| | *SANTA* - 'He' or 'She' ??
| littlebird
User ID: 344829
 United States
12/24/2007 2:00 PM
Report abusive post | *SANTA* - 'He' or 'She' ??
| Quote |
Well, which is it?
Argument for Santa being a *SHE*...
I think Santa Claus is a woman ...
I hate to be the one to defy sacred myth, but I believe he's a she.
Think about it. Christmas is a big, organized, warm, fuzzy, nurturing
social deal, and I have a tough time believing a guy could possibly pull it all off!
For starters, the vast majority of men don't even think about selecting gifts until
Christmas Eve. It's as if they are all frozen in some kind of Ebenezerian Time Warp
until 3 p.m. on December 24th, when they - with amazing calm - call other errant
men and plan for a last-minute shopping spree.
Once at the mall, they always seem surprised to find only Ronco products,
socket wrench sets, and mood rings left on the shelves. (You might think this
would send them into a fit of panic and guilt, but some guys tell me it's an
enormous relief because it lessens the 11th hour decision-making burden.)
On this count alone, I'm convinced Santa is a woman. Surely, if he were a man,
everyone in the universe would wake up Christmas morning to find a rotating
musical Chia Pet under the tree, still in the bag.
Another problem for a he-Santa would be getting there. First of all, there would
be no reindeer because they would all be dead, gutted and strapped on to the
rear bumper of the sleigh amid wide-eyed, desperate claims that buck season
had been extended. Blitzen's rack would already be on the way to the taxidermist.
Even if the male Santa DID have reindeer, he'd still have transportation problems
because he would inevitably get lost up there in the snow and clouds and then
refuse to stop and ask for directions.
Add to this the fact that there would be unavoidable delays in the chimney,
where the Bob Vila-like Santa would stop to inspect and repoint bricks in the flue.
He would also need to check for carbon monoxide fumes in every gas fireplace,
and get under every Christmas tree that is crooked to straighten it to a perfectly
upright 90-degree angle.
Other reasons why Santa can't possibly be a man:
* Men can't pack a bag.
* Men would rather be dead than caught wearing red velvet.
* Men would feel their masculinity is threatened... having to be seen with all those elves.
* Men don't answer their mail.
* Men would refuse to allow their physique to be described even in jest as anything
... remotely resembling a "bowlful of jelly."
* Men aren't interested in stockings unless somebody's wearing them.
* Having to do the "Ho Ho Ho" thing would seriously inhibit their ability to pick up women.
* Finally, being responsible for Christmas would require a commitment.
I can buy the fact that other mythical characters are men ...
* Father Time shows up once a year unshaven and looking ominous. Definite guy.
* Cupid flies around carrying weapons.
* Uncle Sam is a politician who likes to point fingers.
Any one of these individuals could pass the testosterone screening test.
But not St. Nick. Not a chance.
As long as we have each other, good will, peace on earth,
faith and Nat King Cole's version of "The Christmas Song,"
it probably makes little difference what gender Santa is.
I just wish she'd quit dressing like a guy!!!
~Unknown
Beam me up, Scotty! Beam me up soon!
Never mind, Scotty, cuz... "There is no spoon"
|
| littlebird
User ID: 344829
United States
12/24/2007 2:01 PM
| | Re: *SANTA* - 'He' or 'She' ?? | Quote |
Argument for Santa being a *HE*...
There is absolutely NO way Santa is female. Here's why:
First, Christmas would be late every year. The line at the department store
would never move because Santa would feel the need to "bond" with every kid
that sat on her lap. The elves would never get any toys made because they'd
be too busy telling her, "No Santa, those red pants do not make you look fat."
What woman would be caught dead in a chimney? She might break a nail in there!
Also, men don't care if they would get covered with ashes and soot while sliding
down the chimney.
And what about Santa's beard? I'm sure you'll agree that most women look
significantly better without facial hair. Besides, she-Santa would not go out
without makeup.
