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The Art of Verbal Intimidation : Learn it and fight back!

 
Mandrake
User ID: 158854
Canada
01/28/2008 10:39 PM
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The Art of Verbal Intimidation : Learn it and fight back!
An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind, but I’d rather be blind than see a coward in the mirror. In our evolutionary history, intimidation was a direct result of physical size. One human being would be intimidated by a larger creature, and even a larger human being. This formula is still in play, you need look only to night-club bouncers, celebrity security guards and biker gangs. As the tolerance for physical violence in our community diminishes, verbal intimidation has found itself a new home in our lives.

Often, the blows from a verbal intimidator can be just as punishing as those from a fist fight. With all matters of survival, if you don’t learn to fight, you will lose. Never instigate intimidation, but learn to fight back when somebody tries to intimidate you.

What is verbal intimidation?

Verbal intimidation is often the road of the coward. The intimidator attempts to generate a range of fears in their target by simply using intimidating words. This can be as extreme as the the threat of physical violence. However, I am more interested in verbal intimidation that is non-violent in nature. The kind of intimidation used by lawyers, corporate rivals, police officers and employers.
Intimidation techniques

Every technique employed by the instigator has a single goal: to take your power away from you. Every one of us has a fighting spirit, a confidence that allows us to wake up in the morning, and take on the world. Your verbal attacker is going to try and take this away from you, to leave you nervous, doubting yourself, and even stuttering. Your aim: to never give your power away. You will always have your power if you remain calm, confident, and equipped with the responses provided here.
Cutting-in

This is when the instigator asks a question, and immediately cuts into your answer with the next question. The result of this technique is that the target does not have a chance to explain their answers at all, leaving them scared about what the next question may be. This is most commonly employed by lawyers and police officers. The fear of being misquoted or taken out of context creates a feeling of nervousness, often making the target feel small and taking away their confidence to fight back.
Your Defense - Slow it down

If someone tries cutting-in on your responses. Simply pause, then politely reply:

I’ll answer your next question, when I’m done with this one.

You will likely hear the response, “We’re moving on.”. To this, confidently respond with:

We will move on, when I’m finished.

This needs to be said in a calm and emotionless tone. Do not be scared to respond in this manner. Your aim is to take the power away from the instigator. They will attempt to take control of the conversation by trying to get back to cutting-in. You need to slow the conversation down. Keep saying “I’m not finished.” when they try to cut-in.
Shouting

Hot headed upper managers can sometimes feel like gods in their workplace. As well as creating the office in 7 days, they sometimes shout down to employees as though they are children. Do not let this happen to you. There are only two people who are allowed to talk this way to you, your mother and father. The verbal attacker is attempting to convey dominance over you. If somebody is shouting at you in the work place with other people watching, you need to remain calm and completely disarm this individual. If you allow yourself to be yelled at, or get into a shouting match, your attacker will have walked away the victor.
Your Defense - Subtle Humiliation

Although this may sound counter-productive to your career, you need to employ a form of subtle humiliation. In effect, you need to humiliate your attacker by remaining calm and making them out to be a drama queen. I once witnessed a perfect example of this from a work colleague who had a verbal attack instigated towards him by a senior manager. As the manager elevated his voice to declare dominance, my work friend simply said:

I understand the concern. Though I do think you’re being very emotional right now. Let’s talk about this once you’ve had a chance to calm down.

The anger in the manager’s eyes grew ten-fold. In a desperate attempt to appear dominant, the manager further raised his voice and responded:

No! We’re talking about this now!

To which my colleague stood up, and responded softly:

I will talk to you, but I will not let you shout at me. You are my boss and I respect you, but you are not my mother.

My colleague had managed to hold on to his power, and reverse the desired affect of the attacker. In an effort to display dominance, the senior manager was made to look emotional. The dominance was transferred to my colleague, who incidentally took over the management role six months later. Much like Judo, he used the attackers power and weight against him.
Information Flood

This is a tactic used commonly by high powered attorneys who attempt to reach settlement by intimidating a member of the public. By flooding the victim with trade jargon, legal documentation and trade law references, the victim feels overwhelmed and has an emotional drowning sensation. The lawyers who practice this technique are completely aware that members of the general public do not understand the reference codes and precedents. They are not attempting to inform, but to intimidate. By making you feel overwhelmed, you are much more susceptible to co-operate with their agenda. Do NOT allow anybody to make you feel that way.
Your Defense - Active curiosity

