I could own my very own adult website and was very easy to get started.

As soon as I read that add I had two thoughts. The first was that I just had this feeling that this would actually work and would be some easy money. And my other thought was the money shit that I just had the day before.

The shit don't lie!

I clicked on the add and within an hour or two I was literally up and running.

With my new website all content was provided for me and all I had to do was advertise my site so for the next three months as soon as I got home from my real job (I was an apprentice carpenter - drywall and accoustics - local 494), I would sit at my computer and get the link to my site out to as many websites as possible.

At the end of the three months I had really gotten my website out there and although I did not make my investment money back from it yet, I was getting more money with each passing month.

Around the middle of that three month period though I just had a really weird though but just thought it was too weird so didn't linger on it too much.

the thought had to do with my "anxiety attack" and how I felt like I was being recruited to join either the good or bad army. I thought to myself "Maybe the offer to open up my own adult website was my temptation and if I took it I would be allowing myself to join the bad army.

Like I said it was a really weird and creepy though but I just sort of laughed it off and put it out of my mind.

3 months after I started up my website though, I was just sitting at a red light in my Jeep with the music blaring and the most beautiful girl I have ever laid eyes on came walking right up to me and asked if she could have a ride.

Shit like this never happens to me!

Hell Yeah. Get In!!!!

Only drove her around for 15 minutes before dropping her off and she introduced me to one of her friends and they exchanged numbers with me.

For the next 6 months I had sex more times and with more girls than I had in all my 25 years combined.

I completely stopped advertising my website because I was running around with so many girls I just didn't have time for it anymore and just let it go.

I had barely even had a girlfriend before but during that 6 months I litterally had 8 different girls going all at the same time.

I would just get him from work (construction) each night and I would start drinnking and wroking out and just wait for the girls to start calling me. Whoever called me first was the girl that I would party with that night.


I was having the greatest time of my life!

The only problem was, that these girls were all a lot younger than me.

It was a little before Christmas that I met another girl. This one was my age. I had known her for a couple months through one of my friends but didnt' really know her too good when out of the blue one night she called me up and asked me to come over.

I went.


More to come....

[link to www.youtube.com (secure)]

[link to www.youtube.com (secure)]

[link to www.youtube.com (secure)]

Dont worry bout it life always gets in the way of our best plans, your not alone.

[link to www.youtube.com (secure)]

where's the rest op???

TL;DR: OP smokeds some laced weed, went schitso.

LOL +1

i didn't read any of it really, you talk too much, shut the fuck up and listen, things will improve

Chapter 3

I got to this girls house and she was only dressed in a bathrobe but dispite that we talked for hours. She knew about the girls I was with and began filling my head with how there was no future with them and that I would be better off with her since we were the same age.

She also gave me a sob story about her troubled past that really had me wanting to help her and make her life better. I naturally good-natured and she seemed to play right into this.

I spent the night with her and literally never left. We hooked up right then and there and after work each day I would just go straight to her apartment and I'd spend my nights there.

I dropped all my other girls now that I was only seeing her. About a month into it we had our first fight.

In that time I had bought a new bed since I was sleeping at her place everynight anyways and her bed sucked so I bought a new one.

Well it was the night of the NBA all-star game and had been drinking a little bit, but I'm a friendly drunk and love to laugh so that's not why we fought.

It was when we went to bed. I had no problem getting an erection but was taking too long to reach my orgasm and I joked about it and something in her just snapped and she started freaking out. I was trying calm her down telling her it was just a joke but the more I tried, the angrier she got. She go so angry she started telling me to get out and to take my bed with me and she started yanking on the bedposts and was destroying my bed. I grabbed her to stop and she started hitting me but I wasn't hitting her back because I'm a big guy and could take her punches no problem so I just kept taking her abuse until finally said stop or I'll punch you. She punched me right in the face so I didn't think and I punched her in the face back.

I did not hit her hard and she was not bleeding or even have any marks or anything but I immediately hated what I had just done and never in a million years thought that I would ever hit a female.

I felt abslutley horrible so I just let her go and told her to destroy my bed if she wanted to it wasn't worth hitting her again over.

She immediately went to the phone and called the cops and had them come over. Still feeling horrible I just sat there and said nothing, waiting fort the cops to come because I actually wanted them to put me in jail for what I had just done. I really, really felt horrible.

