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My ass is a burning raging ball of fire. This is NOT a poo thread!
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Anonymous Coward
User ID: 214557
11/19/2007 2:48 PM | | Re: My ass is a burning raging ball of fire. This is NOT a poo thread! | Quote |
For the itching, and the urge to scratch, you might want to gently wash that area with apple-cider vinegar.
The first few applications will sting abit for just a few minutes. Do as often as required when starting. When the 'sting' goes away so will the itching. After only a few days you may need to only do this once a day. After a week you may not even have to do it, until it returns, if you do right at the first signs you don't have to deal with the 'stinging part' at all.
WARNING DO NOT USE TURPENTINE unless you want to be skidding your ass across the carpet, the lawn, and down the street until you are out-of-sight. |
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Anonymous Coward
User ID: 281483
11/19/2007 2:55 PM | | Re: My ass is a burning raging ball of fire. This is NOT a poo thread! | Quote |
There are Orajel tubes at the drugstore that is meant to be used on cold sores. It is a topical anesthetic. It is a painkiller like what the dentist uses on your gums before he injects a needle in your gums.
I have no idea if it would aggravate your condition, but in the case that it doesn't it could function as a painkiller, making it numb instead of being so sensitive?
If in doubt, then don't try it. Just an idea. |
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Anonymous Coward
User ID: 328057
11/19/2007 3:05 PM | | Re: My ass is a burning raging ball of fire. This is NOT a poo thread! | Quote |
Is this for real?
Sounds like a Larry David script for
Curb Your Enthusiasm........ |
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OP
User ID: 328136 (OP)
11/19/2007 3:13 PM | | Re: My ass is a burning raging ball of fire. This is NOT a poo thread! | Quote |
Is this for real?
Sounds like a Larry David script for
Curb Your Enthusiasm........ Quoting: Anonymous Coward 328057
Oh it is all too real friend, I sure do wish it was a joke...
No joke, it's true, and not all that uncommon I guess...(that's what my doc said anyway)...I've had the roids for a long time, and this thing is like the next level of that, it's like having an infected roid, except instead of pus there is a blood clot in there.
I guess it gets trapped and the blood can trickle in, but can't get out, and it coagulates...
Seriously I wouldn't joke about this.
Thanks for the beer tip Nessie!
I didn't know that! I've probably just taken a year off my liver or something. Too bad about your friend...I stopped drinking now, that's all I need is a stomach pump too...lol
I thought that everything went better with alcohol...guess not... |
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Anonymous Coward
User ID: 328057
11/19/2007 3:19 PM | | Re: My ass is a burning raging ball of fire. This is NOT a poo thread! | Quote |
OP,
Sorry. Sorry for your pain. Isn't there some kind of little tire like pillow that you sit on and it takes the pressure off and brings some relief? And, I think the Aloe gel is a good idea.
If you have HBO and could use a laugh, check out Curb Your Enthusiasm.... |
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Anonymous Coward
User ID: 328136 (OP)
11/19/2007 3:37 PM | | Re: My ass is a burning raging ball of fire. This is NOT a poo thread! | Quote |
OP,
Sorry. Sorry for your pain. Isn't there some kind of little tire like pillow that you sit on and it takes the pressure off and brings some relief? And, I think the Aloe gel is a good idea.
If you have HBO and could use a laugh, check out Curb Your Enthusiasm.... Quoting: Anonymous Coward 328057
I've seen it...
Hilarious!
The guy that writes it and plays the lead charactor was Jerry Seinfeld's partner or something for that show...that's what I heard anyway...
But yeah, the show is VERY funny, I can relate to that poor schmucks life, except the part where he has money...lol |
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Anonymous Coward
User ID: 281483
11/19/2007 3:42 PM | | Re: My ass is a burning raging ball of fire. This is NOT a poo thread! | Quote |
Yes, Larry David (Curb Your Enthusiasm) was the source for most of the funniest moments on the Seinfeld show.
The moments where people totally misunderstand you even though you're innocent.
For example, there is a Curb Your Enthusiasm episode in which Larry David doesn't like having to pay for water at an event so he sneaks water in his pants.
A little girl who idolizes Larry sees him and goes up to hug him, and feels the water bottle, then runs to her mother and says "He's got something hard in his pants!"