Active curiosity is when you are really excited to learn about something new. This attitude will likely drive your attacker crazy. Your goal is to have them explain every little thing to you, and appear to be really eager to learn about it. They are trying to threaten you, yet you act like a kid who is learning to play the guitar. You are smiling, attentive, and inquisitive. As they throw trade practice laws your way, smile, nod, and have them explain all of the fine details to you. Treat it like a college education. Do not give away your power. As long as you have your confidence, you already have a head-start.
The Bait

Much like fishing, the bait is used to lure you in for an off handed attack. The attacker’s aim is to plant hurtful or accusatory phrases in seemingly innocent conversation to lure you in. Here’s an example:

Hi Sophie, I know you’re busy but I need this document written up before noon. It’s so easy, even you could do it. Thanks Sophie.

The bait here is “even you”. If Sophie is like most people, she will take the bait and respond with:

What do you mean even I could do it? I’ve been working here for 8 years and …

Your Defense - Skip the bait

Sophie took the bait, and now she is justifying her existence to the instigator. To which the instigator could simply reply, “you’re over reacting”. Sophie will lose her power in this conversation. Her aim, and your aim should be to NOT take the bait. Ignore it. Pretend you didn’t hear it.

This will make your verbal attacker recoil. You did not give them the response they were expecting. You do not need to explain yourself to anyone. If someone throws in a bait, they want you to get upset and emotional - sometimes make a fool of yourself. You simply respond to the question or statement, ignoring the bait altogether. If you repeat this process with serial verbal offenders, they will soon give up entirely.

The lesson here is simple. You are a habitant on this wonderful planet, and you have the right to deny others control over you. When I was young, my father once passed on some great advice to me, which I am proud to share with you. He said, “You may not like the way things are in this world, but if you don’t learn the rules of the game and fight back, you will always lose.” Learn the rules, don’t let others gain control over your emotion, and fight back!
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 362411
United States
01/28/2008 10:44 PM
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Re: The Art of Verbal Intimidation : Learn it and fight back!
Thanks for this post. Who wrote it? Is it from a book? I'd like to hear more.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 32062
United States
01/28/2008 10:49 PM
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Re: The Art of Verbal Intimidation : Learn it and fight back!
I'll use some of this on a co-worker tomorrow--one who thinks he is my boss.
Anonymous Coward
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01/28/2008 10:51 PM
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Re: The Art of Verbal Intimidation : Learn it and fight back!
i like this
Anonymous Coward
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01/28/2008 10:55 PM
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Re: The Art of Verbal Intimidation : Learn it and fight back!
Thanks for this post. Who wrote it? Is it from a book? I'd like to hear more.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 362411



Good question. Is this something from assertiveness training?
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 363566
Australia
01/28/2008 11:11 PM
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Re: The Art of Verbal Intimidation : Learn it and fight back!
Sorry, but even my mother is not allowed to intimidate me.
Where does he get off saying your parents are allowed to talk to you like that?
mandrake (OP)
User ID: 158854
Canada
01/28/2008 11:13 PM
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Re: The Art of Verbal Intimidation : Learn it and fight back!
Here's the link:


[link to www.jaymorrissey.com]
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 362122
United States
01/29/2008 08:24 PM
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Re: The Art of Verbal Intimidation : Learn it and fight back!
in the gospels
Jesus responds to the core issue
not to the "questions or accusations" of his interrogators
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 364424
United States
01/29/2008 08:25 PM
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Re: The Art of Verbal Intimidation : Learn it and fight back!
An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind, but I’d rather be blind than see a coward in the mirror. In our evolutionary history, intimidation was a direct result of physical size. One human being would be intimidated by a larger creature, and even a larger human being. This formula is still in play, you need look only to night-club bouncers, celebrity security guards and biker gangs. As the tolerance for physical violence in our community diminishes, verbal intimidation has found itself a new home in our lives.

Often, the blows from a verbal intimidator can be just as punishing as those from a fist fight. With all matters of survival, if you don’t learn to fight, you will lose. Never instigate intimidation, but learn to fight back when somebody tries to intimidate you.

What is verbal intimidation?

