The Deplorable Declaration of Independence

The unanimous Declaration of the deplorable of America,

When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one deplorable people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's Deplorable God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of deplorable mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all deplorable men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Deplorable Creator with certain unalienable deplorable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.--That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among deplorable Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the deplorable governed, --That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the deplorable People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new deplorable Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their deplorable Safety and deplorable Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn, that deplorable mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their deplorable right, it is their deplorable duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Deplorable Guards for their future security.

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Sign your name, Deplorables!