If Santa was female, she sure wouldn't have white hair. And she would never
wear a hat because it would mess up her hair.
The tradition is for cookies and milk to be left for Santa on Christmas Eve.
If Santa were a woman, the tradition would be chocolates and Latte's.
Also, a male Santa would judiciously takes a bite from each cookie to prove
he was there. If Santa was a woman, the whole darn box of Snackwells
would be devoured and there'd be a sea of empty Ben & Jerry's containers
all over the kitchen floor.
Santa doesn't need to ask directions. A female Santa would get her directions
from landmarks. Up in the sky there are no landmarks and no place to ask
directions. Besides, she-Santa would never go out driving in the snow and rain
at night. She would make Mr. Claus do it and then complain about the way he drove.
She-Santa would never say "HO HO HO".
She would analyze it too much and think it was somehow demeaning.
Would any self respecting female Santa really be seen wearing the SAME outfit
year after year? No, she would have to have a new one each year. And red would
not be the color. It would be more like pink or purple.
She-Santa would not clean up the mess that the deer make.
Like you are going to make the deer wait until they get back to the North Pole?
Men have years of training with dogs.
Yup, Santa's a guy alright!
~Unknown
Beam me up, Scotty! Beam me up soon!
Never mind, Scotty, cuz... "There is no spoon"
|
| littlebird
User ID: 345061
United States
12/25/2007 12:15 AM
| | Thanatos
User ID: 324533
United States
12/25/2007 12:18 AM
 | | Re: *SANTA* - 'He' or 'She' ?? | Quote |
Don't mess with the man in red. He's not particularly straight (sources say he spies on both boys and girls when they're being naughty) but he's a he.
Rarrgh! |
| Anonymous Coward
User ID: 333729
United States
12/25/2007 12:25 AM | | Re: *SANTA* - 'He' or 'She' ?? | Quote |
Hermaphrodite (3) 33.3%
666 |
| Anonymous Coward
User ID: 345185
 United Kingdom
12/25/2007 10:32 AM | | Re: *SANTA* - 'He' or 'She' ?? | Quote |
FUCK THAT CORPORATE COCA-COLA PAEDO |
| littlebird
User ID: 345248
United States
12/25/2007 1:12 PM
| | Re: *SANTA* - 'He' or 'She' ?? | Quote |
Looks like someone might be feelin' a little cranky this Christmas morn
& is in need of some Christmas Spirit so they won't feel so forlorn!
Here's a hug ---> 
Hope it will help, if only in part,
to bring a smile to your face
& peace in your heart!
"Every time a hand reaches out to help another...
that is Christmas.
Every time someone puts anger aside & strives for understanding...
that is Christmas.
Every time people forget their differences & realize their love for each other...
that is Christmas.
May this Christmas
bring us
closer to the spirit
of human understanding,
& closer to the blessing
of peace".....
on earth...
for all mankind.
Beam me up, Scotty! Beam me up soon!
Never mind, Scotty, cuz... "There is no spoon"
|
| Anonymous Coward
User ID: 345252
United States
12/25/2007 1:19 PM | | Re: *SANTA* - 'He' or 'She' ?? | Quote |
The story of that one guy in Scandanavia going down chimneys in a soot covered red coverall in the 1500's was mixed with the Goddess myth of Frau Holle. She was or is a Germanic Weather Goddess, and December 25th is celebrated as the Feast of Frau Holle, aka Christmas Dinner. Frau Holle was believed to travel through the world to watch people's deeds (a Watcher!); she blessed the good and punished the bad. So the stories got mixed with this being as the root. So yes, Santa is female. |
| littlebird
User ID: 345248
United States
12/25/2007 1:23 PM
| | Re: *SANTA* - 'He' or 'She' ?? | Quote |
345252,
Thanks for that explanation. Very interesting!
Happy Holidays to you!!!
Beam me up, Scotty! Beam me up soon!