Verbal intimidation is often the road of the coward. The intimidator attempts to generate a range of fears in their target by simply using intimidating words. This can be as extreme as the the threat of physical violence. However, I am more interested in verbal intimidation that is non-violent in nature. The kind of intimidation used by lawyers, corporate rivals, police officers and employers.
Intimidation techniques

Every technique employed by the instigator has a single goal: to take your power away from you. Every one of us has a fighting spirit, a confidence that allows us to wake up in the morning, and take on the world. Your verbal attacker is going to try and take this away from you, to leave you nervous, doubting yourself, and even stuttering. Your aim: to never give your power away. You will always have your power if you remain calm, confident, and equipped with the responses provided here.
Cutting-in

This is when the instigator asks a question, and immediately cuts into your answer with the next question. The result of this technique is that the target does not have a chance to explain their answers at all, leaving them scared about what the next question may be. This is most commonly employed by lawyers and police officers. The fear of being misquoted or taken out of context creates a feeling of nervousness, often making the target feel small and taking away their confidence to fight back.
Your Defense - Slow it down

If someone tries cutting-in on your responses. Simply pause, then politely reply:

I’ll answer your next question, when I’m done with this one.

You will likely hear the response, “We’re moving on.”. To this, confidently respond with:

We will move on, when I’m finished.

This needs to be said in a calm and emotionless tone. Do not be scared to respond in this manner. Your aim is to take the power away from the instigator. They will attempt to take control of the conversation by trying to get back to cutting-in. You need to slow the conversation down. Keep saying “I’m not finished.” when they try to cut-in.
Shouting

Hot headed upper managers can sometimes feel like gods in their workplace. As well as creating the office in 7 days, they sometimes shout down to employees as though they are children. Do not let this happen to you. There are only two people who are allowed to talk this way to you, your mother and father. The verbal attacker is attempting to convey dominance over you. If somebody is shouting at you in the work place with other people watching, you need to remain calm and completely disarm this individual. If you allow yourself to be yelled at, or get into a shouting match, your attacker will have walked away the victor.
Your Defense - Subtle Humiliation

Although this may sound counter-productive to your career, you need to employ a form of subtle humiliation. In effect, you need to humiliate your attacker by remaining calm and making them out to be a drama queen. I once witnessed a perfect example of this from a work colleague who had a verbal attack instigated towards him by a senior manager. As the manager elevated his voice to declare dominance, my work friend simply said:

I understand the concern. Though I do think you’re being very emotional right now. Let’s talk about this once you’ve had a chance to calm down.

The anger in the manager’s eyes grew ten-fold. In a desperate attempt to appear dominant, the manager further raised his voice and responded:

No! We’re talking about this now!

To which my colleague stood up, and responded softly:

I will talk to you, but I will not let you shout at me. You are my boss and I respect you, but you are not my mother.

My colleague had managed to hold on to his power, and reverse the desired affect of the attacker. In an effort to display dominance, the senior manager was made to look emotional. The dominance was transferred to my colleague, who incidentally took over the management role six months later. Much like Judo, he used the attackers power and weight against him.
Information Flood

This is a tactic used commonly by high powered attorneys who attempt to reach settlement by intimidating a member of the public. By flooding the victim with trade jargon, legal documentation and trade law references, the victim feels overwhelmed and has an emotional drowning sensation. The lawyers who practice this technique are completely aware that members of the general public do not understand the reference codes and precedents. They are not attempting to inform, but to intimidate. By making you feel overwhelmed, you are much more susceptible to co-operate with their agenda. Do NOT allow anybody to make you feel that way.
Your Defense - Active curiosity

Active curiosity is when you are really excited to learn about something new. This attitude will likely drive your attacker crazy. Your goal is to have them explain every little thing to you, and appear to be really eager to learn about it. They are trying to threaten you, yet you act like a kid who is learning to play the guitar. You are smiling, attentive, and inquisitive. As they throw trade practice laws your way, smile, nod, and have them explain all of the fine details to you. Treat it like a college education. Do not give away your power. As long as you have your confidence, you already have a head-start.
The Bait

Much like fishing, the bait is used to lure you in for an off handed attack. The attacker’s aim is to plant hurtful or accusatory phrases in seemingly innocent conversation to lure you in. Here’s an example:

Hi Sophie, I know you’re busy but I need this document written up before noon. It’s so easy, even you could do it. Thanks Sophie.