The cops came but by the time they got there she had calmed down a bit as well and did not tell them I hit her so they just made me leave, so that's what I did.

When I got home, I still felt horrible and could not sleep at all even though it was about 2 in the morning by then so I spent the rest of the night writing a letter to her saying how sorry I was for hitting her. I wrote that I enjoyed my time with her and thanked her for our time together but also added that I never wanted to be in that situation again so I wasn't going to call her anymore.

On my way to work, I dropped it in her mailbox.

The entire day at work I did not get anything done because I still felt so bad and becasue I was so tired.

Then almost immediately after our work day ended, my pager went off and it was from her.

I got home and called her and I apologized again and told her I really felt bad and she was really eager to forgive me and told me that she still wanted to see me but to take it slow.

Things were great again between us and within about a month and a half, we got our own apartment together. And it was not much long after that that she got pregnant.

That's when everything started turning to shit.

She started fighting and arguing with me endlessly. No matter how much she hit me though I did not hit her back and did my best to end the argument as quickly as possible.

I kept putting it off that she was moody because she was pregnant and just kept putting up with her constant mood swings and arguing day after day after day.

I started thinking about leaving her but couldn't walk out on her when she's freakin pregnant. It was getting harder and harder to put up with her though but I tried my best.

It continued though and I decided to move back home and our relationship would continue.


Just before the baby was to arrive, I take names very seriously and truely believe they help mold the person you become so I started looking up baby names online and had a huge list of names that I liked.

While looking up these baby names though I came across a website that will pick a random name for your baby. I entered my a little info about me, like name, and age and maybe a couple other things and then entered the same info about the mother and it picked a name for us.....

LUCIFER!!!!!!

to be continued

...classic...

I didn't read any of that so all I can suggest is to,

Fuck her right in the pussy....

I don't understand any of this dribble ,Zakk a regular on here is the one, he is on same wavelength as you.

:gaythread2:

Go on.......

Chapter 4

When I saw that name come up on my screen I immediatly thought back to night I had my anxiety attack and thought to myself "Not Again!!!"

I quickly closed out of that website and went on with my business of picking a name manually.


We had our baby and everything started going good between us again and we barely argued at all for the longest time.
I worked and made pretty good money but she didn't so to save some money we moved in with my dad and I fixed up his basement for us.

Oh something I forgot to mention is that as soon as I started dating this girl, I started seeing less and less of my friends. I pretty much stopped hanging with them actually and it was only the rare time that we would to out to play baseketball or something.

This continued after we moved into my dad's house but I even saw less of my friends and the very odd time that I did see them she would always start a fight with me when I got home, about anything.

Yeah....all the signs were there to kick this girl to the curb but she just seemed to play this one side of me that was determined to help her and to make it work between us. I never considered that she was bi-polar and to call her that is a HUGE understatement.

Well, I saw less and less of my friends so within a year and a half or so I stopped seeing all my friends altogether, besides the one I worked with.


Although I have no problem writing....talking is not one of my strong suits at all. It's hard to explain but it's like I just can't get words to my mouth fast enough, but with writing it's slower and the words come out of me more fluidly.

Well this sucked for argument with this girl because the only one arguing and I just couldn't really get words out of my mouth that I needed to say to calm her down, so instead I would just leave the house until we both calmed down and then when I'd come home it would be easier to talk to her.

That's great and all but she hated letting me leave so that we could calm down and would stand right in doorways so that I couldn't and would do stupid shit like take my keys and stuff and it just used to make me more made and although I wasn't actually hitting her I'd have to push her out of the doorways so I could get out of the house and when I did she would start hitting me back until I could get out.

She just couldn't let me get out so we could calm down on our own. FUCK!!!!!

When I would finally get out I usually just spent the night sleeping in my truck and then after work I would come home and we would work out our argument.


She fought with me more and more and accuse me of stuff that wasn't even true and she would just make up these things in her head as she sat home all day and looked after our son.

I loved my job but I hated going to work more and more because I hated coming home to these arguments and fights.

On the big fights that I would finally say enough is enough and we would "break up" for a couple days she would threaten to move back to New Brunswick where she was from and she would take our son with her.

Since I was working and she was on Welfare we claimed different addresses so she technically had custody of our child so I always thought she could take him to NB if she moved there.

