I've tried for just over three years to get on with my life but

I couldn't begin to Imagine losing a child, but I am only 30 years old and have lost a bother, a sister, my adopted dad, and my best friend of my whole life, we had been friends since we were infants. I know it is not the same, not even close. I am so sorry for your loss. Have u thought of joining a support group. I know the mom of my best friend who died is a wreck. It was her only child and she died in her arms at 30 years old. I feel like maybe if u had others, who knew what u were going through, to talk to may help. And of course, u always have us here at GLP. We are way more then a conspiracy site. We are a family.

I have no words for you that could ever mean anything...just know that so many here at GLP are praying for you and we will always be here for you..

Many hugs and may G-d be with you...

Lost my husband unjustly
All my animals were poisoned
Lost two successful businesses
Lost two homes
All my children (four) moved far away
I moved very rural, live as a hermit


Learned to love the peace and serenity
Living the best life I ever had
Watching the doom (end times unfold) living in nature as a religious hermit
Following the rule of St Benedict
Turned all the sadness and bad into the best life I ever had. Id way rather live in peace here alone on 68 acres, than run two very successful businesses. It took five full years to obtain the peace I have now and overcome the loneliness. I know I will soon be with the ones I lost. You never get on with life you just move through it with a new awareness of pain and loss. Doom becomes our hope because nothing this life can ever offer us anything good and we cry out. "Come Lord come"

Why can't you stop? So amazingly vile and cruel. May you NEVER know such heartache...

I also suffered many losses,,loss of everything I had succeeded in.
I know well what you mean about being a loner.
It is peaceful,,,I talk to God, to Christ.
I watch it all unwinding,,bringing closer the day we will see Him.

I am so sorry you feel that way. I have had to deal with that feeling every single day all day even though my son is alive because he is an addict on the streets and people are always threatening to kill him and it terrifies me all the time. He could be the next victim of the drug epidemic and I pray constantly all day everyday. I'm only sharing this with you because the only way I have found to really deal with it without losing my mind is to realize that despite my attachment to my son we are both completely separate beings with separate lives separate destinies and separate personalities. I have had to accept the fact that I cannot control what happens to him I cannot rescue him from what happens to him even though I certainly have gone above and beyond already. I had to separate emotionally and physically and spiritually to identify with who I am versus who he is because to carry the pain of that loss inside myself only derails my own purpose and my own value in this life. Even though motherhood is a very Noble purpose and undertaking it is not our only purpose and we have to find a way to be strong and not let these things destroy us. I know it is not the same because my son is still alive but the Sun that I knew I have not seen in years and the one that I see now makes me feel as if he is already gone.

"Lost my husband unjustly
All my animals were poisoned
Lost two successful businesses
Lost two homes
All my children (four) moved far away
I moved very rural, live as a hermit

Learned to love the peace and serenity
Living the best life I ever had
Watching the doom (end times unfold) living in nature as a religious hermit
Following the rule of St Benedict
Turned all the sadness and bad into the best life I ever had. Id way rather live in peace here alone on 68 acres, than run two very successful businesses. It took five full years to obtain the peace I have now and overcome the loneliness. I know I will soon be with the ones I lost. You never get on with life you just move through it with a new awareness of pain and loss. Doom becomes our hope because nothing this life can ever offer us anything good and we cry out. "Come Lord come" "
QUOTING: B

Thank you for your post. Many of us have suffered heartache/heartbreak and found our way through it, some more than others, but that suffering gives us empathy for others going through the same. Know that you are not alone, OP. Please do not let your pain kill you. My sister lived through the death of her son, but it took a long time to stop the pain.

This life is nothing compared to the life to come. I do cry out, "Come, Lord, come! Make haste to come and heal the world."

OP you are here for a purpose. The loss you suffered has a purpose also. Maybe you are here to help save someone going through the same loss or work to help the children in some way. Find your purpose! You are here for a reason. Once you find it things will be better.

The terrible feeling of loss will never go away but it does become easier to endure.

Be certain that your child would want for you an amazing life of happiness and joy. You must fight as hard as you can to honor that.

Prayers for peace and love.

So many people hurting.....

I wish you all peace and comfort.

This.

And especially this part of it : 'think of what she would want for you.'