The bait here is “even you”. If Sophie is like most people, she will take the bait and respond with:

What do you mean even I could do it? I’ve been working here for 8 years and …

Your Defense - Skip the bait

Sophie took the bait, and now she is justifying her existence to the instigator. To which the instigator could simply reply, “you’re over reacting”. Sophie will lose her power in this conversation. Her aim, and your aim should be to NOT take the bait. Ignore it. Pretend you didn’t hear it.

This will make your verbal attacker recoil. You did not give them the response they were expecting. You do not need to explain yourself to anyone. If someone throws in a bait, they want you to get upset and emotional - sometimes make a fool of yourself. You simply respond to the question or statement, ignoring the bait altogether. If you repeat this process with serial verbal offenders, they will soon give up entirely.

The lesson here is simple. You are a habitant on this wonderful planet, and you have the right to deny others control over you. When I was young, my father once passed on some great advice to me, which I am proud to share with you. He said, “You may not like the way things are in this world, but if you don’t learn the rules of the game and fight back, you will always lose.” Learn the rules, don’t let others gain control over your emotion, and fight back!
 Quoting: Mandrake 158854



Fuck off little girl.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 364457
Australia
01/29/2008 09:25 PM
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Re: The Art of Verbal Intimidation : Learn it and fight back!
Fuck off little girl.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 364424

You are a real charmer. aren't you?
Is that the most productive and constructive thing you have to contribute?

I for one thought it was very well written.
Thank you OP for posting it :)
HardTruth

User ID: 364303
United States
01/29/2008 09:28 PM
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Re: The Art of Verbal Intimidation : Learn it and fight back!
An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind, but I’d rather be blind than see a coward in the mirror. In our evolutionary history, intimidation was a direct result of physical size. One human being would be intimidated by a larger creature, and even a larger human being. This formula is still in play, you need look only to night-club bouncers, celebrity security guards and biker gangs. As the tolerance for physical violence in our community diminishes, verbal intimidation has found itself a new home in our lives.

Often, the blows from a verbal intimidator can be just as punishing as those from a fist fight. With all matters of survival, if you don’t learn to fight, you will lose. Never instigate intimidation, but learn to fight back when somebody tries to intimidate you.

What is verbal intimidation?

Verbal intimidation is often the road of the coward. The intimidator attempts to generate a range of fears in their target by simply using intimidating words. This can be as extreme as the the threat of physical violence. However, I am more interested in verbal intimidation that is non-violent in nature. The kind of intimidation used by lawyers, corporate rivals, police officers and employers.
Intimidation techniques

Every technique employed by the instigator has a single goal: to take your power away from you. Every one of us has a fighting spirit, a confidence that allows us to wake up in the morning, and take on the world. Your verbal attacker is going to try and take this away from you, to leave you nervous, doubting yourself, and even stuttering. Your aim: to never give your power away. You will always have your power if you remain calm, confident, and equipped with the responses provided here.
Cutting-in

This is when the instigator asks a question, and immediately cuts into your answer with the next question. The result of this technique is that the target does not have a chance to explain their answers at all, leaving them scared about what the next question may be. This is most commonly employed by lawyers and police officers. The fear of being misquoted or taken out of context creates a feeling of nervousness, often making the target feel small and taking away their confidence to fight back.
Your Defense - Slow it down

If someone tries cutting-in on your responses. Simply pause, then politely reply:

I’ll answer your next question, when I’m done with this one.

You will likely hear the response, “We’re moving on.”. To this, confidently respond with:

We will move on, when I’m finished.

This needs to be said in a calm and emotionless tone. Do not be scared to respond in this manner. Your aim is to take the power away from the instigator. They will attempt to take control of the conversation by trying to get back to cutting-in. You need to slow the conversation down. Keep saying “I’m not finished.” when they try to cut-in.
Shouting

Hot headed upper managers can sometimes feel like gods in their workplace. As well as creating the office in 7 days, they sometimes shout down to employees as though they are children. Do not let this happen to you. There are only two people who are allowed to talk this way to you, your mother and father. The verbal attacker is attempting to convey dominance over you. If somebody is shouting at you in the work place with other people watching, you need to remain calm and completely disarm this individual. If you allow yourself to be yelled at, or get into a shouting match, your attacker will have walked away the victor.
Your Defense - Subtle Humiliation

Although this may sound counter-productive to your career, you need to employ a form of subtle humiliation. In effect, you need to humiliate your attacker by remaining calm and making them out to be a drama queen. I once witnessed a perfect example of this from a work colleague who had a verbal attack instigated towards him by a senior manager. As the manager elevated his voice to declare dominance, my work friend simply said:

I understand the concern. Though I do think you’re being very emotional right now. Let’s talk about this once you’ve had a chance to calm down.