I couldn't live without my son being so far away and not seeing him everyday so we would always manage to patch up whatever we were fighting about and life would go on.

My dad is even more good natured than me. I don't know if you know who Vin Scully is but he's probably the most gently and kind person on the planet right now. I'll just say this about my dad, if you knew him, you'd say Vin Scully was the 2nd kindest and gentlest person on the planet. My dad reminds me so much of Vin.

Well, being home all day with my dad, my "wife" played on his kindness as well and he really bought into her sob stories about her past and her messed up family. So when me and the "wife" would fight, no matter what, I was the bad guy.

Scared that she was going to take my son across the country with her, I just couldn't break up with her and she fought with me more and more. And the more she fought with me, the more introverted I became and the less I wanted to go to work each day and I started talking to her less and less because when I did talk to her, we would just be talking normal but then a switch would go off and she would be instantly pissed off, leaving me wondering what the hell she was even mad about?

I had to watch ever word that I said to her and joking with her was completely out of the question because she is pretty uneducated and just wouldn't get that I was joking and would start fighting with me.


If it sounds like this was a horrible relationship..it was!!!! And pretty soon there was not a day going by that I wasn't trying to think of ways to get out of it without losing my son.

And the first thing she would do when we fought would be to call her friends and family and go on facebook and she would tell everyone about it and she just had this way of manipulating people and making them feel sorry for her so everyone started thinking I was this horrible person, when I wasn't even doing anything to start the fights.


I was just stuck in this horrible rut and I could not find a way out of it and that rut just kept getting deeper and deeper.


To be continued

I need to tell you something op.

In October 2011 I was at the height of my delinquent and careless years. I was angry and lost, and smoked a ton of weed. This was a six month binge of weed, and I was researching or maybe I was soul searching. Trying to figure things out. No relationships, no close friends, a boring job, college dropout.

One particular night I was up late, smoking weed. I had just got off FaceTime call with my best friend who lived a few states away. I was experiencing an unusual level of exhaustion combined with the heat of my bedroom when I randomly stumbled upon a user profile in Twitter with the image of a grey alien in a old time spy hat. He looked to be underground and the lighting was very ominous.

That's when my life changed.

I clicked on the profile image and it lead to some documents that were manipulating my confused mind. It was feeding on my fear, while playing with my subconscious. Like whatever it was had an intimate understanding of my mind. Not like being inside of it, but of someone who has studied me for a long time. It talked about the reality of the NWO, how controlled all of the political leaders are, how computer servers are being "owned" which I took to mean they were being taken by the demons and used for their own exploits. CNN and Google, they were real proud of owning Google. I have experience in IT so it was appealing to my own mind.

After reading this endless document that just kept going and going like some kind of confession, or bragging about how powerful this group is and how much they control and how active and fun it is to be in this click, the proposition came:

1: They offered money (A large comfortable sum)
2: They offered a place in the CIA
3: And they gave me a code to say if I'm ever arrested during the roundup, that if I say it I will be released. I will not repeat it. But it is blasphemous and a renouncing of God.

I might add that I did not believe in God or the supernatural at this point in my life.

I was feeling fear he entire time reading this, but when I got to the part of renouncing God, I bailed. I closed everything and turned off the laptop. I cried called to Jesus out of complete fear, fear of the reality of demons of hell and my own sin. I said I was sorry and thanked God for my family.

Then I passed out.

I awoke about an hour later to the sound of a piercing electronic noise. My house was pitch black, I ran out of the house but as I was crossing the threshold my mother called. I answered pretty incoherently and went to my neighbors wearing only my underwear and a T-shirt.

Turns out later that it was the carbon monoxide detector and who knows why it went off. Maybe the devil was mad that he lost me..

I became a traditional Roman Catholic. I pray the Rosary, I have experienced the saving grace of Jesus Christ and I believe his mother had a hand in my salvation. My life is changed. I am stable, no more drugs and I love confession and the Mass. I pray the Rosary every time I become overwhelmed. It always helps.

That's all. I saw the parallels in our stories you are not alone. I never went to the bad side, I ran from it in fear because I knew this was no joke.

Chapter 5 (DAMN...I'm writting my ass off!!!!)

Sorry if I"m taking to long between posts for anyone reading this but if I am than maybe bookmark this post and read it a little later....just a suggestion. Don't know how many more chapters this is going to be.