Larry David is then stuck between admitting to everyone that he snuck water in, or letting them believe he's some kind of pervert. |
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ass doc
User ID: 317540
11/19/2007 3:49 PM | | Re: My ass is a burning raging ball of fire. This is NOT a poo thread! | Quote |
Git someone to push it in fer you! |
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Anonymous Coward
User ID: 2108
11/19/2007 3:50 PM | | Re: My ass is a burning raging ball of fire. This is NOT a poo thread! | Quote |
I have what they call a "thrombosed" hemorrhoid.
It's a giant hemorrhoid with a blood clot in it, that is being squashed constantly by my anal sphincter.
Ever had one of these bad boys?
It is about as painful as putting your balls in a vise and occasionally tightening it, worse then kidney stones, worse then a surgery I had on my eye last year.
I am in absolute misery, I want to cut the GD thing off with scissors it certainly couldn't be worse then this, but my doctor told me I have to wait a week for surgery to see if it goes away on it's own, and if not then surgery...
Have you ever begged for surgery?
I'm dying.
GEEBUS - CAN'T THEY GIVE YOU PAIN MEDS AT LEAST UNTIL SURGERY??? surely, they can give some vicodin just to last until the day. GO TO ER!! Or, call your doctor and THREATEN them that you're going to go to the ER. The insurance companies hate it when you go to the Emergency Room because they have to pay more. Your co-pay might be higher, too, but THEY pay way more, too. If you tell your doctor that you're going to the ER he WILL give you pain meds because the insurance company will know that's why you went - because you were in PAIN and he/she denied you meds. All the doctor has to do is call it in to your pharmacy. A $50 situation versus a $500 situation for the ER.
DO IT NOW OP. No need for you to be in this much pain. ESPECIALLY SINCE XGIVING IS ON THURSDAY - half the world is "out of the office" DOn't wait man! I'm telling you. And if you go to the ER, go TODAY because I guarantee you the place will be packed on Thursday with everyone who was also trying to wait out their pain.
word. |
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Anonymous Coward
User ID: 328057
11/19/2007 4:00 PM | | Re: My ass is a burning raging ball of fire. This is NOT a poo thread! | Quote |
Right, Larry David was the genius behind the scenes for Seinfeld. In the last few CYE episodes, Larry has been visiting a doctor for a similar problem as OP. And he makes it seem hilarious, offending everyone, not cooperating, refusing to sign the "sign in" sheet because of privacy issues, getting the name of another patient off the sign in sheet to call her for a date.... Date was a diaster because they went to the movies and both squirmed in their seats the whole time...... Sorry again, OP. |
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Anonymous Coward
User ID: 176812
11/19/2007 4:05 PM | | Re: My ass is a burning raging ball of fire. This is NOT a poo thread! | Quote |
I have what they call a "thrombosed" hemorrhoid.
It's a giant hemorrhoid with a blood clot in it, that is being squashed constantly by my anal sphincter.
Ever had one of these bad boys?
It is about as painful as putting your balls in a vise and occasionally tightening it, worse then kidney stones, worse then a surgery I had on my eye last year.
I am in absolute misery, I want to cut the GD thing off with scissors it certainly couldn't be worse then this, but my doctor told me I have to wait a week for surgery to see if it goes away on it's own, and if not then surgery...
Have you ever begged for surgery?
I'm dying.
GEEBUS - CAN'T THEY GIVE YOU PAIN MEDS AT LEAST UNTIL SURGERY??? surely, they can give some vicodin just to last until the day. GO TO ER!! Or, call your doctor and THREATEN them that you're going to go to the ER. The insurance companies hate it when you go to the Emergency Room because they have to pay more. Your co-pay might be higher, too, but THEY pay way more, too. If you tell your doctor that you're going to the ER he WILL give you pain meds because the insurance company will know that's why you went - because you were in PAIN and he/she denied you meds. All the doctor has to do is call it in to your pharmacy. A $50 situation versus a $500 situation for the ER.
DO IT NOW OP. No need for you to be in this much pain. ESPECIALLY SINCE XGIVING IS ON THURSDAY - half the world is "out of the office" DOn't wait man! I'm telling you. And if you go to the ER, go TODAY because I guarantee you the place will be packed on Thursday with everyone who was also trying to wait out their pain.
word.
Exactly right or phone the dr say the meds aren't working insist on something better and depending on the result of this conversation say you are going to the er.... |
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Anonymous Coward
User ID: 176812
11/19/2007 4:05 PM | | Re: My ass is a burning raging ball of fire. This is NOT a poo thread! | Quote |
I have what they call a "thrombosed" hemorrhoid.