The anger in the manager’s eyes grew ten-fold. In a desperate attempt to appear dominant, the manager further raised his voice and responded:

No! We’re talking about this now!

To which my colleague stood up, and responded softly:

I will talk to you, but I will not let you shout at me. You are my boss and I respect you, but you are not my mother.

My colleague had managed to hold on to his power, and reverse the desired affect of the attacker. In an effort to display dominance, the senior manager was made to look emotional. The dominance was transferred to my colleague, who incidentally took over the management role six months later. Much like Judo, he used the attackers power and weight against him.
Information Flood

This is a tactic used commonly by high powered attorneys who attempt to reach settlement by intimidating a member of the public. By flooding the victim with trade jargon, legal documentation and trade law references, the victim feels overwhelmed and has an emotional drowning sensation. The lawyers who practice this technique are completely aware that members of the general public do not understand the reference codes and precedents. They are not attempting to inform, but to intimidate. By making you feel overwhelmed, you are much more susceptible to co-operate with their agenda. Do NOT allow anybody to make you feel that way.
Your Defense - Active curiosity

Active curiosity is when you are really excited to learn about something new. This attitude will likely drive your attacker crazy. Your goal is to have them explain every little thing to you, and appear to be really eager to learn about it. They are trying to threaten you, yet you act like a kid who is learning to play the guitar. You are smiling, attentive, and inquisitive. As they throw trade practice laws your way, smile, nod, and have them explain all of the fine details to you. Treat it like a college education. Do not give away your power. As long as you have your confidence, you already have a head-start.
The Bait

Much like fishing, the bait is used to lure you in for an off handed attack. The attacker’s aim is to plant hurtful or accusatory phrases in seemingly innocent conversation to lure you in. Here’s an example:

Hi Sophie, I know you’re busy but I need this document written up before noon. It’s so easy, even you could do it. Thanks Sophie.

The bait here is “even you”. If Sophie is like most people, she will take the bait and respond with:

What do you mean even I could do it? I’ve been working here for 8 years and …

Your Defense - Skip the bait

Sophie took the bait, and now she is justifying her existence to the instigator. To which the instigator could simply reply, “you’re over reacting”. Sophie will lose her power in this conversation. Her aim, and your aim should be to NOT take the bait. Ignore it. Pretend you didn’t hear it.

This will make your verbal attacker recoil. You did not give them the response they were expecting. You do not need to explain yourself to anyone. If someone throws in a bait, they want you to get upset and emotional - sometimes make a fool of yourself. You simply respond to the question or statement, ignoring the bait altogether. If you repeat this process with serial verbal offenders, they will soon give up entirely.

The lesson here is simple. You are a habitant on this wonderful planet, and you have the right to deny others control over you. When I was young, my father once passed on some great advice to me, which I am proud to share with you. He said, “You may not like the way things are in this world, but if you don’t learn the rules of the game and fight back, you will always lose.” Learn the rules, don’t let others gain control over your emotion, and fight back!



Fuck off little girl.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 364424




Your just afraid of loosing ground now!! Poor sissy..


___________
Let the truth be told... though the heavens fall!
If your sensibilities are that delicate, then I suggest you never leave home...
Anonymous Coward
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United States
01/29/2008 09:32 PM
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Re: The Art of Verbal Intimidation : Learn it and fight back!
The first responder is obviously a serial verbal abuser and his post is a case in point. He certainly will never be management material with the possible exception of a career in 'waste management', where of course they tolerate all kinds of 'garbage'.
Anonymous Coward
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United States
01/29/2008 09:34 PM
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Re: The Art of Verbal Intimidation : Learn it and fight back!
OOPS! MEANT THE 8th responder!
LifesReflections*

