So you're saying to me that nowadays, if a rich, heiress socialite films herself having sex with a random dude, that immediately catapults her to stardom and into an interview with Larry King?

King looked like a moron last night, allowing her to declare herself a drug-virgin. The minute I heard her say that, I spit out my beer onto the television in shock and laughter.

Let's face it - Paris Hilton is a media darling. They love her and have made her the star. She has no known talents. She sucks as a singer. Sucks as an actress. Sucks as a model.

She was quickly becoming a nobody, so she released a sextape. That gained her another 15 minutes of fame. Then the slow decline back into obscurity.

Then she is arrested and sent to jail - whether this act was contrived or planned is up to you to decide. All we can gather right now is this woman orchestrates public spectacles in order to keep her name in the news.

And what did she gain from breaking the law? An interview with Larry King Live and a hefty fee for appearing and sounding like a monotone, heavily medicated loser.

She epitomizes the utterly useless human being who had it all, and did absolutely nothing with it. She had all the opportunities in the world - she could have funneled her money to a cure for cancer, helped the poor in Africa, actually done something with her influence and riches to change the world, and what did she do?

Absolutely nothing.

Nightclubs. Sextapes. Drugs.


In 20 years her beauty will have faded completely, and all that will remain will be her conscience, her spirit, soul, whatever you want to call it. The ethereal being that controls her body, that will be all that remains. For her looks will be gone, and when she looks back on her life, she can rest easy in the satisfaction that her contributions to the world consisted of being a terrible role model and throwing away what was possibly the greatest opportunities any young person ever possessed.