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Yeah. It is alot of stuff, understandings of Scripture/Gospels, and personnel life history, causing those emotions to come out, but yeah. These day's, the most thanks I can genuinely muster, is thanking God, for creating the food the way that he did in the first place.
Aside for that, just alot of lamenting, disgust and bitterness. I look at the reward offered, both during Christ's worldly Kingdom, and in the New Creation, and it just doesn't appeal to me.
There is little, or no, desire in me to rule or help rule, over nations. Eternal life seems burdensome, and the thought of it, being an eternal slave, I don't know, it is all too much for me.
It is common, for me to write something, then delete it, for the words are too harsh towards God, and those words make me ashamed and saddened.
In my heart, it feels as if there is no justice, now or in the past, let alone the future. I fear in my heart, that God is not interested in justice at all, and is only interested, in collecting decorations for the New Creation. It is second nature in me to believe, "if your going to do something, you should do it right or not at all".
God claims to be God, but has no interest in "doing it right", just manipulating things, events, people, to achieve an end product. From the depths of my soul, I cannot worship such a God. I can take God's counsel, His good advice left in His Word. As the ultimate craftsman, I can thank Him for the natural world He created and devised, and for the few things I enjoy.
I can even abide by his commands with some gladness, as Supreme King, LORD, Ruler of Creation, as one would abide a powerful ruler. Beyond that, for being "God", it feels like a lie, to give thanks, praise and worship. Don't get me wrong, He is terrifyingly all powerful, incredibly, unfathomably wise, and none is like Him, but that is all that the LORD, seems to be.
How can God be just, when his creation, has been filled to the brim with injustice for ages? Why have the unjust always prospered, while everyone else is ground to dust?
Those thoughts, and that line of thinking, have plagued me almost unceasing, for a few months now. The only profit I find in the LORD, is His Law and His Way, everything else seems inconsequential.
My heart has mostly gone cold towards the LORD, because the LORD, has always been cold towards me. Lately, when I look towards the sky, I think "et tu God, et tu?", and any hope or facsimile of hope, vanishes from me.
More often then not, I try to keep his Word, in my mind and thoughts, and force myself to move forward.
Quoting: Anonymous Coward 73761465 God will accomplish man in his image and likeness. But unjust men, unrighteous men, etc pursue godliness as a means of gain.....not understanding godliness is the gain. And so they 'drowned'. So when you say "you look at the reward offered, both during Christ's worldly Kingdom, and in the New Creation, and it just doesn't appeal to me"...you are saying godliness is not a gain to you. Your eyes read 'God is just' but your heart has concluded that He is not. I would discern that you even feel at this point that you are more just. The serpent has hold of you. I'm not God, even though by body language I can gauge a persons intent and thoughts to a lesser degree, to see into their hearts, is beyond me. Apparently for you, it is an easy thing to see into another's hearts. You read, only enough to strike with your venomous fang's. I clearly stated, "I have little or no desire, to rule over, or help rule over nations". That is the reward Christ offers to the faithful when he comes in his fullness. It is something that by and large, "doesn't interest me". The reward offered in the "New Creation", is "life unending". That too, does not appeal to me. My life, has been one of unnatural sorrow and suffering. Meaning, since my birth, either God or Satan, set in motions things against me. This world, has hated me since conception. A good number of Christian's, have felt the weight of the hatred this world can show to them. That weight, has been placed on me, before I drew breath into my lungs. Pray, that you take this burden, if but for a day from me, and see how you fair. I died once. Had the death trip, then slept in Abraham's bosom/soul sleep. It was, in it's own way peaceful. Existence has been cruel to me, so I desire, in a sad way, to return to that slumber(sad, in the respect that I still hope for a better tomorrow, that never seems to materialize). God, for some reason, did not wish me to die, so sent me back, as it was either by his will, or Christ's will, that I was sent back, as I was "dead-dead". If you worshiped truth, you would of read what was written, with honest eye's. You would of read: "The only profit I find in the LORD, is His Law and His Way, everything else seems inconsequential."I have never been in a position of authority, only always subject to the authority of others. If "I'm just", or not, is something I simply do not have enough data to determine. You have my most sincere apology, for letting slip things beyond most Christian and Jew's, understanding. I forgive you for your slander. Perhaps you thinking that I slandered you is evidence of something else: And I find it in this statement of yours: "Meaning, since my birth, either God or Satan, set in motions things against me"
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