Anyways

This brings us to about 2007 but for this next part I go back to 2003 and it builds up into the next downfall of my life in 2007.


Actually I'll go quickly back to 2000.

I got hit by a car and broke my leg so I was completely out of work for 6 months. With a broken leg I couldn't move around too much so I really put on the pounds.

I was always a big guy but I had a home gym in my basement and I loved to ride my bike, along with doing construction all day, I stayed in pretty good shape.

When I broke my leg though I was unable to do anything and I just sat at my computer all day.

When I finally went back to work, we were building a hospital and I just happened to be walking through the parking lot and there was a really nice doctors scale just sitting there. I stopped what I was doing and I had not weight my self since well before I broke my leg so I got on the scale and was shocked. I was 320lbs.

NO FREAKIN WAY!!!!

I knew I had put on weight but didnt' realize I had put on that much. A good weight for me is between 230 and 240. I just can't get much less than that and anything more than that I start feeling out of shape. But 320?!!?!
I had no idea I was that huge.


I was still standing on the scale when the site supervisor called out my name and when I turned around to look at him he told me to "Get that thing out of here!" Meaning the scale, and meaning he was giving it to me.

I took it all right and it was the greatest thing to me because when I found out I was 320lbs, I immediately started my diet, while I was still on the scale!!!

So I used that scale every day and used it as a motivation because I never wanted to see it go up in weight.

When I came back to work my old work belt didn't even fit anymore so I bought a new one that was really long and would fit me. Even though it was really long I was using the last 2 belt holes.

About the same time I was working with this one guy and he pulled out these pills and he handed me one and told me that they were his wife's diet pills and that they were incredible.

He told me what vitamin store he got them from and everything so it wasn't like he was giving me drugs or anything it was just like a vitamin pill that he handed me or something so I took it since I figured it was a diet pill and losing weight was already the only thing on my mind at the time.

Well I took that pill and it was the greatest thing I ever experienced in my life. The pill was Xenodrine. Within minutes of taking it, I had more energy than I ever had in my entire life.

Me and my co-worker were moving these sheets of heavy gauge steel up a couple flights of stairs all morning so every couple trips he would get tired and neat to take a breather but I had so much energy I just couldnt' stop working and while he would take a break, I'd just go down on my own and bring a couple sheets up without him.

It was amazing how increidble this pill was.

That night I went to the health store he told me about and bought a bottle for myself.

I read the bottle and only took as much as it said too. I think it was one pill in the morning. That one pill gave me energy all day, and I mean ALL day.

I would get home from a hard days work and would still be running around.

I'd get home from work, spend time with my son until he'd go to bed around 7 or so and then I would drink Malt Liquor and work out the rest of the night. I wouldn't even eat dinner. I wouldn't eat anything. I would just drink brew and work out on my home gym from the time my son went to sleep until 12 or 1 in the morning.

it wasn't like a constant workout with one set after the other but it was a constant workout where I would do some reps drink some brew, than do some more reps, drink more brew. But it was constant for a good 4 or 5 hours each night.

And when I say I wouldn't eat. I would not eat anything! For days on end. With those pills I had absolutely no appatite at all and every 3 days or so I would just each a sandwich and that wasn't even because I was hungry. I just knew that I had to get some food inside of me so I would make myself eat a little something.

It was the end of may when I fist stepped on that scale in the parking lot and by the start of September, I was down to 235lbs and I was literally in the best shape of my life. I lost 80 or 90lbs in just over 3 months. Believe it or not. And I was solid too. I felt absolutely amazing and was even thinking of becoming a bouncer for a second job because I had so much energy and was up late every night anyways. Although I was working out till 12 or 1 in the morning I was also getting up at 5 each morning for work. So I was not getting much sleep but I was not tired at all.

Then 9/11 happened.

And it really hit me hard. Changed my life in a lot of ways. Superficial things just weren't important to me anymore. I was a huge baseball and basketball fan and had been a Dodger fan since I was 6 years old.

AS soon as 9/11 happened. I lost all interest in sports. They were just meaningless to me. Who cares about sports when there are people jumping out of 100 story buildings because they know they are going to die anyway.