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05/04/2008 12:12 PM
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Re: The Art of Verbal Intimidation : Learn it and fight back!
Hello mean people, we have a weapon so you had better look out !!!!
Success, like happiness, cannot be pursued. It must ensue. And it only does so as the unintended side effect of one's personal dedication to a cause greater than oneself.Victor Frank
~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-
Let Go and Let God... Live your life in such a way that when your
feet hit the floor in the morning, Satan shudders & says... 'Oh crap....she's awake!!'
Anonymous Coward
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05/04/2008 12:29 PM
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Re: The Art of Verbal Intimidation : Learn it and fight back!
Excellent article! Thanks Mandrake
Anonymous Coward
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05/04/2008 12:40 PM
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Thank you op for this post and i will look at the link you posted. i will call it "don't let the bastards get you down"
i see a lot of this at work and this method is a much better way than having a shouting match *which i have been in before,lol* good post hf
Anonymous Coward
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05/04/2008 01:21 PM
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Re: The Art of Verbal Intimidation : Learn it and fight back!
Fuck off little girl.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 364424

Are you a boss?
Anonymous Coward
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United States
05/04/2008 02:19 PM
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Re: The Art of Verbal Intimidation : Learn it and fight back!
I bet George Galloway (UK) could make Bush and Bernake break down in tears by plowing throught their deceptive doublespeak and exposing the truth of their intentions/words.
Jdd

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05/04/2008 02:30 PM
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Great post, Mandrake. If they taught these skills in school, along with 'boundaries', the world would be such a better place.

I've relied on these communication skills for years, and they work beautifully. While many people get their feathers ruffled with me in the first few confrontive exchanges, they usually realize pretty quickly that I'm honest and sincere about engaging with them, and they stick around to have a 'real' relationship. The ones that don't, I'm very happy to see the backend of as they leave... they're black hole time sucks.

The only point I really differ with you on is "The Bait" dynamic. I find it effective to immediately confront the bait. Ignoring all the rest of the message (the 'good' part), I go straight to the bait and ask the speaker what their agenda is:

Q: Why did you put the bait out?
Q: What does it mean?
Q: What are you trying to accomplish?
Q: Do you really want me to feel bad and be insulted?
Q: Have I done something to you that causes you to want to poke me?

By quickly firing off a litany of questions like this, the 'baiter' instantly loses power. Now they're in the hot seat, being asked to justify their existence (or at least their behaviour). 98% of the time they immediately become apologetic, make excuses, 'oh I didn't mean it', etc. But rarely do they AGAIN try to bait me, because they realize I'll just run the same loop again and it's uncomfortable for them. Path of least resistance...

In effect, they're weak bullies who really don't want a fight. Once you back them down a time or two, they go away... they go away mad, but they go away. And once they go away mad, you then have to expect them to attack you, one level up. They'll go to your common boss, or to a resource you both need access to, and they'll create a problem. When this happens, you run the exact same response loop with them, but this time do it in front of the 'upstream' person they're trying to smash you with. This let's the 3rd party know the baiter is a jerk, you're assertive, in control and behaving appropriately. Usually this will completely and permanently disarm the baiter. This time, they simply go away and find a new victim to bait. Done.


Hi Sophie, I know you’re busy but I need this document written up before noon. It’s so easy, even you could do it. Thanks Sophie.

The bait here is “even you”. If Sophie is like most people, she will take the bait and respond with:

What do you mean even I could do it? I’ve been working here for 8 years and …

Your Defense - Skip the bait
 Quoting: Mandrake 158854
Jdd

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05/04/2008 02:33 PM
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Oh, wouldn't I LOVE to see that in action.

One of my favorite Galloway moments was when he got in Tony Blair's face and said, "So, you're really just George Bush's poodle, aren't you?"

Priceless.

I bet George Galloway (UK) could make Bush and Bernake break down in tears by plowing throught their deceptive doublespeak and exposing the truth of their intentions/words.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 283256
Anonymous Coward
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05/04/2008 02:41 PM
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Great thread!
Anonymous Coward
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05/04/2008 02:48 PM
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Re: The Art of Verbal Intimidation : Learn it and fight back!
my boss is EXACTLY like what the OP is portraying. when you are ''having a chat'' with him, it always ends up with YOU doing what HE wants.

Well, the other day, I asked him about something to do with the job, and he, as usual responded with a question of his own to put me on the back foot. I simply said, ''look, we'll talk about this next week, Ok?'' ''no, wait....'' ''No, we'll talk about this next week'', ''Oh, right, OK''

Op is spot on. this is a technique that is WIDELY used in middle management!

