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I'm a Chef. Won 2 chili cook offs. Here's my recipe

 
Adorable Deplorable

User ID: 60682038
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05/19/2017 09:07 PM

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Re: I'm a Chef. Won 2 chili cook offs. Here's my recipe
So very kind of you! This Texan loves chili & I can't wait to give yours a try. It sounds delicious! hf
Anonymous Coward (OP)
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05/19/2017 09:07 PM
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Re: I'm a Chef. Won 2 chili cook offs. Here's my recipe
no beer chef?
 Quoting: Martini & Cigar


Not in the chili
But
I get the bartender to give me a pint or 2
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 74922223
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05/19/2017 09:08 PM
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Re: I'm a Chef. Won 2 chili cook offs. Here's my recipe
Beans is filler.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 74923475


Beans are protein.
 Quoting: Ms. Superduper


Beans keep me regular and my shitpipe clean.
Anonymous Coward
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05/19/2017 09:09 PM
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Re: I'm a Chef. Won 2 chili cook offs. Here's my recipe
I would love to try this in a smaller batch.. sounds tasty as fuck though.
Deadpool Loves You
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05/19/2017 09:09 PM

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Re: I'm a Chef. Won 2 chili cook offs. Here's my recipe
winning
The Rickest Rick Sanchez comments are meant for entertainment purposes only and should not be construed to reflect the feelings and opinions, implied or expressed, of the author.
Negan

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05/19/2017 09:10 PM

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Re: I'm a Chef. Won 2 chili cook offs. Here's my recipe
Thanks dude, I will try it out.
___________________________
I will shut that shit down!
Anonymous Coward
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05/19/2017 09:11 PM
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Re: I'm a Chef. Won 2 chili cook offs. Here's my recipe
How much propellant can I expect?
 Quoting: Astral Goat



I refer to that as fast actin and good chili is fast actin.
epiclol
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 54002627
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05/19/2017 09:11 PM
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Re: I'm a Chef. Won 2 chili cook offs. Here's my recipe
How much propellant can I expect?
 Quoting: Astral Goat


LOL blast your personal scent across the room at least, I would assume.
Base12
A Sure Foundation

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05/19/2017 09:12 PM

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Re: I'm a Chef. Won 2 chili cook offs. Here's my recipe
1 - #10 can of kidney beans (drained)
1 - #10 can of pinto beans (drained)
 Quoting: GLPchef 72036384

Canned beans?

goaway
book
Visit my website...
[link to www.mostholyplace.com]
john b
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05/19/2017 09:12 PM
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Re: I'm a Chef. Won 2 chili cook offs. Here's my recipe
I am also a self taught chef! I have won multiple kudos and thank yous from fellow employees during our office parties and special Friday lunches for all the fine dishes I prepared in my kitchen surrounded by my 8 cats and three dogs and meth pipe sitting on the counter.
Anonymous Coward
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05/19/2017 09:12 PM
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Re: I'm a Chef. Won 2 chili cook offs. Here's my recipe
Notes From An Inexperienced Chili Taster Named FRANK,who was visiting Texas from the East Coast: "Recently I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment, and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking directions to the beer wagon when the call came. I was assured by the other two judges and (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy, besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted.


Here are the scorecards from the event:

Chili # 1: Mike's Maniac Mobster Monster Chili JUDGE ONE: A little too heavy on tomato. Amusing kick. JUDGE TWO: Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild. FRANK: Holy shit, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy


Chili # 2: Arthur's Afterburner Chili JUDGE ONE: Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight Jalapeno tang. JUDGE TWO: Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously. FRANK: Keep this out of reach of children! I'm not sure what I am supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.


Chili # 3: Fred's Famous Burn Down the Barn Chili JUDGE ONE: Excellent firehouse chili! Great kick. Needs more beans. JUDGE TWO: A beanless chili, a bit salty, good use of red peppers. FRANK: Call the EPA, I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now, get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back; now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting shit-faced from all the beer.