Almost the same time as 9/11, Xenodrine (the pills I was taking) got banned. Although I was taking the recommended dosage, there were athletes who were taking too much and were having heart attacks and they pulled Xenodrine from the shelves.

I tried taking the replacement Xenodrine that did not have the main ingredient in it but it was nowhere as good as the original and I started losing my energy.

I stopped working out not long after this. I was still riding my bike though so I wasn't getting too fat.


In 2003, the Dodgers came to town. Interleague play was pretty new and this was the first time ever that they ever came to Detroit. This was a dream match up for me and one I had been waiting for since I was 6 years old in 1976 when I first became a Dodger fan. I loved the Dodgers and my entire family loved the Tigers so to me this was going to be the greatest match-up in all of sports. My son was 3 years old at the time and definitely old enough to come to the game with me so my love for baseball finally came back and I took my son to his very first baseball game and Dodger game and we beat the Tigers 2-1.

I told myself that the Dodgers were part of my life. I can't stop loving them because some maniacs flew some planes into the WTC. If I stopped loving the things that have been a part of me my entire life, then the terrorists (Bush Jr.) win.

I fell in love with baseball all over again. But even to this day I still haven't gotten back into basketball like I was in the 90's. In the 90's I probably liked basketball even more than I liked baseball. But it was just never the same after 9/11. And I've never gotten back into watching football at all.


So in 2003 I took my son to his first baseball game but then the next significant thing happened to me.


I was at work and it was about 2 in the afternoon. We got off at 3:10 so the day was almost over. I just started feeling really weird. It was like I was feeling a little bit nauscious but it felt different than in the past. It's really hard to explain.

I went into our break room and sat down but the feeling got stronger. Usually when I get nauscious and it gets stronger I know I'm going to puke, but this time I just didn't feel like I was going to puke, but it was getting stronger so I went over to the waste basket anyways and leaned over it and I puked. It was just like a slimy clear water that came out of me though. I never eat breakfast or lunch so I never had anything in my stomach but even so this clear fluid that came out of me was unlike anything I experienced before. There wasn't a lot of it either.

After I puked I still felt weird so I sat down again and finally about 10 minutes later it started to subside and 15 minutes later I was back to normal and thinking to myself that that was really weird.

Also after 9/11 and Xenodrine got banned I did go back to eating my supper every night so at this point I wasn't starving myself anymore even though I didn't eat lunch or breakfast.

I'm not exactly sure how long it was but i think it was between 2 weeks and a month that I was just driving to work and I started to feel weird all over again.

This time I didn't feel nauscius but I just felt like I was about to puke if that makes any scense. It wasn't my stomach or anything it was like in the back of my throat that felt weird and I knew I was going to puke so I quickly pulled over into a parking lot and leaned out my door and started puking. Big heavy heaves but surprisingly nothing at all was coming out of me, just this big puky dry heaves.

It lasted about 5 minutes and was really hard to catch my breath after but I finally did again was amazed at how weird that was.

Over the next months and years this continued and would come in spurts so that for a month or 2 I was dry heaving every day and then it would go away from a while and then it would come back again.

Most of the time I was dry heaving was right when I would get up for work and start getting my work clothes on.

I'd get up, go in the shower, get out and as I'd get dressed I'd be overcome with dry heaves. The odd time I would still have food in my stomach so if I dry heaved hreally bad I would actually puke but most times nothing came out.

I started changing my routine and would get up an hour early for work and sit at my computer and read the news for for a while so that my body could adjust to being up before getting ready for work, but when I did this I would feel fine at my computer and then I'd get in the shower but once again, as I'd start putting my work clothes on I'd start dry heaving again.

It was litterally driving me crazy.

Over the next couple years it stayed about the same regularity but a lot of times I would dry heave throughout the day as well and it would fucking suck becasue it would happen so fast and I would just be working and then all of sudden be dry heaving and sometimes so bad that my nose would start bleeding all over the place, and my co-workers would start get on me about it. They were only joking when they would ride me about it but still, I hated doing that in front of them throughout the day and alot of times I would just say enough is enough and i'd pack up my tools and go home.


In about 2006 and 2007 I had been dry heaving for years now but now when I would get colds it was absolutely horrible. And being a construction working and working outside a lot I had colds on and off all winter.

But now when I had colds, litterally every time I had to blow my nose it was causing me to dry heave. I get a runny nose and constantly blowing my know, I'd be constantly heaving. It was horrible.

