what the hell happened to me though?


i used to be a lot of fun, and have a lot of fun. i could look people in the eye, and i felt good.....


now my eyes always hurt.. i am afraid to move my body. i think crazy shit...feel like everyone hates me....its like that bob dyland song "people just get uglier..and i have no sense of time"

i have penis envy too...do i just need to get laid? i really want to...but how would that fix anything....tomorrow i am going to try to fast for a long time. i smoke death sticks too (cigarettes), but i had a craving earlier and i told myself i would quit for 7/7/7. so no more of them.


i have in my head ideas that will make me better. like i wear gold because of what people say about colloidal gold and i think if i wear it then it will go into my body. im just paranoid about everything, but i say fuck it. whoevers making me paranoid, fuck you.


i know a lot of us are in the dark here...i am too. but i came out of it to post this...


voices tell me where to go...