Would she want you to die in a black hole of self-pity? You are not the center of the world when it comes to her death. It was hers not yours. Get out of the center of it. Death happened to her not you. She would want you to live and love AND remember her fondly not bitterly.

My thoughts and prayers go out to you. I can't imagje the pain you endure. Please try to stay with us though, don't kill yourself. You'll find a reason to go on if you keep looking.

That's pain I can't imagine, OP. I'm so sorry.

"Life is for the living"

It may sound kind of hollow. I saved this letter that Benjamin Franklin wrote because I liked it:

Dear Child

I condole with you, we have lost a most dear and valuable relation, but it is the will of God and Nature that these mortal bodies be laid aside, when the soul is to enter into real life; ’tis rather an embrio state, a preparation for living; a man is not completely born until he be dead: Why then should we grieve that a new child is born among the immortals? A new member added to their happy society?

We are spirits. That bodies should be lent us, while they can afford us pleasure, assist us in acquiring knowledge, or doing good to our fellow creatures, is a kind and benevolent act of God—when they become unfit for these purposes and afford us pain instead of pleasure—instead of an aid, become an incumbrance and answer none of the intentions for which they were given, it is equally kind and benevolent that a way is provided by which we may get rid of them. Death is that way. We ourselves prudently choose a partial death. In some cases a mangled painful limb, which cannot be restored, we willingly cut off. He who plucks out a tooth, parts with it freely since the pain goes with it, and he that quits the whole body, parts at once with all pains and possibilities of pains and diseases it was liable to, or capable of making him suffer.

Our friend and we are invited abroad on a party of pleasure—that is to last for ever. His chair was first ready and he is gone before us. We could not all conveniently start together, and why should you and I be grieved at this, since we are soon to follow, and we know where to find him. Adieu.

Benjamin Frankline

Wow here I'm thinking my breakup is hard. ...

A poem that stuck with me:

The Sailing Ship - Bishop Charles Henry Brent

What is dying?
I am standing on the seashore.
A ship sails to the morning breeze and starts for the ocean.
She is an object and I stand watching her
Till at last she fades from the horizon,
And someone at my side says, “She is gone!” Gone where?
Gone from my sight, that is all;
She is just as large in the masts, hull and spars as she was when I saw her,
And just as able to bear her load of living freight to its destination.
The diminished size and total loss of sight is in me, not in her;
And just at the moment when someone at my side says, "She is gone",
There are others who are watching her coming,
And other voices take up a glad shout,
"There she comes" – and that is dying.

I appreciate everyone's contributions and am sorry for all of you have experienced similar pain.

Her loss has changed me in so many ways that I hardly recognize myself anymore. And the pain totally exhausts me.

I'm not suicidal but I have no interest in continuing and will gladly welcome my end.

There's a preacher named Greg Laurie who lost his son in a car crash, maybe his sermons can help you.

I was able to stop trauma drinking with the amino acid GABA. The powder is much cheaper than tablets or capsules. I followed Billie Jay Sahlwys protocol of 350 mg in water aipped around dusk (when the subconscious becomes active) and another 350 mg in water bedside for nightmares or insomnia.

Medicine did nothing for nightmares. For years I had to drink myself to sleep to avoid suicide or sleep deprivation psychosis.

An hour of yoga a day also increases GABA. Any gentle stretching works. Twenty minutes three times a day is an hour. If you grow into a deeper practice thats great. If you get relief from your old softball stretches thats great.

We hold grief in our bodies and then our bodies are trapped in our grief. People say let it go and we cant and wont. What we can do is kindly stretch out our physical bodies and naturally cool our overwrought brains and bear our kids in a relaxed and peaceful way.

I say this over and over because its true and useful. GABA works for sleep without nightmares and evenings without alcohol. If you add an hour of stretch, whether you do yoga or something else, you dont need the powder.

The Now brand works fine. It available in health food stores or online.

David Bercelis TRE is a thirty minute exercise sequence that works too. Its weird. Be weird. You can learn it from his fifteen dollar book or DVD and mYbe your library will buy the book or DVD.

I tried medicine. I tried weekly psychotherapy. There is good in both. The supplements and the physical stuff is 100x better.