So bad that I started missing work over colds and would be out or work as long as I had a simple ass runny nose.

I know your saying, why don't I go to a doctor.

1) I hate doctors
and
2) I did go a couple of times and it was always the same thing. I read people pretty good so when the doctor would ask me what was wrong and I'd tell him that I was constantly nauscious and dry heaving they would give me this weird look and I could just tell that they were thinking that I was trying to get a prescription for medical marijuana. I could just see that in them from the look they gave me.

They wouldn't say that though and would go on to ask me more questions but as I answered them that look went away and they seemed to be puzzled.

I went to 3 different doctors on 3 different occastions and it was exactly the same as described above and below every single time.

Once they got that puzzled look on their face and had no more questions for me they would suggest that it might be an ulsar and then would send me for blood work.

I ain't getting blood work done. That's just me. And I'm not a doctor but I know I dont' have ulsars and I tried to tell the docs that but they would then look at me like ..."What the hell do you know?!"

I told you I'm very good at reading people or maybe I'm really bad and got this all wrong.

I think I'm right though and I would walk out their office thinking that they are idiots. I want answers not blood tests!!!!


So I think there was 2 times in one year that i had to miss three straight weeks of work becasue I had a runny nose (that sounds absolutely horrible) but on the third time it happened I just quit work all together.

I went from making $60,00 a year plus another $15,00 on the side, to nothing.

OVERNIGHT

to be continued

This is OP...I just want you to know that I'm still writing my story but once I am done I am going to come back and read all the replies and everything and answer any questions or take any helping advice or prayers you all can give me

I just wanted to say that so I don't think I"m ignoring these responses because even without reading them yet, I do appreciate them already because I know what a caring and helpful community we have here at GLP.

Time for a liver cleanse and NO ALCOHOL - 2003 advice

fixed

hapter 6

I don't even know where I am in the story anymore. I had the who last chapter completed (this chapter) but when I went to post it I got barned. So now you got an american flag. But it is the same OP..

I didnt feel like writing the whole chapter again so I just went for my nightly walk and now I'll try again.


Damn I had so much written for this last chapter and now it's all gone...hard to find my grove again.....


A couple quick points before I continue

I talk about smoking weed in the first chapter but just to clarify. I stopped smoking weed as soon as my wife told me she was pregnant. So I have not smoked anything since 1999.

I love beer and never quit drinking it but I did Stop drinking it the day I quit work.

In the 9 years since I stopped working I have had a total of 3 cases total. And all of that was more than 3 years ago.

I drank St. Ides Malt Liquor, every single day from the years 1992 to 2007, and I'm talking between 2 and 4 40oz bottles every single day but when I decided to stop working. I decided to stop drinking as well and pretty much stopped cold turkey without even the slightest urge to drink again.

The beers that I did drink were because my wife would buy me a case when the Dodgers got into the playoffs or would bring one home for New Years Eve or something. But the last case that we had in the house, lasted over 6 months before the last one was gone. And there was only one time in the last 9 years that I drank more than 2 beers at one sitting.


Another thing....this goes along with the random baby name that website picked for me....Lucifer. Well when my son was born and we got his social security number the last 3 digits are 666.


Now on with the story....


I didnt' exactly quite work over night but again I had caught a cold and my runny noses had me out of work for 3 weeks again. I would get up for work every day over and over again hoping that I wouldn't dry heave and that I could go to work but then I would blow my nose and start puking and I would have to call in sick for work yet again.

I called in sick for work day after day after day and I hated doing it. I loved my job and I loved the people I worked with and it just wasn't fair to them for me to be at work not being able to give my 100% because I would have to take a puke break every hour. I hated calling into work sick and not being reliable and dependable enough to show up for work anymore.

I consider my boss my friend, and I just could not do that to him anymore.

So I just stopped calling in sick and I never went back to work. It was over.

My boss would call time and again and ask me to come back but I just could not do it to him. He readied my release papers so that I could at least collect unemployment but I didnt' want any handouts even though that was technically my money. I'll explain why at the end, besides the fact that I just don't like taking handouts. I dont' even like getting presents on my birthday and christmas. I absolutely love to give but I just do not know how to recieve even though I truely appreciate everything that is given to me.