It's a giant hemorrhoid with a blood clot in it, that is being squashed constantly by my anal sphincter.
Ever had one of these bad boys?
It is about as painful as putting your balls in a vise and occasionally tightening it, worse then kidney stones, worse then a surgery I had on my eye last year.
I am in absolute misery, I want to cut the GD thing off with scissors it certainly couldn't be worse then this, but my doctor told me I have to wait a week for surgery to see if it goes away on it's own, and if not then surgery...
Have you ever begged for surgery?
I'm dying.
GEEBUS - CAN'T THEY GIVE YOU PAIN MEDS AT LEAST UNTIL SURGERY??? surely, they can give some vicodin just to last until the day. GO TO ER!! Or, call your doctor and THREATEN them that you're going to go to the ER. The insurance companies hate it when you go to the Emergency Room because they have to pay more. Your co-pay might be higher, too, but THEY pay way more, too. If you tell your doctor that you're going to the ER he WILL give you pain meds because the insurance company will know that's why you went - because you were in PAIN and he/she denied you meds. All the doctor has to do is call it in to your pharmacy. A $50 situation versus a $500 situation for the ER.
DO IT NOW OP. No need for you to be in this much pain. ESPECIALLY SINCE XGIVING IS ON THURSDAY - half the world is "out of the office" DOn't wait man! I'm telling you. And if you go to the ER, go TODAY because I guarantee you the place will be packed on Thursday with everyone who was also trying to wait out their pain.
word.
Exactly right or phone the dr say the meds aren't working insist on something better and depending on the result of this conversation say you are going to the er.... |
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Bottoms Up
User ID: 299326
11/19/2007 4:55 PM | | Re: My ass is a burning raging ball of fire. This is NOT a poo thread! | Quote |
Read "feelings buried alive" to find out what feelings have caused this curse.... |
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Anonymous Coward
User ID: 324428
11/19/2007 6:26 PM | | Re: My ass is a burning raging ball of fire. This is NOT a poo thread! | Quote |
Read "feelings buried alive" to find out what feelings have caused this curse.... Quoting: Bottoms Up 299326
What? It's not a curse! Hems. are caused by FEAR OF DEADLINES!
Gotta get this done, gotta get that done...by.... |
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Mr. Indicator
User ID: 323618
11/19/2007 6:27 PM | | Re: My ass is a burning raging ball of fire. This is NOT a poo thread! | Quote |
Smoke some ganja. See if that doesn't change your perceptions a little bit ;).
Can't PM? mr.indicator(at)yahoo.com
In the middle of every difficulty lies opportunity.
Shoving reality down the throat of ignorance, one dumbass at a time -Mr. Indicator |
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Anonymous Coward
User ID: 325420
11/19/2007 6:52 PM | | Re: My ass is a burning raging ball of fire. This is NOT a poo thread! | Quote |
Try "Gotu Kola" -- an ayervedic herb that helps with inflammation. And "Horse Chestnut" extract which helps veinal wall strength. Should help reduce the swelling within a couple days max. (I'd double the recommended dosage for at least the first day)
Try GNC, or a better Herbal Supplement store, if you have access to one!
Now, to get rid of them permanently?? I wish!!
Also, at WalGreens or Eckerds, you should be able to find a "donut pillow" for about $20. Helps you to be able to sit in your favorite chair without putting pressure on it. |
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AssBurningMuthaFucka
User ID: 199233
11/19/2007 6:56 PM | | Re: My ass is a burning raging ball of fire. This is NOT a poo thread! | Quote |
Eat the hottest curry you can or some raw chillies
Better still, rub the chillies to the affected area - it may sting a bit at first but keep going.
Lastly, you can try a flaming sambuca to the affected area.
Burn that bastard away! |
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assume the fetal position
User ID: 255024
11/19/2007 7:05 PM | | Re: My ass is a burning raging ball of fire. This is NOT a poo thread! | Quote |
this is a very scary thread
never knew the depths of pain for man |
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-=JezaBella=-
User ID: 328681
11/19/2007 7:40 PM | | Re: My ass is a burning raging ball of fire. This is NOT a poo thread! | Quote |
that sux.
