The Art of Verbal Intimidation : Learn it and fight back!

Thanks for this post. Who wrote it? Is it from a book? I'd like to hear more.

An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind, but I’d rather be blind than see a coward in the mirror. In our evolutionary history, intimidation was a direct result of physical size. One human being would be intimidated by a larger creature, and even a larger human being. This formula is still in play, you need look only to night-club bouncers, celebrity security guards and biker gangs. As the tolerance for physical violence in our community diminishes, verbal intimidation has found itself a new home in our lives.

Often, the blows from a verbal intimidator can be just as punishing as those from a fist fight. With all matters of survival, if you don’t learn to fight, you will lose. Never instigate intimidation, but learn to fight back when somebody tries to intimidate you.

What is verbal intimidation?

Verbal intimidation is often the road of the coward. The intimidator attempts to generate a range of fears in their target by simply using intimidating words. This can be as extreme as the the threat of physical violence. However, I am more interested in verbal intimidation that is non-violent in nature. The kind of intimidation used by lawyers, corporate rivals, police officers and employers.
Intimidation techniques

Every technique employed by the instigator has a single goal: to take your power away from you. Every one of us has a fighting spirit, a confidence that allows us to wake up in the morning, and take on the world. Your verbal attacker is going to try and take this away from you, to leave you nervous, doubting yourself, and even stuttering. Your aim: to never give your power away. You will always have your power if you remain calm, confident, and equipped with the responses provided here.
Cutting-in

This is when the instigator asks a question, and immediately cuts into your answer with the next question. The result of this technique is that the target does not have a chance to explain their answers at all, leaving them scared about what the next question may be. This is most commonly employed by lawyers and police officers. The fear of being misquoted or taken out of context creates a feeling of nervousness, often making the target feel small and taking away their confidence to fight back.
Your Defense - Slow it down

If someone tries cutting-in on your responses. Simply pause, then politely reply:

I’ll answer your next question, when I’m done with this one.

You will likely hear the response, “We’re moving on.”. To this, confidently respond with:

We will move on, when I’m finished.

This needs to be said in a calm and emotionless tone. Do not be scared to respond in this manner. Your aim is to take the power away from the instigator. They will attempt to take control of the conversation by trying to get back to cutting-in. You need to slow the conversation down. Keep saying “I’m not finished.” when they try to cut-in.
Shouting

Hot headed upper managers can sometimes feel like gods in their workplace. As well as creating the office in 7 days, they sometimes shout down to employees as though they are children. Do not let this happen to you. There are only two people who are allowed to talk this way to you, your mother and father. The verbal attacker is attempting to convey dominance over you. If somebody is shouting at you in the work place with other people watching, you need to remain calm and completely disarm this individual. If you allow yourself to be yelled at, or get into a shouting match, your attacker will have walked away the victor.
Your Defense - Subtle Humiliation

Although this may sound counter-productive to your career, you need to employ a form of subtle humiliation. In effect, you need to humiliate your attacker by remaining calm and making them out to be a drama queen. I once witnessed a perfect example of this from a work colleague who had a verbal attack instigated towards him by a senior manager. As the manager elevated his voice to declare dominance, my work friend simply said:

I understand the concern. Though I do think you’re being very emotional right now. Let’s talk about this once you’ve had a chance to calm down.

The anger in the manager’s eyes grew ten-fold. In a desperate attempt to appear dominant, the manager further raised his voice and responded:

No! We’re talking about this now!

To which my colleague stood up, and responded softly:

I will talk to you, but I will not let you shout at me. You are my boss and I respect you, but you are not my mother.

My colleague had managed to hold on to his power, and reverse the desired affect of the attacker. In an effort to display dominance, the senior manager was made to look emotional. The dominance was transferred to my colleague, who incidentally took over the management role six months later. Much like Judo, he used the attackers power and weight against him.
Information Flood

This is a tactic used commonly by high powered attorneys who attempt to reach settlement by intimidating a member of the public. By flooding the victim with trade jargon, legal documentation and trade law references, the victim feels overwhelmed and has an emotional drowning sensation. The lawyers who practice this technique are completely aware that members of the general public do not understand the reference codes and precedents. They are not attempting to inform, but to intimidate. By making you feel overwhelmed, you are much more susceptible to co-operate with their agenda. Do NOT allow anybody to make you feel that way.
Your Defense - Active curiosity