As I sat at home I became more introverted and started gaining weight. Lots of weight.
After a couple of years my wife moved upstairs into her own room. We still had our relationship but were no longer sleeping in the same bed. I didn't mind that though because my love for her was long gone by this point.

She started taking pills for her bi-polar disorder so we did not fight nearly as much as we used to but a lot of that was because I wasn't really talking to her anymore either. I can't even remember the last conversation I started with her. The only time we would talk was on our monthly trip to costco to buy groceries.

With my wife on her pills she was a lot happier but I think she went into menapause as well and started hanging out with my son and his high school friends. She dindt' really hang out with them but when my friend would go to a friends house my wife would drive him there and then stay and talk to his parents the entire time.

When she would go out she stopped telling me where she was going and she continued to lie. Everything out of her mouth was an incredible lie and I knew they were lies but I truely believe that she believed her own lied and would argue till she was blue in the face about them no matter if she was caught red-handed telling them.

She began doing shit behind my back when she knew I was totally against it. I hated cell phones and did not want my son to have one until he was at least in high school but she went out and got him one in like grade 7. At least it wasn't an apple though or else I would have literally smashed it.

I warned her over and over how stupid it was shopping at EasyHome, a rent to own store, and tried to explain to her that you pay like 5 times the price for everything you buy there but she kept going there and getting different thing and when I would ask where she got it, she would lie and say her mother bought it for her.

She's on disability so we barely had any money as it was between us but she was endlessly buying stupid shit and throwing money away which drove me fucking mental. She used to always say she was horrible with money so I would offer to take care of it and budget it but she woudl get all mad and say how it's her money.

But Last Saturday was the final straw for me and I completely lost it and I knew it was finally over because I could not live with this bitch for another day.

Around noon my son and the wife took off without telling me where they were going. I knew my son neeed to go get umpire pants so I wanted to go with them and make sure he got the right ones and they fit okay and everything.

Well they ended up going without me and when they got home my son tries on the pants and they don't fit. Instead of trying them on in the store like a non retard.

So we had to go back to the store and this time I went with them. We got to the ailse with the pants and right at the front of it were some $30 baseball bats. My son had used my bad and took a big chip out of it so a cheap bat like this would be a good replacement so I grabbed one and my wife was like we'll get it for you for fathers day which was the next day.

I grab the bat and were moving down to the umpire pants and my wife is walking in front of me and she's got a tattoo on her shoulder.

I HATE TATTOOS. Especially on females. And something like a tatoo, you think you would talk to your husband about.
I freaked. I knew it was over between us. I had been biting my tongue for the past 17 years with this bitch but I just could not hold back any longer. I called her a worthless whore and threw my bat a couple aisles over and stormed out of the store and started to walk home.

They caught up with me in the car a couple blocks from the store and my son was really upset and managed to talk me back into the car with them but I just could not hold back any longer and the entire ride home I unloaded everything that had build up inside me for the past 17 years.

As soon as she got home she did what she alwasys does when we fought, call friends, right away so she could sob to them and get on her side and against me, and one of them offered to come over.

When she arrived they went out in the backyard and started talking and i just wanted that friend to know that truth about that bitch she called a friend so I went out there and told her that she was a liar, manipulator, she was caniving and sneaky, and everything else that I could think of.

I dont' know what kind of reactino I was expecting from that but I just walked away. The friend then told my wife that she could stay with her until she got her own appartment.

That result was even better than I had hoped for.

So my EX-Wife moved out and stayed with her friend and that very night I made a committment to myself to get my life on track and do everything I can to rebuild it as much as possible. And I started going for walks that very night.

I have gone for a walk every night since then and they have gotten farther and farther each night.

And that's where I am now.

I was sitting in the park tonight just thinking how I could get my life back together and something made me think back to that anxiety attack that I had back in 95 or 96 and I thought to myself that maybe if I was tempted into joining the bad side way back when I clicked on that adult website add, than maybe it's not to late to change teams and maybe it's not to late to ask God for forgiveness.

I mentioned before that I am not very religious but after all the shit that has happened to me for the past 18 years maybe if I just start following God than the next 18 years will be good.

So that's my story. I'm not looking for handouts. I just want to get back on my feet again. I am totally committed to doing it and I know that I can. I just dont' really know how to get started.

I guess the nightly walks are a good start.