I'm not expecting to get things to go my way, by any means, and I'm looking for a job at the moment, because the slimy cunt is really getting on my nerves now.

He BADLY needs deodorant and mouthwash as well! yak

Nice thread OP! thumbs
Anonymous Coward
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Germany
05/04/2008 03:30 PM
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Re: The Art of Verbal Intimidation : Learn it and fight back!
Good post, OP.

I have learned all those tactics, just going through life.

I never take the bait, and it drives them crazy.
Ikaika

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United States
05/04/2008 03:30 PM
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Re: The Art of Verbal Intimidation : Learn it and fight back!
Good thread.

It's a question of attitude.
I used to be a very shy guy,
and then one day, I had enough.

I sent my boss home crying once.
not that I am proud of that
it is just me not taking any bull.

I have two dogs,
a ten pound female poodle I rescued six years ago
and a 130 pound male pit bull/ mastiff mix.

The poodle is the boss.

It is all in attitude.
DOLORES
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Argentina
10/10/2012 01:41 AM
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Re: The Art of Verbal Intimidation : Learn it and fight back!
can anyone tell me what todo when the boss is the owner of the company? a small one - he shouts everybody. insults some, even his wife over the phone with everyone of us listening, diminishes his sons, one of them apparently has a tough skin and doesnt acknowledge his insults, and lets him steam off.. but he only ends it when he is gone from the office... I dare tell him he is not my father so he shudnt be shouting at me..but what if he decides to fire me?? he is crazy enough to do it...needless to say I am looking for another job...thanks yr help
Anonymous Coward
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10/10/2012 02:02 AM
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Re: The Art of Verbal Intimidation : Learn it and fight back!
I don't know it's just me but the link goes to a domain reg page?
Anonymous Coward
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10/10/2012 02:06 AM
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Re: The Art of Verbal Intimidation : Learn it and fight back!
As an after thought,I don't think some of these tactics/skills will work with a boss that is in a highly stressed state of mind or doing drugs/meds.
Rationality and normal responses can go out the window,I have lost two jobs in my life,both times form attacking the verbal abuser physically......made me feel in charge when you can see the fear in their eyes knowing they have gone too far.
Anonymous Coward
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10/10/2012 02:13 AM
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Re: The Art of Verbal Intimidation : Learn it and fight back!
pigchef
Scream and yell at them. Square off with them like you're about to dot both their eyes.

Best when done outside off the clock.
Anonymous Coward
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10/10/2012 02:16 AM
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Re: The Art of Verbal Intimidation : Learn it and fight back!
I don't know it's just me but the link goes to a domain reg page?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 14785852


Yep

Old thread
Anonymous Coward
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10/10/2012 02:33 AM
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Re: The Art of Verbal Intimidation : Learn it and fight back!
I have pretty much figured this out. When put in an akward stressful situation one can simply change the subject or say something completely off the wall to diffuse the situation. Comedy works well in these situations as well.

I always let the dude flipping out say their piece then ignore it or change the subject, the only two times in my life where I took the bait ended badly, I don't need a third strike.

In my town their was this big guy who worked for my grandfathers trucking company. He would get drunk and pick fights beating on smaller people to feel good about himself.

One night in the Bar he started bumping into me when walking past, nudging me, looking dirty at me, so I knew he was going to try and fight me. I followed him into the bathroom and said true power isn't beating another person up, it is the ability to completely and uttery destroy a person finacially. Who do you work for? My grandfather! Who controls all the trucking companies in the area, my uncles, father, and cousins, do you want to be blacklisted, never to drive truck again? I can make that happen so all you do is work at 7-11 for the rest of your life! So you better think twice if you are going to keep up this behavior!"

It immediately disarmed him and put him into bitch position, he has been a subservient dog to me ever since. He could have bashed my head in but I got right in his face with no fear and re-arranged his reality. He gives me nothing but respect now.

The thing is nothing would have happened to him if he beat me up in relation to his job.
Anonymous Coward
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10/10/2012 03:53 AM
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Re: The Art of Verbal Intimidation : Learn it and fight back!
A good book on the subject is How To Handle Difficult People, or something close to that title. Small book, good read, excellent verbal tools.
I've been baited before. As a musician, let me give you the tool that confuses bullies and hecklers alike.
When they bait you, agree with them.
Drives them crazy. Shuts them up usually.

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