Naltrexone also helps. Trauma is numbing. Our bodies release opiates. That detached, dont care, cant feel, cant wake up ia opiation. Low dose naltrexone blocks opiates. It requires a prescription. The dose for traumatic stress is about 6 mg. The smallest tablet is fifty so you chop and dissolve in water. Its good to have someone supportive in your life as memories and feelings can be distressing.

What doctors cant do with medicine no matter how much they wish to help, amd what people cant always do with kind words and good wishes can be done with a little tinkering and a little stretching.

Dont feel bad about drinking again. You instinctively did what you knew. Learn something less injurious. Replace alcohol with something that works as well. GABA then yoga.

The People of the Pants will tell you yoga yokes mind to body. Maybe so. Maybe grief numbs the body because it is so physically painful. Then we go up into our minds and cant stop thinking. When we are bodiless minds we start to wonder why we even have to be in a body and hate it and think its the problem and we can be free of it. I know I wasnt so alarmed to be told I was drinking enough to kill me on any particular night. Relieving the bodies pain lets us bear our loss. We can befriend our lives again. We can experience pleasure in living again. We can feel the pain of loss as a reminder that we still love someone very much, who isnt here.

It can happen, what we cant imagine ever happening, that we dont have to drink spirits or health food store potions to wake up remembering dreams that feel good and make us happy to begin a day.

you were a child once too. they're never raised to be held onto forever.

reinvent. I cant' imagine people who lost their family from a war, they have to reinvent.

I can't imagine how people let their kids out and about, real life problems, and then you can't say it's never in the back of your mind that you can't understand in the community, getting the phone call saying they've been in an accident, or they were foolish and got in a fight and died, or did drugs and died, or something that hit us all.

what gets better, something not there anymore? No.

if you're going to melt down online and say your goodbyes and have a problem, no, I'm a monster to show and tellers like that. I don't take that forever empty feeling shit after all the shit my own parents did to me. an empty pot never fills itself. you must look away and fill it yourself.

I am so so sorry for your loss.

I think about what Rust Cohle said in True Detective when I think about the horrible reality if children dying.

His three year old daughter was killed in an accident. He says, sometimes, when I look around at this world, I am glad for her. Look at all the pain she was spared.

Prayers for you OP.

I'm so very sorry for your loss. I can't imagine.

It does get easier. The first 3 years are horrific & consuming. Between 3 to 5 years, I noticed some relief & can tell you that Jesus saved my life. It will be 11 years next month since our daughter died. My 27 year marriage ended 4 years ago. My husband said voices told him to hurt me & he stole everything. We owned a business & a beautiful home... He gave Bank of America our $500,000 equity, stole the business & left me on food stamps... No spouse support after 18 months & worse. The answer is Jesus. Our greatest risk is choices that go against God's word to numb the pain. Turn to Him, read His word & seek Him with all your heart. This way you live a life that will unite you with your child again when you pass. I am so sorry you know this unique, primal, overwhelming pain, but you will rise up & prevail. Blessings, peace & love.

Perhaps the good Lord will bless you with some new type of malady so that instead of showing people with problems you don't understand a complete lack of compassion, you will some day be able to extend that same level of understanding you show to those who have lost a child.

I was the last person my best friend of nearly 20 years called before she shot herself. We talked for nearly two hours and I could not find the words to dissuade her from her suicide.

It takes a long time to suss out your responsibility in such a loss. You really have to take much time to figure out what was in your control and what you could not do. I think this is similar in all great losses.

Do you hold grief and guilt because you believe there was more you could have done to have changed the outcome? This is an important question. You are wrestling the universe for control. You did have some. You did not have some.

And then you have to forgive yourself for what you could have controlled and failed to. Holding on to guilt is almost always an attempt to believe we are more in control of this universe than we really are.

It is very difficult to grant a person who was your child autonomy or to believe they had a path which did not include you. This is a separation in itself that is painful.

Now you must find change. And that means do different things than you have ever done before. You have to create a new pattern of concepts and abilities in your own head.

You also have to replace your painful memories. So deliberately conjure up happy memories of your child and really focus on those. Then train yourself to divert from the painful memories to the happy memories. It does take training.

I know this is a magical universe. I know that energy does not die. They are not gone. It is your life that is diminished and your life which you must fill again.

If i lost one of my kids I dont know what I would, dont know how i would recover.

I am sorry to everybody in this thread who has lost a child and only hope the best for all of you and the pain that you must go through.