But right now prayers can definitely help and maybe get God to take notice of me so he can point me in the right direction.


Don't get this next part wrong. I am not asking for handouts. I'm just trying to explain how bad it is for me right now.

About 2 or 3 months after I stopped working I got a letter from revenue Canada saying they had screwed up on my tax return and they had given me back an exra $200 or something like that.

I was furious. My son was going to Montesory school at the time and had been for the past 4 or 5 years and I hd done my taxes the same way every single year and I had always used QuickTax on the computer to do my taxes. Every single year I claimed his tuition and they always asked me to send in my reciepts for it and I alwasys did and there was never a problem.

But all of a sudden, I stop working and don't have dime to my name and the government is telling me that I owe them money!!! That blew my mind. I've been sick for the last 4 years or so and could have been racking up all kinds of medical bills for them to pay but barely even went to the doctors other than those 3 times mentioned in an early chapter. I could have collected Unemployment and gotten over $1000 a month but never collected that.

And here the Government is saying I OWE THEM MONEY!!!!

It blew my mind just could not take it anymore and I just completely dropped off the radar. I stopped opening all my mail. I stopped talking on the phone. I seriously hate phones, even landlines. I let my drivers licence expire because I didnt' want to renew it and have to tell them my address. I lost my health card at my last doctor check up and never bothered to get a new one for the same reason.

I probably could have been colleting welfare or disabilty but never did because I hated the idea of taking handouts. I never filed taxes since 2007 but even though I had no income to claim I probably could have gotten some GST checks.


So now I'm completely off the grid and to get on my feet I think I need to get back on it.

If anyone knows anything about drivers licences. My expired in 2014. Would I have to take a drivers test to renew it after this long?

Anyone know anything about welfare or disablity in canada? With my wife gone my dad is losing almost $1000 a month in rent and groceries so I need some kind of income to help offset that or else he is not going to be able to afford his house.

I never wanted welfare or disability before but I know that I am only going to be on it for maybe 2 years. I'm hoping I can get on my feet in that amount of time.

I"m about 500lbs now and need to get down to about 260 or 270 to start working again. I dont' think I can lose 80-90lbs in less than 4 months like I did before but I am hoping I can lose 230lbs in 2 years. Seems like a lot but I'm gonna do it.


Just any info you all can think of at all that can help me out would be greatly greatly appreciated.

And most of all I'm asking to keep me in your prayers. As long as the lord is watching me I know that hew will keep me focused on my goals and get my life back to normal again.


This was incredibly long so if anyone is still hear I really do thank you for reading it.


When I wrote this chapter the first time and I started writing about my co-workers and bosses. I actually started crying and had to stop writing for a minute. They are a great bunch of guys and not a day goes by I don't miss working with them.

At first glance, it's like the root of your problem is the great female conspiracy-AKA penis envy.
But then there is that Satan stuff that pops up every now and then, suggesting witchcraft or satanism is involved trying to entice you.

You really should check her background, to see if she was/in any cults or pagan groups.

My life was destroyed when my husband sent me packing, after 13 years we have been together. I was lost and helpless after trying so many ways to my husband back to me. One day at work, I was distracted, not knowing that my boss called me, so he sat and asked me what it was all about, I told him and he smiled and said it was no problem. I never understood what he meant by it was no problem getting back my husband, he said he used a spell to get back his wife when she left him for another man, and now they are together till date and initially I was shocked hearing something from my boss. He gave me an email address of the Prophet abuvia which helped him get his wife back, I never believed that this would work, but I had no choice coming into contact with the sayings that I get done, and he asked for my information and that my husband was able to propose to throw him the spell and I sent him the details, but after two days, my mother called me that my husband was pleading that he wants me back, I never believed, because it was just a dream and I had to rush off to my mother's place and to my greatest surprise, was kneeling my husband beg me for forgiveness that he wants me and the child back home, when I gave prophet abuvia a conversation regarding sudden change of my husband and he made clear to me that my husband will love me until the end of the world, that he will never leave for another woman. Now me and my husband is back together and started doing funny things he has not done before, he makes me happy and do what it is suppose to do as a man without nagging. Please if you need help of any kind need, please contact Abuvia Prophet for help. His email is prophet.abuvia AT g m a i l. com his website is prophetabuviasolutiontemple. webs. com