Active curiosity is when you are really excited to learn about something new. This attitude will likely drive your attacker crazy. Your goal is to have them explain every little thing to you, and appear to be really eager to learn about it. They are trying to threaten you, yet you act like a kid who is learning to play the guitar. You are smiling, attentive, and inquisitive. As they throw trade practice laws your way, smile, nod, and have them explain all of the fine details to you. Treat it like a college education. Do not give away your power. As long as you have your confidence, you already have a head-start.
The Bait

Much like fishing, the bait is used to lure you in for an off handed attack. The attacker’s aim is to plant hurtful or accusatory phrases in seemingly innocent conversation to lure you in. Here’s an example:

Hi Sophie, I know you’re busy but I need this document written up before noon. It’s so easy, even you could do it. Thanks Sophie.

The bait here is “even you”. If Sophie is like most people, she will take the bait and respond with:

What do you mean even I could do it? I’ve been working here for 8 years and …

Your Defense - Skip the bait

Sophie took the bait, and now she is justifying her existence to the instigator. To which the instigator could simply reply, “you’re over reacting”. Sophie will lose her power in this conversation. Her aim, and your aim should be to NOT take the bait. Ignore it. Pretend you didn’t hear it.

This will make your verbal attacker recoil. You did not give them the response they were expecting. You do not need to explain yourself to anyone. If someone throws in a bait, they want you to get upset and emotional - sometimes make a fool of yourself. You simply respond to the question or statement, ignoring the bait altogether. If you repeat this process with serial verbal offenders, they will soon give up entirely.

The lesson here is simple. You are a habitant on this wonderful planet, and you have the right to deny others control over you. When I was young, my father once passed on some great advice to me, which I am proud to share with you. He said, “You may not like the way things are in this world, but if you don’t learn the rules of the game and fight back, you will always lose.” Learn the rules, don’t let others gain control over your emotion, and fight back!

Fuck off little girl.

An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind, but I’d rather be blind than see a coward in the mirror. In our evolutionary history, intimidation was a direct result of physical size. One human being would be intimidated by a larger creature, and even a larger human being. This formula is still in play, you need look only to night-club bouncers, celebrity security guards and biker gangs. As the tolerance for physical violence in our community diminishes, verbal intimidation has found itself a new home in our lives.

Often, the blows from a verbal intimidator can be just as punishing as those from a fist fight. With all matters of survival, if you don’t learn to fight, you will lose. Never instigate intimidation, but learn to fight back when somebody tries to intimidate you.

What is verbal intimidation?

Verbal intimidation is often the road of the coward. The intimidator attempts to generate a range of fears in their target by simply using intimidating words. This can be as extreme as the the threat of physical violence. However, I am more interested in verbal intimidation that is non-violent in nature. The kind of intimidation used by lawyers, corporate rivals, police officers and employers.
Intimidation techniques

Every technique employed by the instigator has a single goal: to take your power away from you. Every one of us has a fighting spirit, a confidence that allows us to wake up in the morning, and take on the world. Your verbal attacker is going to try and take this away from you, to leave you nervous, doubting yourself, and even stuttering. Your aim: to never give your power away. You will always have your power if you remain calm, confident, and equipped with the responses provided here.
Cutting-in

This is when the instigator asks a question, and immediately cuts into your answer with the next question. The result of this technique is that the target does not have a chance to explain their answers at all, leaving them scared about what the next question may be. This is most commonly employed by lawyers and police officers. The fear of being misquoted or taken out of context creates a feeling of nervousness, often making the target feel small and taking away their confidence to fight back.
Your Defense - Slow it down

If someone tries cutting-in on your responses. Simply pause, then politely reply:

I’ll answer your next question, when I’m done with this one.

You will likely hear the response, “We’re moving on.”. To this, confidently respond with:

We will move on, when I’m finished.