Never mind, Scotty, cuz... "There is no spoon"
|
| The Anti-Hero
User ID: 215094
United States
12/25/2007 1:41 PM | | Re: *SANTA* - 'He' or 'She' ?? | Quote |
ok, as if christmas isn't enough, NOW I need a stiff drink... |
| littlebird
User ID: 345248
United States
12/25/2007 3:44 PM
| | Re: *SANTA* - 'He' or 'She' ?? | Quote |
Anti-Hero,
No, on Christmas day, a stiff drink won't due...
so, instead, i have a hug for you!
Merry Merry!
Beam me up, Scotty! Beam me up soon!
Never mind, Scotty, cuz... "There is no spoon"
|
| Anonymous Coward
User ID: 314670
United Kingdom
12/25/2007 3:50 PM | | SatiricAxiom
User ID: 292560
United States
12/25/2007 4:17 PM
 | | Re: *SANTA* - 'He' or 'She' ?? | Quote |
Little Bird,is such a Lovely name.
Sax
"It isn't about what you & I think, it's about what is." |
| littlebird
User ID: 345248
United States
12/25/2007 4:18 PM
| | Re: *SANTA* - 'He' or 'She' ?? | Quote |
#314670,
thanks for that information,
cuz it helps explain why
Santa likes to fly
so *high*
up in the sky
with his red-nosed reindeer
before bringing to us
much holiday cheer,
&, aha!... now it seems
i also know
what's in those cookies
that Santa loves so!
Merry Merry!
Beam me up, Scotty! Beam me up soon!
Never mind, Scotty, cuz... "There is no spoon"
|
| littlebird
User ID: 345248
United States
12/25/2007 4:23 PM
| | Re: *SANTA* - 'He' or 'She' ?? | Quote |
Little Bird,is such a Lovely name.
Sax Quoting: SatiricAxiom
Why, thank you, Sax... 
Hope you're havin' a Happy Holiday!
Beam me up, Scotty! Beam me up soon!
Never mind, Scotty, cuz... "There is no spoon"
|
| littlebird
User ID: 345248
United States
12/25/2007 4:29 PM
| | Re: *SANTA* - 'He' or 'She' ?? | Quote |
hmmm... considering some of the "grinch" posts
being bandied about the forum on this Christmas day,
i've *reworked* the following Christmas poem
which i wrote & posted just the other day:
Twas Christmas day, when throughout the GLP house,
Many of us were posting - both AV & anony-mouse.
Alas, some who cared enough to post Merry, Happy, Loving thoughts on their threads,
Were oft' being greeted with malicious responses - Oh Dread!
Others were lurking while some, who'd been auto-banned, still had high hopes
they'd soon be unbanned in time to make holiday posts.
And me in my jammies, along with my precious cat,
Had just settled in to GLP for some reading & chat.
When out on the forum there arose such a clatter,
I leapt closer to my monitor to see what was the matter.
Despite it being Christmas, some posters were acting the part of Scrooge
by going from thread to thread trying to dampen the holiday mood.
Mod D.Bunker played checkers while Evil Twin looked for 2X
in an attempt to try to divert everyone's attention by talkin' about sex.
When, what with my woeful ears should i hear
But a sad SHR who was almost cryin' in his beer!
With his sarcastic sense of humor gone along with his colorful, quick wit,
I knew, within a few moments, he was having a real fit.
More rapid than eagles his discourses & rants came,
As he insulted the trolls and 'called them out' by name!
"Now, Basher! now, Duncer! now, Whiner and Vexed!
On, Crabby! on Stupid! on, Dunderhead and Blitzed!
Go post far away from this GLP land!
Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away; You've been banned!"
As others before them had done, the newly banned soon dispersed
After leaving their parting shots at the mods whom they now cursed.
So off to other forums the so-called disrupters flew,
Taking along with them their many sockpuppets, too.
And then soon, in a twinkling, I saw on the forum
Some relative peace, civility and decorum.
