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Everything worth knowing: Explained (Part two)

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User ID: 354685
United Kingdom
02/04/2008 08:37 PM
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Everything worth knowing: Explained (Part two)
ii. (Thoughts Made In The Void)

Stop the world I wanna get off.

'ok nice one, shall do, ok hang on a tick . . '
imagine if you will a really bloody swanky special effect,
because i can't be bothered to describe one, and I suspect
you'd think of a better one. maybe one that goes

'voooooooooooosh . . . blik !'

and has flying monkeys in it.

'so man, now that the worlds stopped ? any questions ?'
Umm yeah, one as it happens ? what the fuck is happening
with this conversation it's really freaking me out.

'ah well you see, I�m a hypothetical literary device, much
like a narrator, or guide of some sorts..'

Well, that's pretty fucking vague that mate ? elaborate a
bit will ya ?

'hey look . . . umm, look over there .. a badger ..... '
badger eh ? oooh. . .


hey man there�s no badgers over there . . .hey ?

hello ?

halloo ?

aw fuck.

OK, now there's no world, what the heck is here ? In fact
more to the point, where am I ? What am I ? I'm not even
here, I feel incorporeal, a bit floaty. . . hey hang on, if
that voice thing is in the same state as me how the heck
could it run off ? Fucking snotty little shit. If it was
solid I'd kick it in the nuts.

'hey, sow some respect there you cheeky monkey descendent
arthropod !'

Aha ! Got you there. Still lurking about eh ?

'hmmm . . the thing about that is, ... wow, hey there

behind you it's Tom Cruise. Hiya Mr. Cruise how you doing


Tom Cruise, oh wow.

Hey wait a moment, there�s no Tom Cruises there ..

Hey !

Helooo ?

Aw shit.

There's nothing here. Yet I'm here. At least the part of me
that is me. Nothing else. Void.


Absolute zero.

Well, since I'm here I might as well have a bit of a think.


iii. (Money, It's A Hit, Don't Give Me None Of Your Goo
Goody Goody Bullshit)


Money. That's the main thing that drives the people. Money.
What the heck is it ? It's a thing you can exchange for
food, clothing, housing, motorcars, drugs, moose and cat
mittens. The actual medium of the money is pointless. You
can get this shit in paper, coin, plastic, electronic ,
sticky and beam nowadays. But essentially what it is, is
large periods of your life, spent doing something that
most people would rather not be doing, for someone who has
more of it than you.

So this thing that is nothing, becomes hours, weeks, and
days and years of your life, collecting more of it, from
people who have a larger stash of it than you.
But these people who have the larger stash than you, still
have to get it from somewhere. These are the banks, who you
give your money to (for a modest fee) and they look after.

Now these bank dudes get their money from the government.
Now here's the fucking kicker. These suckers, print this
stuff out and go, 'yeah there�s a ten pound note. woo woo.
he y'are bankie, go swap this for some dudes life.' for the
sake of argument, about a tenner would buy you a Mc

Donald's burger guy for about 2 hours. so nothing becomes
something and then everything.

and lets not forget credit. wow. simply put its like,

'here's three thousand pounds. now in 6 months you give us
back six and a half, but if you want you could take two
years to give it is back but it will cos you more like nine
and a half.'

But that's for those of us lucky enough to be sat here with
money and houses and food. Is it about half the world
that's starving to death at the moment ? No one seems to
really give a shit about that either, but I'll get on to
that later.

Sat here in the void, I got all the time in the world.

Which ain't here any more.

The main thing about money though, is that it can be
swapped for things and stuff. Shiny baubles. Precious
trinkets. Playstations, TV's, guitars, books, DVD's, pc's,
books, cd's, DVD's, women, wine and song. It would seem,
the more worldly goods we posses, the happier we become.

Yeah right.

You can keep on buying all the fucking Gucci, gold plated,
hand held Nokia dildo's you want, but you still got the
same insides. Possessions are meaningless. Live in a
platinum house and shit out diamonds man, but you still got
the same head and heart.

Everything we value in our day and age means fuck all.

Possessions are meaningless.

But you can't rock out on a Zen electric guitar, you dig ?