Chili # 4: Bubba's Black Magic JUDGE ONE: Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing. JUDGE TWO: Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili. FRANK: I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it, is it possible to burn-out taste buds? Sally, the bar maid, was standing behind me with fresh refills; that ugly bitch is starting to look HOT, just like this nuclear-waste I'm eating. Is chili an aphrodisiac?


Chili # 5: Linda's Legal Lip Remover JUDGE ONE: Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive. JUDGE TWO: Chili using shredded beef; could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement. FRANK: My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from a pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off? It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw those rednecks!


Chili # 6: Vera's Very Vegetarian Variety JUDGE ONE: Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spice and peppers. JUDGE TWO: The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb. FRANK: My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames. I shit myself when I farted and I'm worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that slut Sally, she must be kinkier than I thought. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my ass with a snow cone


Chili # 7: Susan's Screaming Sensation Chili JUDGE ONE: A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers. JUDGE TWO: Ho Hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. I should note that I am worried about Judge Number 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably. FRANK: You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a damn thing. I've lost the slight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava-like shit to match my damn shirt. At least during the autopsy they'll know what killed me.
I've decided to stop breathing, it's too painful. Screw it, I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4 inch hole in my stomach.


Chili # 8: Helen's Mount Saint Chili JUDGE ONE: A perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili, safe for all, not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence. JUDGE TWO: This final entry is a good, balanced chili, neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge Number 3 passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor Yank, wonder how he'd have reacted to a really hot chili? FRANK: --------------(editor's note: Judge #3 was unable to report)
 Quoting: Loup Garou


HA! I was hoping someone posted this.....it always gives me a laugh and reminds me when I was at Ft Bliss TX and tasted chili all around El Paso....

Thanks OP....I'm gonna make you chili this weekend!
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1347659
United States
05/19/2017 09:13 PM
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Re: I'm a Chef. Won 2 chili cook offs. Here's my recipe
I'm a Chef in Naples, FL
Been lurking GLP since 2011
Just won my 2nd chili cook off
Since I love you guys and gals
For all you do
Here it is

**** I make a big batch because I work at a country club
I'd cut everything 1/4

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Put oil in a pan
Get it hot
Add 10lb tube of ground beef
Brown it


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In a bowl
Add
4TB pepper
4TB Salt
4TB Chili powder
4TB Cayenne
4TB Paprika
4TB Italian seasoning
4TB Garlic powder
8TB cumin
2TB thyme

*mix good in the bowl

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chop well & fine

2 onions
6 stalks celery
3 carrots
2 red peppers
2 yellow peppers
1 green pepper

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Drain the beef in a strainer

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Put the beef back into th pan

Add
Chopped veg
And
Spices

Sautée

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Add

2 - #10 cans of plum tomatoes (I use aulta cucina)
1 - #10 can of kidney beans (drained)
1 - #10 can of pinto beans (drained)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mix
8oz of beef base
To
1/2 gallon of water
Mix
Add to chili

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Add

12 splashes of Tabasco

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Cook until everything is tender and combining

About 45 minutes to 1 hour

**************************

That's it
Have fun & enjoy

Thanks for everything you guys do
This site gets me through the days

Much love friends

~ GLPchef
 Quoting: GLPchef 72036384


OK, I will play. Here is my award winning pork:

Nemesis8’s Secret Pork Butt Recipe

1. Cover Pork Butt with our homemade Rub, but don't rub it in, simply let it sit on the meat for about an hour at room temp.
2. Put butt in cooker (no more than 250 degrees)
3. After about 2-3 hours add some wood for smoke
4. After about 6-8 hours spray every hour with soy sauce
5. Last hour or so start applying baste every 20 minutes or so
6. Usually take 10 to 12 hours. Internal temp will need to be 180 to 190

Baste:
1 part pineapple juice
1 part apricot nectar
1/8 part soy
1/8 part apple cider vinegar
1/2 part apple juice
1 jar apple butter (2 if big batch)

Enjoy,
Pit Master Nemesis8
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 72036384
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05/19/2017 09:13 PM
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Re: I'm a Chef. Won 2 chili cook offs. Here's my recipe
Do you bring the chili to a boil then down to low to simmer?

