Cheney Spontaneously-Combusts, Starts Fire in EOB

I have it on the best and highest authorities willing to be openly quoted that the fire in his suite of offices in the old Executive Office Building was caused by V.P. Dick Cheney spontaneously combusting as Satan attempted to recall him to Hell.

In prominent Washington circles it has been rumoured in recent weeks that the Devil now views Cheney as a direct competitor and will do anything to oust him from his position of power. Apparently, the Evil One is proving no easy match for Dead-Eye Dick who had a squad of extinguisher-laden firefighters standing by should such an attack present itself. The firefighters seemed conflicted at first response: caught between the proverbial rock/hard place they eventually doused Cheney with the foam although many among them seemed willing to let him burn and take their chances with Satan.

In a hastily released statement the Office of Management and Budget expressed relief that damage to the historic bulding was not extensive and praised the firefighters who hosed the walls first and Cheney second.