And no one really gives that much of a shit about anyone
else, to be motivated enough to do productive things for
everyone, without money. fucking twats.

but the whole money thing is deeply engrained into the
culture of the entire planet. but man, it don�t actually
even exist. its a state of mind.
and we all swap this nothing about all day long.


super weak.

and the really great bit ? people kill each other over this

nothing. yeah.

hmmm. money. money can also be exchanged for some
experiences. some, not all. just like the cheesy song, some
of the best things in life are free. just not the kind your
thinking. of course porches, BMW's and golden statues of
naked Greek chicks don't come free. experiences do though.

and no fucker can ever steal those off you, but fuckers
WILL try and kill you over them. gah.


iv. (Drugs or Following Mr. White Rabbit)


yeah, money can also be exchanged for drugs.
now I'm going to stop here and let you think your own
thoughts about this subject. everyone's got their own

opinion on this, so work out you own son.


after you have deeply considered you own viewpoint on the

matter, here's mine.

now, after some thought, some of you are thinking 'drugs
are BAD !' 'EEEEVIL!!' and 'they destroy lives and eat up
your soul' you people are right.

others are going 'hey man, dugs are ok' 'I can do what I
like man' and 'hey I'm smoking a joint now !' and you
people are right too.

maybe some of you are even going 'drugs ? never. I'll stick
to my beer and fags.'
others are even thinking 'ewe drugs. dirty druggies'

or possibly even 'drugs ?? what are these
drugs you speak of earthman ?'

here's the thing with drugs man, although on the one hand
drugs are capable of helping people along the road to great
destruction and sorrow, and of turning people into sinister
shells of themselves, harrowed with massive empty patches
where they used to be, the thing is, that even without the
drugs I think that these people would be doing EXCACTLY the
same thing. and using another cunning excuse, when
questioned on their actions, like

'god made me do it' or

'its my parents fault' or

'the TV made me do it'.

some drugs ARE bad though. Heroin, crack cocaine, and
regular cocaine really suck. and I can say this, having
done two out of three there. I don't see the big fuss about
this crack. It's site. If you like feeling paranoid,
freaking out and going all twitchy, after about a three
second period when you feel all nirvana, then hell yeah go
for it.

To resort to robbing old peoples houses to get
more, for fucks sake, these fuckers 'd be out robbing old
people to buy beers if there was no crack.

But I blame the people. I know LOTS of cocaine addicts that
go out, go to work and buy their powders. No thievery,
beatery or scumbagness there .. hmmmm. strange. well, no
more than usual for people anyway.

on the other hand drugs offer you a completely different
set of experiences and completely change your outlook on
life. for ever. for good, or bad. As mentioned before, I
believe that drugs, (in this case I use the term drugs, to
describe anything that alters the human brain chemistry to
produce a noticeable effect, or 'high'. coffee, fags,
booze, snack, led, toads, whatever. if it effects your
brain I'm calling it drugs. even chocolate. yeah. ) bring
out the parts of you that you would keep hidden, or not act
upon, or ignore and alter your interface with reality in
some quite substantial ways.

to blame drugs for ones actions is rather pathetic. unless
your actions are giggling in a heap in the corner, then we
can safely lay the blame firmly at the feet of LSD.
but I know one thing. you can't sit off in a suit, wibbing
on about drugs if you have never experienced the actual
fact of them.

anyhow, I'm late for a tea party. gotta dash.

vi. (Post Modern Pin The Tale On The Donkey)

Hey, your still here. Nice one for putting up with my
ranting and raving, I know it may seem a little confused to
you, but trust me, these are confusing times I live in.

Interesting though.

Hey, did I miss the collapse of civilization, or has it
always just been a thin veneer of respectability stuck onto
a crazy upside-down cake of murder, evil and big Macs ? Hmm

I should blame TV and the media and probably the internet
(as that's the current scapegoat in vogue at the moment)
but hey fuck it. Nah. The problem is see, were all shaved
monkeys. Shaved monkeys crammed into suits, shoehorned into
organized gangs, and told 'nah man, you ain�t no shaved
monkey. naaaah, not at all. see ? you have a mobile phone
and like looking at Jordan's tits. no monkey you sir'

If you see what I mean.

Maybe we are a splinter group of renegade apes, jumped out
of the forests and said 'nah man, no more bananas for me,
and larking about all day is just too much effort. and all
that copulating. wooh. i wanna go invent the stock market!! yeah.'

but man, if stuff went down hill before I got here, you
wanna see it now. constant bombardments of what to wear,
eat think and do, in conjunction with acceptable porno &
cheesy meaningless music were all having little parts of us
deleted. and filled with spam. probably spam bunnies. I
don't know.

I know I fancy a joint though. Then I'll look at Jordan naked, listen to a Scissor Sisters MP3 and buy some Nikes, and eat a burger.


Rev. Igantious Dryroasted Chaffinch HC