Do you cover the pot during the simmer?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1055984


No cover
I keep it on high all the way through the cooking
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 70890511
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05/19/2017 09:13 PM
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Re: I'm a Chef. Won 2 chili cook offs. Here's my recipe
Maybe GLP should have a cookbook, I have a recipe for potato soup that is to die for.
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 72036384
United States
05/19/2017 09:13 PM
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Re: I'm a Chef. Won 2 chili cook offs. Here's my recipe
Do you bring the chili to a boil then down to low to simmer?

Do you cover the pot during the simmer?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1055984


No cover
I keep it on high all the way through the cooking
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 72036384


Ps stir it often
St3v3

User ID: 74891224
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05/19/2017 09:14 PM

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Re: I'm a Chef. Won 2 chili cook offs. Here's my recipe
Lmfao @ Loup Garou! That was the funniest thing I've read in a LONG while! Thanks for sharing bro!
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User ID: 56400697
05/19/2017 09:14 PM

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Re: I'm a Chef. Won 2 chili cook offs. Here's my recipe
Yum! Thanks, OP!
 Quoting: snark


This!

texasflag cheers texasflag
Saint Comedian, Patron Saint of Bringing the Butthurt to Dipshits

‘There are some assholes in the world that just need to be shot.’ - General Mattis, USMC

8 U.S.C. § 1182(f)
Whenever the President finds that the entry of any aliens or of any class of aliens into the United States would be detrimental to the interests of the United States, he may by proclamation, and for such period as he shall deem necessary, suspend the entry of all aliens or any class of aliens as immigrants or nonimmigrants, or impose on the entry of aliens any restrictions he may deem to be appropriate.

Legal Disclaimer: All comments are intended as humor and/or fiction and not advice, and not to be confused with any event or person, living or dead.
St3v3

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05/19/2017 09:14 PM

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Re: I'm a Chef. Won 2 chili cook offs. Here's my recipe
Thx too op! sounds delish!!
Zodiac Sign: "Help Wanted"
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Anonymous Coward
User ID: 54002627
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05/19/2017 09:17 PM
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Re: I'm a Chef. Won 2 chili cook offs. Here's my recipe
I am also a self taught chef! I have won multiple kudos and thank yous from fellow employees during our office parties and special Friday lunches for all the fine dishes I prepared in my kitchen surrounded by my 8 cats and three dogs and meth pipe sitting on the counter.
 Quoting: john b 70637860


I assume you're not eating. I love getting gacked the fuck out and making full meals for others. :)
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 74919013
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05/19/2017 09:18 PM
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Re: I'm a Chef. Won 2 chili cook offs. Here's my recipe
chili is gross.

pass.
Joshua___Harmon
User ID: 74546287
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05/19/2017 09:18 PM
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Re: I'm a Chef. Won 2 chili cook offs. Here's my recipe
1 - #10 can of kidney beans (drained)
1 - #10 can of pinto beans (drained)
 Quoting: GLPchef 72036384

Canned beans?

goaway
 Quoting: Base12


I know, right?

what kind of Philistine heathen ttroglodyte uses canned beans in their chili?

You get dried beans, you soak overnight, and you cook them slow
Astral Goat
From the deep space petting zoo...