"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
~ Dr. Seuss |
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Anonymous Coward
User ID: 328238
11/19/2007 8:14 PM | | Re: My ass is a burning raging ball of fire. This is NOT a poo thread! | Quote |
 |
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Anonymous Coward
User ID: 298785
11/19/2007 8:23 PM | | Re: My ass is a burning raging ball of fire. This is NOT a poo thread! | Quote |
i love larry david too, but for the OP i'd say try some ambusol!! that stuff ya put on your rotten teeth!! it's just a numbing agent, right?? buy a gallon!! |
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Anonymous Coward
User ID: 332154
11/27/2007 12:19 AM | | Re: My ass is a burning raging ball of fire. This is NOT a poo thread! | Quote |
 |
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Anonymous Coward
User ID: 287857
11/27/2007 2:40 PM | | Re: My ass is a burning raging ball of fire. This is NOT a poo thread! | Quote |
not a doctor and not playing one
DO NOT do aspirin if you are possibly going for surgery in a week
you will bled uncontrollably and the vessels there are large and problematic
2. keep diet light and stools loose-not too hard(will cause pain) and not too soft, like diarrhea(will cause pain)
Do not strain, eat balanced diet to avoid roids of the future. Do not drink too much coffee as it will irritate area or eat too many spicy foods like jalapenos.
witch hazel applied with cotton all will help
ice (covered with cloth of course) will help
using an inflatable donut will help take pressure off area
alcohol will not help but more likely harm-In fact, while drinking you may notice the pain clearing up...it has not, only your awareness of it, so you will strain more, causing further problems
roids that are surgically removed FREQUENTLY RETURN so use a good diet
smoking increases roids, extensive coughing can, straining, heavy lifting is a serious culprit
women usually get them with pregnancy, the lucky few do not
Kegel exercises help strengthen area...men can contract the prostrate area to build muscle in the general area too
Keeping ones core strong, in the abdomen and pelvic area helps prevent them supporting the ligaments and tendons
good luck
remember pain is natures way of letting us know we are doing something wrong or doing something we should not be doing
I sense with you it is lifting, consider adapting lifestyle to avoid a re-occurence |
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Anonymous Coward
User ID: 331842
11/27/2007 2:54 PM | | Re: My ass is a burning raging ball of fire. This is NOT a poo thread! | Quote |
Dude,
How is your butthole doing now?
Any better? |
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Anonymous Coward
User ID: 208085
11/27/2007 2:57 PM | | Re: My ass is a burning raging ball of fire. This is NOT a poo thread! | Quote |
push it back in and then hurry up and duck tape your ass!!! |
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Anonymous Coward
User ID: 310978
11/27/2007 3:09 PM | | Re: My ass is a burning raging ball of fire. This is NOT a poo thread! | Quote |
I had a similar one. Fortunately, I was doing work while stooping down and the damn thing popped due to the stress! Bled all over, but the relief was incredible! Went to the M.D. and he gave me some strong antiseptic cream to put on until it healed. It's been 3 yrs and it never returned. See if you can pop it like a zit. Maybe a sterile needle? |
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Anonymous Coward
User ID: 162364
11/27/2007 3:18 PM | | Re: My ass is a burning raging ball of fire. This is NOT a poo thread! | Quote |
How old are U. Try laying off the beer...that's probably why it's inflamed in the first place......duh....... |
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Anonymous Coward
User ID: 367250
2/4/2008 12:50 AM | | Re: My ass is a burning raging ball of fire. This is NOT a poo thread! | Quote |
5 stars for this baby |
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Anonymous Coward
User ID: 364511
2/4/2008 1:00 AM | | Re: My ass is a burning raging ball of fire. This is NOT a poo thread! | Quote |
Sitting on your fat ass and eating crap is the main cause of hemorrhoids. |
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Anonymous Coward
User ID: 322710
2/4/2008 1:17 AM | | Re: My ass is a burning raging ball of fire. This is NOT a poo thread! | Quote |
I have what they call a "thrombosed" hemorrhoid.
It's a giant hemorrhoid with a blood clot in it, that is being squashed constantly by my anal sphincter.
Ever had one of these bad boys?
It is about as painful as putting your balls in a vise and occasionally tightening it, worse then kidney stones, worse then a surgery I had on my eye last year.
I am in absolute misery, I want to cut the GD thing off with scissors it certainly couldn't be worse then this, but my doctor told me I have to wait a week for surgery to see if it goes away on it's own, and if not then surgery...
Have you ever begged for surgery?
I'm dying.
Grizzled Old Goat is that you?
(I hope.) |
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