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Kim Jong Un now selling cancer-curing bottled water!

 
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 72649305
Thailand
07/24/2016 11:12 PM
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Kim Jong Un now selling cancer-curing bottled water!
Reports from the North Korean state propaganda trustworthy independent press show that Kim Jong-Un has begun a massive new project to bottle and distribute bottled water from a magical spring outside Pyongyang to his nation’s millions of citizens. The spring’s elixir is said to halt the aging process, allowing faithful North Koreans to work “until they are 90,” at which point they will drop dead in a field and presumably be shot for insubordination. What’s better is that this brilliant plan fixes both the nation’s medical problems and its crashing retirement plan! With Koreans toiling well into their triple digits, no longer will the nation need pay for their expenses. Dear Leader always provides.

But back to bottled water curing cancer WHICH IT OBVIOUSLY DOES. North Korean officials claim that the water has magical cancer-curing properties because it is made of “smaller molecules.” We’ll let The Mirror breathlessly summarize how the bonk that’s supposed to work.

It’s refreshing to see North Korea praising the smallness of a thing for once, as the nation’s government once held a nationwide health festival in which Kim Jong-Il claimed to have invented a miracle drug that could cure shortness. Pint-sized Koreans from across the state came to be cured of their vertical challenges, only to be dwarf-tossed onto a boat, forcibly sterilized, and shipped off to an empty farm village to die. Even more insane, dropping the dwarfs in isolation was actually the regime’s plan B. Originally, government officials were planning to just mow them all down, but decided that widespread “cleansing” of a disabled population wouldn’t play well internationally. This is an actual thing that actually happened.

[link to wonkette.com]
Anonymous Coward
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07/24/2016 11:33 PM
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Re: Kim Jong Un now selling cancer-curing bottled water!
Water with "smaller molecules"?

1rof1
DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO​OOOM
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07/24/2016 11:36 PM
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Re: Kim Jong Un now selling cancer-curing bottled water!
kimmajortomkimmajortomkimmajortomFarting ki





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