Maybe you should try putting all that energy you have into creating something. Like music, visual arts, dance, films, etc . . . .

I like to walk the spiritual path also and it feel wonderful when I'm going in the right direction. But I feel empty if I'm not doing something I love in the meantime. I'm a visual artist and I also write my own music and sing. It's my life. I love trying to create the beauty that I see and feel all around me.

Because you're a Taurus lol (the same as myself). They supposedly have this unique "harmony" connection with planet earth. Do you really think that every living soul can function the same way or has the talent capacity of others? Impossible. Although most people highly underestimate themselves, some others are like Indigo children.