Two 20 year friendships down the drain... need some advice...

I did that because that's a language he understands. He's baby. He writes gay homoerotic fiction. He has to be coddled.

First time I've ever sent anyone a gift basket.

Men can have deep feelings, too. Don't stereotype.

Hey OP.

I posted earlier, but used different device, and now I'm logged in too.

Don't listen to these guys giving you shit. To hell with their thoughts on how a man should treat his life long friends. A "gift basket" you sent had inside jokes and meanings for you two.

I once gave a guy a box of chocolates on his birthday. The box was empty. Inside joke, his ex wife ate a lot, loved chocolate, and even though she was gone, his ass still couldn't have any chocolate!!

Man, I wish I was you. Wish I had at least the memories of a long, positive friendship with another guy, even if it ended like shit. Yeah, I'm a guy, and I really do wish I had a guy friend to do guy stuff with. Go fishing and shoot guns and stuff.

Your a millionaire?? For real?

You and me could be best friends FOR LIFE. Just flip me about $28,000 to cover the costs my ex wife screwed up and we can be buddies forever. You lost your really good friends, of 20 years, well I lost MY ONLY FRIEND I EVER HAD of 18 years.

Nothing hurts as much as looking back after it's all over and asking yourself if it was all even worth it.

I feel for you man, I really really do.

People change its that simple. I also lost friends from when i was young to the left thinking bs. Fu** em and find new friends.

Men can have deep feelings, too. Don't stereotype.

Without reading what everybody else said--People change a lot when they get out of college. The 30s are a real make-it-or-break-it time, and here you are traveling the world with a woman for 2 years and what are your friends doing? They're probably pretty envious, but they can't say so. So that's one thing.

Second thing, if you're going to call out a friend over personal things, you can't do it in front of other people (like on Facebook). It's fine to tell them you don't agree with their politics, but you can't go off on them about personal things in a public forum.

To me, it sounds like the friendships are over. I know I thought the friends I made in college would be my friends for the rest of my life. That was (ahem) 40 years ago and I will be honest: it still hurts that friends of that era couldn't see past the petty stuff and stay friends with me, somebody who really loved them.

But people just don't give a shit. Once you have been separated by time and miles, a lot of people don't have the creativity and imagination and energy to stay friends. They just wallow in whatever situation is easiest for them. They don't want to be confronted or feel like they need to step up or make an effort.

Yes, it's very painful. It's time to make a serious effort to make some new lifelong friends. If you're serious about this woman, will she be your lifelong friend? Think about it. You might make some couple friends together.Best wishes!

Hey OP.

I posted earlier, but used different device, and now I'm logged in too.

Don't listen to these guys giving you shit. To hell with their thoughts on how a man should treat his life long friends. A "gift basket" you sent had inside jokes and meanings for you two.

I once gave a guy a box of chocolates on his birthday. The box was empty. Inside joke, his ex wife ate a lot, loved chocolate, and even though she was gone, his ass still couldn't have any chocolate!!

Man, I wish I was you. Wish I had at least the memories of a long, positive friendship with another guy, even if it ended like shit. Yeah, I'm a guy, and I really do wish I had a guy friend to do guy stuff with. Go fishing and shoot guns and stuff.

Your a millionaire?? For real?

You and me could be best friends FOR LIFE. Just flip me about $28,000 to cover the costs my ex wife screwed up and we can be buddies forever. You lost your really good friends, of 20 years, well I lost MY ONLY FRIEND I EVER HAD of 18 years.

Nothing hurts as much as looking back after it's all over and asking yourself if it was all even worth it.

I feel for you man, I really really do.

You sent another dude a gift basket?

Honestly, who sends any friend a gift basket for no reason?

That is psycho

My god, you have really high expectations from friends.

Who gives a shit what your friends post on Facebook, you are way too enmeshed in other people's lives, which suggests you are unsatisfied with your own.

Thank you.

Yeah, I do have high expectations.

They had the same for me.

But they can't take the heat in return when I turn it on them.

They had noooo problem blasting me for 20 years, holding me to account.

High expectations will lead to disappointment, which you are currently feeling.

Sometimes you have to live and let live without expecting much from others, especially friends and acquaintances. Every one is generally doing the best they can in life and are at different stages of growth and maturity.

You can enjoy a friendship more when you take it at face value and don't try to make it into something more or change people to be who you want them to be.

Imagine a circle with concentric rings around it. Think of the inner circle as your very core group of people you can trust and feel close to. Most people will have 0-5 people in that inner circle, usually like your mom or your spouse. THESE are the people you have expectations of and you KNOW they will meet your expectations.

In the next circle, you may have some close friends that you can share some good conversations and good times with, but you wouldn't call them in the middle of the night, and vice versa.

In the next circle, might be some coworkers or extended family that are even more removed from you than your close friends. You can go get beers after work with them and shoot the shit and that's all good but that's all you expect from them.

Anyway, maybe you need to "demote" your friends in question to a lesser circle or role in your life and just enjoy the relationship for what it is and not what you want it to be.