Any other Christians facing massive spiritual attack in their families and homes right now?

Yeah. It is alot of stuff, understandings of Scripture/Gospels, and personnel life history, causing those emotions to come out, but yeah. These day's, the most thanks I can genuinely muster, is thanking God, for creating the food the way that he did in the first place.

Aside for that, just alot of lamenting, disgust and bitterness. I look at the reward offered, both during Christ's worldly Kingdom, and in the New Creation, and it just doesn't appeal to me.

There is little, or no, desire in me to rule or help rule, over nations. Eternal life seems burdensome, and the thought of it, being an eternal slave, I don't know, it is all too much for me.

It is common, for me to write something, then delete it, for the words are too harsh towards God, and those words make me ashamed and saddened.

In my heart, it feels as if there is no justice, now or in the past, let alone the future. I fear in my heart, that God is not interested in justice at all, and is only interested, in collecting decorations for the New Creation. It is second nature in me to believe, "if your going to do something, you should do it right or not at all".

God claims to be God, but has no interest in "doing it right", just manipulating things, events, people, to achieve an end product. From the depths of my soul, I cannot worship such a God. I can take God's counsel, His good advice left in His Word. As the ultimate craftsman, I can thank Him for the natural world He created and devised, and for the few things I enjoy.

I can even abide by his commands with some gladness, as Supreme King, LORD, Ruler of Creation, as one would abide a powerful ruler. Beyond that, for being "God", it feels like a lie, to give thanks, praise and worship. Don't get me wrong, He is terrifyingly all powerful, incredibly, unfathomably wise, and none is like Him, but that is all that the LORD, seems to be.

How can God be just, when his creation, has been filled to the brim with injustice for ages? Why have the unjust always prospered, while everyone else is ground to dust?

Those thoughts, and that line of thinking, have plagued me almost unceasing, for a few months now. The only profit I find in the LORD, is His Law and His Way, everything else seems inconsequential.

My heart has mostly gone cold towards the LORD, because the LORD, has always been cold towards me. Lately, when I look towards the sky, I think "et tu God, et tu?", and any hope or facsimile of hope, vanishes from me.

More often then not, I try to keep his Word, in my mind and thoughts, and force myself to move forward.