This needs to be said in a calm and emotionless tone. Do not be scared to respond in this manner. Your aim is to take the power away from the instigator. They will attempt to take control of the conversation by trying to get back to cutting-in. You need to slow the conversation down. Keep saying “I’m not finished.” when they try to cut-in.
Shouting

Hot headed upper managers can sometimes feel like gods in their workplace. As well as creating the office in 7 days, they sometimes shout down to employees as though they are children. Do not let this happen to you. There are only two people who are allowed to talk this way to you, your mother and father. The verbal attacker is attempting to convey dominance over you. If somebody is shouting at you in the work place with other people watching, you need to remain calm and completely disarm this individual. If you allow yourself to be yelled at, or get into a shouting match, your attacker will have walked away the victor.
Your Defense - Subtle Humiliation

Although this may sound counter-productive to your career, you need to employ a form of subtle humiliation. In effect, you need to humiliate your attacker by remaining calm and making them out to be a drama queen. I once witnessed a perfect example of this from a work colleague who had a verbal attack instigated towards him by a senior manager. As the manager elevated his voice to declare dominance, my work friend simply said:

I understand the concern. Though I do think you’re being very emotional right now. Let’s talk about this once you’ve had a chance to calm down.

The anger in the manager’s eyes grew ten-fold. In a desperate attempt to appear dominant, the manager further raised his voice and responded:

No! We’re talking about this now!

To which my colleague stood up, and responded softly:

I will talk to you, but I will not let you shout at me. You are my boss and I respect you, but you are not my mother.

My colleague had managed to hold on to his power, and reverse the desired affect of the attacker. In an effort to display dominance, the senior manager was made to look emotional. The dominance was transferred to my colleague, who incidentally took over the management role six months later. Much like Judo, he used the attackers power and weight against him.
Information Flood

This is a tactic used commonly by high powered attorneys who attempt to reach settlement by intimidating a member of the public. By flooding the victim with trade jargon, legal documentation and trade law references, the victim feels overwhelmed and has an emotional drowning sensation. The lawyers who practice this technique are completely aware that members of the general public do not understand the reference codes and precedents. They are not attempting to inform, but to intimidate. By making you feel overwhelmed, you are much more susceptible to co-operate with their agenda. Do NOT allow anybody to make you feel that way.
Your Defense - Active curiosity

Active curiosity is when you are really excited to learn about something new. This attitude will likely drive your attacker crazy. Your goal is to have them explain every little thing to you, and appear to be really eager to learn about it. They are trying to threaten you, yet you act like a kid who is learning to play the guitar. You are smiling, attentive, and inquisitive. As they throw trade practice laws your way, smile, nod, and have them explain all of the fine details to you. Treat it like a college education. Do not give away your power. As long as you have your confidence, you already have a head-start.
The Bait

Much like fishing, the bait is used to lure you in for an off handed attack. The attacker’s aim is to plant hurtful or accusatory phrases in seemingly innocent conversation to lure you in. Here’s an example:

Hi Sophie, I know you’re busy but I need this document written up before noon. It’s so easy, even you could do it. Thanks Sophie.

The bait here is “even you”. If Sophie is like most people, she will take the bait and respond with:

What do you mean even I could do it? I’ve been working here for 8 years and …

Your Defense - Skip the bait

Sophie took the bait, and now she is justifying her existence to the instigator. To which the instigator could simply reply, “you’re over reacting”. Sophie will lose her power in this conversation. Her aim, and your aim should be to NOT take the bait. Ignore it. Pretend you didn’t hear it.

This will make your verbal attacker recoil. You did not give them the response they were expecting. You do not need to explain yourself to anyone. If someone throws in a bait, they want you to get upset and emotional - sometimes make a fool of yourself. You simply respond to the question or statement, ignoring the bait altogether. If you repeat this process with serial verbal offenders, they will soon give up entirely.

The lesson here is simple. You are a habitant on this wonderful planet, and you have the right to deny others control over you. When I was young, my father once passed on some great advice to me, which I am proud to share with you. He said, “You may not like the way things are in this world, but if you don’t learn the rules of the game and fight back, you will always lose.” Learn the rules, don’t let others gain control over your emotion, and fight back!



Fuck off little girl.

Fuck off little girl.

Hi Sophie, I know you’re busy but I need this document written up before noon. It’s so easy, even you could do it. Thanks Sophie.

The bait here is “even you”. If Sophie is like most people, she will take the bait and respond with:

What do you mean even I could do it? I’ve been working here for 8 years and …

Your Defense - Skip the bait

I bet George Galloway (UK) could make Bush and Bernake break down in tears by plowing throught their deceptive doublespeak and exposing the truth of their intentions/words.

I don't know it's just me but the link goes to a domain reg page?