User ID: 70975244
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05/19/2017 09:18 PM

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Re: I'm a Chef. Won 2 chili cook offs. Here's my recipe
chili is gross.

pass.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 74919013


Try something not called Hormel and come back to us
You got no enemy, no front line
The only battles in the back of your mind
Martini & Cigar

User ID: 74620797
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05/19/2017 09:18 PM

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Re: I'm a Chef. Won 2 chili cook offs. Here's my recipe
no beer chef?
 Quoting: Martini & Cigar


Not in the chili
But
I get the bartender to give me a pint or 2
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 72036384


your thread chef
A word of caution to neophyte Martini drinkers: When taken to excess, this perfectly civilized drink can lead directly to uncivilized behavior.
Relativity
I am the watch tower

User ID: 74883030
United States
05/19/2017 09:21 PM

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Re: I'm a Chef. Won 2 chili cook offs. Here's my recipe
I'm a Chef in Naples, FL
Been lurking GLP since 2011
Just won my 2nd chili cook off
Since I love you guys and gals
For all you do
Here it is

**** I make a big batch because I work at a country club
I'd cut everything 1/4

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Put oil in a pan
Get it hot
Add 10lb tube of ground beef
Brown it


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In a bowl
Add
4TB pepper
4TB Salt
4TB Chili powder
4TB Cayenne
4TB Paprika
4TB Italian seasoning
4TB Garlic powder
8TB cumin
2TB thyme

*mix good in the bowl

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chop well & fine

2 onions
6 stalks celery
3 carrots
2 red peppers
2 yellow peppers
1 green pepper

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Drain the beef in a strainer

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Put the beef back into th pan

Add
Chopped veg
And
Spices

Sautée

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Add

2 - #10 cans of plum tomatoes (I use aulta cucina)
1 - #10 can of kidney beans (drained)
1 - #10 can of pinto beans (drained)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mix
8oz of beef base
To
1/2 gallon of water
Mix
Add to chili

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Add

12 splashes of Tabasco

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Cook until everything is tender and combining

About 45 minutes to 1 hour

**************************

That's it
Have fun & enjoy

Thanks for everything you guys do
This site gets me through the days

Much love friends

~ GLPchef
 Quoting: GLPchef 72036384


pinni
“Those who give up liberty for security deserve neither.”
~Benjamin Franklin

Many that live deserve death. And some that die deserve life. Can you give it to them? Then do not be too eager to deal out death in judgment. For even the very wise cannot see all ends.
-Gandalph

"A fool thinks himself to be wise, but a wise man knows himself to be a fool." - William Shakespeare
Citizen1111

User ID: 73813482
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05/19/2017 09:24 PM

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Re: I'm a Chef. Won 2 chili cook offs. Here's my recipe
Thanks Chef...I'll give this a try on Sunday.

The 8oz of beef base...is that Beef bullion or broth?
The #10 cans...how many oz can is that?

In order to cut things by 1/4, I'll have to convert to metric then figure it out.

hf
11:11
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 72036384
United States
05/19/2017 09:25 PM
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Re: I'm a Chef. Won 2 chili cook offs. Here's my recipe
How much damn chili does this make?? 10 lbs of beef???
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 74704658


About 4 gallons
Flameworker

User ID: 72029175
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05/19/2017 09:27 PM
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Re: I'm a Chef. Won 2 chili cook offs. Here's my recipe
*****
MORE FIRE!!!... and sling it while it's hot.!!
Ass, gas, or grass, nobody rides for free.!
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 21536678
United States
05/19/2017 09:28 PM
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Re: I'm a Chef. Won 2 chili cook offs. Here's my recipe
I'll have to try it out thanks OP. 5 Stars for you. I don't make chili as much as I should.. I swear I'm addicted to the stuff at Wendy's lol.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 21536678


Wendy's chili is great
Thanks
Much love friend
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 72036384


hf
Soup

User ID: 64876942
United States
05/19/2017 09:29 PM

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Re: I'm a Chef. Won 2 chili cook offs. Here's my recipe
seems like it would be nice
decent ratiospeace
...
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 72036384
United States
05/19/2017 09:29 PM
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Re: I'm a Chef. Won 2 chili cook offs. Here's my recipe
Thanks!

I need a good recipe.

Do you have this for just one pot for a small family?
 Quoting: A1janitor 72258586


Sadly no
Like I said cut down everything
I don't cook at home
My wife does


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