As I wondered just how long this 'Christmas spirit' would last
Down the GLP chimney St Trinity came bounding in a flash.
He was dressed in fur & leather which made him look kinda kinky,
And he didn't seem to mind at all when i gave him a *wink* *wink* y.
A bundle of memos from the mods he held in his hand,
So all he knew was some *grinches* were bad & now banned.
His brow - it was wrinkled! His expression not merry!
His cheeks were all red, and he was now looking scary!
He looked oh-so weary as he recalled what he'd been told,
And he thought to himself, "This chit's gettin' old."
At first he seemed stumped as he gritted his teeth,
But he soon surprised all by hanging up a Christmas wreath.
His countenance then looked happy as a smile formed upon his face,
As he matter of factly announced he was cleaning up the place!
From now on, he stated, all accounts would be free,
And all 'non-malicious' & auto-banned peeps were welcomed back, at least temporarily!
A wink of his eye and a shake of his head,
Soon gave me to know that he meant what he said.
He then left abruptly without speaking another word,
Having ensured the future of his forum which was still read by the whole world.
And figuring the price of *peaceful* 'freedom of speech' was worth every cent,
After giving a nod, back up the chimney he went!
Yours truly then sprang from her desk after awakening from what had seemed
At first to have been a nightmare which had turned into a sweet dream.
Now i wish, with my forum family, to share some 'Christmas' cheer,
and so i wish you all... both past & present... as well as both far & near.....
a muchly "Merry Christmas" & a very "Happy New Year!"
Beam me up, Scotty! Beam me up soon!
Never mind, Scotty, cuz... "There is no spoon"
|
| Abyss
User ID: 345294
 Canada
12/25/2007 4:36 PM | | Re: *SANTA* - 'He' or 'She' ?? | Quote |
wow are you a crack head lol i hope it's just the crack talking cause if not i'm frightened for you |
| littlebird
User ID: 345248
United States
12/25/2007 4:54 PM
| | Re: *SANTA* - 'He' or 'She' ?? | Quote |
wow are you a crack head lol i hope it's just the crack talking cause if not i'm frightened for you Quoting: Abyss 345294
Now there's the true Christmas spirit..... not!
Oh well, anyway, here's a hug just for you,
cuz on this Christmas day,
even 'grinches' need love, too!
Now try to find some joy in this day, OK?
Alas, some who cared enough to post Merry, Happy, Loving thoughts on their threads,
Were oft' being greeted with malicious responses - Oh Dread!
Quoting: littlebird
Beam me up, Scotty! Beam me up soon!
Never mind, Scotty, cuz... "There is no spoon"
|
| Anonymous Coward
User ID: 293212
United States
12/25/2007 5:24 PM | | Re: *SANTA* - 'He' or 'She' ?? | Quote |
Transgendered. That takes care of it all! |
| American BadAss
User ID: 336089
United States
12/25/2007 5:59 PM
 | | Re: *SANTA* - 'He' or 'She' ?? | Quote |
I say Hermaphrodite. That's why he moved his little operation way up to the North Pole. So he could hide his little secret from the world.
I'd Rather Be A Shootin' Yankees! |
| littlebird
User ID: 345248
United States
12/25/2007 11:00 PM
| | Re: *SANTA* - 'He' or 'She' ?? | Quote |
 well, we'll just keep that our little secret then!
Thanks to everyone
who clicked on this thread,
whether you participated in the poll,
posted a comment, or just read.
Hope this helped bring a chuckle
to all my forum family
on this holiday here at GLP,
cuz yours truly surely had fun
hanging out & getting to play
which helped make this one
very 'Merry' Christmas day!
Hope your holiday was happy,
no matter how you celebrate,
&, also, i wish all GLP'ers
a year that's really great
in the coming New Year of 2008!
Happy Happy!!!
Beam me up, Scotty! Beam me up soon!
Never mind, Scotty, cuz... "There is no spoon"
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